displace Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I don't want to mention specifics, but I'm wanting to join a co-op near us where I don't quite fit in. It's large and more of the type where you pay money and get benefits by being able to join classes at a discount, go on field trips, etc. Volunteering is a minimal commitment, and a lot of classes are drop-off. It's fairly "open" in that if you don't join the co-op you may still take classes (so I imagine there may be quite a few others that don't exactly fit in either who take advantage of the classes), though joining gives a monetary discount. There is nothing I oppose or anything like that, just that I'm not part of this group. Is it common in the homeschooling world to join groups the parents aren't exactly into, for the benefit of the child? I would guess so but I feel somewhat out of my element and hearing other stories would help me decide on joining and staying or seeking out something else that would fit better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Almost all of the coops around me are very religious in nature. I am not. While it might be a bit awkward for me to socialize with the parents (or maybe not), I would still love to join so my kids could participate in park days and field trips. The coops, however, all have statements of faith that exclude us. If I found a group into which I didn't exactly fit, but which was open minded and didn't act like we had cooties, I would certainly give it a try for a while. Wendy 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I joined co-ops in China where all the other parents were (usually American) under-cover missionaries. We did not fit in at all, but I wanted my boys to have Western as well as Chinese friends. Most people were friendly and I made one or two friends. Was it worth it? The associated Scout group definitely was, but I'm not sure the co-op was - the other children all socialised through their fellowship groups, so my boys didn't make friends. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SereneHome Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I am beginning to think that I don't fit in most of the places. But how I would love a co-op where I didn't really have to do anything! That would a dream come true. Yes, based on your description I would join in a NY minute, ESPECIALLY if my kids liked the classes, etc 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie of KY Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 If I thought my kids would benefit and it wouldn't have deleterious effects on them or me, then I'd join. I was part of one co-op that I was required to stay. I didn't socialize with the other moms, just did my own work. However, listening to them complain week after week, was making me grumpy by the time we came home. "Mom" was much happier when we quit which makes the entire family happier. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Our current co op is a pretty good fit for me and for our homeschooling needs, but a lot of the people do Abeka. We are much more eclectic, and I avoid Abeka. I am Christian, and the co op is Christian, but there is no statement of faith. I think it very much depends on how much the differences are a "deal" to you. If it is a religious co op, are you neutral about religion or anti-religion? Does religion stick in your craw? Can you just pass the bean dip if someone asks you where you go to church and you would never darken the door, for instance? I just used religion as an example because it seems to be a big divider for co ops. For me, our co op uses Apologia materials, and many of the people who attend co op seem to assume a young earth view. I don't share this and tell my kids as much, but I am not so against it that I am angered by it. The benefits of attending the co op greatly exceed the drawbacks for me, and I am very "live and let live". I see the gray areas in most issues and don't want to argue with folks about things. I just want to educate my kids, have my quiet little opinions and allow others to have theirs. This sort of situation would drive some folks nuts, though. Only you can decide if you are able to manage the differences. There are some differences that would bother me constantly, and I would need to opt out. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Almost all of the coops around me are very religious in nature. I am not. While it might be a bit awkward for me to socialize with the parents (or maybe not), I would still love to join so my kids could participate in park days and field trips. The coops, however, all have statements of faith that exclude us. If I found a group into which I didn't exactly fit, but which was open minded and didn't act like we had cooties, I would certainly give it a try for a while. Wendy That is us. All the coops around us are extremely religious and have statements of faith that exclude so many including us. There is one that is secular over an hour from my house but the amount of whining/pettiness from the two women who run it made me not want to join. If it was a positive environment for all, I might consider it. Can you do a day or two trial to check it out before you join? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I joined a co-op where most people were strongly leaning towards unschooling. The parents organized some interesting classes to try to entice their children into learning. We were new to the area and didn't know many people. It gave us something to do and some structure while we were trying to figure out our lives there. My kids liked some kids and didn't like some other kids. It didn't become a pillar of our lives, but it led to some interesting experiences (house-sitting a house with 10 goats, 30 chickens, a dog, and many finches) and some contacts that were useful. I'm glad we did it and would probably be somewhat, but less, involved again if we lived there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 If we didn't join groups where we didn't quite fit, there wouldn't be a group to join. I do a lot of staying quiet and ignoring stuff that comes across the group's forums. Was it worth it? The associated Scout group definitely was, but I'm not sure the co-op was - the other children all socialised through their fellowship groups, so my boys didn't make friends. On the other hand, this is basically our experience. While my kids can find other kids to play with, they haven't been able to find friends since all friendships are established via other groups in the area that we can't join because of statements of faith, etc. on the other hand, there are activities my kids would never get to do if we didn't join. It annoys me to no end, but there you go. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Double post, sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I have joined many groups where I really don't fit, be it religious or teaching style. We have tried to make friends in all of them and have been successful occasionally. ;) I have to be honest and say the places we all fit are not really where I would have expected to so I would keep trying. Sometimes it just takes one person in that group with a similar interest and your whole perspective changes. ETA. My definition of fitting can be rather loose......perhaps dd is reasonably happy, ds has no real friends but the other boys tolerate him, but the activities are something I could never provide with any other group. If I keep my mouth shut i'm good. Yep, did that. Fitting in can look really different depending on the group. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Honestly, I would weigh the pros and cons carefully and then decide. I have been many places I did not, at first, feel like I fit in. Some times, I am surprised how nice it worked out, others, not so much. I guess you could give it a try, if you see the benefit in it for your kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 I think I will have a try at it. I just guess I'm hoping for a group for me as well as DS, but that may not happen. There are other groups too but a long drive away that I'm not willing to sacrifice yet. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 What do you hope to get out of a co-op? Academic instruction? Socialization for you and/or the kids? Enrichment opportunities like art, sports or music? Religious enrichment activities or instruction? Break time for mom while the kids continue their studies with someone else? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Maybe I'm missing something, but what do you get out of joining that you wouldn't get out of not joining? (Since by not joining, you can still take classes) is the discount enough that it out weighs the joining fee? Will you be required to do things as a member? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I don't want to mention specifics, but I'm wanting to join a co-op near us where I don't quite fit in. It's large and more of the type where you pay money and get benefits by being able to join classes at a discount, go on field trips, etc. Volunteering is a minimal commitment, and a lot of classes are drop-off. It's fairly "open" in that if you don't join the co-op you may still take classes (so I imagine there may be quite a few others that don't exactly fit in either who take advantage of the classes), though joining gives a monetary discount. There is nothing I oppose or anything like that, just that I'm not part of this group. Is it common in the homeschooling world to join groups the parents aren't exactly into, for the benefit of the child? I would guess so but I feel somewhat out of my element and hearing other stories would help me decide on joining and staying or seeking out something else that would fit better. I wouldn't need a co-op for field trips; I would either do those on my own or with my support group. So that leaves doing the co-op for academics, or at least a more formal social experience, such as a book club, which probably wouldn't happen with the support group. IOW, a co-op would be for my dc, not for me, whereas a support group is for me as well as the dc. Which is to say that I might consider a co-op purely for the benefit of my dc. It would depend on many things: the ages of my dc, the schedule of the co-op, how much it will interfere with what I'm doing at home and is it worth the interference, the cost, whether I could drop off the dc or not...a boatload of considerations. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Food4Thought Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I have been in groups where I didn't fit in very well, but managed it for the sake of the kids and the classes. Where I used to live, there wasn't a lot available, so if you wanted to do things, you joined and volunteered for the one big group. I got tired of that and created my own smaller group. Basically, I started offering music lessons and art classes for homeschoolers, and advertised with the bigger groups. I was able to make good friends with some of the families that were interested in that, and then we grew into the kind of group we wanted. Honestly, I'm of the opinion that you should make your own homeschool community. There's gotta be someone else in your neighborhood feeling the same way you are and looking for something similar to what you're looking for. Finding them can be tricky, that's the only thing. I moved and am in more of a support group now. We meet for a weekly park day so the moms can socialize. We'll do co-op lessons if a few of us discover we're teaching similar things and one of us decides to plan a lesson. Otherwise, we're pretty casual. I have never had a desire to join the bigger, more expensive and more active groups that are around here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco_Clark Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 With your description of not fitting in so vague its hard to answer. I have joined several homeschool groups where I didn't fit in with most of the other parents socially. It isn't about ME making friends after all. But I also think that sometimes big differences in values and beliefs can mean its just not a great fit for everyone in the family. It really depends on the context. I wouldn't put my kids in a strongly Protestant based co-op, where everyone goes to the same/the same kind of church except us, for example. Nor would I put my kids in academic classes with mostly unschooled families. Those settings would highlight pretty important differences for me, and I'd be worried I was setting my kids up to feel like outsiders. But we would (and have) joined PE classes, a nature study group, and gone on a field trips with both Protestant and Unschooling families. Within that context (nature study, or PE, ect) we have the same values, or at least close enough ;). The differences come up from time to time, sure, but since it has little to do with nature study (or what have you) it doesn't really matter. I have not made many friends with these endevours, but I have made a few and my kids have made many. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Beware the elusive group that's a perfect fit. I haven't found one yet and I live in a county that has just under 10,000 homeschooled kids in it and I've homeschooled for 15 years now. No one ever says they're looking for a perfect fit, but I think most people these days expect to find more than can be had. Some people might be surprised by how even awkward fits can be helpful. The hoomeschool friend I talk about Classcial Education with is Circe Institute type and we meet for coffee to talk shop every 2-3 months. We have opposite personalities and approaches to life. I'm structured, she's spontaneous. We talk theology, philosophy and The Great Books for Christendom and The Western Canon. The homeschool friend I talk to about immediate, applied, day to day faith/spiritual issues is my pastor's wife and a close friend. We meet for coffee every couple of months and talk about life related to our faith. She's a workbook/textbook type homeschooler and I'm a Trivium/CM hybrid. We have similar personalities and backgrounds. The homeschool friend who is very TWTM Trivium oriented hosts our twice or thrice a month art class with the famous Larry. We talk shop then. We have similar interests inside and outside of homeschooling: household managment styles, homeschool organization, hiking, camping and sewing. We have significantly different religious views. The homeschool friends at weekly homeschool PE class (20+families) are mostly in the Protestant, Evangelical, Christian Camp with me but there are a few eastern religion and non-religious types. I can enjoy being around all of them. Most fall into eclectic to workbook territory with an unschooler here and there and have different standards than I do for academic rigor. There are no Classical Homeschoolers there. Most have yet to homeschool teens. We just do general chit chat kind of stuff or they do a little chatting about curriculum options (not so much educational philosophy) and I enjoy them. The kids get to hang out and do outdoor play after PE for a couple of hours. It's a nice social time but it doesn't feel any deep needs in me. I used to attend a monthly unschooling group (we have a huge one here in the greater PHX area) that was open to anyone. I went because my oldest had several friends in it. It was fine. It didn't meet any of my needs, but it did for my oldest. I can hang out and chat with people who are different than me. I don't have any categorical objections to most kinds of unschooling. Yes, there are different kinds. Hang out with a large group of them (say 30+ families at a time) and you'll see what you see everywhere-most doing just fine and a dud here and there. Few were religious at all, but I don't need to always be around people who are like me. By the way, many unschoolers have a wider range of interests and experiences than most homeschoolers or most parents of school aged kids and their conversations can take much more interesting turns. So, I don't know what criteria has to be met to count as "fitting in" or what your specific needs are right now. I think when they're very clear in your mind it will be easier to assess if something might be worth trying. It will also help you evaluate if what you're trying is working or not. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momto4inSoCal Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 We are in a co-op where I don't exactly feel like I fit in. Most moms at our co op are very relaxed homeschoolers. I haven't really met any that are classical. A lot of moms there have told me they only do school a few days a week. The are a couple that are more rigid but they are the abeka, bju type. The good part is I really liked the moms and got along with them. My kids get along with the kids but I don't want to pay that much money to be a part of a social club. I already have friends. My middle daughter is the one that struggles socially and my oldest just craves to be around people and likes the school environment so I don't want to drop co-ops altogether but I need something that I feel will teach them SOMETHING. I'm actually looking at changing to CC next year. I know CC gets a really bad rap here but I think for us if we are going to be part of a co-op (we pay almost 1k to be in the one we are at) CC will be a better fit. Not that CC is advanced but it has to be more advanced that the group we are in. So long story short it depends on why you are joining and what you are willing to give up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dramorellis Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 We are in a co-op right now that does not fit my needs. They are all relaxed to very relaxed unschoolers. We are eclectic but lean classical and Charlotte Mason. They parent their children very differently. I really, really dislike it but my children absolutely love it. They are getting nothing out of it academically since they are beyond the level of the same age children however the social benefits are worth it to me right now. They are benefiting from a regular group meeting and a mixed age and ability group. My only daughter enjoys being around the other girls and there are other two year olds for the baby to run around with. I feel we will outgrow it soon and I might end up starting our own more suited to our educational goals eventually but until then I grit my teeth. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I'd pay for a drop-off co-op that offered class opportunities! I've yet to find anything like that around here. I joined a co-op our first year hs'ing, and it was awful. Parents had to volunteer (teach or assist) one of the two hours, and then attend a mandatory Bible study during the other hour. I was the only newbie/outsider and it was miserable. I had little issue with the group's theology, but I am not fond of small-group-sharing with strangers. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I haven't found one yet and I live in a county that has just under 10,000 homeschooled kids in it My ENTIRE town is under 400. I often wish for a homeschool community that was a little larger, but I can't fathom that many people! (The 10,000 not 400) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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