Kathryn Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 My boys attend a YMCA gym and swim for three hours on Wednesday mornings. Today was the last day of the session that I paid for already, a new session starts next week. I have to stay on the premises because of my older son's autism and occasional behavior issues. Older son has gone since the beginning of last school year. Younger son started going for the last 8-week session in the spring, so he's gone sixteen times now. My younger son has told me several times that he doesn't like the "dance" part, but he really enjoys everything else. He calls their yoga time dance because that's basically what they do--play music for the kids to dance to and act like animals and stuff. Today, younger son was brought out to me by the program leader and I was told the yoga teacher wanted me to deal with him because he wasn't participating, he was just sitting down. He stayed with me for a while and then went back to his class when they went swimming. I asked his teacher who stays with his class as they go to the different activities what happened and she told me that he doesn't ever participate in there. I asked if that was a problem for them (I don't care if my kid doesn't want to dance for twenty minutes) and she said that then the other kids don't want to participate either and it unbalances the class. Then, I found and asked the program leader what happened, and she told me that he refuses to participate in there and again I asked if that was a problem. She said that if he just sat there, it wouldn't be, but that he wanders around and itdistracts the teacher. So, I ask if this is something I should just not sign him back up over, and she says "well, I don't really see what the point is if he's not participating." I pointed out that he participates in and enjoys everything else. She said that if I wanted to, she could just bring him out to me during yoga time from now on. So, I talked to DH about this and he's upset and doesn't want to sign them back up because he said it sounds like they just don't want him there. IDK what to do about the YMCA or about my son. I can't make him participate. Do I try? Do I punish him for not doing so? I'm having a hard time with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Don't punish him. Tell sonny-boy that if he wants to be in the class, then he must sit for the 20 mins of Yoga, if he isn't willing to do this, then don't sign him back up for the group class. Is there a way to just do swimming or gymnastics and not do Yoga too? Wait a minute...how old is your younger son? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 He turned four a month ago. His class is for 3-6yos, but he's the youngest in the class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolyn in Ohio Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I've been there, and it is no fun. Is it a separate teacher that does yoga than the rest of the activities? If it is just her who is being unfriendly, I would keep him in the rest of the class and just take him out for yoga time. That will give him a break from everything as well. I think it's great that he goes to and enjoys the other parts of the program Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 And part of my problem is conflicting information on what the problem is. One said the problem is that he just sits there and the other said he wanders around. I haven't been in there for his age group, but my older son is in the 7-9yo class and I've been in there several times. It's just chaos, and I can't imagine it's any better with the younger group, so I don't really understand what the problem is with either scenario. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 He turned four a month ago. His class is for 3-6yos, but he's the youngest in the class. Sorry, despite your signature, I got confused if he was 4th grade or 4yo for a moment. Total brain lapse on my part. If your son is enjoying and benefiting from the class then I'd try and find a way for him to participate. Since you are on the premises already, perhaps having him skip yoga is ideal, but I'd want to be sure that there was no undue negativity being aimed at him either. If the class is for 3-6yo, it would seem that the instructors should be better prepared to handle that age range. 3 and 4yos can be...interesting. I can understand why the teach doesn't want him wandering around though, so hopefully a middle-ground can be reached. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Yes, as far as I know, it's just the yoga teacher. Today was the first I heard of it from anyone other than him telling me himself that he doesn't like dancing. They have an hour of gym time with the teachers that stay with them throughout the day. Then, his class goes to the playground for 30 minutes, snack for ten minutes, and then yoga for 20 minutes. Then they do swimming for the last hour. They have separate teachers for yoga and swimming. The swimming instructor has always had great things to say about him. The only problems I heard about before today from his teachers were that during the first hour when he's in the gym at the same time as his brother's class, he tries to join his brother sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I'd let mine come sit with me during the Yoga session. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 He’s four? Could the problem be too much stimulation? Gym, outside time, snack, yoga, swimming, that’s a lot of activity for a little guy. Maybe he needs some downtime. Sitting out yoga seems like a good compromise. Could you enroll him in just part of the program? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Have them bring him out to you during yoga. He's 4. Yoga is boring for an active little boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I do not think that it is unreasonable for teachers to want all children to participate. They do allow him to sit out if he wants to but wandering around is distracting. I don't think it is unreasonable for them to allow you to take him out for that part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Keep him with you for the yoga portion. He is too young to be expected to sit quietly in the face of so much distraction, unless you have previously taught him to do so. I can see the teacher's part of this also. It is challenging enough to keep a group activity going for kids that age, without having one wandering around, not participating. It is distracting to the teacher and other students, and possibly not all that safe your your ds, especially if it is in an area with access to the pool. Why even sign up for this class? I would suggest you seek one that dealt with pool time only, if he likes that but hates the other. I do think that a 4yo should be able to sit fairly quietly for 20 minutes, but only if they have had some practice at it. I don't think it is a natural skill for most at that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 This seems very strange to me...especially since I worked in youth programming at the YMCA for several years. ALL of the classes at the three YMCA centers I worked in geared toward that specific age would have fully expected that there would be kids that don't participate in everything, somethings, or for whatever reason, do their own thing. ESPECIALLY for a child of four! And for something like Yoga at that age, they should expect that some kids will be interested and others not so much...even if he is wandering a bit, I would expect a bit more. If he really likes attending the other portions, and you are comfortable taking him out, fine. But I do think you should speak to the Youth Program director. In a YMCA situation, this sounds like a problem with the instructor. At the very least it is something that should be addressed by them for future. Also, never, ever, did I ever hear anyone tell a parent that they didn't see the point in enrolling a child unless it was serious behavior issues that would have been documented and filed in incident reports, reviewed by you. Something is very wrong with the persons attitude and I am sure the YMCA will at least check into it. Maybe you could speak with the Youth Program Director and just nicely ask if she might monitor the situation...that you are more than willing to help address concerns but just want to get to the bottom of the problem. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I'd let mine come sit with me during the Yoga session. If you can't work it out for him to stay in the class, I agree, especially since you stay at the Y. Our Y started registering for the gym and swim as two separate sessions, so maybe that's a possibility too (most people do both anyway). If the yoga is not all they do during gym time, and he likes the rest of gym, maybe registering for the two separately is too drastic. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to sit out and stay in class either if you can get to the bottom of why it's a problem. My younger son gets cold during the swim portion and sits beside the pool when he reaches his limit. I have not noticed communication being a strong suit anymore with any activities we participate in. I have gone to teachers and asked them to tell me how my kids are doing behavior-wise, been told they are fine, and then find out on the flip side that there have been issues. Grr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I'd bring a bag of books and spend the 20 minutes of yoga time reading to him. It would be a low key time between gym and swim but not wasted time. And in the process you're beginning to teach him to sit still for 20 minutes. For now it's sitting still while being read to, and later it can be just sitting quietly without any entertainment. A fine use of 20 minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I am having a hard time envisioning a four year old being interested in yoga for 20 minutes. My active little three year old would last about five minutes, even if he was interested. Sit out yoga and snuggle instead. He may just need the downtime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Trying to address the questions that were asked... He's in the program because his brother is and he wants to be also and the alternative is he sits in the lobby with me for three hours. You can't sign up for just part, but the program leader did offer to bring him out during the "yoga" portion of it. I actually do know what the problem is. It is led by the yoga teacher in the yoga room, but for the two younger age groups, it is not actually yoga. They play loud music and have the kids make up crazy dances and play "freeze dance" where they turn the music off and you have to freeze and then they laugh at the funny ways everyone froze. And they have dance competitions with the boys against the girls and things like that. Neither of my kids are comfortable with that sort of thing. They're sensitive to being laughed at and having unwanted attention on them. My older has finally started participating in this part, but he basically sat against the wall during this portion for all of last year. I don't think there's any way my youngest will feel comfortable doing this anytime soon. He still has an intense fear of being laughed at. The room is enclosed, even if he is wandering the room as opposed to sitting down (since I'm not sure what's happening), there's no danger like the pool being nearby. It's just an empty room with a mirror on the front wall, fifteen kids and 2-3 adults. The youth program director is the one who brought him out to me and who said she didn't see the point in enrolling him if he wasn't participating. She's new as of last month and looks very young. I'd guess right out of college. I have a feeling that the yoga teacher is not used to children at all. She's part-time and works only until 12 so until they started this program last year, her job was basically leading senior citizens and stay-at-home-moms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I would never subject my small child to what you have described. That is chaotic at best and damaging at worse. We would be sitting out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 The youth program director is the one who brought him out to me and who said she didn't see the point in enrolling him if he wasn't participating. She's new as of last month and looks very young. I'd guess right out of college. I have a feeling that the yoga teacher is not used to children at all. She's part-time and works only until 12 so until they started this program last year, her job was basically leading senior citizens and stay-at-home-moms. I'd go over her head. It sounds like they don't have realistic expectations for the age group. Also, with 2 - 3 adults in the room, it doesn't seem like one kid not participating would be a big deal. Ask them what he can do if he doesn't want to dance around and then work with him on how to do that - where to sit, can he bring in a book to look at, etc.. If your child is participating in all but 20 minutes of a three hour experience at the age of four I think that's pretty good. He's getting benefit out of it and I would think they would be glad to have him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 They play loud music and have the kids make up crazy dances and play "freeze dance" where they turn the music off and you have to freeze and then they laugh at the funny ways everyone froze. And they have dance competitions with the boys against the girls and things like that. Neither of my kids are comfortable with that sort of thing. I thought it was supposed to be "gym". It sounds like they are too lazy to actually plan a program and are trying to fill the time, then get irritated when the kid doesn't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I'd take it up a notch to the director, let him/her know how the youth director's comments made you feel and that you are considering not enrolling both children. The Y has to pay bills too and that's not going to happen if their youth director is making people feel uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 So, new question. DH and I were discussing this at dinner and mentioned talking to the director. Our older son said "my teacher said he's really, really mean." He said that on two occasions when he was non-compliant (1. Refused to get in the pool, 2. Kicked a trash can and refused to pick up the trash), his teacher told him that if he didn't do what he said, he'd have to go to the YMCA director and he was really, really mean. How would you feel about this? Keep in mind that he is an autistic 7yo, the staff knows this, and I am on-site at all times to deal with anything that they aren't able to deal with. The "teachers" that stay with the classes throughout the three hours appear to be college students. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 So, new question. DH and I were discussing this at dinner and mentioned talking to the director. Our older son said "my teacher said he's really, really mean." He said that on two occasions when he was non-compliant (1. Refused to get in the pool, 2. Kicked a trash can and refused to pick up the trash), his teacher told him that if he didn't do what he said, he'd have to go to the YMCA director and he was really, really mean. How would you feel about this? Keep in mind that he is an autistic 7yo, the staff knows this, and I am on-site at all times to deal with anything that they aren't able to deal with. The "teachers" that stay with the classes throughout the three hours appear to be college students. It could be just how your ds interpreted it. I'll bet the "teachers" tell the kids they may have to see the director, it's something they are using like the threat of "going to the principal". My guess is there is never any intention to go to the director with discipline issue. The teachers are inexperience and have not developed the "toolbox skills" to deal with a range of discipline issues. I'll bet the teachers often forget your older ds is autistic and some of his discipline issues might need to be handled differently than other kids. Even if they don't forget the teachers are not skilled professionals who know how alter their treatment of him compared to other kids. Is your older ds afraid of the teachers? Does he still like to go? If your older ds still likes the program the the past threat of going to the director does not give him anxiety issues, I would just let that go. It's a separate issue from figuring out if the program is right for your younger ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 So, new question. DH and I were discussing this at dinner and mentioned talking to the director. Our older son said "my teacher said he's really, really mean." He said that on two occasions when he was non-compliant (1. Refused to get in the pool, 2. Kicked a trash can and refused to pick up the trash), his teacher told him that if he didn't do what he said, he'd have to go to the YMCA director and he was really, really mean. How would you feel about this? Keep in mind that he is an autistic 7yo, the staff knows this, and I am on-site at all times to deal with anything that they aren't able to deal with. The "teachers" that stay with the classes throughout the three hours appear to be college students. I would speak with the YMCA director and let him know how he is being characterized by these "teachers." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 So, new question. DH and I were discussing this at dinner and mentioned talking to the director. Our older son said "my teacher said he's really, really mean." He said that on two occasions when he was non-compliant (1. Refused to get in the pool, 2. Kicked a trash can and refused to pick up the trash), his teacher told him that if he didn't do what he said, he'd have to go to the YMCA director and he was really, really mean. How would you feel about this? Keep in mind that he is an autistic 7yo, the staff knows this, and I am on-site at all times to deal with anything that they aren't able to deal with. The "teachers" that stay with the classes throughout the three hours appear to be college students. Really, there is a serious problem here. I cannot even fathom this happening at any of the YMCAs I have worked at or been to. There are VERY explicit rules for how instructors behave, and none of what you have mentioned are even remotely in line with them. Sorry, I know others have different ideas about behavior issues, but all of that is really beside the point. Regardless of how your sons behave, how distracting their behavior may be, whether or not the child even wants to be there, the YMCA staff have a code of conduct and spirit they are held to. I strongly advise you to move up the chain as I cannot believe that they are aware this is happening. It is not only about how they deal with certain behaviors, but how they treat the children. At every staff meeting we were reminded/drilled on the four core values of the YMCA: Caring, Honesty, Respect, and Responsibility. It is strongly enforced, an in my experience, supervisors are very aware and supportive of not just the letter of the mission, but the spirit and intent. You might ask to see copies of any incident reports involving your kiddos as well, if you decide to move up the chain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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