Pediatrician Rant

[Meliss]

I took my 18 month old in to the pediatrician for a well-child checkup today and got the wind knocked out of my sails.

 

The pediatrician stood with an intern outside the exam room and criticized me for having a home birth and for not being on schedule with vaccinations, saying, "Some people are too smart for their own good," and "People get these ideas from talking to their friends." (Apparently I should be as dumb as he was to not realize that I could hear every word that he said.)

 

The doc walked into the room with his polite game face on, but then he began to grill me about my son's weight. My son has not gained any weight since he was 15 months. He is allergic to eggs and dairy which eliminates a lot of high calorie food from his diet. I had to remind the pediatrician of my son's allergies, even though he was the one who ordered the blood tests and gave me the results. The doc went on to ask me if I was giving him soy or rice milk and I told him that I am still nursing my son regularly. I explained that I am continuing nursing because br3ast milk has more fat content than rice or soy. He said that my son is not getting enough fat or protein (based on his weight alone) and that I need to give him a vitamin supplement. I told him that I feed my son meat every day, and foods such as hummus and black olives. He told me that I need to start feeding my son smoothies with soy milk, soy yogurt and a protein powder that does not contain milk. He also told me to bring my son back in for a weight check in two months.

 

When the doc asked me about my son's speech, I shared with him that yesterday, I said to my son, "You pulled it," when he pulled the handle of a toy. My son replied, "I pulled it." The doc noted that toddler usually don't use pronouns correctly until 2 1/2 yrs. (How can my son be ahead of a developmental milestone if he is "malnourished"?!)

 

The doc also asked me during this visit about how my other kids compare to my youngest. I told him that my oldest son was 50th %ile for height and 20th %ile for weight, while my second son was off the bottom of the charts most of the time. (This same doc never got on my case about their weight.) I reminded the doc that he has seen both my husband and his brother. They are both 6 foot, with my husband weighing about 145 and his brother is not even 140. They are unusually skinny and always have been. The doc told me that it was okay for an adult, but not for a child.

 

Anyhoo, I intend to start documenting every calorie that goes into my son's mouth. I will try the protein powder smoothie. I just hate getting treated like a neglectful mother, when I just can't win with the genetics involved.

 

I will definitely be looking for a different doctor who isn't threatened by independent thought processes (and no, I didn't come to any of my conclusions by talking with my friends.)

 

If you read this far, thanks for letting me vent! :o

[Amy in Orlando]

Arrrgghhh ... I hope you can find a new doctor soon. This one sounds awful.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Grrrrr. It sounds like you answered him reasonably and not defensively (which is more than I would have done!) You are the one who God gave these little guys to - not this doc. And you are the one who is doing research, making sacrifices (cooking for kids with food allergies is not easy!), and even talking to your friends (your very well-informed WTM friends that is!)! Good job. (And yes, find another doctor.)

[unsinkable]

Wow!

 

Did you tell him you heard his comments?

 

unsinkable

[Unicorn.]

Why is it that most doc's think that everyone should fit some sort of criteria, and that if anyone looks, thinks, acts, weighs, etc. anything different than what is on their checklist, something is wrong with them. Just because you and I don't have medical degrees, doesn't mean we can't think for ourselves!

 

Ya know, I wouldn't worry about adding the protein shake unless YOU think he needs it. I have a dd I didn't think would ever hit 40 lbs. Her twin was a chunk, I am a chunk, dh is a chunk, but I have nieces, nephews, cousins, who are super tall and super thin. Her doc asked me once if she was eating- um Yeah, like a Clydesdale!

 

Sorry for hijacking your rant- Obviously I feel the same as you, time for a new doc!

[GothicGyrl]

Dude, that doc would have my Docs so far up his hotheaded patootie, he'd be lock stepping for miles. :)

 

I wouldn't even bother documenting anydayumthing, I would just be searching a good (christian--if so inclined) ped, that won't hassle you about any decision you make.

 

They are out there. Our ped is so wonderful, I cry when I leave his office. He never questions me on any decision I make. In fact, he asked me about vaccinating with that new girly birth uterus vax that's in the news and I simply told him "absolutely not" and he didn't even bat an eyelash.

 

Find another one. And I'll even let you borrow my Docs so you can utilize them properly. :)

[melissel]

Wow!

 

Did you tell him you heard his comments?

 

unsinkable

 

This.

 

That's horrifying, and I'd be looking for a new doc who had a little respect for me pronto. I would NOT begin documenting calories for this jerk unless I had a concern based on my own personal knowledge of my own child. I would be writing a letter detailing why I was leaving the practice and taking my ideas, my children, and my insurance $$ with me. My own ped doesn't agree with some of my opinions and parenting practices, but he at least respects me enough to discuss my thoughts and experiences like an adult, and even learn a few new things (he was very impressed with our cloth diapers, for example, and had no idea people still used them). Honestly, I'm outraged for you :mad: :p

[Jenny in Atl]

Ditto to all above. I almost lost my youngest dd to a bad pediatrician. Don't wait for the door to hit you on the way out.

[melissel]

The doc went on to ask me if I was giving him soy or rice milk and I told him that I am still nursing my son regularly. I explained that I am continuing nursing because br3ast milk has more fat content than rice or soy. He said that my son is not getting enough fat or protein (based on his weight alone) and that I need to give him a vitamin supplement.

 

And this particular line of bull always makes my blood simply boil. How on EARTH did the human race survive all this time without protein and vitamin supplements, I wonder? Gah!

[Meliss]

Wow!

 

Did you tell him you heard his comments?

 

unsinkable

 

No...not yet. I will probably write him a letter. I wanted the appointment to be about my son, not about the pediatrician's stupidity. I knew I wouldn't handle it well if I started down that road.

[Meliss]

It is really satisfying to have my rant magnified by a hive of angry bees! :D

Thank you!!!!!

[GothicGyrl]

It is really satisfying to have my rant magnified by a hive of angry bees! :D

Thank you!!!!!

And since I am a "Forager" bee, I know the perfect place to hide the body..

 

wait.. umm.. yeah---the Auntie Posse doesn't like new-fandangled doctors telling us how to raise our kids...

 

:P

[Mrs Mungo]

My kids are all tiny and we've run the gamut with pedis who understood they have a small family and were fine with it and pedis who wanted me to see a nutritionist and practically threatened to call child services on me.

 

When my middle daughter was 7 months old the pedi told me I should feed her bologna (she was exclusively breastfed). I said "*I* don't eat bologna, I'm not feeding to my infant!" He continued down his checklist and when he got to "does she sleep through the night?" I said "she wakes up once, *sometimes* twice a night to nurse and goes right back to sleep, no big deal." He said "she's old enough to sleep through the night so you can leave her in her bed and let her cry." I said (completely incredulous) "you're worried about her weight gain and you want me to *not feed her*? Does that even make sense to you?" At which point he said "well, you can do whatever you want." Well, no joke, good thing I'm not taking your dumb advice. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, oh...just...I can't even talk about this subject without getting incredibly worked up, I just get so ticked off. I feel like every time I go to a doctor I'm defending myself. Look, people, I'm 5'1" and my hubby is 5'6". When we got married I weighed 98 lbs and he weighed 125. We are SMALL!!! GET OVER IT!!!!!!

[j.griff]

:p = : + lower case p :p

[GothicGyrl]

I'm using up all four this time:

:p :p :p :p

 

and a big ole pttttttttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbbb!!!!

[Storm Bay]

You need one more like ours. Of course, it helps that he's 5 ft 6, so not alarmed by smallness! He reassures me about my 9 yo's thinness, even though I'm not worried as I was thinner. While ours isn't perfect (none is) he butts out when it comes to feeding them if they're healthy. As for skinny, all 3 of my kids were thin babies, just like dh was (I wasn't thin until I was older.) Especially ds, who's not the thinnest now.

 

As for feeding them, I'd go with what's working and your family history, plus your mother's intuition and knowing how your child is doing. If you were negligent, that would be one thing, but you need a pediatrician who respects and educated difference of opinion.

[Colleen]

I would likely have walked out of his office without even finishing the appointment ~ I commend you for your grace and patience. We don't use pediatricians ~ actually my boys never even get check-ups (we do immunize) ~ but we're fortunate to have a friend as our GP who has a great bedside manner and respects my independence. Best to you!

[Remudamom]

that we liked. He told me my oldest was not too fat and my youngest was not too thin. He didn't make me haul in all the children for strep if he had just diagnosed one of them a couple of days earlier, he'd just call in the scrip.

He didn't have a heart attack when I marched into his office to meet him when I was seven months pregnant and informed him that the hospital would not be giving my baby any hearing tests. (Because they were a new type of test, and my friend's baby got burned badly enough on her forehead to scar it.) He just sorta blinked and said "Okay."

 

Of course, one of my friends who was a nurse didn't like him. She thought he was too laid back about things. Go figure.

[Holly IN]

We quit going to peds for the one reason of them scolding me for whatever it is that I didn't do or did. I got sick of it!! Oldest ds said he wanted to stop going to those kind of drs and go to my dr (who is a family dr). The kids are happy and we are happy too. He goes to our church so he sees them there all the time. No worries!!

 

I highly recommend going to a Family or General pratictioner. They tend to leave you alone more from my own experience.

 

Holly

[lollie010]

I hope that you are in a community were there are other ped. options. It really is hard to be disrespected in a situation like that. I had a ped. that treated me and my sister like that. She actually drilled my sister's kids when she found out they were homeschooled. But, I marched myself right out of the door when she started giving some really bad advise. I found a great DO next door--he has been a blessing to our family in many ways. My son was small and he told me that if all junk food eating kids were not skewing the charts then my son would be closer to average. He told me to tell anyone who asks that he said my son was "perfect." It was so good to be validated and I hope that you have the same experience. If on the other hand you are unable to find a supportive physician, I hope that you will not take it personally and realize that YOU are the boss. The domain of the pediatrician is "health" not parenting. I think doctors often overstep their bounds.

 

Sorry that happened to you.

Laurel T.

[Meliss]

officially made up for the crap from the pediatrician today. :) Thank you so much!

[nuthouse]

I'm so sorry about your doc. Find another. For what it's worth, my son was always off the charts in height/length and below the chart in weight. As long as he continued to follow a reasonably smooth growth curve on both indices I was fine with it. Has your toddler increased his activity level? Sometimes kids are just to "busy" to be bothered to eat.

[TRILLIUM]

The comments outside the door were inappropriate.

 

On the other hand you need a doctor whose medical experience you can trust. You need to find a doctor whose opinion you believe is better than your neighbors or just go to the neighbor. Memory is rusty but I think my husband had 4 years of med school, 3year internship/residency and 1year specializing--8 years of training. Now when you go to the doctor and your child is not gaining weight at 15 months. that is a reason for concern. It may/or may not be a sign of something important. It is sometimes hard early on to figure out if a symptom is important or not. Part of the doctor's advice is not just to take care of the problem, but also to help them distingish between important and unimportant problems. So if he gave you advise and you decide not to follow it without discussing it then doctor has lost the clinical information on the follow up visit. The doctor maybe at a loss as to what medical advice to even give you, if you have made it clear you don't trust his info. I don't know if this really applies to you or not.

 

One comment on web info. People frequently post asking for medical info. Usually the description and medical history info is so lacking in these posts that a doctor would deem it medically irresponsible to hand out medical advice.

 

You need to find someone whose clinial advise you trust. You do want to be informed and educated about your childs health, but ideally you should believe your doctor has more medical experience than you. Unfortuanately I don't know how to tell you to look for a ped, because my dh's relationship and knowledge of ped is different than an average persons.

 

And yeah I my dd is homeschooling high school although my ped thought school would be better. So I'm not advocating blindly following someone else.

 

Unfortuately many monetary issues and time management issues that have been put in place in order to "keep the cost of health care down" Has really compromised the communication between doctors and patients/parents.

 

I hope this came across with a tone of voice of concern--because I'm sure you want what's best for your child, and I imagine your pediatrician is trying to do what is best for your child. Better stop typing because this is an issue that is hard to discuss web style.

[Milseain]

(((Meliss)))

I would look for another pediatrician. ASP...

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. It is so frustrating when docs treat parents like they are so stupid.

 

Unless your child has a chronic condition that needs the expertise of a pediatrician, I would choose a family practice doc. They seem to be interested in the big picture and they don't typically act like they are the experts in parenting.

 

We had a terrible ordeal with a pediatrician. She wore a button that said "Breast is best", but blamed nursing for every hiccup. She was quick to suggest formula for everything. My son was nearly 11 lbs when he was born, so he started life off the charts. She told me I was feeding my son too much even though it is reallly hard to nurse an infant into obesity. After he had his first immunization, he would scream whenever he she came into the room. Every visit after that, she would diagnose an ear infection, although he had no symptoms. He reacted to a couple antibiotics, so she prescribed something stronger. It messed up his digestive system (and it is still messed up today, 14 years later.) I found out after several times that intense crying can cause the eardrum to look red. So, my son had needlessly taken antibiotics. I had to show her the article. She told me to stop nursing after he had pneumonia because he was "too old." He was 15 months. The nurses all told me that the reason we were in the hospital only 3 days instead of 7 was because he was still nursing. She also chewed me out for not giving him milk products even though he was allergic (hives, wheezing, projectile vomiting.)

 

When my second child was a baby, he stopped eating solid foods around 12 months. She told me to stop nursing because that is why he wasn't eating. I knew that my milk was keeping him alive because he just wouldn't eat. As it turns out, my son had tooth decay on his front tooth. That is why he stopped. When we got the tooth fixed, he started eating again. I switched to a family practice physician after that and have been soooo happy with him. Since he sees me and my kids, he gets a picture of the entire family. (Dh is happy with his doc who is closer to his office so he didn't switch.)

[PariSarah]

. . . .like, platinum and diamonds!

 

The thing I like best about ours, though, is that she respects us enough that I trust her when she tells me I'm getting it wrong. She doesn't pick fights over things that really aren't important (or certain) medically, so when she does have something to say that's different than what I think, I'm more likely to listen. (Plus, she always says it respectfully-but-confidently. Not patronizingly or apologetically. She just treats us like grown-ups.)

 

I hope you can find a ped. like that. Because, frankly, some of the things I hear from my friends are medically unsound, unwise, unresearched, unhealthy. And I'd want my ped. to tell me. She studied medicine in school. I studied theology. She does know some things that I don't know.