amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 My dd is biracial. She's 13 now and really needs someone with experience to help me with her hair. My father's wife sometimes takes her to a curly hair salon, but I don't think that's enough anymore. I'd like to take her to a black salon. How do I ask when I call around? I don't want to go somewhere with a single stylist that can handle her. I want her to feel completely included. I want a bunch of black stylists who know and understand what she's going through with her poor head! Lol. I'd also like for them to not push relaxing or anything like that. Her hair is gorgeous and I want to keep it completely natural. Please excuse anything worded poorly. That's why I'm asking before making calls! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I think it's like any salon, a good reference is helpful. Do you know anyone, even casually, in your community with similar hair? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 I don't. When we moved here, I didn't realize how extremely white this area was! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Are there any African American churches in your area? You could possibly talk to the pastor's wife there and get some good references. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Does your area have yelp.com? You can read about hair salons there. You could also ask others with similar hair where they go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 None that I know of. I know there's nothing very local. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 There's one right by me, but I think it's a pretty big hike for you. I don't seem to remember where your move took you. You can feel free to PM me if you want the link! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Just google "black hair salons". I just did that for my town and quite a few popped up. Then call and talk to them. Otherwise ask someone - you won't offend anyone by asking for a salon referral. Then call and talk to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I think you are correct to take her to a place with more than one stylist to help her. You might have to leave town to do it. Have you seen any other African American women in town? Because it would not be odd to ask directly for help. I think saying to someone, "excuse me, I just moved to town and my daughter has hair like yours and we need to find her a hair place. Your hair is just so lovely that I was thinking maybe you could tell me where you get it done." I think you can let the establishment know when you get there that you want her hair to stay natural. If you haven't seen any one, then your best bet will be to go to a different or bigger town. Or you could just ask at any salon in town if they know of a place that mostly serves the African American community. Again, from my experience, this isn't an unusual request. Or, if there is a Sally's beauty supply they would know. They know most everything on that topic in town. There might be a woman who is working out of her home etc, but Sally's might know how to contact her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thanks everyone. I googled and only got results about 1.5 hours away. The one black woman I know in town goes to NY. Our town is very summer busy. When we moved here, it looked very normal and diverse. After the county fair, all the diversity goes home. It was sad our first September here! I'll call the closer-than-NY salons and start asking. Dd is going to NYC this weekend and I asked my father if they would just go to a black, not curly, salon, and he just insisted that the place they go to is great. I'll try to get him to do the "proper" salon or none and just give dd the money to go more local. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwallowTail Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Does she have curly hair that she wants to embrace? If so, a "black" salon is likely to be one that engages in a lot of hair shaming, unless they emphasize the new trend to be more natural. I would look for a curly salon or stylist, unless she wants to straighten. (If she is wanting to straighten, I might examine why and see how she would respond to trying another way for a while first.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Try Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/?m=0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NCMom Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Does she have curly hair that she wants to embrace? If so, a "black" salon is likely to be one that engages in a lot of hair shaming, unless they emphasize the new trend to be more natural. I would look for a curly salon or stylist, unless she wants to straighten. (If she is wanting to straighten, I might examine why and see how she would respond to trying another way for a while first.) This has been our experience, BUT, even if they embrace natural hair, they may use a lot of petroleum based products, etc. that my girls don't want to use and that don't work on their hair anyway. White and black salons were both an epic fail for us. Basically the only place we have ever gotten them good hair care was from a salon (an hour away) with Deva Curl trained stylists. And even then we went through a few before they found one that really got bi-racial hair. Then she moved. :glare: For my two, they had to figure out their day-to-day hair for themselves, and about a million youtube videos and websites later, they have mostly gotten it down. lol One has hair (between 4a & 4b) that is literally relentlessly curly. Think afro... The other is much less curly, more like ringlets and is a 3b. What they do each day is different, as are the products they use. I would really look for someone who was either Deva Curl trained or who does a LOT of business with curly girl clients. Note: do not think that a stylist with curly hair can do curly hair no matter what she says, lol. DD18's WORST salon experience ever was with a gal who had beautiful naturally curly hair, but she was trained old school...uugh! hth, Georgia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TarynB Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Does she have curly hair that she wants to embrace? If so, a "black" salon is likely to be one that engages in a lot of hair shaming, unless they emphasize the new trend to be more natural. I would look for a curly salon or stylist, unless she wants to straighten. (If she is wanting to straighten, I might examine why and see how she would respond to trying another way for a while first.) Totally agree. Also, the right products are just as important as a good cut. I highly recommend this website for learning more: naturallycurly.com Armed with the info on this website, I'm more knowledgeable about curly hair products and cuts than nearly all of the stylists I've ever encountered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Curly hair is different from black curly, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TarynB Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Curly hair is different from black curly, right? Not necessarily. Its all variations of the same thing to a degree. The pertinent individual factors are: curl pattern, porosity, density, width and length. You can learn all about it here: http://www.naturallycurly.com/texture-typing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Curly hair is different from black curly, right?It's a spectrum thing. You've got your Afro, your Jewfro, your Little Orpan Annie-fro . . . If you want to embrace natural curls, you are better off going to someone who loves and respects curls more than they push current styles. This is why you see out a curl specialist wherever she's working. It may be in a black or white hair place . . . and she may move and force you to stalk him/her. If your parents are hauling your child to the Devacurl place in NYC and footing the bill, I wouldn't interfere with that scenario. However, you do have to have an inkling of what you want and it has to be something that can be done with your hair type. They can't read minds or do actual magic. I don't know my personality type letters, but I know that my hair is a 3b :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 I checked out that site, thank you! I think she's 4a. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thanks, Panda. I don't want anything more than a trim and a good conditioner. I'm going to do her hair tonight so it's not so knotted when she gets it done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thanks, Panda. I don't want anything more than a trim and a good conditioner. I'm going to do her hair tonight so it's not so knotted when she gets it done. Make sure when she goes in that the hair has dried in its natural shape. You don't want any styling or tight updos to interfere with the stylist seeing the natural curl pattern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Note: do not think that a stylist with curly hair can do curly hair no matter what she says, lol. DD18's WORST salon experience ever was with a gal who had beautiful naturally curly hair, but she was trained old school...uugh! hth, Georgia I've made that mistake! You need her STYLIST not her doing your daughter's hair. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 She hates the way other people deal with her knots. I was going to put it in pigtails so when it's taken out it's not so knotty. Can I send her knot-free but with a picture of what it usually does? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I wonder if hooking your daughter up with the community at Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care wouldn't be a better idea than taking her to a black salon. Internalized hair hate is huge in the black community, and 13 is just the age when kids of color are trying to figure out what it means to be black and in the process will try on anything the larger culture says means "black" without a lot of strength or thoughtfulness about how they as individuals want to represent. There's also an argument that girls need to know their own culture, self-hate and all, and it's not fair and even kind of gross to talk about functionally protecting her from other black-haired girls and women. And I totally feel for that, but if it was my kid I would hold out for the hair-positive older black ladies. There are blogs and a forum and a newsletter at Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care, and I am sure the moms there would have ideas for blogs from a positive perspective that your daughter could read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I used to go to a DevaCurl curly hair salon in Manhttan, Devachan, down in Soho. (My hairdresser was there-- I know zip about curly hair.) I googled Deva Curl, as someone else suggested, and found quite a number of places in NYC suburbs. The Deva products are very gentle and natural. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 She hates the way other people deal with her knots. I was going to put it in pigtails so when it's taken out it's not so knotty. Can I send her knot-free but with a picture of what it usually does? They usually cut the hair dry, so they need to be able to see how it falls as they cut. Thus why you leave it in it's natural shape before going in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 That chocolate hair vanilla care site looks great! I'll poke around there a bit more. I definitely want her to love her hair naturally. I don't think we have ever gone somewhere where she didn't get positive hair comments. She loves it! But it's just so hard to manage. My February goal is to learn to braid a bit. The best I can do right now is a basic braid in pigtails. She doesn't like leaving braids in very long because it gets itchy. I'm thinking my friend might not be using the best stuff when she braids. Off to read... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 She hates the way other people deal with her knots. I was going to put it in pigtails so when it's taken out it's not so knotty. Can I send her knot-free but with a picture of what it usually does?Nooooooo! The stylist needs to see and touch the hair how it naturally falls. She's going to cut it based upon how the hair 'behaves' on its own. For instance, my hair has some curls in the back that are tighter than others. If you wet my hair and cut it straight across in the back, it will ALWAYS look crooked once it dries. If i do anything to stretch out that natural curl (by braiding or putting it up) the stylist sees the hair in an unnatural state and can't possible know how it normally falls. They can't work off a photo because they'll cut the individual curl clusters while they're dry and THEN they will wash and style the hair. You CAN condition the hair, let it dry, then gather it very loosely in a scrunchy on top of her head for sleeping so the curls aren't disturbed. They should look OK for going to the salon the next morning. They should have told you all of this when you booked the appointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thank you! My father said it's not a curly salon. It's an everything salon. He says they'll wash, condition, trim. It doesn't need to be washed... But whatever. As long as it's only a tiny trim, I don't care. I'll fix it Sunday when she comes home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 I didn't make the appt. :( I have no idea where they're even going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmmiSays Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 If finding a stylist is challenging you will most likely have to learn to do her hair and teach her in the process. Although we are black, my children's hair is similar to biracial hair so these sites have been very helpful to me. To learn to braid go here www.braidsbeyondsbeyond.blogspot.com- very impressive, step by step, birarcial hair plus steps on hair care. For natural hair care for curly biracial hair go here www.curlynikki.com for styling products, really look at www.mixedchicks.net, this was started by 2 women who have mixed hair. Check out the scrolling picture of the before and after child on the front page. pinterest really has a lot of good stuff for biracial hair care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NCMom Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thank you! My father said it's not a curly salon. It's an everything salon. He says they'll wash, condition, trim. It doesn't need to be washed... But whatever. As long as it's only a tiny trim, I don't care. I'll fix it Sunday when she comes home. A really good curly girl cut looks more like this. Go in natural, stylist spends time talking about your lifestyle, what you want, what you do/don't do currently and spends time looking at and feeling (lol) the hair. At that point, most places will have an option to have the stylist do a Deva Curl style thing, where she uses the products (not all were Deva products for us) and styles the hair whilst both teaching and learning from the the curly girl as they explore what/how/why. They may experiment together for the rest of the appt. Then, back for the cut. Again au naturel... The cut is done DRY. This is an absolute, positive must. If the stylist won't do it dry, then he/she is not a curly girl stylist. Then, and only then, they wet the hair (my gals do not ever, ever, ever shampoo), and condition/use product/style/what have you. Surely in NYC there must be a lot of choices? Maybe next time? I would involve her heavily in the research as you look into hair care. She has to buy in or it is all for naught. Ask me how I know...lol DD18 was 15 :lol: before she got it. Youngest DD was 8. LOL It takes a lot of experimentation to find the products and techniques that work for you! hth, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thanks again! The whole product thing is a killer. We have a decent routine for warm weather, but not yet winter. Then my father is forever sending her stuff and expecting it to be used. A lot of stuff sent feels like crap in her hair. I'm going to try the pre-poo thing and see how that works. We don't like the way olive oil feels, but coconut is great. In one of my other hair threads other oils were recommended and I'm going to try them. I think that if I learned to braid and could actually do her hair, all this would be much easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I didn't make the appt. :( I have no idea where they're even going. Not for anything, but you're her mom. You have every right to know where they are taking her, and you also have final veto power over whether or not to allow her to get her hair cut at that particular salon. If you have any doubts about the place, just say no, and take her to a place of your choice. Sure, you'll have to pay for it, but it will be far better than your dd ending up with a disastrous haircut. Find out where they're taking her and do some research on the salon. Also, call and speak with the stylist she will be seeing. Is there any reason why you can't go to the appointment with them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Cat- in theory I know everything you said is correct. But I'd rather not rock the boat with them. Dd is spending the weekend in NYC for her 13th birthday. My father's wife has taken her for cuts before and it's never been terrible. Short, yes, but never really bad. I will make sure that dd knows to speak up because it's her hair. I can't go with her because I have no one to watch ds for that long. It's a 3 hour drive. So 6 hours plus the salon. My father understands that this is to be a trim for her dead ends only. Nothing more! I'm actually more concerned with the amount of makeup and devices she'll be coming home with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I'd go to CityData.com to your city's forum -- and ask for a recommendation on there. I've gotten so much help from my city's forum! Good luck! Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 As you know, female AA hair is complicated. Socially, politically, culturally and even spiritually. Readers might enjoy: http://m.imdb.com/title/tt1213585/ The expectation of straightening AA hair is strong. I knew a bit about. A few years ago, I worked at a library with a fellow student. She was AA and had decided to go natural. A lot of our other student were AA. She told me what to expect in terms of the reaction. I was still not prepared! The visceral reaction of the (mostly) wen was stunning. These were masters level students! If natural is a value of your dd, be select where you get her services to protect her choices. On a much less complicated level, I understand. People always want to straighten my hair. I remember being at a premium salon years ago. Spent the time talking about how I fought the curls for decades, and finally happily embraced them. That I loved having long curly hair. At the end, the stylist, completely serious asked if I wanted her to blow dry the curls out "for a change". The bias against curls is a weird esteem shaping evil. I like the part of the curly girl book that features the story of a woman who went to the rap and the therapist suggested her mother played a part in her adult dysfunction and lack of happiness. The woman knew it was having curls in a straight preferred world. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Is there anything wrong with keep a teen's hair braided? When her hair is left out, it gets insane birds nest looking knots within a day! The trim should help this. Everything I come across is about cute little girl styles or free flowing women. I don't see much for teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmmiSays Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 There is nothing wrong within African American community/culture to have your hair braided, no matter what age. Every teen and tween I know goes to an African braiding shop about once a month to get their hair braided or twisted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 There is nothing wrong within African American community/culture to have your hair braided, no matter what age. Every teen and tween I know goes to an African braiding shop about once a month to get their hair braided or twisted. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 We once had a beautiful 9 year old foster girl whose mother was 1/2 Native and 1/2 Portuguese and the father was Native American. She was a such a neat little girl but no one had done her hair in a long time. It was my first experience with that type of hair so I took her to a larger city near by with a larger African American population and went to Sally's Beauty Supply and said HELP. They set us up with product, told me what to do, a bead set, etc. By the time she left I had her hair in cute little braids with beads, etc.----that was the style then for her age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Check out this website http://www.naturallycurly.com/ The website also has a Deva Curl stylist list Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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