mothergooseof4 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I have been hsing for 13 years, but I have no experience with high school. Ds will be starting his freshman year in the fall. Our local hs support group has formed a co-op and just completed their first year, so they are new at this. These are our close friends that ds has grown up with. The science they offer, ds is just completing. The history is not my favorite, and the writing class is built around that. I will not do the math they are using because I feel it is inferior. So, that leaves foreign language unless they have some enrichments that I am unaware of. Ds and his friends see each other at church, youth group activities, and choir practice...so at least a while on Sunday and one night during the week. Plus, we often have other times we visit with some of these families. However, in the last few years, ds' friends have all started participating in the support group's sports teams. Ds is not interested in sports at all. He felt somewhat left out because all of his friends see each other at these events, ride to games together, then often go home with each other. It happens, and he understands it. He still didn't want to join sports, but was really bummed that he is left out. This past year, they ALL joined the co-op. They see each other most of the day once per week, plus field trips, parties, etc. that the co-op arranges...added to the sports stuff. Then, the other boys text my ds how they wish he was there and that he should ask to join. They are not trying to be mean. It is just their way of including him, but it actually makes him feel like he is missing out. I understand the feeling completely. He has asked to join the co-op next year. I have NO DESIRE to join any co-op. I see no use in them. I started hsing to actually hs. I am not judging those that do co-ops, but from my conversations with my friends that are doing it, they are only doing so out of a lack of confidence. They say they don't know how to teach writing or math, so they want someone else to do so. On the other hand, I am the type that will go out and study up on how to teach something. I don't know how to teach writing, so I study how: read curricula, read methods, read the forums, etc. I learn, then I do. I have no issues teaching math since I have a math related degree. They don't know how to put a kid through high school, so they get someone else to make the plan. I research and learn what is needed and make my own plan. Not only this, but my younger kids want nothing to do with the co-op, except see their friends that are also involved. They don't want it bad enough to do the classes, though. And, we have a new baby. So, I would have to work this and my requiring volunteering around their schooling and the baby's schedule on that day. Add all of this to the fact that I am a major introvert and already have activities outside the house four nights per week and Sundays, not counting any extra plans, grocery shopping, errands, etc. The hectic schedule really stresses this introverted homebody momma out!!! And, well, I might as well say it...I have come to have issues with ANYONE telling me how to hs. I didn't start with this attitude, but I don't even follow a particular curriculum. Having to do what someone else tells me we have to do for school is really going to be hard for me. And, one of the founders of this group, though I think really like the person, thinks that they know THE BEST way for everyone to raise their child. I don't want to do co-op. I am tired of people asking me to do co-op. I know it is irrational, but I am even angry with my friends for creating this co-op and causing this issue. I don't understand this trend. When I started hsing, the moms did the schooling themselves, at home. I don't feel the need to have others involved in our academics, and we have times for socializing. On a more rational side, I am concerned about joining the co-op, not liking it, and having missed a year of what I want to do for high school. Yet, I am considering it because I feel bad for my ds. He is really bummed out because all of his friends are closer to each other, and he truly has become the one left out simply because we are not involved in the same activities. ARGH!!!!!! I am seriously kicking and screaming about this, though!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I understand. Very much. We have had similar experiences compounded by the fact that we move every 2-3 years and the boys have to form new networks of friends, as do I. I tend to resent the fact that outside deadlines are met before my deadlines. I had to make a point to only join coop classes in subjects that were academic and met our needs. That meant that I taught one of the stiffer academic subjects in coop. You could just let it be and not join. You could offer to teach a subject on your terms. You could ask about associate membership where you do activities but not classes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mothergooseof4 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 I think we can just do the classes we wish, maybe just foreign language. I wouldn't mind science, but he is doing Physical in eighth. They are doing it next year, when he would be doing Biology. He isn't too science minded, and I know others do Physical for ninth, but they are using the exact same book he is finishing now. I don't know that I would want him doing the same thing again, just to do it with the co-op. Science is the ONE class that I wouldn't mind turning over to someone else. I can teach it, I just don't care for it at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mothergooseof4 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 And, I am afraid that if I don't do SOMETHING with them, my relationship with ds will be damaged. He is really feeling that I am keeping him from being able to connect more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanetC Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Honestly, I think you should join because teens need social so much more than adults realize. Take foreign language or see if there is an enrichment class you haven't heard about yet. Offer to teach an enrichment class even. Then, make it a point to show up to every single field trip and social activity, since that's why you joined in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Maybe the first "answer" SWB talks about will give you some food for thought... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkateLeft Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Foreign language is probably a good choice - it's tough to teach at home, tough to do on your own. He will likely benefit from having others to learn and practice with. It's also very 'limited' and won't affect the rest of your home schooling at all. This can be trickier with other co-op classes; for example, it's tough to take an outside English class if you like it to line up with your history studies, and so on. The vast majority of teens have a strong desire to broaden their world. It's just a fact that having teens generally means the calendar is far more filled, you leave the house way more than you used to, and so on. Your son is expressing a strong need for more, and I think it's important to listen to that and accommodate as far as possible. I have avoided co-ops so far, but only because I actually teach classes - I get to stay home, but this is not a time saver, I assure you :lol: Next year, 11th grade, my oldest dd will be DE at the university. It's definitely not the easiest thing for me, but it's what she needs. Her world needs to be bigger. She needs to not be home with mom and sis every day of the week. You don't need to sign up all of your kids just b/c you sign up one. Just make the rule that co-ops are for high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lillybell Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I am just like you, in that, I really do my research and really want my kids to get a good well rounded education so am very involved in curriculum selection and implementation. I didn't like the idea of joining co-op either but my daughters kept asking so I gave in but, instead of actually taking academic classes, I agreed they could take elective type classes like PE, Art, crafts or anything not really academic. We have been with a co-op for 2 years now and it has been fun for them and it has been working out ok for the most part. One of my daughters took a history topic type course last session but I didn't count it towards her transcript. I just considered it as extra learning because the course was geared on a very specific even in history so it really wasn't an in depth history course, other than that, they have been taking Drama, Choir, and PE type courses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 It has been my life experience, that the ability to make and maintain friendships is just as important if not moreso than academics both in life and career success. The connections he learns how to make now, will be the foundation for the connections he makes in college, which in life after college become his network. Those people he connects with will be the ones who help him along his way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I think we can just do the classes we wish, maybe just foreign language. I wouldn't mind science, but he is doing Physical in eighth. They are doing it next year, when he would be doing Biology. He isn't too science minded, and I know others do Physical for ninth, but they are using the exact same book he is finishing now. I don't know that I would want him doing the same thing again, just to do it with the co-op. Science is the ONE class that I wouldn't mind turning over to someone else. I can teach it, I just don't care for it at all. FInd out what Science classes they will offer the FOLLOWING year... If they'll be doing Bio w/Labs, please consider doing another science this coming year to get him on the co-op's schedule. (Astronomy? Geology? Earth/Space? Creation/Evolution/Origina Studies?) My girls have always been "off" of our co-op's science schedule (it does Apologia- Gegenral & Biology one year, Physical & Chemistry the next, Physics maybe every 3 years as students are interested/able) So my girls will all do/have done Bio in 10th instead of 9th. This year, my 7th & 8th graders both did Physical. I hate Science, and really hate labs/experiments. Diamond is an extreme introvert, and i;s been very hard for her to keep in touch with friends from a different co-op. (We've done a few different ones) Had I realized 5 years ago that it would be so hard to keep in touch with beloved friends, I probably would have stayed at the other one, even though it is better overall for our family at the one we do now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Honestly, I wouldn't join a coop that will involve a volunteer commitment for you when you have a baby and younger kids to teach. I'd offer to let your ds join the sports organization to increase his time with his friends. If he doesn't want to do that, then he'll just have to accept that he's the odd man out by his own choice. I'd only reconsider this position if he has a physical disability that wouldn't allow him to play the sport. If it's just a matter of not liking it, that's his choice. I'll let T do any extracurricular activity she likes as long as it fits in with her previous commitments and the couple blocks of time her brothers need each week and we can afford it. But, I won't sign her up for local classes that just aren't academically rigorous, period. If I wanted her to have a mediocre education, I could do that by sending her to the local public schools. Good luck finding a solution that satisfies both of you, mothergoose! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 THIS is the hardest thing about raising/home educating teens for me. I do NOT want to be out of my house doing activities, but how to balance that with 2 extrovert children? I am tired of feeling guilty. I am tired of doing things that I really do not want to do. WHEN does this get easier? Sorry, not intending to hijack your thread! I feel for you. I don't know if there is a compromise that will work for you and your ds, but I certainly commiserate with the feelings on not wanting to be told what to do or how to do it! If I wanted to do it the same way as everyone else, I wouldn't be home educating in the first place! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Can't he go to his friend's games and support them even if he isn't on the team? That's what I'd do. Take him to the games. If he wants to go out afterwards with his friends to celebrate with pizza or something or go home to hang out, I'd let him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Jean, As the mom of a son who wanted to be included in everything his friends were doing, the answer is yes he can, but it is still not the same as being included in the daily ins and outs of a group. At least that is what we have found to be the case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bugs Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 We have never been a part of a co-op so I don't know the rules, but can you have him do one or two "fun" classes and ask whoever is in charge if you might be able to contribute by doing some work from home. Something like paperwork...? Is there a physical reason he doesn't want to do sports? My son's whole demeanor is more positive when he gets a hard workout in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bristayl Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Could you make a "deal" with your son by coming up with some ways he could help you (with the baby or housework or whatever) to balance the extra work/time it will mean for you if you join the co-op? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I know this isn't what you want to hear, but in your situation I would seriously consider finding a way for my son to participate in the co-op. For some teens, friends are a really , really big deal, and a lot of bonding and socializing takes place around shared activities. If foreign language is something you think might be acceptable and taking that class would allow him to be part of the group and participate in the activities, I, personally, would find that an acceptable sacrifice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mothergooseof4 Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 Honestly, I think you should join because teens need social so much more than adults realize. Take foreign language or see if there is an enrichment class you haven't heard about yet. Offer to teach an enrichment class even. Then, make it a point to show up to every single field trip and social activity, since that's why you joined in the first place. I am checking into this plan. No teaching for me, though. I don't leave my baby since she is exclusively breastfed. I don't even leave her in the church nursery. So, teaching a class wearing a baby in a wrap might be kind of distracting. Maybe the first "answer" SWB talks about will give you some food for thought... Loved this discussion. Thanks! FInd out what Science classes they will offer the FOLLOWING year... If they'll be doing Bio w/Labs, please consider doing another science this coming year to get him on the co-op's schedule. (Astronomy? Geology? Earth/Space? Creation/Evolution/Origina Studies?) My girls have always been "off" of our co-op's science schedule (it does Apologia- Gegenral & Biology one year, Physical & Chemistry the next, Physics maybe every 3 years as students are interested/able) So my girls will all do/have done Bio in 10th instead of 9th. This year, my 7th & 8th graders both did Physical. I hate Science, and really hate labs/experiments. Diamond is an extreme introvert, and i;s been very hard for her to keep in touch with friends from a different co-op. (We've done a few different ones) Had I realized 5 years ago that it would be so hard to keep in touch with beloved friends, I probably would have stayed at the other one, even though it is better overall for our family at the one we do now. I had not thought of this for science. The problem is that I have him signed up for Landry Academy's Biology Lab Intensive for the coming year. So, he wouldn't being doing the labs in the same year he does Biology. I guess it could still work out though. I don't like science, myself. So, I wouldn't really mind it being outsourced. I had thought of having him do it online with Apologia Academy. Honestly, I wouldn't join a coop that will involve a volunteer commitment for you when you have a baby and younger kids to teach. I'd offer to let your ds join the sports organization to increase his time with his friends. If he doesn't want to do that, then he'll just have to accept that he's the odd man out by his own choice. I'd only reconsider this position if he has a physical disability that wouldn't allow him to play the sport. If it's just a matter of not liking it, that's his choice. I'll let T do any extracurricular activity she likes as long as it fits in with her previous commitments and the couple blocks of time her brothers need each week and we can afford it. But, I won't sign her up for local classes that just aren't academically rigorous, period. If I wanted her to have a mediocre education, I could do that by sending her to the local public schools. Good luck finding a solution that satisfies both of you, mothergoose! I disagree with this. Ds is not athletic...just like his momma. I was forced to do sports anyway in junior high, and it provided to be some of the most miserable experiences of my life. I hated it and felt very embarrassed by my lack of abilities. He is required to do physical exercise at home, but I would never require him to participate in sports if it is not his choice. He has tried many team sports and martial arts, none of which did he enjoy. He does his required workouts religiously, though. THIS is the hardest thing about raising/home educating teens for me. I do NOT want to be out of my house doing activities, but how to balance that with 2 extrovert children? I am tired of feeling guilty. I am tired of doing things that I really do not want to do. WHEN does this get easier? Sorry, not intending to hijack your thread! I feel for you. I don't know if there is a compromise that will work for you and your ds, but I certainly commiserate with the feelings on not wanting to be told what to do or how to do it! If I wanted to do it the same way as everyone else, I wouldn't be home educating in the first place! Amen! I don't know the answer, but I feel ya! Can't he go to his friend's games and support them even if he isn't on the team? That's what I'd do. Take him to the games. If he wants to go out afterwards with his friends to celebrate with pizza or something or go home to hang out, I'd let him. We have been doing more of this lately. Jean, As the mom of a son who wanted to be included in everything his friends were doing, the answer is yes he can, but it is still not the same as being included in the daily ins and outs of a group. At least that is what we have found to be the case. This! It isn't the same as being involved in the same projects, working towards the same goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryAtHope Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 You could ask about associate membership where you do activities but not classes. I like this as an option. I think we can just do the classes we wish, maybe just foreign language. I wouldn't mind science, but he is doing Physical in eighth. They are doing it next year, when he would be doing Biology. He isn't too science minded, and I know others do Physical for ninth, but they are using the exact same book he is finishing now. I don't know that I would want him doing the same thing again, just to do it with the co-op. Science is the ONE class that I wouldn't mind turning over to someone else. I can teach it, I just don't care for it at all. Here's a thought though...if you really would rather not teach science, you might ask him how he would feel about doing the same science he just finished all over again. If he's willing to do it and to work hard to do well in the class, I'd let him. He'll learn even more the 2nd time around, in the future years he'll do different science classes, and you would be done teaching science. I think if he's willing, this could be a win for your side, and would be something to offer for forging a compromise (you'll let him do Foreign language, science, maybe an extra if it exists, and all field trips/parties etc... but in exchange, he needs to understand your position on math, history/writing etc...). Honestly, I think you should join because teens need social so much more than adults realize. Take foreign language or see if there is an enrichment class you haven't heard about yet. Offer to teach an enrichment class even. Then, make it a point to show up to every single field trip and social activity, since that's why you joined in the first place. If at all possible, yes. I think with a baby, it will be a challenging year...worth discussing with friends. We have a similar but different situation here...similar in that many people do Classical Conversations but I've never been able to figure out how to make it "fit" for each of my kids and their various interests/ needs. It seems easier to make it work if you grow up in it--definitely not a strong fit for us to just jump into. I consider it every year though, and every year come to the same conclusion. However, unlike your situation, my kids don't have friends pressing them to join, and they have no desire to join. We do have a weekly PE class at the Y for a lot of the year, and that helps. And next year my kids will get to do a speech class and current events class that I'm excited about for them (not sure how excited they'll be, LOL!) I think co-ops for core classes are really tough, and like you, I'd rather figure it out at home most of the time. There are subjects I'd give up (science and foreign language also high on my list!), but others I wouldn't really want to--and it's hard to make that "mesh" with a co-op type of picture. The social aspect of high school is definitely a topic that I consider frequently (just today I let my oldest take off school to go have an air-soft war with friends! Just made him come up with an alternate plan to make it work.) It can be challenging. I'm with you on sports/PE too! I hope you can find a compromise that will work for your family and for your son's needs too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I also dislike co-ops (but would jump at the chance to outsource foreign language). Are there any other local activities going on for teens? My oldest daughter participated in an entrepreneur class, drama club, wilderness medicine classes, tae kwon do, as well as guitar and voice lessons. My next oldest dd starts high school this fall. She is a docent at our local art center and learned to ski this past winter. Both of those activities provide plenty of socialization time. Both my younger daughters participate in small animal and archery 4H clubs. We have managed to mostly avoid co-ops but still let the kids pursue their interests and make friends outside of a home school group. You could also invite kids over to play board games once a month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I think you are right to give your rising high school freshman a good bit of say in how and where he does school next year even at the expense of your perfect academic ideals. My personal opinion is that boys need to be around other boys/men a lot, whether through sports, school or something else that takes up a lot of time. He doesn't need or want to be home all day with a mom who has a baby latched on to her 24/7 (not that you do, but that may be how he sees it), and you are right to appreciate that need. It is great that he feels comfortable expressing that desire to you, and I hope you can make it work. If he repeats science, big deal. Maybe let him use their math but redo it at home. I don't know what the answer is, but there is one. And I get your issues with co-ops and other parents' reasons for using them, but no matter how much we deride it on this board, socialization IS an issue. No, kids do not have to go to school to be socialized, but it is helpful for them to not be at home all the time. And if co-op is what gets him out of the house and around others for a big chunk of time, well, there are worse things in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I would do whatever I could to help meet your son's need for more connection with the group. Could he just take foreign language and maybe just "re-do" the physical science with them? Science labs are fun in a group. This would enable him to join them on field trips and all. Maybe you could just drop him off instead of spending the day there? As for sports, would he like to be a score keeper or help out in other ways. Maybe one of his friends' could pick him up for game days. I would imagine that the other mothers would be understanding of your situation and be willing to help out with getting him to activities. Teens enjoy being with other teens. It's great when you can find academic opportunities that fit better or are more challenging, but that isn't always the case. Any classes he takes there which you don't think are up to par can be supplemented, or you can look at the coop class as being a supplement, or review session, to what you teach at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigid in NC Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I wouldn't mind science, but he is doing Physical in eighth. They are doing it next year, when he would be doing Biology. He isn't too science minded, and I know others do Physical for ninth, but they are using the exact same book he is finishing now. I don't know that I would want him doing the same thing again, just to do it with the co-op. Science is the ONE class that I wouldn't mind turning over to someone else. I can teach it, I just don't care for it at all. What about seeing if your ds could be the TA or lab assistant for the class? That's what ds2 did for chemistry one year. He loved helping the instructor with the labs (got there early, carried things in, set up the labs, helped "teach" them). He also fielded questions from his friends who needed help with homework. The instructor gave him as much as he was willing to do. It was a wonderful experience. Ds reinforced what he had studied, gained confidence, and added TA-ing to his high school "resume" (rather than listing it as a class on the transcript). He continued with his other science class, in addition to TA-ing. Good luck with your choices! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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