Ask a Buddhist

[Desert Strawberry]

I'm getting in on this trend  :laugh:

 

I have had Buddhist leanings since age 12. I went on a long and winding spiritual journey which included attending numerous churches, investigating many faiths, marrying a Shinto-Buddhist convert, living in Japan, visiting many shrines and temples, and finally declaring myself (our version of conversion) Zen Buddhist in my late 20s. 

 

I am still something of a novice, but I have been practicing in some form for over 20 years. 

 

Ask away. 

[Desert Strawberry]

Favourite Buddhist author ?

 

I love Pema Chodron.

 

Pema Chodron. I love listening to her lessons. She doesn't come from the tradition I identify with, but I find Shambhala focuses on the important practices, and leaves aside the more divisive Tibetan traditions (as it was intended). I suspect I find her easier to follow and more palatable because she is a Western woman, as am I. I struggle with the cultural aspects of Asian teachers at times. There is such a divide. And of course, traditionally students and teachers have been male, which results in a bit of exclusion. 

 

ETA: I will confess that I have more direct interpretations of the Buddha's original teachings than writings by modern gurus. I feel like my study must begin with the ideas of the original teacher. That is the important part for me. The main reason I chose Zen as my school is because I believe Zen is the purest from of Buddhism. Zen strips away all of the other stuff that has been layered on top. 

 

I want to begin and end at the Bodhi Tree. 

[TianXiaXueXiao]

 

  and finally declaring myself (our version of conversion) Zen Buddhist in my late 20s. 

 

 

Would you mind clarifying this more? What do you mean by "our version of conversion?" Are you talking about your family's version? I have long been under the impression that conversion to Buddhism involves the formal act of taking refuge in the Three Jewels which is usually done with a spiritual teacher, monk, or nun.

[Desert Strawberry]

Would you mind clarifying this more? What do you mean by "our version of conversion?" Are you talking about your family's version? I have long been under the impression that conversion to Buddhism involves the formal act of taking refuge in the Three Jewels which is usually done with a spiritual teacher, monk, or nun.

 

That depends on which tradition one chooses to follow. Some have formal conversion practices, but I believe that would be part of joining a temple as a monk. Much more involved than just becoming a lay follower of Buddha. 

 

Some basic stuff about Buddhists. 

 

There are many, extremely diverse sects or schools of Buddhism. As Buddhist teachings left northern India, each culture adopted the teachings and integrated them into their existing belief system. Buddha instructed his followers NOT to discard their cultural belief, but to layer his teachings on top. As you can imagine, this resulted in some major differences depending geographical area and existing cultures. Not to mention, this happened a very, very long time ago. The two separate sets of beliefs have become intrinsically intertwined. 

 

This is the reason I prefer to study the teachings of Buddha himself :)

 

Ok, Next, Buddha taught that his teachings apply to EVERYONE, whether or not they knowings follow them, and whether or not they are aware. By that token, one can not CONVERT to Buddhism. One can only DISCOVER Buddhist teachings or truths. 

 

So technically, everyone is Buddhist, but most people don't know it yet. ;) Sort of. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that Buddha's teaching apply to everyone whether or not one chooses to embrace them. Denying the existence of Karma does not free one of it's effects. 

 

One step further. 

Traditionally, as I understand it, unlike most modern religions, where all members attend worship services, study religious teachings, and so on as a routine part of their daily life, Buddhists take a longer view. Instead of devoting one day a week to religious study, one might dedicate on lifetime of centuries, or some years of one lifetime to religious practice and study. As a mother of young children, I am not expected to study under a teacher. I am busy doing the work of my life. When my children are grown, and my work is finished, I might become a nun and devote the rest of my life to my practice. At this time, I do not have of need any official designation of my faith. This is not the work of my life right now. I do not have to find a teacher to pass his tradition on to me. I do not have to enter the temple. This is not my time. 

 

This is not to say that I cannot or should not maintain a regular spiritual/meditation practice. I can and do, as the other aspects of my life allow. But I am only a casual practitioner. To do this, there is no ceremony. One has only to begin. 

 

By declaring myself a Buddhist, I willingly and knowingly attain to learn and follow the teachings of the Buddha. I state, out loud, that I recognize the Truth of the teachings and model my life after them. 

 

And that's it. 

[Mom in High Heels]

So, what exactly is involved in Buddhism?  

[Guest submarines]

I had two very close friends who are Buddhist (at different times in my life, I must attract Buddhists) who both, at different times, dropped the friendship like a hot potato when they felt they stopped getting positive energy from the relationship. According to both, this was a part of their philosophy--when your friend stops giving you positive energy it is time to end the friendship. In my case I apparently stopped giving out positive energy after having a child (and then another)--I became too child centered, in their opinion.

 

It sort of does make sense and maybe it was even right, but on the other hand we were really close friends, for several years.  I can't help but feel used and taken advantage of.

 

I this a typical Buddhist philosophy? What about those on the receiving end of being dropped?

[elegantlion]

Outside of the meditation, do you practice any other rituals? I find myself drawn to Buddhism, but I'm not at a point to want to pick up rituals if that makes sense. You commented on my mindfulness thread, and that is something I'm building on - but not necessarily beginning as a spiritual purpose. 

 

Is there a certain translation of Buddha teachings that you find more readable? 

[Desert Strawberry]

So, what exactly is involved in Buddhism?  

This is a very Big Question. 

 

I will to bring it down to what I believe are the most fundamental teachings. 

 

First, The Four Noble Truths. 

 

1. Suffering exists. 

 

2. Desire is the cause of suffering,

 

3. Nirvana is the freedom from desire. 

 

4. The 8 Fold Path is the way to Nirvana.

 

Explanations:

 

Suffering is all that is uncomfortable, unsatisfying, painful. Large or small, everyone suffers. Some more than others. 

 

It is the desire, the wanting, that causes suffering. I am angry with my children because I WANT them to behave a certain way. I am unhappy with my finances because I WANT things I cannot afford. I am sad because I want my mother to be alive, and she is not. I am lonely because I want my best friend here, and not 2000 miles away. Wanting causes suffering. 

 

Nirvana is kind of like Heaven. It's freedom from suffering, freedom from desire, freedom from Earthside life. Nirvana is oneness with the Universe, oneness with all things, returning to the great beyond, the result of Enlightenment, of knowing all things, being all things. 

I can't explain this well, because I have not experienced it. :)

 

 

The 8 Fold Path

These are aspects of our lives in which we attempt to implement the 5 Precepts.

Bear with me, the English language is lacking accurate and accepted words for many Buddhist concepts. I'm going to do my best. I'm also simplifying this terribly. Here's a good explanation. http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/8foldpath.htm

 

Right view- "Vision of the nature of reality" (reality is an illusion created by our own minds. Not as crazy as this sounds).

 

Right thought

 

Right speech

 

Right action

 

Right work ( one does not engage in work which forces one to break the precepts, such a butchery)

 

Right effort

 

Right mindfulness

 

Right meditation

 

The 5 Precepts

These are the rules to live by. We will fail, but we continue to try. 

 

1. I will avoid violence/I will not take the life of another being.

 

2. I will not steal. 

 

3. I will avoid sexual misconduct (that which harms myself or others-rape, molestation, adultery, promiscuity). 

 

4. I will avoid false speech (lies). 

 

5. I will avoid intoxication. (a glass of wine is fine. A bottle of wine...not really).

[Desert Strawberry]

I had two very close friends who are Buddhist (at different times in my life, I must attract Buddhists) who both, at different times, dropped the friendship like a hot potato when they felt they stopped getting positive energy from the relationship. According to both, this was a part of their philosophy--when your friend stops giving you positive energy it is time to end the friendship. In my case I apparently stopped giving out positive energy after having a child (and then another)--I became too child centered, in their opinion.

 

It sort of does make sense and maybe it was even right, but on the other hand we were really close friends, for several years.  I can't help but feel used and taken advantage of.

 

I this a typical Buddhist philosophy? What about those on the receiving end of being dropped?

 

Hmm. Yes and no. 

 

I do not approve of that type of reasoning, but I do understand it. And actually, I hadn't thought of it this way, but I have done something similar as well. 

 

My best friend from 7th grade is still my best friend, even though she lives far away and I see her basically never. I still love her and maintain contact with her, however sporadic. There is nothing in Buddhist teaching that I know of that says I can't maintain a committed relationship. 

 

There is an air of transitivity that makes releasing wants, desires, connections easier. Nonattachment is a fundamental concept. But it doesn't equate to a lack of commitment. It rather means a lack of demanding or expecting a certain relationship with others. 

 

For instance, I will never leave my husband. I am committed to him. But, I cannot demand or expect that he will love me the way I want, or treat me in a certain way ( not including abuse. That's a different thing altogether). I must accept that he is an introvert, that he needs time away from me, that he doesn't want to be with me every minute. I WANT him to want to be with me ALL THE TIME. But the wanting is the problem. The expectation is the problem. I must learn to release that expectation and accept him as he is with openness and love. That's nonattachment. 

 

Releasing a friendship which is no longer feeding your spiritual well-being is not necessarily bad or wrong. All things must end. And every ending is also a beginning. Selfish? Perhaps. But from a Buddhist standpoint, in this situation, it is your expectation of a continuing commitment from this friend which is causing your hurt. You can't change what they choose to do, You can only change how you react to it. 

[jennynd]

I had two very close friends who are Buddhist (at different times in my life, I must attract Buddhists) who both, at different times, dropped the friendship like a hot potato when they felt they stopped getting positive energy from the relationship. According to both, this was a part of their philosophy--when your friend stops giving you positive energy it is time to end the friendship. In my case I apparently stopped giving out positive energy after having a child (and then another)--I became too child centered, in their opinion.

 

It sort of does make sense and maybe it was even right, but on the other hand we were really close friends, for several years. I can't help but feel used and taken advantage of.

 

I this a typical Buddhist philosophy? What about those on the receiving end of being dropped?

That doesn't sound Buddhism. I am Taiwanese and Buddha is more or less in the culture. I do not believe that is the philosophy.. However, it you choose to be a monk. You supposed to cut all the relation from your life. I had a good friend chose to be a Monk and I never saw her again. Her mother won't even tell us where she went.

[Guest submarines]

Oh wow, that's mean!

 

I don't think that's very Buddhist. It sounds more new-agey.

 

I mean, Buddhists are just as able to set boundaries in their relationships as anyone else, but what you described does not sound like it came out of any loving kindness at all!

 

I'm sorry you had that experience :(

 

(I'm not a Buddhist but a user of Buddhist methods and practices.)

 

Well, they were both practicing Buddhists, both practiced for decades, including attending meditation retreats several times a year, traveling to Nepal, etc.

 

I can't even decide whether it was mean, or there was some kind of truth to this, and the relationships were meant to fade anyway. But it seemed very intentional and calm, in both cases, rather than gradually phasing out of the relationship.

 

The similarities between the two cases made me curious about Buddhism. But both of those friends were quite similar to each other in many other aspects--life style, physical appearance, mannerisms, use of sarcasm, age. It is actually all quite bizarre--their similarities, and how I ended up close friends with both of them at different stages of my life. :confused1: :lol: Maybe I was supposed to learn some kind of a lesson. :tongue_smilie: I'm a slow learner, so I had to go through the same thing twice.

 

[Desert Strawberry]

Outside of the meditation, do you practice any other rituals? I find myself drawn to Buddhism, but I'm not at a point to want to pick up rituals if that makes sense. You commented on my mindfulness thread, and that is something I'm building on - but not necessarily beginning as a spiritual purpose. 

 

Is there a certain translation of Buddha teachings that you find more readable? 

 

 

I don't have any elaborate rituals. I have participated in some at times, but right now, not really. 

 

I don't have a shrine, because small people spill my water, eat my candles, and knock over my Buddha :( I don't even begin to trust them with incense.

 

I like mala beads. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhist_prayer_beads I need a good set. 

 

There are much deeper forms of meditation than mindfulness. I practice tonglen when I really want a good, deep down spiritual workout, or if I have a specific person or event in mind. http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php

 

I listen to Pema's teachings, available on Audible, while I do yoga. I pause for the guided mediations. This is incredibly rejuvenating and deeply touching. Deeper forms of meditation often release those emotions hidden in the deep, dark recesses of our beings. In one talk, Pema warns that as you sit, you may find tears streaming. At that moment, I did indeed have wet cheeks. No idea why. I just stopped long enough, and reached deep enough to tap something that needed to come out. 

[Guest submarines]

Hmm. Yes and no. 

 

I do not approve of that type of reasoning, but I do understand it. And actually, I hadn't thought of it this way, but I have done something similar as well. 

 

My best friend from 7th grade is still my best friend, even though she lives far away and I see her basically never. I still love her and maintain contact with her, however sporadic. There is nothing in Buddhist teaching that I know of that says I can't maintain a committed relationship. 

 

There is an air of transitivity that makes releasing wants, desires, connections easier. Nonattachment is a fundamental concept. But it doesn't equate to a lack of commitment. It rather means a lack of demanding or expecting a certain relationship with others. 

 

For instance, I will never leave my husband. I am committed to him. But, I cannot demand or expect that he will love me the way I want, or treat me in a certain way ( not including abuse. That's a different thing altogether). I must accept that he is an introvert, that he needs time away from me, that he doesn't want to be with me every minute. I WANT him to want to be with me ALL THE TIME. But the wanting is the problem. The expectation is the problem. I must learn to release that expectation and accept him as he is with openness and love. That's nonattachment. 

 

Releasing a friendship which is no longer feeding your spiritual well-being is not necessarily bad or wrong. All things must end. And every ending is also a beginning. Selfish? Perhaps. But from a Buddhist standpoint, in this situation, it is your expectation of a continuing commitment from this friend which is causing your hurt. You can't change what they choose to do, You can only change how you react to it. 

 

Is the "yes and no" answer specific to Buddhism? Both of my Buddhist friends used this a lot, more than other people I know.

 

I can't help but think about such releasing of relationships as using friendships for personal gain, and yes, selfishness. Even if I'm at peace with how these relationships ended and even if I believe that it was for the best (for me as for them) it is still an incredibly selfish way of relating to the world.

[Desert Strawberry]

Oh wow, that's mean!

 

I don't think that's very Buddhist. It sounds more new-agey.

 

I mean, Buddhists are just as able to set boundaries in their relationships as anyone else, but what you described does not sound like it came out of any loving kindness at all!

 

I'm sorry you had that experience :(

 

(I'm not a Buddhist btw, just a sometimes user of Buddhist methods and practices.)

My inner Buddhist needs to come out and talk a little more about this. 

 

I am NOT criticizing. Please do not take offense. 

 

It does sound new-agey. This is why it took me so long to come around to Buddhism. I did not want to be one of "those people" iykwim. But...

 

I can't judge them. I don't have intimate knowledge of their reasoning or motives. Without hearing their side of the story, I can't say what I would have advised them to do at that time. 

 

Perhaps it was pure selfishness, couched in spiritual terms. There is surely plenty of that to go around.

 

But, perhaps they felt that they could not give you what you needed at that time, and you could not give them what they needed. Perhaps you were more invested in the relationship than they were. Perhaps they did not feel they were feeding your spirit in the way you needed and they were freeing you invest in your children and in other relationships with those who had what you needed. Perhaps they felt the relationship had played itself out and it was time to move along. 

 

We cannot know what is in the heart of another. We must trust that whatever happens is as it is meant to be. Either they were not good friends and you are free of them, or they were doing what they believed was best for you. 

 

In the end, it doesn't matter. The relationship is ended. You can carry the hurt, or you can release it. It's your burden to do what you  wish with. 

[Desert Strawberry]

Is the "yes and no" answer specific to Buddhism? Both of my Buddhist friends used this a lot, more than other people I know.

 

I can't help but think about such releasing of relationships as using friendships for personal gain, and yes, selfishness. Even if I'm at peace with how these relationships ended and even if I believe that it was for the best (for me as for them) it is still an incredibly selfish way of relating to the world.

 

I hadn't thought of it as a particularly Buddhist phrase. I think of it as *my* phrase. But I am Buddhist. Where does on end and the other begin?

 

Buddhism does require looking at the gray of things. Things are never exactly as they seem. It all depends on the perspective from which you view them. 

 

I am not debating you. I am not saying you are wrong. I don't understand this statement. I don't see the selfishness in not holding on to something that is ended. Would it be better to drag out a failing friendship? Is it wrong to expect a friendship to be enjoyable? Worthy of one's time and effort? Is it selfish to know when something is not working and let it go?

[Desert Strawberry]

More on the friendship thing. 

 

I am going to give an example. Tell me if this doesn't apply. 

 

My mother passed away almost 5 years ago. She and I were very close and I loved her dearly. We spoke on the phone at least once a week, often every day. She confided in me above anyone else. 

 

When she died, I was sad, but on the 10th day, I released her memory. She came to me in my moment of need. She gave me the peace I needed and she was gone. I have never again felt her presence. She is gone. 

 

I still miss her from time to time. I think about her often. But I don't grieve anymore. She is gone, and that is ok. 

 

My dad grieves deeply still. My uncle says he feels her presence often. My aunts still hurt from her absence. 

 

Do I love her less because I have let her go? Does my lack of pain dishonor her memory? Does not feeling her presence mean I don't care? Does my father throwing his life away serve her memory?

 

No. Of course not. I have peace.

 

Is that selfish? I don't think so. My mother wanted me to let her go. She wanted me not to grieve. Not to be in pain. To go on with my life and do what I am supposed to do. The last thing she told me as she was dying was not to worry. That she was ok. 

 

If I look at friendships that same way, is that selfish? Is being ok with things beginning and ending in their own time selfish? I don't think so. One could argue that your friends were users. That they felt jealous of your time spent with your child, so they threw you away. I didn't know them. I don't know. But not being afraid of ending a friendship does not, IMO translate to being a selfish user. It just doesn't. 

 

 

[Desert Strawberry]

Ok, dh wants the computer. Leave me any questions you have and I will come back tomorrow to answer. 

[Guest submarines]

I hadn't thought of it as a particularly Buddhist phrase. I think of it as *my* phrase. But I am Buddhist. Where does on end and the other begin?

 

Buddhism does require looking at the gray of things. Things are never exactly as they seem. It all depends on the perspective from which you view them. 

 

I am not debating you. I am not saying you are wrong. I don't understand this statement. I don't see the selfishness in not holding on to something that is ended. Would it be better to drag out a failing friendship? Is it wrong to expect a friendship to be enjoyable? Worthy of one's time and effort? Is it selfish to know when something is not working and let it go?

 

I certainly see what you are saying, and it does make sense. I think about this a lot, and yeah, a lot of gray there. I'm long past being hurt, and after meeting one of them and trying to rekindle the friendship (on her initiative) I realized that it was a good decision to let go. But I keep thinking about the meaning of friendship in general and the Buddhist perspective in particular.

 

 It seems to me that according to Buddhism my friendship was worthwhile not because of who I was as a person, but because of what I could give or share--time, fun, proofreading and line editing as needed, a place to stay, bursts of creativity, a traveling companion, a conversation companion. The energy. However, I'd like to think of myself as more than even the sum of all of the above--the conveniences I can provide. But maybe I'm wrong there, and each one of us as a person is exactly the sum of what we can give.

 

As I said, he reached out to me, after years of silence, and we did try to reconnect. It was easy, thanks to FB, ha-ha. Ironically, it turned out that she needed a place to stay in my city--to attend a Buddhist something or other. I didn't feel that she pushed my boundaries, it was really no trouble to let her sleep in the guest room for a couple of nights, and it was good to see her again. We had a pleasant couple of evenings. And then she was out of my life again.

 

And then the following year she said she wanted to visit, to talk more, to get to know my kids. I thought things could work out, but it was all pretty low key at this point, no expectations. A week before her arrival, she said she'd be coming with a friend. They came over, stayed at our place, spent a lot of time together and almost none with me and my kids, toured the area and left. Otherwise, it was no trouble for me, and a pleasant visit.

 

So for a Buddhist the above doesn't mean using another person? Or it does mean using another person, but it is justified by what exactly? Or as long as I didn't feel used (or didn't express feeling used), it is okay? Or there is no concept of "using another person?"

 

 

 

 

[Hoot]

If a person wanted to learn more about Buddhism, what resources would you suggest?

[Aura]

Yesterday, at church (a conservative, independent Baptist church, to give you perspective), someone made the comment, "Even Buddhism has Christianity in it." I have my own thoughts on that comment, but I was curious what others, particularly those who follow Buddhism, would think of this comment.

[Elisabet1]

I had two very close friends who are Buddhist (at different times in my life, I must attract Buddhists) who both, at different times, dropped the friendship like a hot potato when they felt they stopped getting positive energy from the relationship. According to both, this was a part of their philosophy--when your friend stops giving you positive energy it is time to end the friendship. In my case I apparently stopped giving out positive energy after having a child (and then another)--I became too child centered, in their opinion.

 

It sort of does make sense and maybe it was even right, but on the other hand we were really close friends, for several years.  I can't help but feel used and taken advantage of.

 

I this a typical Buddhist philosophy? What about those on the receiving end of being dropped?

That sounds like bad friends. Sorry they did that. They should have been just as able to give positive energy as they were able to receive it.

[Matryoshka]

If I look at friendships that same way, is that selfish? Is being ok with things beginning and ending in their own time selfish? I don't think so. One could argue that your friends were users. That they felt jealous of your time spent with your child, so they threw you away. I didn't know them. I don't know. But not being afraid of ending a friendship does not, IMO translate to being a selfish user. It just doesn't. 

 

Sorry, i don't buy that.  Relationships are between two people.  It's one thing if it's a casual acquaintance, or if both parties just gradually lose touch over time.  But a long-term close friend deciding it doesn't work for her anymore without taking the other person into account at all?  If you're a good friend, you tell the other friend what the issues are with the "energy" and at least let the other person try to address them. 

 

Is it okay if a spouse just up and says out of the blue one day "hey, I'm not feeling the positive energy.  I'm outta here."

 

I agree that after it's done you should let it go and not dwell (and it sounds like the PP has).  That's not the issue.  It's the "I'm only your friend as long as it's working for me."   You don't just summarily dump a person when they're no longer feeding your needs.  Relationships often go through cycles where one person is giving a bit more than the other.  If the energy really isn't there anymore, the relationship will dissolve on its own over time - I'm sure we've all had close friends who have drifted as we've entered different life-stages - but no need to announce it as a done deal from one side and make the other person feel like they're a jerk (unless you're wanting to work on it) - it does make them feel like they were never a friend (who is someone who gives energy and love and affection, not just takes it), but yes, just a user.

[Joanne]

I like Buddhist ideas and principles. Ii like the spiritual discipline especially meditation. I consider Buddhism to embody spiritual laws. But....

 

I would like to know how you personally reconcile the Buddha leaving his wife and children with spiritual principles? And how are you able to separate common Asian viewpoints on females with practice? And the class systems of many predominantly Buddhist countries?

[Free]

I like Buddhist ideas and principles. Ii like the spiritual discipline especially meditation. I consider Buddhism to embody spiritual laws. But....

 

I would like to know how you personally reconcile the Buddha leaving his wife and children with spiritual principles? And how are you able to separate common Asian viewpoints on females with practice? And the class systems of many predominantly Buddhist countries?

 

I am not a Buddhist, but since Buddha is considered a spiritual figure even in Hinduism, I think I can answer this. I can see how Buddha's actions can be seen as abandonment, but this is such a common thread among so many stories of saints and spiritual leaders in Hinduism, Jainism and Buddhism that saints who maintain family ties should be seen as an exception.

 

It came with the tradition of the time that monastic life meant not just celibacy but also cutting all emotional ties. Buddha was not unique in his abandonment of family. You can see variations of the theme repeat iitself in several stories: Meera, Mahavira, Ramakrishna, just to name a few.

 

You can view this with a modern frame of reference which deems such abandonment as selfish. But you have to consider that these men and women who left their homes in search of something were thirsting for something more. That they felt a deep sense of hollowness within their their present lives and they wanted to search for something that would give meaning and fulfillment. Within the context of the time in which they lived, abandonment and taking up an ascetic lifestyle was a common path.

 

Also with most Asian religions, you are not bound to a holy book or to a fundamentalist interpretation of scriptures, which means that for most part you can distill the spiritual ideas and separate them from the practice of religion. Spiritual practice is highly personal and you are allowed to evolve and grow in your ideas, your practices and your truths. So (speaking as a Hindu...I do not know if this would apply to Buddhism), if you feel drawn to elaborate rituals and rules then that is where your spiritual layer lies and that is ok. But if you are drawn to the more abstract principles that you want to abandon all external trappings of religion, that is also ok.

[Rai B.]

I like Buddhist ideas and principles. Ii like the spiritual discipline especially meditation. I consider Buddhism to embody spiritual laws. But....

 

I would like to know how you personally reconcile the Buddha leaving his wife and children with spiritual principles? And how are you able to separate common Asian viewpoints on females with practice? And the class systems of many predominantly Buddhist countries?

The short answer is that he wasn't Buddha when he left his family. It was before he had even tried the ascetic traditions he later rejected. Afterwards, his son became a novice, and his foster mother was the first nun. In the traditions I am aware of, men who are married must have their wives permission to become a monk. Buddha was explicit that woman could become enlightened the way men could, which is not true of some other religions (although those founders may have implied so).

[Rai B.]

Yesterday, at church (a conservative, independent Baptist church, to give you perspective), someone made the comment, "Even Buddhism has Christianity in it." I have my own thoughts on that comment, but I was curious what others, particularly those who follow Buddhism, would think of this comment.

Since Buddhism is older I think that statement would be kind of backwards kwim?

 

 

ETA: I'm Buddhist.

[Desert Strawberry]

I'm on my Kindle, but I am reading these.I will come back to this when I have my computer and answer more in depth.

[Aura]

Since Buddhism is older I think that statement would be kind of backwards kwim?

 

 

ETA: I'm Buddhist.

 

You're right. I messed that up, though. The person said Judaism, not Christianity. Sorry about that.

 

He said that most religions are...I don't remember the exact words, but something to effect of "spin offs". He was saying that most religions had their roots in Judaism, and then he went on to specifically reference Buddhism.

 

FTR, I disagree. I disagree w/ most things that are said at church, but that's another story. I was wondering how a Buddhist would feel about that. Do you find that offensive? Amusing? Or is there some truth to it that I'm not aware of, because I know very little about Buddhism, though I didn't think it was related to Judaism at all.

[Rai B.]

You're right. I messed that up, though. The person said Judaism, not Christianity. Sorry about that.

 

He said that most religions are...I don't remember the exact words, but something to effect of "spin offs". He was saying that most religions had their roots in Judaism, and then he went on to specifically reference Buddhism.

 

FTR, I disagree. I disagree w/ most things that are said at church, but that's another story. I was wondering how a Buddhist would feel about that. Do you find that offensive? Amusing? Or is there some truth to it that I'm not aware of, because I know very little about Buddhism, though I didn't think it was related to Judaism at all.

Amusing mostly. I think early Buddhism had very little in common with pre-exilic Judaism. (For a vague time reference, the historical Buddha lived roughly about the time of the Babylonian Captivity.) There are religions older than Judaism closer to Buddha's home in northern India.

[JadeOrchidSong]

This is a very Big Question.

 

I will to bring it down to what I believe are the most fundamental teachings.

 

First, The Four Noble Truths.

 

1. Suffering exists.

 

2. Desire is the cause of suffering,

 

3. Nirvana is the freedom from desire.

 

4. The 8 Fold Path is the way to Nirvana.

 

Explanations:

 

Suffering is all that is uncomfortable, unsatisfying, painful. Large or small, everyone suffers. Some more than others.

 

It is the desire, the wanting, that causes suffering. I am angry with my children because I WANT them to behave a certain way. I am unhappy with my finances because I WANT things I cannot afford. I am sad because I want my mother to be alive, and she is not. I am lonely because I want my best friend here, and not 2000 miles away. Wanting causes suffering.

 

Nirvana is kind of like Heaven. It's freedom from suffering, freedom from desire, freedom from Earthside life. Nirvana is oneness with the Universe, oneness with all things, returning to the great beyond, the result of Enlightenment, of knowing all things, being all things.

I can't explain this well, because I have not experienced it. :)

 

 

The 8 Fold Path

These are aspects of our lives in which we attempt to implement the 5 Precepts.

Bear with me, the English language is lacking accurate and accepted words for many Buddhist concepts. I'm going to do my best. I'm also simplifying this terribly. Here's a good explanation. http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/8foldpath.htm

 

Right view- "Vision of the nature of reality" (reality is an illusion created by our own minds. Not as crazy as this sounds).

 

Right thought

 

Right speech

 

Right action

 

Right work ( one does not engage in work which forces one to break the precepts, such a butchery)

 

Right effort

 

Right mindfulness

 

Right meditation

 

The 5 Precepts

These are the rules to live by. We will fail, but we continue to try.

 

1. I will avoid violence/I will not take the life of another being.

 

2. I will not steal.

 

3. I will avoid sexual misconduct (that which harms myself or others-rape, molestation, adultery, promiscuity).

 

4. I will avoid false speech (lies).

 

5. I will avoid intoxication. (a glass of wine is fine. A bottle of wine...not really).

How do you make sure you do all these? What happens or what do you do when you do wrong according to the list? How do you know or can you know when you have achieved nirvana? What happens if you die before you achieve nirvana? What makes you different from another person when you don't study it?

[Matryoshka]

Amusing mostly. I think early Buddhism had very little in common with pre-exilic Judaism. (For a vague time reference, the historical Buddha lived roughly about the time of the Babylonian Captivity.) There are religions older than Judaism closer to Buddha's home in northern India.

 

The Buddha was born a Hindu.  They share some common terms (like karma) although they mean different things in each religion.

 

[shukriyya]

If a person wanted to learn more about Buddhism, what resources would you suggest?

 

The present moment. Your own heart. Your inbreath and your outbreath. The still point between the two. Your 'fathom-long' body...

[fraidycat]

The present moment. Your own heart. Your inbreath and your outbreath. The still point between the two. Your 'fathom-long' body...

I don't think this is a helpful answer. It may be how to practice it, but it does absolutely nothing to help learn what it is about.

 

What is the best resource to learn what a "fathom-long" body even means?

[shukriyya]

I don't think this is a helpful answer. It may be how to practice it, but it does absolutely nothing to help learn what it is about.

 

What is the best resource to learn what a "fathom-long" body even means?

 

Within any spiritual tradition experience is the genuine point of departure as well as its return. Experience not premise contains the heart of the teaching. However if it's intellectual understanding and historical context you want there are a plethora of books on the market and a simple google will yield you innumerable results depending on which Buddhist tradition or lineage you're interested in.

[Rosie_0801]

The present moment. Your own heart. Your inbreath and your outbreath. The still point between the two. Your 'fathom-long' body...

 

Which is roughly why there are so many different religions, I reckon.

[Arcadia]

Yesterday, at church (a conservative, independent Baptist church, to give you perspective), someone made the comment, "Even Buddhism has Christianity in it." .

I saw your later post about judaism. There is a "branch" of buddhism that is pure land buddhism and Nirvana to some people may seem similar to Heaven.

Buddhism to me is a philosophy just like Taoism so I am technically a free thinker. I had catechism in school for 8 years.

[shukriyya]

Which is roughly why there are so many different religions, I reckon.

 

My siggy...

[Hoot]

Within any spiritual tradition experience is the genuine point of departure as well as its return. Experience not premise contains the heart of the teaching. However if it's intellectual understanding and historical context you want there are a plethora of books on the market and a simple google will yield you innumerable results depending on which Buddhist tradition or lineage you're interested in.

When I don't even know what the different Buddhist traditions or lineages ARE, that Google search (which I've done) is more of a crapshoot than a helpful tool.

 

I've read Buddhist Bootcamp and am reading Living Buddha, Living Christ. Both have been interesting, but neither is terribly informative on the different lines of Buddhism. What I'm interested in is something that explains the different types and explains the terminology. It seems to be all piecemeal. Hah... maybe a Dummies Guide.

[Hoot]

The present moment. Your own heart. Your inbreath and your outbreath. The still point between the two. Your 'fathom-long' body...

I'm assuming this is part of the whole "Buddhism is inside everyone" thing? You meditate and what you need to know is revealed to you personally when you're ready and as you need it. Is that even close to what you're saying?

[Rosie_0801]

When I don't even know what the different Buddhist traditions or lineages ARE, that Google search (which I've done) is more of a crapshoot than a helpful tool.

 

Theravada is the oldest surviving branch, Mahayana is the other. The former is mostly Sri Lanka and SE Asia, the latter in East Asia and includes Tibetan Buddhism and Zen. It is Theravada that is making it's way into the West, for the most part. (So I discovered when I was doing some research last year.) Maybe googling those terms will help, if you haven't found them already.

[Above The Rowan]

When I don't even know what the different Buddhist traditions or lineages ARE, that Google search (which I've done) is more of a crapshoot than a helpful tool.

 

I've read Buddhist Bootcamp and am reading Living Buddha, Living Christ. Both have been interesting, but neither is terribly informative on the different lines of Buddhism. What I'm interested in is something that explains the different types and explains the terminology. It seems to be all piecemeal. Hah... maybe a Dummies Guide.

There IS an "Idiots Guide to Understandinf Buddhism". It was a good jumping off point for me and it was concise and a quick read.

 

I really enjoy reading anything from Thich Nhat Hanh also. And one book I read and re read is called The Beginners Guide To Insight Meditation which has been useful to me.

[Matryoshka]

When I took Indian Anthropology, we read a book called What the Buddha Taught.  It was good as an intro to the philosophy because it focused on what the Buddha taught vs. all the layers that were added later as it spread and many traditions that are cultural or sometimes mixed from other religions where it was adopted.  From the Amazon synopsis: Beneath the enormous umbrella of Buddhism, there is a diverse galaxy of customs and beliefs, but there is also a kernel of truth that every sect holds dear. Rahula Walpola, scholar and monk, discovers this foundation of Buddhism for us first through straightforward explication, never skipping over a point that has yet to be substantiated, then through translations from key scriptures. Logical and focused, these are the essentials of Buddhism; know them first, then move comfortably on to other Buddhist works.

 

After that it would be easier to read something about the history and the different branches of Buddhism.

[Hoot]

Matroyshka, that book looks like exactly what I'm looking for. Between that, the Idiot's/Dummy's Guide I should have a good idea of the basic idea of it and be able to look more closely at the individual parts with a bit more understanding.

[Desert Strawberry]

If a person wanted to learn more about Buddhism, what resources would you suggest?

http://www.buddhanet.net/ is a good starting point.

 

http://www.shambhala.org/buddhism.php has centers in many US cities.

 

http://buddhism.about.com/ is great for rabbit trails. 

[Desert Strawberry]

Since Buddhism is older I think that statement would be kind of backwards kwim?

 

 

ETA: I'm Buddhist.

 

 

Yesterday, at church (a conservative, independent Baptist church, to give you perspective), someone made the comment, "Even Buddhism has Christianity in it." I have my own thoughts on that comment, but I was curious what others, particularly those who follow Buddhism, would think of this comment.

 

I agree with Rai. Buddhism came first. 

But the Universal Truths are universal. All faiths are going to agree on some key elements. It's the details where things get hazy. 

[Desert Strawberry]

How do you make sure you do all these? What happens or what do you do when you do wrong according to the list? How do you know or can you know when you have achieved nirvana? What happens if you die before you achieve nirvana? What makes you different from another person when you don't study it?

 

 

1. I clearly can't do all of them all the time, but if you know and agree with the 5 precepts, IMO it's hard not to follow the 8 fold path. 

I don't say this to flatter myself, but I am a naturally honest person. I was doing, believing, following most of these before I became Buddhist. To not follow them would be...not me. 

Some are easier than others, of course. But I don't have to constantly remind myself not to lie, not to cheat on my husband, not to drink or get high, not to gossip or speak cruelly, and so on. That is basic being-a-nice-person type of stuff. If I find myself being angry, thinking violent thoughts or acting violently (I do swat a kid now and then, I'm not perfect), I correct myself as soon as possible. 

The hardest for me are Right Meditation and Right Concentration. I am not in a place in my life when I can give a lot of mental energy to these. When I have more to give, I will give more. 

 

2. Let's break away from the yes or no, right or wrong, black or white mind set. This is not a pass/fail exam. This is a long, winding hike. Some people stop to look at the flowers, some get off the path and get lost, others charge right through to the end. For some, it's a day hike. For others, it's a years-long adventure. 

No one is wrong. 

If I take a detour from my course, I will still get there. I will just take a little longer. 

However, if one steps off the path, one may get into trouble. Poison ivy, thirst, hunger, fear, isolation (not solitude). There are dangers. If one does not follow the path, one may not have an easy time of it. 

This is the part I love about Buddhism.  I don't care too much about Nirvana. I care that following the path makes my life better NOW, today. It keeps me out of trouble, eases my hurts, avoids trouble. I have had enough trouble and hurt. I don't need any more. 

 

3. Reincarnation is a beautiful thing. Infinite do-overs. Each lifetime is a stair step. Each one brings us closer to Nirvana. We may lead ahead, or we may creep along, but eventually, we all get there. 

 

4. I don't understand this last one. If you are living right ( as we all try to do), you are getting there. Buddha just made a cheat sheet for the rest of us. 

[Desert Strawberry]

I like Buddhist ideas and principles. Ii like the spiritual discipline especially meditation. I consider Buddhism to embody spiritual laws. But....

 

I would like to know how you personally reconcile the Buddha leaving his wife and children with spiritual principles? And how are you able to separate common Asian viewpoints on females with practice? And the class systems of many predominantly Buddhist countries?

 

This was a hard one for me. 

 

Buddha was not perfect. He was not a saint. He was just a guy who saw things he didn't understand and tried to figure it out as best he knew how. 

 

I don't agree with him leaving his wife and child. On a fundamental level, I don't think I will ever be right with this. But, D gave me some perspective. 

 

Siddartha Gautama was a prince. His son was a prince. His wife, as mother of the prince, had a place in the palace, forever. They were protected. They were well provided-for. They were not abandoned to struggle to survive on their own. He wasn't a deadbeat who left his family to starve. As PP mentioned, it was the custom of the time to leave behind all worldly entanglements. Before Buddha was Buddha, he became an ascetic. That lifestyle choice is not one taken lightly. I will have to accept that he made his choice as best he could given his time and circumstance.

 

ETA: Buddha never stopped loving his wife and child. He kept up with the news of his palace, When the palace was overtaken, and his wife and child were killed, he was informed, and he grieved deeply. He was questioned by his students, who thought he should be beyond grief. He used his grief as a teaching point. The not to not feel, but use the feeling in a positive and meaningful way. 

 

AFA Patriarchal and class systems, I'm not sure that Buddhist cultures are all that different from other cultures. Cultures evolve just as spirits move toward Nirvana.  Humans have not been on the Earth for very long. In the long view of things, all cultures have a great deal of work to do in moving towards equality for all. 

[Desert Strawberry]

How does being a Buddhist shape the way you live your life?

In every possible way.

 

At my core, I embrace honesty (inward and outward) and compassion. According to Buddha, we are all one being, not just connected, but truly all made of one body. How can I hate, fear, or judge someone who is a part of me? How can I not feel the joy, pain, sorrow, struggle, and contentment of another when there is no other? We are all in this together.

 

I n my daily experience, I strive to be present in the moment. Every movement, every word, every thought is prayer. With every breath, I search for joy. I don't always find it, but I am sure it is there. ;)

 

It's hard to give practical examples because I am just being myself. I don't try to be a good Buddhist through actions.for instance,I am vegetarian. That choice is influenced by my faith. But I am not vegetarian because it's right. I don't like meat. I don't want to eat it. Nothing extra holy about that.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I'm enjoying reading through this, Buddhism is something I've wanted to learn more about.

[Desert Strawberry]

Buddha did not believe in determinism or fate. He spoke strongly against divination. The paths of our lives are not predetermined.

 

However, Destiny is true and strong. Destiny comes with us from our past lives by Karma. Here is a good discussion of Destiny and karma.  Http://buddhistandmantra.blogspot.com/2012/03/concept-of-fate-in-buddhism.html I like his analogy of the seeds. 

I will personally take this one step further and say that I believe our destiny is revealed to us in small but meaningful bits through meditation. If I meditate on a question, I may receive an answer. This is a revelation of my karmic Destiny.

 

Which brings us to question number two.

I suppose that if I have a conflict with someone(including myself), I most examine the root of conflict. Am I being selfish and noncompassionate? Am I holding expectations for myself or the other person? Am I projecting feelings or motives on the other? Am I carrying an unmet need that I must find a suitable means of filling?

 

Once I find the root, the rest often falls away. It often comes down to "this is not a big deal".Or I am able to sort out what I really need and address that in a constructive manner.