MiMi 4under3 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Said daughter attended private from K to the middle of 4th. I took her out mainly because she couldn't handle the rigor of going everyday. Not the academics per se, but the amount of hours away from home, the chaos and noise, having to do homework when she just needed quiet and free time, the pressure of deadlines, etc. She went back for 5th grade (mutually agreed upon choice) to a less rigorous private and lasted half the year with the same issues. Homeschooled for all of 6th, but complained and whined whenever she didn't "feel" like thinking hard, which was most of the time. In 7th, she felt lonely and isolated (we moved last year in May) and insisted on trying public school to make local friends. It went OK. But, because we sent her to a ps out of district we pay a steep tuition. We paid for the first half of this year, and (if she comes home) can probably apply the pro-rated leftover tuition to DS11 at same school. Now she's in 8th at this same ps, and stays home about once per week crying and miserable because she needs a "break to think about whether she wants to go back." She says she hates the rush of only 3 minutes to get from class to class, the fact that there are 10 periods and they change every 40 minutes, it starts too early (7:25), it's too long (7 hours), plus homework, etc. She made the honor roll for both marking periods last year, and so far this year she's doing fine. She's always been sensitive to a lot of action - at birthday parties as a young child, or even now when her friends are over, there comes a point where she tunes out and has had "enough". She may sit quietly listening and watching, but I can tell she's done. She's home right now, "deciding". I told her whatever decision she makes (after going over all the options) she has to stick with it until June, and she only gets to stay home if she's truly sick with a fever or such. But shouldn't this ultimately be my decision as her parent? I feel she needs to be home and have plenty of rest and quiet reading time. But she doesn't particularly like homeschooling because she feels "cooped up" at home all day, even when we go to library or on field trips or outings. And she misses her friends. Soooo... I know she wouldn't be thrilled to stay home, but should I make the decision for her?? Why did I give her a choice?? I don't know. :banghead: Advice, thoughts, and opinions welcome. THANK YOU! UPDATE: I woke DD this morn to remind her that we leave for school at 7. She said, "I'm not going," and fell back asleep, but was ready to start at 8. Unfortunately, I was away all day at the endocrinologist"s office with DD10, but instructed DD13 to do the next lesson in Saxon and Hake, and to choose a history book to read. All was done when I returned. I reminded her several times that this is a commitment until JUNE. No changing her mind, no matter what. She looked annoyed, but maybe a bit relieved? The best part - she requested to study Botany for science this year, and actually smiled while she said it. There is hope in the world!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 In our state, we have the option to do part time public school. Could she take a few classes at the school and do the rest at home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 This district, and the one we actually belong to, does not allow part time attendance. I wish it did because that would be an ideal solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Now she's in 8th at this same ps, and stays home about once per week crying and miserable because she needs a "break to think about whether she wants to go back." She says she hates the rush of only 3 minutes to get from class to class, the fact that there are 10 periods and they change every 40 minutes, it starts too early (7:25), it's too long (7 hours), plus homework, etc. She made the honor roll for both marking periods last year, and so far this year she's doing fine. She stays home from school once a week crying and miserable? Her grades might be good but she is not "doing fine". This is a really tough decision, but if she were my child and having that much trouble in 8th grade, I would be very reluctant to have her go to high school. I would also get her evaluated by a professional. I have a son on the autism spectrum and some of the difficulties your daughter is experiencing are common for kids on the spectrum. Girls with ASD often go undiagnosed. You are the parent and ultimately it is your choice. I do think that with teenagers it is important to take their desires into consideration. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Oh how I remember junior high… Your daughter has my sympathy. That said, yes, ultimately it's your decision. In the 7th grade, Buck was begging to homeschool again, but ultimately it was up to his father and I to decide what the best course of action was. We let him come home. In 8th when he was talking about wanting to go back, we made the decision again that no, he wasn't ready. At this age, she has every right to have input in her education and life, but you're still the mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I basically let mine decide, and she chose school. I thought it was better for our relationship for her to be at school (because she really wanted to). She is basically an only in that her brothers are 8 and 10 years older and either working all day or living elsewhere. There are no kids in our "neighborhood," which consists of a graveyard and 40 acres of church land. We could have co-op friends, though; homeschooling is big around here. But ultimately, she felt really lonely during the day, and I decided to let her go to school. It hasn't been all roses, but she is doing well. Your situation sounds completely different. I, too, would get her evaluated to find out why her endurance is not enough to cope with the stress of school. Not saying she's abnormal or anything, it would just be a red (or maybe pink) flag, and I'd want to rule other things out. Especially if the stress is causing her to miss school and cry and such--that just says she needs tools to cope. Could be that maturity and time will help. I probably would remove the burden of decision making from her, because she is obviously stressed about it. It seems too big for her. And I'd make the choice for more than the rest of the year--I'd choose to have her home next year, too, so she can rest in your wisdom. I would seek out some opportunities for relationship-building for next year, like a good scout-type group, a co-op, a sports team, or just you making a conscious and concerted effort to get her together with her current school friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 If you want to allow her to decide, (mine are too young, and I'm not sure how I'd feel about it) then she has to decide and stick with the decision, and she has to continue going to school every day while she decides. If she feels that she can't make it school every day while she's deciding then the default decision is staying at home all the time. This will eliminate the potential for adding teenage drama to the situation or dragging it out for "sick day" treatment at home. I don't know that any of that's going one, but I remember being 13! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 I probably would remove the burden of decision making from her, because she is obviously stressed about it. It seems too big for her. Yes, this is what I'm thinking as well. She wants to stay in school, but then she doesn't. Then she'd rather stay home, but not really. On and on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I would have her evaluated by an audiologist with experience testing for auditory processing issues. My oldest has suspected CAPD and she's always complaining about noisy environments. She came out borderline-low on the CAPD screening. However, the AudD. said that she thinks DD is compensating and that there is enough of a discrepancy between where the AudD. thinks DD should score and the actual scores to suspect CAPD. It's not an official diagnosis because technically DD scored within the normal range. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverMoon Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Mine have never been to a PS, so take this with some salt. I'd put my foot down and insist she stay home, but I would try hard to fill a social calendar. Find a big homeschool group even if they're not your style, and go to the fieldtrips and park days so she can get to know the kids. I'd get her in a sport or hobby activity too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 I would have her evaluated by an audiologist with experience testing for auditory processing issues. My oldest has suspected CAPD and she's always complaining about noisy environments. She came out borderline-low on the CAPD screening. However, the AudD. said that she thinks DD is compensating and that there is enough of a discrepancy between where the AudD. thinks DD should score and the actual scores to suspect CAPD. It's not an official diagnosis because technically DD scored within the normal range. Hmmm. She was screened a few years ago when we found out that her sister has hearing loss in one ear. Does that count? Her results were normal in both ears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 She stays home from school once a week crying and miserable? She's not crying or miserable the entire day. The day just starts out like that. Right now she's high up in a tree reading a book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama27 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I would just make the decision for her and do what's best for the whole family, not just one person. If she's staying home once a week because she doesn't want to be in school, it sounds to me like keeping her home woud be better. Is there a reason she can't ang out with friends on the weekends? Or join a co-op? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 She's not crying or miserable the entire day. The day just starts out like that. Right now she's high up in a tree reading a book. But she is still missing school one day a week? That is excessive. In our school district that would put you at risk for truancy charges. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 But she is still missing school one day a week? That is excessive. In our school district that would put you at risk for truancy charges. Susan in TX Yep. I would definitely tell her that she is not allowed to put you at risk for truancy charges. If she enrolls, she goes, crying and miserable or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 But she is still missing school one day a week? That is excessive. In our school district that would put you at risk for truancy charges. Susan in TX Yep. I would definitely tell her that she is not allowed to put you at risk for truancy charges. If she enrolls, she goes, crying and miserable or not. Agreed to both above. This is why I told her she has to stick to her choice until the end of the school year. I reminded her that she needs to be in the car promptly at 7am for a ride to school tomorrow. If she doesn't come to the car with her backpack, Homeschool starts promptly at 8, and ends in JUNE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 What's the plan for high school next year? I guess for me, I'd not have given that option before high school. Middle school is just a tough time, even when it's going well. But I think if you gave her that power to take it away would be very unfair, so I don't think I would take it away either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I wonder if she is anxious and the power to choose for herself is a burden. She has been back and forth quite a lot over the past few years so that has become her norm, changing up when things get uncomfortable. (I may be way off but food for thought...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purduemeche Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 The question is pretty tough to answer, as whether or not we let our children choose their location for schooling should be a result of our worldview about the parent/child relationship. For example, our family believes that parents are responsible for the education of their children, and that homeschool is the best way to educate, so therefore our children do not have a choice. They stay home. But, that's us. Not you. Your family should define the larger question of whether or not you allow your 13 year olds to make major decisions like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Should I allow DD13 to "choose" ps or Homeschool? We did. We began homeschooling in 7th grade when my daughter asked not to return to her 6th grade school. (This was no reflection on the school but rather the hour long commute each way.) We gave her the choice of attending the local middle school or of homeschooling and taking some classes at a homeschooling resource center. We had her shadow a middle school student for a full day, and she also visited the resource center. She elected to homeschool. In subsequent years, she had free choice. Prior to ninth grade, she visited the local high school and sat in on a couple of classes, took a tour, etc. Prior to 10th grade, she attended an information session for a newly opening charter arts academy. In each case, she continued to choose homeschooling. I will admit that the resource center played a large part in her decision -- initially due to fun offerings such as fencing and ice skating but ultimately due to the fact that she fell in love with Latin which she took there for five years. That said, your daughter is not ours. It may well be that the decision is too daunting for her to deal with. Best wishes whatever decision is made. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 You just can't continue this way. Public school "as is" is not a good fit. Either a modified public school model or homeschooling are your choices.1) If you have given the choice to her, then give her a deadline for making the decision. One week from today, or at the end of the month. (And she needs to school SOMEWHERE until that deadline or a decision is reached or a decision is made). We have all had experience of being happier once a decision has been made.2) Make it clear that if she chooses Option A for this year, she can try Option B for next year if she chooses to. Different year (age 14 vs. age 13), different schools (high school vs. middle school), and different levels (9th grade vs. 8th grade) may be a better fit for her.3) I'm curious what the teachers and Principal say. Would they be willing/able to offer a half-day school solution for her in spite of then general ban on this as a solution (you won't know if you don't ask)? Are there things that need to be addressed in the environment that may help her to be happier in public school? Most teachers and principals I have met are sincerely caring of their students and want them to succeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Said daughter attended private from K to the middle of 4th. I took her out mainly because she couldn't handle the rigor of going everyday. Not the academics per se, but the amount of hours away from home, the chaos and noise, having to do homework when she just needed quiet and free time, the pressure of deadlines, etc. She went back for 5th grade (mutually agreed upon choice) to a less rigorous private and lasted half the year with the same issues. Homeschooled for all of 6th, but complained and whined whenever she didn't "feel" like thinking hard, which was most of the time. In 7th, she felt lonely and isolated (we moved last year in May) and insisted on trying public school to make local friends. It went OK. But, because we sent her to a ps out of district we pay a steep tuition. We paid for the first half of this year, and (if she comes home) can probably apply the pro-rated leftover tuition to DS11 at same school. Now she's in 8th at this same ps, and stays home about once per week crying and miserable because she needs a "break to think about whether she wants to go back." She says she hates the rush of only 3 minutes to get from class to class, the fact that there are 10 periods and they change every 40 minutes, it starts too early (7:25), it's too long (7 hours), plus homework, etc. She made the honor roll for both marking periods last year, and so far this year she's doing fine. She's always been sensitive to a lot of action - at birthday parties as a young child, or even now when her friends are over, there comes a point where she tunes out and has had "enough". She may sit quietly listening and watching, but I can tell she's done. She's home right now, "deciding". I told her whatever decision she makes (after going over all the options) she has to stick with it until June, and she only gets to stay home if she's truly sick with a fever or such. But shouldn't this ultimately be my decision as her parent? I feel she needs to be home and have plenty of rest and quiet reading time. But she doesn't particularly like homeschooling because she feels "cooped up" at home all day, even when we go to library or on field trips or outings. And she misses her friends. Soooo... I know she wouldn't be thrilled to stay home, but should I make the decision for her?? Why did I give her a choice?? I don't know. :banghead: Advice, thoughts, and opinions welcome. THANK YOU! No. Too much going back and forth is not a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco_Clark Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Auditory processing is different than hearing loss, so the test she took wouldn't have considered that. http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/ears/central_auditory.html I have a 6yo with sensory processing disorder, and it sounds like it may also be that. http://spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html Put very simply, he takes in everything without filter. So, for example if there is background noise you or I would filter that out in order to listen to a conversation- but he can't so he's listening to both the entire time. He's also noticing the kid running behind the person he's listening to, noticing the way his sweater tag feels on his back, noticing that the lights are abnormally bright...so on forever. It's exhausting and it's why he's not in school. So you may want to get her tested. Though, I go back and forth on whether it was worth it for us. It was nice to have a "name" I guess for the reason why he is the way he is, but it didn't change anything and the only "help" the schools offered was putting him in the special ed class, which is obviously NOT less overwhelming. My next kiddo is fairly sensory seeking (bit when he was younger for YEARS, hugs way too hard, no normal pain response, loves wearing a weighted vest) and may have the same disorder in the opposite direction (does not "take in" enough sensory input) and I can't decide if paying several hundred dollars to find out if its officially "a thing" is worth it. I kind of miss the days we were all normal within a wide spectrum of normal. Now it seems like every kid is something or other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 What's the plan for high school next year? Because she's prone to changing her mind, even several times a day, I told her to only think about 8th grade for now. We'll worry about high school in the spring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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