Slipper Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 My youngest is being baptized tomorrow. We go to a small, conservative Presbyterian church. This is our first baptism. I have had issues with my FIL and his wife before and we do not have a good relationship. I am pleasant and try to ignore small swipes because the kids adore them (most of the time). I have also had problems with family members having really poor manners when attending kid's events. I had decided to stop inviting them and just send them copies of the performance on dvd. However, I felt that they should be invited to the baptism. My step-MIL (FIL's wife) called my mother yesterday with some questions about the baptism. Step-MIL sells a popular make-up (not saying which one) and does quite well. She's very aggressive with selling. Step-MIL asked my mother if it would be okay if she did a make-up demonstration after the baptism in the fellowship hall of the church. (We are hosting refreshments in the fellowship hall). My mother told her that it probably wasn't a good idea and they should probably spend the time visiting with the grandkids. I am at a high stress level (and have been for a few weeks) and sometimes my mouth tends to shoot faster than my brain can control. I feel like it is highly inappropriate and flat rude to try to sell make-up at a baptism. FIL and his wife are very attentive church-goers and I can't believe this would be acceptable behavior at any church, so I feel like they know better. I need a simple, discreet (so I don't unintentionally cause a scene) thing to say if I see her unpacking make-up or handing out business cards. If she gets mad later, that's fine, but I don't want my daughter to witness a bad scene. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Well, I also personally think her plans are very inappropriate. However, your out on this is that it's very, very likely the church has a policy against such things. Our church fellowship hall cannot be used to do commercial sales. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I think a phone call tonight saying, "Please, no makeup demonstrations at the church tomorrow in any way, shape or form. Keep the makeup in the car and let this celebration be about [son's] baptism. Thank you." That can be said firmly, but nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 You probably want to contact her directly and tell her (straight forward but friendly) that whoever mentioned that she was wondering about the baptism reception as a marketing opportunity, you wanted to let her know that it isn't ok with you, just so she doesn't go to the trouble of bringing her stuff since its not ok, and now she knows for sure in advance, etc. If she ignores that, and still sets up, a line is, "We're celebrating, not marketing today. You need to put that away." (Smile, nice voice, direct eye contact, closing up her stuff and handing it back to her if needed.) if she's even more agressive perhaps, "Do you need DH to help you carry your things out to your car?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Yikes! In your situation I would tell Dh that I really need him to handle it since it's his Dad. If that doesn't work, I'd discreetly call the Pastor tonight and explain the possible situation and let him, as Pastor of the church, deal with any inappropriate use of the church property. I hope you can enjoy your child's baptism and be fully and stresslessly present in this beautiful moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Yikes! In your situation I would tell Dh that I really need him to handle it since it's his Dad. If that doesn't work, I'd discreetly call the Pastor tonight and explain the possible situation and let him, as Pastor of the church, deal with any inappropriate use of the church property. I hope you can enjoy your child's baptism and be fully and stresslessly present in this beautiful moment. This is what I'd do. Why on earth would someone think that is okay? That is so bizarre and it would completely stress me out too. The things people come up with! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Let her know that the church has a "no solicitations" policy. Depending on how close you are to someone in authority in your church, I would give that person a heads-up to quietly go over and get her to stop if she tries to sell stuff anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I think you have to call her before she comes to the event. Im appalled that anyone would think they could do this. If I saw this happening, I probably wouldn't be able to say anything. I would stand and stare in disbelief, mouth hanging open. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Oh. My. Head. Can you put someone else on tacky patrol? You shouldn't have to worry about that! I really cannot fathom her thought process on this. I agree with the PP who have said that the church's no solicitation policy would be a good thing for someone else to tell her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Oh. My. Head. Can you put someone else on tacky patrol? You shouldn't have to worry about that! I really cannot fathom her thought process on this. I agree with the PP who have said that the church's no solicitation policy would be a good thing for someone else to tell her. Besides calling tonight, I'd ask someone at church to do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laf919 Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 As a pastor, I agree with letting your pastor know ahead of time and being clear that you would welcome him to quietly but firmly say something to your stepMIL to get her to stop if she tries to start. I frequently remind people as we are discussing and planning significant life events (baptisms, weddings, even funerals) that if there is the potential for a family member to do something crazy, I really like knowing that ahead of time. As the pastor, I'm happy to deal with inappropriate behavior like this - but it is much easier for me to do so if I know to be watching for it. This is particularly true of family situations where your words might be ignored - which it sounds like stepMIL might just ignore what you tell her - and I am happy to enforce rules and take the heat if that is necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 (((Slipper))) I'm sorry your step MIL is being so inappropriate. I agree you or your DH needs to speak to her tonight and simply say "no business at the baptism." Just say "no business at the baptism" over and over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Another vote for "UGH!" I am completely shocked that anyone would think this was a good idea, let alone a GRANDMOTHER at her granddaughter's BAPTISM! You or your husband need to call your MIL and make it very clear that this is unacceptable. And warn the pastor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Blech! Using a baptism as an occasion to do business?? What is she thinking?! It sounds, though, like your mom told her not to, and that may be enough? I would delegate someone to watch for this, such as your DH or mom. And then I would forget about it and not let it stress you out, because you have enough to worry about. I wouldn't spend time thinking of what you would say. Just let DH or your mom handle it, and ignore it. Don't let this ridiculousness become the main thing that is in your thoughts at this important occasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Oh my, that is really amazing. If she starts selling makeup at her grandson's baptism, then you should show up and throw an impromptu Tupperware party at her next social function, family get-together, or holiday meal. :biggrinjester: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 How bizarre! I just can't fathom why she would think that was appropriate. That's even tackier than stapling Mary Kay coupon/business cards to the treats you hand out on Halloween, which someone in our town did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I think Tupperware goes more with funerals???? <_< :lol: :smilielol5: :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 That is completely bizarre. I'd speak to the minister or someone in charge at the church to make sure they're on the lookout and hope she took your mom's advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 It's also weird that she called your mom and not you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 So how'd it go? I hope all went well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Thanks everyone! :) Yes, everything was lovely and it was a special day for all of us. Step-MIL did mention to my mother that she had make-up out in the car (my mother had bought from her previously) but my mom told her she was no longer going to purchase from her and that it was inappropriate to bring up at a baptism. Step-MIL was shocked and upset (I think from losing a customer) but nothing else was said about it to me. I had forewarned the pastor but if anything else happened, he didn't mention it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Glad it worked out. It was nice of your mother to run a little interference and let your family enjoy the day. Maybe stepMIL will learn a little about being extremely tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I had a woman be super sweet to me and my kids during and after Mass. Then she handed me a business card and some sample beauty products! I was so pissed off and hurt that this nice woman was only being nice to try to sell me something. The fact that she did it at my church was even more upsetting. I would let the pastor know what to expect so he can handle it if its against church policy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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