The hard question to ask here… how do you when it's time to be done (homeschooling)?

[Janie Grace]

I don't mean when another option would be best for your kids, though I guess indirectly, that's accurate too. I mean, how do you know when you just don't have it in you anymore?

 

I've been homeschooling for nine and a half years. I have five children. During our homeschooling journey, I have always had someone in diapers and have moved four times. My oldest two children are at brick-and-mortar schools now because I didn't feel I could adequately challenge them at home and I/they were ready for them to have interaction with a variety of teachers and other students. For both of them, the transition has been great. They are completely thriving (7th and 9th grades). I drive more than I used to, but it's a relief to have their education off my plate. 

 

I still homeschool three -- a learning disabled 5th grader, a 1st grader and a preschooler. I am having SUCH a hard time finding any motivation or joy in it. 

 

I never wanted to be a teacher (I wasn't one of those kids who played school, ever). I had my first baby at 23 because we were QF (aren't anymore). The church community we were in strongly encouraged homeschooling because of discipleship/sheltering reasons. I took to it because I'm relatively intelligent, organized, a lover of research and I enjoy engaging with my children. Nine years later, however, I feel over it. I dread doing school. I feel like I'm just standing there making sure they do their worksheets and co-op homework but internally, I want to be doing anything BUT homeschool. I am really sad that I have lost my passion for this, but I have and I don't know what to do. Part of it is probably my LD son. I feel at a loss for how to teach him effectively; it's like banging my head against the wall. I just feel like I don't have the tools to get through to him. And also, because they do their history and science at co-op, I really only teach the "skill" stuff like spelling and math and phonics… I think I miss the creativity that comes with actually teaching content. At the same time, the idea of planning unit studies and corresponding field trips like I used to completely lacks appeal now. I guess it boils down to… I just don't *want* to anymore. I'm exhausted. 

 

I am a very responsibility-driven, typical firstborn kind of person. I have sucked it up and done this for a very long time, because good people do what's best for their kids even if they don't particularly enjoy it. It's called being a parent. But as I see my older kids thrive in school, I have started to wonder if this is really the only good way to educate a child (esp if you're not into it… i am sure my lack of enthusiasm impacts them). I am so sad about this… fighting tears as I write it. It feels like failing to consider bailing on homeschooling. But I'm afraid I will completely lose myself and resent these years if I go on this way.

 

Can anyone relate? What would you advise me to do? 

[Flowing Brook]

I can't really tell you what to do. I just wanted to comment on your feeling like a failure.  There are no rules that said folks that decide not to home school are failures.  You sound like a wonderful mother that's looking for the best option for her kids. Sometimes home school is the best sometimes brick and mortar.  You could always try B&M if it does not work out maybe bring them back home after a year and you will feel more rested.  :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Momling]

I would explore other options. You could always pull kids out and homeschool if it turns out that that was the right thing to do. But perhaps they'll thrive in public school. I'd give it a try.

[Janie Grace]

Here is my advice, which is worth about what you paid for it. Take the next period of time (you choose the length -- 3 months or less) and jot private notes about what you're feeling about it. It can be as simple as a "Yes" (to keep homeschooling0 or "No" for each date. At the end of that time re-evaluate. You could start with putting your 5th grader in school, since that seems to be where a lot of the difficulty lies. See how that works and keep the younger two home until the end of the year, continuing to record in your journal how you feel about homeschooling them. Give yourself some time to ponder this. If at the end of that time you are still feeling like you're done, put the younger two in school as well. You are not a failure. To everything there is a season. Perhaps you are entering a new season.

 

Feel free to disregard the above. Hugs to you.

I appreciate your thoughts and I think keeping track is a good idea. I did have a  moment of "awww, I'm so glad I can do this" the other day when they were all doing a wooden puzzle together on the floor, the 10yo encouraging and helping the younger ones. It was sweet and I thought, "this would be so rare if they were in school all day." But MOST of the time, I just fighting for motivation to get through the day.

 

Could you really put a kid into school in early March? That seems like there would be no point. The schools here finish by the end of May. I was thinking more about next year, but that's probably because I've never been a change-midstream kind of person...

[Janie Grace]

I can't really tell you what to do. I just wanted to comment on your feeling like a failure.  There are no rules that said folks that decide not to home school are failures.  You sound like a wonderful mother that's looking for the best option for her kids. Sometimes home school is the best sometimes brick and mortar.  You could always try B&M if it does not work out maybe bring them back home after a year and you will feel more rested.  :grouphug: :grouphug:

Thank you so much for the gracious encouragement. 

[idnib]

I think I would start by putting the 5th grader into school for the rest of the year. Then re-evaluate after working with just the two remaining kids. Then put another in school if you think it's best.

 

You can always pull them back out. It's not a commitment, it's a trial.

[Janie Grace]

I think I would start by putting the 5th grader into school for the rest of the year. Then re-evaluate after working with just the two remaining kids. Then put another in school if you think it's best.

 

You can always pull them back out. It's not a commitment, it's a trial.

I may do that. Wow. I haven't really considered the next concrete step. I am worried that he'll feel it's a rejection of him. He knows he has a hard time learning; I really don't want to feel that I'm "over it", YKWIM? :(

[Cera]

If you start preparing now you can be ready to put your 5th grader in school for the second semester (after christmas).  Start talking to him about how great it will be to try school out and how good it has been for his older siblings.  If it doesn't work you can always bring him home in the fall (and perhaps you will be rested and want to bring him home then anyway). 

 

There is nothing wrong with changing your path to accomodate your own needs.  Your kids won't be happy if you aren't happy.

[PrincessMommy]

I don't mean when another option would be best for your kids, though I guess indirectly, that's accurate too. I mean, how do you know when you just don't have it in you anymore?

 

I've been homeschooling for nine and a half years. I have five children. During our homeschooling journey, I have always had someone in diapers and have moved four times. My oldest two children are at brick-and-mortar schools now because I didn't feel I could adequately challenge them at home and I/they were ready for them to have interaction with a variety of teachers and other students. For both of them, the transition has been great. They are completely thriving (7th and 9th grades). I drive more than I used to, but it's a relief to have their education off my plate. 

 

I still homeschool three -- a learning disabled 5th grader, a 1st grader and a preschooler. I am having SUCH a hard time finding any motivation or joy in it. 

 

I never wanted to be a teacher (I wasn't one of those kids who played school, ever). I had my first baby at 23 because we were QF (aren't anymore). The church community we were in strongly encouraged homeschooling because of discipleship/sheltering reasons. I took to it because I'm relatively intelligent, organized, a lover of research and I enjoy engaging with my children. Nine years later, however, I feel over it. I dread doing school. I feel like I'm just standing there making sure they do their worksheets and co-op homework but internally, I want to be doing anything BUT homeschool. I am really sad that I have lost my passion for this, but I have and I don't know what to do. Part of it is probably my LD son. I feel at a loss for how to teach him effectively; it's like banging my head against the wall. I just feel like I don't have the tools to get through to him. And also, because they do their history and science at co-op, I really only teach the "skill" stuff like spelling and math and phonics… I think I miss the creativity that comes with actually teaching content. At the same time, the idea of planning unit studies and corresponding field trips like I used to completely lacks appeal now. I guess it boils down to… I just don't *want* to anymore. I'm exhausted. 

 

I am a very responsibility-driven, typical firstborn kind of person. I have sucked it up and done this for a very long time, because good people do what's best for their kids even if they don't particularly enjoy it. It's called being a parent. But as I see my older kids thrive in school, I have started to wonder if this is really the only good way to educate a child (esp if you're not into it… i am sure my lack of enthusiasm impacts them). I am so sad about this… fighting tears as I write it. It feels like failing to consider bailing on homeschooling. But I'm afraid I will completely lose myself and resent these years if I go on this way.

 

Can anyone relate? What would you advise me to do? 

 

I can relate.  I hsed long after the fire had gone out of my belly.  It was more a chore than anything.   If you don't want to do it anymore, then don't do it. It does not mean you've failed...it means you've retired and moved on.    My goal as a parent is to do the best for them, but it is also to have a good relationship with my kids long after they stopped hsing.  If hsing was part of that-  then great! but if not, the relationship trumped being a homeschooler.  I had one child who was like oil and water with me.  She was my first to go to a private school.  It was the best thing I ever did for our relationship.  She got a fine education at the private school we sent her too - it wasn't great, but it was fine.  It was probably better than if I'd forced myself to keep her home (there were LD issues going on too). 

 

When my 5th child asked if she could go to school we worked for 2 years to bring her up to speed (she also had LD issues) so she could go to high school.  She is thriving!   Since our 6th is 5.5yrs younger we felt it was best to put him in school.  Being used to having siblings around, but several heading off to college, we knew he'd be bored being an only at home.  Besides my heart wasn't in it anymore and I wasn't giving him what he needed educationally.   It was just what we felt was/is better for him - and I was very ready.   

 

I miss having my kids around with me during the day.  I enjoy their company.  And while I do sometimes miss read-aloud time with them,  I don't miss homeschooling. 

[PrincessMommy]

I may do that. Wow. I haven't really considered the next concrete step. I am worried that he'll feel it's a rejection of him. He knows he has a hard time learning; I really don't want to feel that I'm "over it", YKWIM? :(

 

I get that.  I worried about that too with my daughter because we already had such difficult times together.  But, I was honest with her and we worked together towards getting her into school.   I was honest and said I didn't feel like I could do a good job and that we wanted to find the best school to meet her needs.   She got it.  She already had serious self-esteem and anxiety issues because of her LD, but she was ready for the change too.  She was scared.  It wasn't easy those first few times.... like jumping off a cliff... it's scary if it's something new for kids.    :grouphug:

[Amira]

I realized this year that homeschooling had to be different this year or I couldn't keep doing it. So the 5yo is in school, the 14yo is doing an online high school, and the 12yo is almost entirely independent. I just don't have it in me to do more than that this year and I spend very little time on schooling any of our boys.

 

We've always taken homeschooling a year at a time. I don't know what we'll do next year. But I needed the break this year and it's mostly okay, although sometimes I feel rotten about not being able to do more. But if it's working for everyone, and it seems to be, then it's a reasonable plan.

 

There are so many good ways you can meet your children's educational needs.

[Cinder]

:grouphug:   I too am wondering. I currently have only one at home but I sometimes feel like I'm done. Only I don't think dd would do well at school. Too many people. And she needs significant down time to do her own thing. At this point dh and I have not seriously considered alternatives.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

We take it one year at a time. While I do have an extended plan for the oldest since he is almost in high school, I evaluate what works each year.

 

It is okay to be done.

 

It is okay to put a child in school mid year, it might give them a chance to get to know the system before starting a full year next year.

 

It is okay to pull a kid back out of school if you change your mind and decide homeschooling is what you want to do.

 

It is okay to just plain take some time off, play and have fun and let the academics go for a bit.

 

Be honest with your kids. Explain that home schooling isn't working (for whatever reasons) and that school might be the ideal option at this time, or not if that is what you decide.

 

Many kids thrive in brick and mortar schools. 

 

 

[Amy in NH]

Sounds like you're burnt out and need to shift gears.  Stop doing the book work for a while and focus on the learning that does bring you joy.

[Tiramisu]

I put one in school in January three years ago, right after Christmas break. Looking back, it was exactly this time of year as I was working through it all as you are now, though the issues had been going on for years. I made the final decision very early in December so she could visit the school ahead of time and know what to expect. They were very welcoming and made it a happy occasion for her. They also listened seriously to my input about what type of teacher I thought would be good for her, and did every year after that, as a matter of fact.

 

I'd consider sending your ds first. I say this since I can relate to some of what you might be going through. After that, give it some time and re-evaluate. 

 

I understand your concerns about his perception of being sent to school. As much as dd wanted to go to school, I know part of dd thought I was getting rid of her because she was "bad." But we emphasized and continued to remind her and our other dc that we really wanted her to be happy--it was obvious to all of us that she wasn't--and a big part of her unhappiness had to do with hsing just not being the best fit for her. Maybe you could use this strategy with your ds. Explain that you want him to be happy and have the best opportunity to learn, and that this is something worth trying because you love him and want the best for him.

 

I can't make light of this decision. It was so hard.

 

I'm actually facing all of this again but not in such difficult circumstances. My eighth grader will probably go to high school next year. She's been happy and successful hs'er but she could benefit from the academic opportunities and the chance to meet new friends. And, honestly, I didn't have any fun hsing high school the last time around, so because school was such a good experience for my other dd and I have a good high school option, I am very open to the idea.

 

I wish you the best. 

[lmrich]

It is ok to be done. Life is full of seasons. Get ready to enjoy the next one.

[flyingiguana]

If I were in your shoes I'd:

 

Consider just putting the 5th grader into school on a trial basis right now.  Sounds like he has needs that it's difficult for you to meet.  He might conceivably do better in another setting.  Or maybe he'd have fun with a half year "break" in school just to see what it's like.  He might want to come back home in the fall refreshed.

 

Or unschool all 3 for awhile.  When I can't take it anymore, we just hang.  The kids have always found things to keep them occupied.  Even their worst activities (surfing the web and playing computer games) have resulted in surprising educational gains.  We've taken off whole semesters this way.  I didn't notice much difference in their educational development.  (And one is now doing very well in college and the other getting accepted to all colleges that she's applying to.  They were home all through high school, with me not being always the best teacher.  You don't have to be stellar.  Part of homeschooling is just giving them the space to teach themselves.)

 

If you still feel this way come late summer, then go ahead and put them into school and see how it goes.  A lot of kids love it.  Maybe some of yours will too.  Maybe you'll only have one or two who would rather come home in a year, and maybe that will be more doable for you.

 

But if I were where you are right now, I'd just back off and not make a quick decision.  Sounds like you, at least, need a breather.  I'd go on walks and pick up a hobby -- maybe something the kids could be involved in if you're up for that.  Or not, if you're not.

 

And I'd talk to the kids about what they want -- at least the 5th grader.  If they're excited about going to school and you're looking forward to some time alone, sure, enroll them. 

 

The important thing is for everyone to be happy about the choices, not to keep homeschooling just because someone outside your family thinks it's better.  Might be better for their family.  Might not be for yours.

 

 

 

Adding:

But consider that maybe the answer is not to stop homeschooling -- you may really enjoy having the kids home for this.  The answer may be to change how you do things.

 

I have to admit, I've never been much of a planner.  Other than making sure my kids had basic skills like reading and writing and math, things here have never looked much like school.  I gave up on all those niceties like spelling and grammar and worksheets and fancy science experiments and unit studies a long, long time ago.  They're really time consuming and didn't produce much learning for us -- least not for the time I had to put into them.

 

We've watched a LOT of TV.  And a lot of it has done a much better job at teaching history and science than I could have managed with worksheets and such.  The trick is picking the right programs.  We've also read aloud a lot.  And we all read the same books alone so we can discuss them.  An awful lot of grammar school education can be literature based.  And it can be all over the map.  If a kid just wants to read series books for awhile (baby sitters club, magic tree house, or whatever) that's really ok.  They do pick up things from those books, and it is reading practice.  At least most of the words in those books are spelled right, so the kids pick up how things ought to look and what capitalization is for and all that.  My kids learned those things a lot better by absorption than direct instruction.  Although I did encourage them to write, just so I could look at their mechanics and see what needed fixing.  I found, though, that assigned writing was usually the kiss of death.  Exchanging emails back and forth was great though.  Not only did we talk more, and they got more writing practice, I could see how things stood with their writing.

 

About the only thing I was really formal about during the grammar school years was math.  And even that we took big breaks from if it looked like the kids just hadn't hit the next maturity level so they could go on.

 

Once we hit high school I got a bit more involved in the science as well.

 

[Miss Mousie]

Part of it is probably my LD son. I feel at a loss for how to teach him effectively; it's like banging my head against the wall. I just feel like I don't have the tools to get through to him. 

 

Just to address this part.... Why don't you call a couple local schools and ask how *they* would handle your son's difficulties?

 

I'm thinking: (1) you'll get some ideas that you can try; or (2) you'll find that they aren't doing anything you're not already doing, and it's just the nature of his difficulties; or (3) you'll feel confident that someone else "gets" him and can help him walk forward successfully.

 

If nothing else, maybe the calls will allow you to vent some of your fretting and frustration so it isn't swirling around only in your head.  :grouphug:

 

[kubiac]

My mom raised two LD boys and I think she would say that the best thing that ever happened for our family, educationally, was finding the right school for them and being able to trust that the school was gonna handle it. Especially with the older of the two, the parent-child mutual frustration was traumatic for both. Having an escape hatch was necessary and wonderful.

[Alenee]

I have a 9th grader is ps now and two still at home. I desperately want to send them to ps too but the middle one would crash and burn. The youngest would do a fine job I think, but that would leave the middle one home with just me and I know how lonely she'd be. For us, we have to keep going for a while but if I were you and thought my kids might do well, I'd send them and let go of the guilt. Hugs to you. :grouphug:

[LLMom]

You need to consider yourself.  If you are unhappy, your children will that.  You are not a failure.  You are trying to do what is best for everyone in your family.

[MAIMOM]

HUGS! I know how hard it is to take an honest look and decide what is best for your kids as well as for yourself. It has already been said but I hope in saying this again it will help you....It is ok to stop hosing and send them to brick and mortar. You are not a failure.

 

I loved the reference to seasons....for our family there have been seasons to HS and seasons to PS. I have enjoyed them both. I felt a need to pull my DD out of PS in 5th mid quarter and worried how she would respond.....she surprised me with how excited she was to stay home like her brother and sister had the year before. Your 5 th grader has seen his older siblings going to school. He sees them happy and enjoying it. You could ask him if he would like to try iPS after Christmas for half a year, then reevaluate what you both feel for next year. He may surprise you by wanting to PS like his siblings. I might would even enlist the help of olders totalk about what they like about PS.

 

We as mothers can be so hard on ourselves. Give yourself grace. You are a good mom that loves her kids. You are a tired mom that could use a break. Take a breather for a time and rediscover your joy.....even if that road takes you down a new path....PS for you kids.