First week of school update and question about those of you who have driving age kids

[Amy in Orlando]

We did it! We finished our first week of school - my first with three in high school - fairly successfully! This despite my insane "talk" with the kids about how much we have to fit into this year and how no one can get sick, have allergy attacks or even a bad day. (Yep ... those words came out of my mouth despite our many years of homeschooling. You know, because kids can control when they get sick or react to something they're allergic to. :tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie:)

 

I am so proud of my boys this week. They have adapted to a much larger workload despite my having to take one or another of them to a doctor every SINGLE day this week - only one of those visits was planned! So much for my speech, huh? The older boys not only stepped up to the plate with their own work, they pitched in and helped get my 8-year-old through HIS lessons without complaint. (I'm scared to ask how they got him through week four of Latin Primer, but they did it and 8-year-old isn't complaining)

 

AND ... for those of you with teen drivers ... help me? This is such new territory. My oldest turns 16 on Thursday. How this happened, I don't know. If it's true, I'm really old. He won't be able to take his driving test until late January, but I'm thinking ahead. Our neighbors are selling an older truck, but it's in fine shape, for very little money. Until talking to them, it's never even occurred to me to buy a third vehicle, but it makes sense for us, I think. It's a reliable, albeit old, truck.

 

I didn't have a car until I was 22 and had my first job - but I also lived in places where public transportation made a car an extra, not a necessity. It wasn't until I'd lived in Florida that I appreciated my car. If we go ahead and buy this truck (it will be ours, ds will pay gas and insurance) are we spoiling him? And he has two brothers just a year behind him, do we buy it as THEIR truck? No way can we afford to buy another two vehicles (not to mention where to park them).

 

Any advice, ideas, thoughts? I'm usually pretty decisive but I'm not sure what to do here and would love to hear about others' experiences good/bad/indifferent. TIA

[Kris]

My folks didn't buy any of us a car. Well, I have to take that back. My dad has bought my littlest sister four or five cars -- but let's not go there.

 

I didn't get my first car, either, until I was in my 20s and could pay for it myself. And I swore that would be The Way for my son, too. Fast forward, and here we are in Podunk. The little "Mom 'n' Pop" store is only about five miles away, but after that there's nothing for at least another five miles. There's with no public transportation and a narrow gravel road that's treacherous to walk on, let alone ride a bike.

 

To his credit, when he wanted to go to summer school a few years ago, he did get up bright and early to ride his bike three miles to catch the bus, but I was a nervous wreck the whole time. Later that winter, the neighbors told me they worried about him, too, because they used to sit on their porch in the mornings to have their coffee and saw him have more than one close call with some idiot who couldn't slow down or give him some room -- and a few of them apparently sprayed him with rocks intentionally. If I had known that, I would have put a stop to it -- but he never said anything.

 

Okay -- so anyway -- we have bought him a car. It's sitting in the driveway (he doesn't have his license yet). It was supposed to be a father/son project (it doesn't run) but with Dad gone all the time, it's looking like it's going to be a Mom project. That's okay -- I don't really mind, but I'm trying to figure out where the money is going to come from.

 

Is he spoiled? I dunno -- maybe. Probably? Sweetie thinks he is. I *do* know he doesn't know how well he's got it! LOL! But his friends are all getting new cars, and his doesn't run, so I guess he's not feeling particularly privileged right now. :D

 

I don't have to think about what to do for two more who will be "moving up" but I know we couldn't buy cars for all of them! I think if we were in that situation, the boys would have to share it.

[8filltheheart]

THis is a huge issue and not one that anyone outside of your family can really decide b/c a lot of dynamics go into the decision.

 

For us, it was a matter of need, not want. But.......ds was taking several classes initially at a "homeschool school" and another with a tutor, and then later taking classes dual-enrollment. This was multiple locations within the city during the course of a single day. If he hadn't had a car, I would have had to drive him (no way) or I would have been w/o a car. Considering that we lived in the middle of nowhere and the needs of the other 7 of us (6 other kids plus me), it was inconceivable to me to be without a car all day almost every day.

 

We bought his first car for $250. (Yes, I did type that in correctly.) It cost us about $300 to fix it and the car survived for almost 2 yrs. For us, yes, it was worth it. When that car died, we tried living w/2 cars. It simply wasn't going to work. By that time our second oldest was taking classes out of the house and the coordination of schedules was insane. (FWIW......dh traveled constantly, so his car was never an option).

 

Ultimately, we ended up buying a newer car for dh, one with better gas efficiency. Ds got dh's old van. (definitely not the teenager's car of choice ;) ) Again, it was a good decision.

 

But......car insurance was not that much more between adding him on to our plan vs. having him on the separate cars. It was actually cheaper to have him listed as driving dh's old van with 3 vehicles than having him listed as an occassional driver of my 15 passenger van. I have no idea why. We also lived in a state w/no personal property tax. We were also in a low populace area and car insurance wasn't that terribly expensive.

 

All of those expenses need to be factored against need.

 

FWIW.....I have written before that we don't parent equally. We aren't even letting our current 16 yo get his driver's license. So, I don't see our oldest having a car as setting a precedent that we will need to continue with the others. We will simply decide those things on an as needed basis. If as our 14 yod approaches 16 and the majority of her classes will be too far away to deal with our sharing a car or my having to drive her.....we'll have to possibly consider another car then. It may be a moot point if fiscally it isn't feasible. I can't make those decisions until we are living "there."

[hsmamainva]

My oldest has a car, and here's the story of how she got it.

 

My SIL and her hubby went to buy a new SUV something or other and her husband had a 10 year old 4 door sedan that he used to go back and forth to work. They were offered $400 for it as a trade-in and they called us, from the dealership, and said, "We'd rather sell it to you than to the dealer. Are you interested?" They knew that our oldest was working on her learner's permit at the time and we said, "yes."

 

It needed a new battery and something else minor...oh! And new tires. We also took it to an auto detailer and had it cleaned up, inside and out, and we replaced the radio with one with a CD player in it (that cost us around $100 and they installed it for free at Circuit City).

 

She loves it!! And, it gets better gas mileage than MY car! So I use it to run to the grocery store, when she isn't using it.

 

She takes classes at the community college two days a week -- and it's a 1 hour drive, round-trip. I would have a very hard time homeschooling my younger 3, if I had to stop, drive her to college (30 minutes), drive home (30 minutes), only to turn around 3 or 4 hours later and repeat the process to pick her up.

 

So..for us...it was worth it!!!

[TraceyS/FL]

I"ve never lived in an area with public transportation.

 

My getting a car when i turned 16 was NOT optional, i went to high school 10 miles away and had to travel by freeway to get there. It was a huge relief for my parents when i could drive - it also meant i got to shuttle my younger brother around since we lived opposite from where my parents worked too.

 

When i got my license i'd been driving for a year - about 15,000 miles worth we figured - with my permit. I"d covered big city traffic (Los Angeles), mountain driving (Tahoe), and rain.

 

We live in a similar type of area here - just not a lot of places to get to without driving. Biking isn't really an option - we don't have the infrastructure (roads don't even have shoulders let alone bike lanes). DD will have to have something.... DH is a mechanic though, so i'm not worried about that end.

[Lolly]

Dd will be 16 in a month. Similarly to another poster, my sil just got a new car. Brother alled us right before they purchased it and offered us the opportunity to buy their old one at the trade in price. I know the background of the vehicle, I know my brother. This car has quite a few miles on it, but has been babied the whole way. That means a lot to me with a young driver. So, my parents will be delivering a rather nice, but rather cheap, vehicle next weekend. I'm excited that I'll have a car to drive when I'm not hauling all the kids with me in the van. It will be considered a family vehicle. In 2 years, I'll have 2 more drivers joining big sis. It will also be the "kids car" because it isn't worth all that much in $, the best kind of a car for new drivers!

[Rhonda in TX]

My two sisters had driven it, and it stayed around until I was a driver. They were 9 and 12 years older than me, so that car was around for a good, long time, waiting for me to be a driver. My younger brother drove it, too.

 

I think you should get the truck with the understanding that it is for use by all the boys. Sure, somebody has to be first, but that doesn't make it "his".

[Mama Lynx]

I got my first car as a graduation present. Graduation from *college*, that is. DH had one all through high school. However, both his parents worked. My Mom did not, I was one of only two children, and had friends who drove who often took me too and from school. I did not have a job while in hs. I did during summers home from college, and used my parents' car. In college, I lived on campus and rarely left it.

 

I hope to not buy a car for my teens. I would really prefer them to wait until longer than 16 to get their licenses. However, I can see that we might need to. If we find that it's a necessity, we'd buy a car and just call it OUR car. It would be another family car. So I'd go with the truck and say it's for all of them.

[Quiver0f10]

We didn't buy them their first cars, but if we could have we would have. I think paying their own gas/insurance is a decent compromise.

[Amy in NY]

We still have a few years until we get there. We've started thinking about how we will handle the driving years, though. Having no public transportation, I'd get the truck and call it a 'family' car. It's old and big. It's not a BMW. Your son is going to have to pay for gas & insurance therefore no $, no driving. He is still learning responsibility this way.

 

Now, remind me that I said this in 5 years when it's my turn.:tongue_smilie:

[Plucky]

If we can we'll buy an extra vehicle. It won't be my son's but he will use it to go to the CC and work. I'd like him to pay for insurance but if he continues to be responsible and academically driven then we'll probably pick that up, too.

 

How long are you high schoolers' days? We start this week and 8th grade took forever. I cringe at 9th.

[Mad Jenny Flint]

My oldest is only 13. Maybe that is why I feel as I do, but I don't see the need for an additional car or for my kids to get anything beyond a permit at 16. I will accompany them as they learn, and pick them up.

[JudoMom]

I would buy it, and have it be The Boys' Truck (you realize this statement causes great fear and trepidation in me for my future) , and once your other 2 are licensed and able to drive they split insurance and gas 3 ways.

 

I don't think it would be spoiling them, and it could be to your advantage (think of how well they did with ds8 & Latin...you may never have to leave the house involuntarily again!).

[Janet in Toronto]

I'm not sure what to do here and would love to hear about others' experiences good/bad/indifferent. TIA

He's 16 and has just finished Driver's Ed. He will not be getting a car as we live in an urban area with good public transit, he doesn't need a car on a regular basis, and we'd need to get a street parking permit for another vehicle as we don't have space on our property. Also, he will be going away to university in a year and will not require a car then.

 

My vehicle is not used on a regular basis as we are in a walkable neighborhood, so he will have access to it when he needs it.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Any advice, ideas, thoughts? I'm usually pretty decisive but I'm not sure what to do here and would love to hear about others' experiences good/bad/indifferent. TIA

 

We got a third vehicle this summer. Cheap car from the grandparents which was "subsidized," lol, in terms of what it was worth vs what we paid. We bought it as OUR car, but ds uses it because it is convenient for *us* that he do so. We pay the insurance, but he contributes to that as he is able, percentage-wise, from his income. He buys his own gas. We maintain it.

 

It's saving us a ton of money not to have to do round trips to college and back. It will pay for itself by the end of May, in fact, in the gas we will save picking him up.

 

The difference (maybe, but maybe not, considering your eldest is from what I've read of him more mature than my eldest) is that he is 19, not 16.

 

I would buy a truck for the family with NO fanfare. Just that the family needs a truck (or another truck) to haul stuff because the van is getting mighty inconvenient. (If you have another truck, this won't work, of course. LOL) If a kid wants to use the truck, he can pay a portion of the insurance (or work off part of the payment) and he can pay his own gas. Any tickets result in him paying the entire difference of the jump in rates. Any accidents and revocation of privileges would be handled on a case-by-case basis.

 

Your vehicle, your control of the vehicle. Mom giveth, and mom [can jolly well] take[th] away. Blessed be the name of the Mom. You know?

[JFSinIL]

When we were kids in Orange Country California (like you - no public transportation) my dad would buy used cars at a very good price from the fleet owned and used by the savings and loan for which he worked. We had to drive to get to jobs, community college, etc.

 

My oldest, 17 in a month, took drivers ed this spring but does NOT want to practice or have to drive. He will need to drive, though, if he goes to the local state U. campus or community college. He is only a Jr. this year, so have time. When we need a second car (hubby walks to a commuter train to Chicago) we will get a used something that is smaller than a mini-van and let ds drive the by then over-10-yrs-old minivan. We will take it back if we all need to go somewhere as a family, of course.

 

I'd get the old truck - it sounds cheap, durable, and you know the owners ;) and then your ds can maybe get a part-time job next summer, take a cc course - or not.

[Only me]

She just finished driver's ed this summer and because of the new Illinois laws won't be able to get her license until next March (4 months before her 17th birthday). At that time it would be nice if she had a car that she could use to drive to school and activities. Her school doesn't provide transportation so we have to drive her to and from school every day. We don't plan to buy a car just for her but are hoping to buy a 3rd car before then. It will still be the family car but she will be able to use it. I don't think that is spoiling her because it will actually be helping us out by not having to drive her to and from school and activities.

[kalanamak]

I'd buy it as a "kid's car". All three would have to figure out how to get along with it. I'd call it "the kid's car" from the beginning. If you can get a good deal on something safe and reliable, I'd get it now. You have some idea of the history of this truck.

YMMV

[Julie in CA]

You may notice in my signature line that we have 3 teenage boys in our family, and two girls who are not far behind that. Someone did warn me when my kids were little that having 5 babies in 7 years would be hard when they all hit driving age, but that's another story....:lol:

 

I vote for buying the truck, but as others have mentioned, it belongs to *you*, and not to any of your kids.

 

In our case, my dh bought my oldest ds a $1000 classic car {read: junker} that runs but is ugly as all get-out and needs a ton of work. He did that because our kids basically work like slaves on the farm for almost no pay. He feels that by the time they're driving age, the payoff for all of that hard work is a car. Not a fancy car, but a project car that's gonna need a lot of hours before it's anything like you'd want to be seen in. He thinks it's a character-building thing, and that when they have to baby it along, and spend extra time and $$ to restore it, they'll take care of it. That's what dh's dad did with him, and now he has a *very* special classic car that if sold, would support our family for close to a year. :001_huh: Actually, my dh is one of 7 brothers, and his dad did this process with all of his sons. I think it probably is true that when the boys had to baby their car along with lots of sweat equity, and then at the end of many years process they ended up with an asset that had appreciated in value, those boys treated their cars with lots of respect.

 

He's got ds#1 on his way with the same kind of project, and ds#2 is just starting on his own project car. The cars are drivable, but ugly.

 

I don't really know why I'm telling you all of this--it's more than you asked. :001_smile:

Just sharing in the amazing fact that the kids are getting old faster than we are. :D

 

(Buy the truck!)

[Basketmaker Amy]

As a fellow Floridian (Clearwater) and the mother of a 15 ds (16 in January)...have you checked out insurance rates? I am amazed at how HIGH they are...even if there are only 2 cars, 3 cars is insane in our area! We are going to require our son to pay his insurance and a good portion of his car, however, we are willing to help him out with part of the insurance until he gets a job because he will be eliminating a lot of "my" traveling. We (dh, myself, and ds) are planning on sharing 2 cars for a while, as I only have definite plans on Wednesdays.

 

Looking back, I had to buy my first car and pay for my insurance...and I didn't get a car until my senior year. My friends were given new cars and I drove a 1965 Plymouth Valiant (station wagon...low miles, little old lady drove it...excellent shape...but still!). I survived!

 

Good luck with your decision!

[Vida Winter]

The old truck sounds like a good idea. You want something sturdy protecting your kid. And you don't want it to be the vehicle that you depend on. Chances are, he will scrape it up. Probably in a parking/backing up situation. Better it be the old truck. You will possibly save $$ on insurance too.

 

You have my complete sympathy as your boys approach driving age. It is absolutely the most nerve-wracking, nail-biting phase of a teenager's life (for the parents). I used to worry and pace the halls a lot. Maybe you'll pour that energy into soap-making!

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

~Dana

[Pamela H in Texas]

Could you say that the truck is "the family truck" and therefore the younger one's also? Obviousy they won't be DRIVING it, but they can help with maintenance and cleaning it. They can appreciate it. And when old enough (however old that is for each of them), they can also drive it.