Ottakee Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 We are heading out west for vacation and will be staying 2 days with my friend's widowed aunt. She is mid 70s but VERY active yet---runs her cattle ranch, herds cattle on her horse, moves her own irrigation, etc. My 18dd and I went there for 2 nights last May when we drove out there with my friend. She has invited my family to stay with her. She has a loft with beds for the kids and an extra bedroom for dh and I. I asked about bringing food or taking her out to eat but she said she had 250 pounds of beef in the freezer so not to worry. I know last spring she cooked supper and a full breakfast for us and we ate out at lunch as we were out and about.. I already told her that I don't expect her to do a lot for us but she said she enjoys it and wants to set up a trail ride for my girls and I at a friend's dude ranch, etc. Other than paying for all activities (hers included) and gas, what else can I do? I thought about a gift card to a local grocery store if I can figure out where she shops (this is rural Montana). Any other ideas? I know she will try to refuse but in reality she is saving us $250 in hotel bills plus meals out for a family of 5. I don't want to take advantage of her generosity. We will pick up, help with dishes/food prep, wash the sheets, etc. as well as help with any chores if she has things that we can really be helpful with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Sounds like you are already on the right track WRT being a wonderful guest! My mom always told me to bring a hostess gift--is there something fun you could bring her? Or would you feel comfortable giving her something you buy there, once you know her needs? I think allowing her to bless you is quite a gift, and one people don't think of very often... ;) :D Perhaps you can leave a thank you card with a gift card in it on the (stripped) bed as you leave--she can't refuse it that way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Talk to your friend and see if there's something she really enjoys that you could bring her as a "guest gift." Maybe a luxury item she wouldn't buy for herself, or a box of really good chocolate, bottle of wine ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I am sure you will be great guests. Don't think of it in dollar terms - ie how much she saved you. No hostess wants her efforts to be weighed in that light. Eat what she cooks, clean up after yourselves, keep the noise level down, and show genuine affection and interest in her life. Pay for your activities and take her a nice gift from your home state. Write the mother of all thank you notes and have your children do the same. I think that is sufficient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 My friend said she does love Hershey's kisses so we will bring a bag or 2 of them to give her when we get there. And the thank you note. Keep the ideas coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 You are already being a good guest by staying only 2 days, LOL. It sounds like you have some great ideas. This is my only suggestion: my sister and her family come here every year and are here way too long (7 days). Every time I turn around, there is brother in law. He is always sitting there, plopped down on the family room sofa. He would be content to never leave that spot. So my only suggestion is to get away (even to another room) for a bit (just an hour or two) to give her her "space" back. I find myself much calmer/regrouped/refocused after my company vacates my "space" for even just a short period of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Send a gift basket after you leave. Penzey's, Harry and David, whatever you think she might like. I'd bring something smaller as a hostess gift when you arrive. Agree with heartfelt thank you from you and the kids. Offer to contribute toward groceries, or if you are out and about, call her and ask what you can pick up at the store for her. You'll do great :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Sometimes I have sent a gift after visiting. Such as, nice kitchen towels, or a type of condiment I can see the host likes. Sometimes it's just easier once you see what the person has in the house, what colors she likes, what she eats. A thank you note is always good. Also - this is a big problem I've encountered with a lot of people - if asked your preferences, express them. Anecdote time: when asked if she would like coffee or tea, my MIL will say "whatever is easiest." When told that I am making both coffee and tea, so which would she like, she will still refuse to say which she would prefer, still saying "whatever's easiest." THEY ARE EQUALLY EASY! Pick one! OK, my MIL is an extreme example but I've come across that too many times as a host. Of course we want to make things easy on the host, but sometimes trying not to be a burden actually makes hosting harder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 We stay with my dad when we go home to visit and I always try to bring a bag of goodies to give them (brother and SIL live with him). Last time I brought a pound of really nice VT coffee, a quart of maple syrup, a few treats and a 4 pack of beer that my brother loves and is only sold in VT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I would bring a gift basket with things that are local to your area and write a thank you note when you leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Just make sure that you and your kids pick up after themselves; when you get ready to leave, strip the beds and gather the sheets and towels. Ask hostess, "Shall I just drop these in the laundry room or do you want me to start the load?" Don't ask, just do the obvious things that you know that your hostess will have to do. However, if she says something like, "I'll take care of starting the laundry." Don't go ahead and ignore her or argue with her. She may be particular about certain things. Later, send her a gift basket or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 <snip> Personally, as the hostess, when people stay with me I hate it when they strip the bed lol. It means I have to deal with the sheets RIGHT NOW. Last time we had company they balled up the sheets and set them on the floor in front of my washing machine. I was not ready to do laundry but I sighed and decided I needed to address it. Btw, my washing machine is in the middle of my kitchen. <snip> Yep. I try to be mindful of how people do things and help in the ways that work best for the host, not for me or my expectations. I ask what to do with sheets and believe them when they tell me what they'd like me to do. I've had people help by emptying my dishwasher and putting stuff just any old place so I couldn't find it. Uh, thanks. I've had people help by throwing some of my laundry in with theirs without asking and ruining clothing. It's very frustrating for me when guests insist on helping in their own way after being assured that the help they are offering is not needed/wanted. It is hard to be a host in that situation. I don't get that OP is thinking that way. The quoted post just set off a general semi-rant. :lol: I do like having guests! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Don't clutter up her house, especially the bathroom counters. Bring a gift that is consumable and that reflects something you know she likes and/or something from where you are from that is less common where she lives. Express gratitude. Enjoy her company. Send a thank you note afterwards that references specific things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 If you can't think of a gift to give when you arrive, listen to her while your there to get an idea of something you can send. One time I was visiting my godmother and she was lamenting her grandchildren not knowing geography well and wishing she had good US and World puzzles. When I got home I got on Amazon and sent a puzzle set. She might mention a favorite food. Unless she says something specific (like the puzzles in my example) I'd stick with something used and disposed of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 I did mention the sheets as I know that last time we stripped the beds and started the sheets before she took me to the airport. My friend said that was the way they did it there. I will ask though how she wants it done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Do you think she expects you to help with some of the physical work on the ranch, or would find it rude if you did not offer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 We are heading out west for vacation and will be staying 2 days with my friend's widowed aunt. She is mid 70s but VERY active yet---runs her cattle ranch, herds cattle on her horse, moves her own irrigation, etc. My 18dd and I went there for 2 nights last May when we drove out there with my friend. She has invited my family to stay with her. She has a loft with beds for the kids and an extra bedroom for dh and I. I asked about bringing food or taking her out to eat but she said she had 250 pounds of beef in the freezer so not to worry. I know last spring she cooked supper and a full breakfast for us and we ate out at lunch as we were out and about.. I already told her that I don't expect her to do a lot for us but she said she enjoys it and wants to set up a trail ride for my girls and I at a friend's dude ranch, etc. Other than paying for all activities (hers included) and gas, what else can I do? I thought about a gift card to a local grocery store if I can figure out where she shops (this is rural Montana). Any other ideas? I know she will try to refuse but in reality she is saving us $250 in hotel bills plus meals out for a family of 5. I don't want to take advantage of her generosity. We will pick up, help with dishes/food prep, wash the sheets, etc. as well as help with any chores if she has things that we can really be helpful with. Sounds like you are not taking advantage of her! She seems to enjoy having people around to feed and entertain. Since you are all horse riders and outdoors people (I hope I remember this correctly from your previous posts) you can certainly ask or offer to ride out with her or otherwise help with ranch chores but it seems like she is only too happy to have you stay and is not expecting anything in return other than your company. Enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 My SIL and her hubby are visiting next week and will stay with us. They are great houseguests. They help out with whatever we have going on that couldn't be postponed until after their visit, they generally provide a dinner either by cooking or getting takeout one night, and they usually go off to do something on their own one day in the middle of their visit. Sometimes they take the kids out for a treat so dh and I can do something together. Oh, and most importantly they keep their stuff fairly well contained so it doesn't take over my house, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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