My 8 year old is behind... discouraged!!

[TheRosySeven]

My son turned 8 last September. We've been homeschooling since he was five. To say the least homeschooling has been really hard!! For both of us. I'm extremely discouraged and I can see that he is as well. He doesn't like school, end of story. Phonics, reading, math, writing... it's all a struggle. And to top it off, he's behind. I just started the R&S phonics/reading program with him and it's too advanced. I had to bite the bullet and get the first grade program. I'm sad because I hear all these wonderful stories about how homeschoolers are so advanced and above all the public school leveled children that I feel like I'm failing him. His sister, who just turned 7 is doing the same (if not better) than he is. He is "supposed" to be in the third grade next year and is only doing first grade phonics/reading and just barely getting into second grade math. He's a super athletic boy and really the only time I see him happy is when he's outside on his skateboard or on the ball field. 

 

Anyway, rant over. Thanks for any advice or encouragement in advance.

[redsquirrel]

Have you considered that he might have some learning difficulties? Getting an evaluation might open up a world for you both. At the very least you would know if it is just a 'late bloomer' issue or if you are spinning your wheels for no good reason.

 

It might not be a matter of working harder, but finding out how to work in a way he can manage.

 

I would be very concerned if my third grader was falling that far behind.

[Arcadia]

 He's a super athletic boy and really the only time I see him happy is when he's outside on his skateboard or on the ball field. 

 

 How much time does he spend sitting down for "school"?  My 8 year old boy loves to walk while reading, wiggle while doing his math and talk while doing his grammar and vocabulary stuff.   Your son may just have boundless amount of physical energy he have to work off or he may not like the materials or he is a late bloomer or there is something else..

[Jilly]

He may just be a late bloomer. My oldest son was a very late bloomer and now he is my most academic child. At that age he primarily listened to audiobooks while he jumped on a trampoline, built Legos, made forts, and drew. He did some math and short language art lessons with Time4 Learning and the rest of his days were spent outside. This was his routine until he was 10. Then around 10 and a half, everything clicked for him and school became so much easier. He became a passionate reader and today he loves school. He was late compared to others but for him he was right where he needed to be.

 

Also worth thinking about is whether the curriculum you have is compatible with your son's learning style. Maybe you should have him evaluated or at the very least try to figure out the best way he learns. Does he like audiobooks? Watching videos? Hands-on projects? School can take many different forms and learning can happen in different ways for different kids. Don't worry too much if he hates school and struggles with the curriculum. It may be that it is not compatible to him and a change might help in a big way. 

 

It can be hard when you feel your child is getting behind but know that all kids learn at their own pace. Some are advanced, some right on target, some are slower to learn. Most kids get there in the end though, and even the ones who get there later end up roughly at the same point as everyone else. 

[Pen]

I'd look for learning difficulties such as dyslexia, etc. If he has such he may need special curriculum that fits his needs in order to be able to learn well.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I also have a child who was behind in reading, and early on the only reason he advanced in math is because he liked to count his money.  It took awhile before we realized he was dyslexic.  The curriculum and methods I was using couldn't have been a worse choice.  It took a couple of years but we've made big progress.  He's a very young 7th grader who's reading level is approaching 6th grade.  His penmanship is atrocious so he types or I scribe.  He learns best in short bursts and does best when we get the hard stuff out of the way first.  He also does better if I sit with him the entire time, he likes to co-study and discuss things.  So, if I were you I would call your local P.S. and see about having him tested, unless you have the funds to do it privately.  I would also take a step back and see what does work for him.  Try to include activity while learning (DS played with Lego's) I like to pace, DD does better when she listens to music.  Above all don't stress too much, he can and will catch up it just takes time, patience, and finding the right tools. 

[alisoncooks]

I can commiserate -- I have an almost-8 yr old (2nd grade) and she's been a struggling reader our whole homeschool career (since K).  It is hard not to 2nd guess the choices I've made, if I've done enough, if she would've been better served in public school....

 

R&S Phonics grade 1 is what got DD blending.  All of those sa/se/si/so/su drills are what got her started.  After a couple of months, the program started to move too quickly and we moved on to other things ... but it was a well-spent month, IMO.  Don't worry about the # on the front of the book.  I've started so many things back at the beginning with DD... and it's been necessary.

 

Dancing Bears was a game-changer for us.  Really helped DD's reading improve.  We don't use it exclusively now, but we did for 5-6 months and it really helped.

Recipe for Reading workbooks have been used here (we've been through book 3 and part of 4... I've already bought 5 and 6 to use...)

AAR was a total flop for us, but AAS1 has been good for DD as a review for skills she has just mastered in reading...

I See Sam books -- I like the later levels.  DD is using the BRI 3 books and they have filled such a void!  Harder than "phonics readers" but not as hard as Frog & Toad, which is totally intimidating for her.

 

Best of wishes!  It's hard for me to read about all the 3 and 4 yr olds who taught themselves to read and who are currently reading The Hobbit, LOL.... whilst my late-2nd grader can barely make it through Hop on Pop. :p  I just remind myself that I am raising a person, not fixing a problem. :)

[TheRosySeven]

I completely agree. All the over the top awesome scholastic homeschoolers make me wonder what the heck I'm doing wrong :) I'm going to keep doing what we're doing but slow it down a bit and really give him the time he needs. We've switched up so much that, at this point, I don't have the funds to get into anything else at the moment. He really like Character Sketches books so we use those constantly. And he LOVES his Action Bible. I'm hoping that as long as these things are a cool thing for him. He'll continue to love to read and try his best. It's the days that we're both discouraged about school that are the hardest. Thanks for all the encouragement and the ideas. I'm going to toss some around and move forward from here. 

[Tracy]

I would start by getting an evaluation.  You need to pin down where exactly he is having problems.

 

In the meantime, I would capitalize on his strengths.  Simplify all academics down to the bare minimum.  Do whatever you can to let him move while he is doing school (as in jumping while reciting multiplication tables, for example).  Let him have lots of time for physical play.  Give him lots of "manly" work to do around the house.  Let him get dirty.  

[CyndiLJ]

I can empathize with you.  For a wide variety of reasons, our kids are way behind.  The difference is that I have a built in excuse and it helps me not be as concerned...(Obvious documented and named learning disabilities, English language learners, suspected brain injury in one).  These boards can also be discouraging, as so many terrific success stories are read here, and less about "average" or even "lower than average" students.  I don't fault anyone for that, SWB's approach is rigorous and it works well for the right students, and this is the place for folks to share about it!

 

But truthfully, there are more of us out here struggling and doing the best that we can than you might realize.  I, for one, have 3 learners who will graduate at 20 or 21.  One will likely never be able to do more than basic math.  The thought of Algebra is a joke for her, when at 14 she still struggles with place value and can't subtract 400 from 1000 and come up with the correct answer in her head.  We're working on it, she is progressing, and she obviously has a disability with math as she rocks other subjects.  Another is 14 and without adaptive technology writes like he is in 3rd grade...barely.  Dysgraphia can be a pain in the patootie, and yet he is an accomplished young man in so many ways, and very driven.  Another...well...I can't list all the challenges he has, but he is growing and learning, and we have taken years to figure him out.

 

Its not a lot to brag about, but it IS the reason we are homeschooling!  We need to meet our kids where they are at in ways a public school classroom could never accommodate.  We also get to help them find their strengths, of which they have many, and use that to move them forward as well.

 

Your son may not be ready to learn at a higher academic level, he is only 8.  I know by this board's standards he seems way behind, but in many countries (including the ones our kids are from, hence one reason they are so behind), he might be just beginning school at 7 years old.  Your son is a kinesthetic learner from the sound of it, he lives more in his body than in his head.  This does NOT make him stupid, it means different things trigger learning for him.  He is not probably going to be a workbooky kid, which means you might want to try very different approaches with him.

 

Here are some thoughts:

 

1)  Buy one of those large inflatable balls for him to sit on and bounce on while doing school work.

2)  Teach the reading and phonics in more "touchy feely" ways...use shaving cream and let him write blends and digraphs in it, use the curriculum as a guide but then have him "Do" the work in more physical ways.

3)  Use magnetic letters on a cookie sheet and have him manipulate them rather than write the answers in a workbook

4)  As the above poster wrote, let him walk around while reading, bounce on the trampoline, etc.

5)  Have him write adventure stories about things he has just done outside...go to the park, play a bit, then sit at the picnic table and have him write a few sentences about what he just did.  Reward?  Sit and correct them and he can go play some more!

6)  Research kinesthetic learners and how to teach them.  Be more experiential with him, recognize learning happens in all sorts of ways.

7)  Will he sit through films?  Captivate him with history movies and short video clips.  Let YouTube become your friend.

8)  Will he use a computer?  Get him a typing program, the movement of using a keyboard (and he can keyboard standing up if he wants) might make things more engaging for him.

9)  Don't compare him to others.  He might grow up to be an Outward Bound Program Leader, a Mountain Climber, a River Rafting Expert!!!  Figure him out and teach TO him, not AT him.  Find his gifts, and work with them as creatively as possible.

10)  You are not a failure.  You have a different sort of learner and you are already on the road to figuring him out by even writing this post!!!  

 

It might be worth getting him tested, to discover if there are any learning disabilities involved or if this is merely a case of a kid who learns differently or is never going to be all that traditionally academic.  Maybe talk to a specialist and ask some questions, see if you see any thread that would lead you to spend the money on testing.

 

No two kids are alike, you already know that.  Your daughter is a more traditional learner, and you can look at her success and see you are not a failure.  You just have to figure out HOW to reach your son...and I have no doubt that your care and concern will lead you to the answers eventually.  In the meantime, hang in there, and know there are plenty of us who have felt (or even still feel!) exactly how you do.  Some of us have had a long road, and know how hard it can be with kids who don't fit the norm.

 

The important thing is...he can learn.  Your job, should you chose to accept it, is to find the  key to unlock it all for him.  And don't expect that key to look like a standard one, it might be an old skeleton key for all you know! Hahaha!  Best of luck and lots of hugs.

[Pen]

It can take a while to figure out how to get evaluations for possible learning challenges/disabilities and actually do them. If you start looking into that now and before you get to the point of appointments and testing being done, he has bloomed, you can always cancel them.

 

I was told "wait and see" and he is probably just a late bloomer etc. with my son, and it turned out not to be so. Several years were lost doing that where better approaches might have been used if I had known to look for dyslexia friendly material sooner.  In the meantime he got more and more discouraged about himself.

[Beth in Mint Hill]

He may just be a late bloomer. My oldest son was a very late bloomer and now he is my most academic child. At that age he primarily listened to audiobooks while he jumped on a trampoline, built Legos, made forts, and drew. He did some math and short language art lessons with Time4 Learning and the rest of his days were spent outside. This was his routine until he was 10. Then around 10 and a half, everything clicked for him and school became so much easier. He became a passionate reader and today he loves school. He was late compared to others but for him he was right where he needed to be.

 

This sounds exactly like our middle son! He is dyslexic. The best book I ever read was Better Late Than Early, and The Hurried Child. They confirmed my gut instinct to just wait, and do just a minimal amount of seat work. He loved listening to books, as long as there was a lego in his hand, and even though it looked as though he wasn't paying attention, his comprehension and recall of the story was fantastic.

 

When tested in those early years he was way behind where he was "supposed to be" in language arts, but when he discovered Tolkien at around age 12 he devoured the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy in a few days. Then after about age 16 he suddenly wanted to read all the classics he could. He has never become a fast reader, but he loves it! He absolutely *loved* (and still loves) the outdoors, and I believe that if I had forced him to sit at a desk with paper and pencil in those early years, for more than a few minutes at a time, he would be a drug addict or something. Instead he is about to graduate with a B.S. in Economics. His favorite reading now is The Economist and any classic! 

 

Please enjoy your 8yo--and don't compare him to others. It is a fallacy to assume that all children should read and write at a certain age. If he gets to 10-12 and can't read, then perhaps you have a problem! There are so many great, successful people who could not read until they were 12yo!

[North Coast School]

I just want to add some encouragement!  First of all--NO GUILT!!!  3rd grade is one of the main years that learning differences and disabilities become glaringly obvious.  You are taking note at just the right time.  Secondly, homeschooling is a great option for those of us with kids who learn at an unpredictable pace.

 

I have a struggling learner currently in 3rd grade.  We knew she was well behind after homeschooling her for K and 1 and put her in PS to find out if it would be a better fit.  She has been in PS for 2 years.  PS has been a mixed blessing.  They broke through many barriers with her reading differences/delays and provided free testing for LDs.  However, after 2 years, she is discouraged by being so far behind her peers and will be coming back home in the fall.  Her IEP does not really address all it needs to and we feel she will be better served one-on-one at homeschool.

 

Check out "Homeschooling your struggling Learner."  It's a great place to start!  Hang in there!

[Hottater]

Hugs! I love this thread.

[lifesadream83]

You need a signature line si I can see what you are using for curriculum lol...first I am going to say if you wanna get an eval go for it BUT might I suggest making a change. Don't talk about where you are or need to be. Invest in all about reading level 1. Why? because it is scripted right down to the point of including encouragement to the student and its hands on and it has games and because its awesome and I am sure the list goes on lol. Get right start math if your not already using it cause its hands on. Start the day with a card game of war or monopoly jr. Then get something fun like Galoping the Globe or Cantering the Country. If you are not christian don't do the bible and read secular books. This is fun! Have the kids pick where they want to travel, take a suitcase(basket) to the library annd get picture books, read alouds, videos from the recommended list. Make/ print all your worksheets for that place. Google it. Find out fun facts. Find something local to do. Have fun. It sounds like you all have lost the joy.

[Beth in Mint Hill]

PS!

...one of the best ways to develop the verbal skills of young students is to read great literature and poetry aloud.  Then discuss it... Discuss life and discuss nature!.....

 

The auditory input of beautifully developed words and sentences is powerful in developing the young mind. You don't have to overdo it, just balance your days with some peaceful time with words. 

[Spryte]

More encouragement for you... I have a 4th grader who is catching up by leaps and bounds.

 

We were struggling with reading here, and yet had had DS tested a year or so earlier to find that he was in very gifted range.  But we could see that his reading was stalling out in 3rd grade.  Every other area was good, as long as we did the work verbally (even math), but the moment he had to sit and read the work... trouble.  Especially in third grade, as the fonts became smaller, there were more words on the page, etc.  I went with the "he's a late bloomer" approach until the end of 3rd grade, when one day as we were reading aloud, he said, "Mom, I just can't do it today.  The words are running too much.  You know how they run?  Well, today they're doing it more than normal."  ...Nope, kiddo, I don't know how they run.  It was the first time he could articulate that the words were moving on the page for him, it was his normal!  ...So off to the developmental optometrist we went.  We are 8 months into vision therapy here and the difference is huge.  

 

I'm all for evaluations now.  :)  Since we had done all the other testing (tons of it) prior to this, we went straight to a developmental optometrist because I had a good idea what was happening, from reading posts here, watching videos, and talking to other moms.  Without that, I'd have gone for the full range of evaluations, and so many people here can help you with that... Listen to them.  They've been in the same place.

 

Once we figured out DS's issue, wow, the difference has been huge.  Just knowing, for him, has been a relief.  And he is like a sponge now, soaking everything in and catching up again faster than I'd have believed possible.

 

Good luck!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't like the description "behind" when it applies to what kids are doing in school.  Behind whom?  Kids learn at very different rates and have very different interests and abilities, especially when they are that young.  I have a kid who has been tested as "way ahead" in some areas, but "behind" in others.  I would recommend what others have said and have him tested for learning disabilities if you think there could be a problem.  Other than that, pick good quality materials and use them at his pace.  I also second the high quality read alouds.  

[TxMama]

I'm all for getting evaluations for struggling learners. Without this information, it is difficult to know how best to proceed. As you can tell from all the PPs, there are many different reasons why a child will struggle with learning.

 

With a proper identification of your child, you can choose the resources that will work best for your child. My child is dyslexic and ADHD-hyperactive. With this information I can choose a reading program that is researched-proven best practice for dyslexics and stop spending money on resources that don't work. We did a trial of medications to treat her ADHD and have found that medication is an important component of her educational plan. With the right program, my child has progressed over 2 reading levels since September. With the right medication, she can focus on school, which has greatly enhanced her overall success. I am so very thankful that I did not wait to see if she was just a "late-bloomer".

 

One very important factor for our kids who struggle is to keep their self-esteem intact. This is impossible when MOM or the kid is discouraged.  Proper identification can change the dialogue that leads to discouragement for mom or the child.

 

Instead of "I'm stupid because I can't read", my dd's dialogue is now "I am dyslexic, which is just a specific problem with reading which can be "fixed" with my reading program". For her it was important to realize that the problem was very specific ( translating symbols on the page to words) and not some sort of global deficiency in ability.

 

Best of luck!

 

 

[justamouse]

All of my kids are late bloomers. Totally OK with me. They are amazing once they bloom. 

I'm with Scrappy-behind who? Comparison will kill your peace. They only are who they are and they can't be anyone else. It's unfair to compare them. Just always be doing the best they can, and that's good. 

If anyone asks, just nod and smile. Pass the bean dip. Ask about how their new dog is. 

[FO4UR]

I understand.  I was exactly where you are just a few years ago.  He's 11 and is up reading past his bedtime right now.  Chin up. :grouphug:

 

 

Now....

 

He hates school:  Explore the LD possibilities!  Limit the time he is chained to the chair doing school.  (Oh, the agony!!! :svengo:  :lol: )  Then, b/c you are limiting school time, be BRUTAL about cutting any and all fluff.  Focus, like a laser beam, on ONE main skill (reading).  Cover writing and math, but pour out the good school time into reading...and keep it short and sweet.  Do this every.single.day. that he isn't vomiting or in the hospital.  Every day!

 

R&S is a solid program, but it's a time-intensive program, am I right?  I think that is a place to cut.  Focus on reading....which is not the same thing as phonics.  Phonics is important in any reading program, but these kids need a program that directs focus on the ACT of reading with phonics used as a tool.  I'd recommend Dancing Bears Fast Track for an 8yo who hates (struggles!!!) reading.  Fast Track lessons are 10 minutes daily.  Your 8yo can tough out 10 minutes.  You HAVE to do it daily!  Monday-Saturday. READ the instructions for the teacher 3x, and follow them!!!  It's only 10 minutes, so it can just go on par with tooth brushing.  The first pages start with CVC words, but start there.  You may uncover some problems you don't see right now.

 

(When we started Fast Track, my ds was so horribly discouraged about reading that I gave him a small candy for every line attempted.  Half way through the book he was so excited to be reading that he didn't need the candy.)

 

For writing, I would cut whatever you are doing.  Focus on handwriting.  Use words from his Fast Track lessons to copy for handwriting practice.  Have him copy simple sentences from favorite books.  He should write something daily, but this is not the focus this year.  Writing is there to feed the reading lessons and to maintain the physical fine motor skills.  Know that next year he will be reading (hopefully) and then you will buckle down on writing.

 

 

Math is a different monster altogether. I'm going to give advice from my experience with my ds, and it may or may not fit yours.  If he has trouble reading/writing, then he will have trouble with *reading* the directions in his math book, and *writing* down his answers in acceptable form.  The focus this year is READING, so we are going to let some things slide in math...mainly the reading/writing portions that drain his energy.  Math lessons can be done orally and on a big white board, and you can utilize Khan Academy (highly recommended!).  I'd bet my lunch that he can *do* math at a much higher level than the worksheets that he struggles to complete.  Let the worksheet part of math go.  Reading is the focus this year, and writing is next year, and then it will be putting math to paper.  Yes, if he has to take a test, he won't show what he can do unless you have him Dx with an LD.  BUT, the goal is to keep him progressing in math without frustration...without draining him completely so he has nothing left to give reading.  Once he's reading, math will come easier too.  (And if you keep math up with oral and hands-on work he won't fall behind really.  He might even skip through some areas faster than fast.)

 

I'd recommend getting Kitchen Table Math.  It's a 3 book set from the Art of Problem Solving people.  You can use his current math book too, but use the lessons in KTM to actually teach and do most of the work orally and//or on a big white board.  I will mark in the wb "on the board" or "oral work" so I have a record that we did those exercises.

 

 

 

The rest of school can (should) be delight-driven.  History and science can be all read aloud and hands-on.  Ask for oral narrations daily.  He needs to be able to *tell* what he knows.  Narrations don't need to be quiz-like or schoolish.  They can simply be telling Daddy about the book we read together today.  Narrating will translate directly into his writing...which is coming soon.  Keep him talking.

 

Skateboards and ball can fill the rest of his day.  

 

 

 

 

Oh, and use the R&S with your dd if it works for her.  Do NOT allow comparisons between the two to fester.  We all have things we enjoy and things we struggle with.  No big deal.  Poke fun of your sibling, and mommy will eat you for lunch.  Using different programs for the two kids can be a good way to avoid some of the ugly stuff that can happen when the younger begins to outpace the older.  (Tell me about it!  dd9 was reading Little House on the Praire at 5yo and her (then) 7yo brother couldn't read a lick.  No matter how hard I tried to avoid it, ugly feelings surfaced.  Thus the candy for the Fast Track work.)

 

HTH

 

[Pen]

Don't know if OP is still here and reading, but some other possibilities would be to go to the Barton website and do their online screening for dyslexia--it is not the same as a good formal evaluation, but might give some info and is free and there is no obligation to then go with Barton even if it does seem he needs some program suited to dyslexia and dysgraphia. Since there are a lot of other possible things that could be going on besides just late blooming in a way that will sort itself out in a few years without any special program etc., OP could also do some reading such as The Mislabeled Child and see if anything seems to resonate as fitting her son.

[MerryAtHope]

The truth is that many children struggle with learning to read. You are definitely not alone. Both of mine struggled, and both enjoy reading today--you really can make great progress! So no, not all homeschoolers are advanced--some are right "at level" and some are "behind." Hang in there! Here's a free webinar you might find helpful: How to Make Sure Your Child Is Not Among the 34% That Struggle with Reading.

[RemsMom]

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