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If you asked your child(ren) what they remember


Liz CA
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My (19.5yo) son remembers the road trips with his dad as his favorite part of growing up.  I find that interesting because he and I took a lot of road trips too.  It's interesting.  

 

I myself remember the road trips with my family more than I remember anything else.  We did a lot of them--all 48 continental states + Hawaii--driving.  It was a great gift.  I wanted to do the same thing with my son, but I got an auto-immune thing and it just couldn't happen.  Alas.

 

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They talk about weird one offs where we had fun. They waxed lyrical about Yugio and Beyblades. They liked cooking hot dogs in the backyard. It's all weird stuff, not big things. Not birthdays or Christmas it's " Hey, remember playing cards at the picnic table that one night." Honestly, it makes me not make myself crazy with the younger kids trying to do awesome stuff.

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They talk about weird one offs where we had fun. They waxed lyrical about Yugio and Beyblades. They liked cooking hot dogs in the backyard. It's all weird stuff, not big things. Not birthdays or Christmas it's " Hey, remember playing cards at the picnic table that one night." Honestly, it makes me not make myself crazy with the younger kids trying to do awesome stuff.

 

I know.. the magic of ordinary days. :)

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I have a couple chronic health problems (Crohn's disease, migraines, back problems), and I am afraid all they are going to remember is doctor visits, waiting in line at CVS, and me laying around sick. :(

 

You may be surprised what they don't  remember. I had a back problem for years before finally having surgery and I thought my ds would recall it. Nope, when prodded, he remembered Mom lying on this funny back thingie but otherwise he remembers growing up in the woods on acreage and all the animals we had, the way the narrow path looked with snow on it, where he found the best sticks, etc. :) Having fun with the dogs and naming all the chickens.

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You may be surprised what they don't remember. I had a back problem for years before finally having surgery and I thought my ds would recall it. Nope, when prodded, he remembered Mom lying on this funny back thingie but otherwise he remembers growing up in the woods on acreage and all the animals we had, the way the narrow path looked with snow on it, where he found the best sticks, etc. :) Having fun with the dogs and naming all the chickens.

I sure hope that's the case!

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My kids are still young, but I'll say that my answer to that would have changed a lot over the years.  When I was a young adult, I remembered whatever I considered unreasonable - harsh discipline, heavy chores, uneven treatment of siblings, etc.  As I got older I learned to appreciate the way my parents prepared me for adult life.  After I had kids I became certain that my mom was both a saint and a genius.  LOL.  Now as I get still older, I see my parents as more and more human - as in, they have more weaknesses than I would like to admit, but so do we all....

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I have a couple chronic health problems (Crohn's disease, migraines, back problems), and I am afraid all they are going to remember is doctor visits, waiting in line at CVS, and me laying around sick. :(

 

My mother spent significant portions of my childhood asleep. That's not all I remember. :) I also remember the time she drew pictures for us to colour in. How she didn't mind if we swung on the clothesline until we got so big we bent it :lol: How she'd listen to us prattle while she was cooking dinner. :)

 

 

:grouphug:

 

 

Edit: My theory is that those who aren't narcissists care less about what their parents gave than whether they gave their best. A parent who is unwell most of the time but who is a good sport when she can manage it will be looked on more fondly than a parent who didn't want to give.

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Children rarely remember the things you make a point of doing for them. They remember the incidentals. The big Disneyland trips were fun, but their favorite memories are making igloos in the snow and then sitting in front of the fireplace with a fluffy robe at 10am on a Wednesday.

 

Favorite memories: my husband moved us a lot when the kids were young, so all the road trips and travel. My pointing out interesting rocks and the kids laughing at me. I joke that anytime they feel homesick as adults they can just go check into an embassy suites and instantly feel at home

 

Least favorite: Having to tiptoe around me during my multiple pregnancies. Physically my pregnancies are fine. Emotionally I was completely tilted.

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I have a couple chronic health problems (Crohn's disease, migraines, back problems), and I am afraid all they are going to remember is doctor visits, waiting in line at CVS, and me laying around sick. :(

My kids remember stuff like "hey do you remember that really great hot dog stand that we went to when Mom was in the ER that one time?"  In fact, dd insisted we go once when I was well because I always miss the good food places!  

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Children rarely remember the things you make a point of doing for them. They remember the incidentals.

 

So true!!

 

One thing that I know my kids will remember from their childhoods is the Harry Potter phenomenon. We would go to the book release events at Borders (remember Borders?) and come home with a copy or two of the latest release in the middle of the night. One time, we got back from the store and our power was out! We lit many candles and all snuggled down in the living room together to read the first couple of chapters aloud. It was actually very beautiful to be gathered there in the candlelight with everything else thrown into deep darkness and quiet... no heater blowing, no fridge running, no electric hum.

 

Totally unplanned, but it is a very vivid memory for all of them.

 

Other stuff, I am not sure. I'll have to ask them. :)

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My mother spent significant portions of my childhood asleep. That's not all I remember. :) I also remember the time she drew pictures for us to colour in. How she didn't mind if we swung on the clothesline until we got so big we bent it :lol: How she'd listen to us prattle while she was cooking dinner. :)

 

 

:grouphug:

 

 

Edit: My theory is that those who aren't narcissists care less about what their parents gave than whether they gave their best. A parent who is unwell most of the time but who is a good sport when she can manage it will be looked on more fondly than a parent who didn't want to give.

Thank you.

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the oldest two are in their thirties.

 

they remember, in no particular order....

 

winter picnic (in a snow fort, with fresh baked chocolate chip cookies) - the first thing they both mentioned

baking with me

music.... when we sang, what we sang.... (eg "singing in the rain" as we walked down a rainy street to church)

performances (musical theater, dance)

travel adventures

me reading poetry to them before bed when they were little.

 

hth,

ann

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Mine are only teens but they were 5 and 3 when my husband had surgery to remove his kidney cancer. They remember their Pre-school teacher taking them to chili's and having chocolate lava cake. They also remember the hideous recliner that my inlaws gave us for him to use during his recovery.

My dh has been suffering from a chronic illness all of their lives. They remember fun daddy from when they were little.

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I have a couple chronic health problems (Crohn's disease, migraines, back problems), and I am afraid all they are going to remember is doctor visits, waiting in line at CVS, and me laying around sick. :(

 

I've been worried about this for years because we've had so much of this as a family with really never a break in all the years we've homeschooled (14+ years). Every single year involves scads and scads of medical stuff. This year we're off to a great start; we hit the deductible the second week of January!

 

And guess what? As older teens, the family that mostly took care of them are their best buddies, all of them including the parents. They still talk about some of the side trips we took while going to distant specialists, and the things we ate at various national medical centers. I always tried to do something they'd like on the way, even if it just meant getting pastries and hot chocolate at Starbucks. 

 

Kids are amazingly resilient as long as the parents are loving and there for them as much as possible.  We're very blessed they also have a wide "village" of people who are there for them.

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I plan to ask mine in person (if I remember it) when they come home on spring break.

 

I know, in general, when they return we tend to find ourselves reminiscing various trips and things we did.  It'll be interesting to see what they remember most about home - probably pony chores or gardening.  If they tend toward the "good" it might be camping down by the creek or playing Rook and other games.

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I asked my kids.

 

Dd13 - "When ds bit me!"  (She still holds that against him 8 years later. . .  they were playing cat and mouse and the cat got a bit too far into character.)

"Throwing up in the Philippines"

Actually doing school in the schoolroom (which was a bit of a dig against me since it's been too messy down there to do school in a number of years).

 

Ds17 - "Crashing the go cart in the Philippines"

"Winning the go-cart race" close to home.  

 

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