Scared

[speedmom4]

Hello Hive,

 

I have always struggled with fear. Recently it has gotten much better but an incident at our home last night has me really freaked out.

 

Around 2 a.m. my dh and I both heard a loud noise coming from our back porch. We came downstairs and found our dog standing at the French doors that look out onto the back porch. She was very focused on the back porch. She doesn't bark so just her attentiveness alerted me. She is 14, very arthritic, and almost completely deaf so obviously she noticed something unusual. We turned the lights on outside and noticed that one of my porch furniture ottomans was turned over. It must have been the ottoman being turned over that made the noise. We don't know what made the ottoman turn over. It could have been an animal. There are a lot of cats in our neighborhood and they sometimes come on our porch at night. But it was raining and has been raining most of the week. I don't think an animal would come on the porch in the rain but I could be wrong. We called the police. They came out and checked all around and didn't see anything that would make them think a person had been out in our yard, especially the back. We have a lot of English ivy and a person walking through it would have made some disturbance in it. Although there is a concrete sidewalk and a stone path leading away from the porch so a person wouldn't have to walk through the ivy.

 

My husband travels a lot for his job and left this morning for only an overnight trip. He travels approximately 200+ days a year.

 

I'm fine right now but I'm anticipating that tonight I won't be able to sleep. I don't want to live in fear again. I keep telling myself that it could have easily been an animal that turned the ottoman over. The police said there hadn't been any break-ins or issues in our neighborhood. Rationally I know that we are probably safe but when it gets dark I don't think I'll be able to convince myself of that.

 

Thanks for letting me vent!

 

Elise in NC

[MeghanL]

I always have to sleep with the TV on when my husband is out of town. It covers a lot of those noises!!

Have you ever taken a self-defense class? If not, you might want to. After I took one, I had the confidence that I could protect myself (and my family) even in the worse-case scenario.

[gingersmom]

Why not install an alarm system? German shepherd :001_smile: ? Motion sensor lights?

 

Can you tell I live alone with my kids?

[speedmom4]

I always have to sleep with the TV on when my husband is out of town. It covers a lot of those noises!!

Have you ever taken a self-defense class? If not, you might want to. After I took one, I had the confidence that I could protect myself (and my family) even in the worse-case scenario.

 

I love the idea of a self defense class. I'm going to look around my area to find one. It would also be good for my dd who will be heading off to college in the fall.

 

Thanks!

 

Elise in NC

[Joanne]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Even for people who don't "struggle with fear", they would be unsettled and have a heightened level of awareness and concern after the experience you had.

 

I would not make your processing of this worse by assuming you'll "regress" into living in fear. It may well be that the progress you've made will continue!

[GailV]

In our neighborhood I'd assume a raccoon had stopped by.

[Chris in VA]

I can relate--we had someone try to break in several years ago when my dh was OOT. I was scared at night for years when he wasn't here.

It has finally subsided.

 

I'll bet it was a possum--they are heavy enough to tip over furniture, particularly if it tried to climb up the ottoman. They scavenge regardless of the weather, and a dog would certainly be interested in one!

 

I assume by your sig that you are a person of faith--it does help me to quote verses in prayer when I'm scared (I get more anxious than scared, and am actually dealing with anxiety right now! lol). I remember "I will keep in perfect peace he whose mind is stilled on me" and "Perfect love casts out fear," and "Cast your cares on me and I will care for you," and "Be not afraid; I go before you always" and "The Lord is with me; whom shall I fear?" as my go-to verses. Keeping a bible beside you in bed can be helpful--I have been so afraid at times that I've actually fallen asleep with it in my arms, cradled against my chest (I know that will sound weird to some--too bad--lol!); not that the Bible would protect me, just that I needed a tangible reminder that God is bigger than my fear and walks beside me. That helps me; maybe it will help you.

[nd293]

I just wanted to say that I sympathize... I grew up somewhere with a high crime rate, and that fear is difficult to shake. I'm a world away now, but nights when dh is away are still difficult, and anything unsettling makes it worse. We often all sleep in the same room when dh is away - it's a treat for the kids and makes me feel a bit more relaxed. I watch TV until later than usual so that I am really tired before I try to sleep (fun stuff only!). On occasion I'll take a tablet to help me get to sleep, not a sleeping tablet, just a tablet I'd normally take for headaches that makes me feel dopey for a few hours. Tell the children to let you sleep in so that if to do have trouble getting to sleep you can 'catch up' in the morning! Poor you :-(

[magnificent_baby]

I sleep so much better with a security system and a Dohm sound machine. :grouphug:

[dsmith]

If dh traveled that much, I would invest in a security system and another dog.

[lea1]

I sleep so much better with a security system and a Dohm sound machine. :grouphug:

 

 

Me too. Our security system has a chime that sounds if a door or window opens anywhere in the house, when the alarm is not set. When it is set, the alarm would go off. Even if someone opened the screen door on our screen porch, the alarm will go off. It definitely makes me feel safer.

 

Is your backyard fenced in? That also makes me feel a bit safer.

 

The sound machine definitely helps to cover up all of those little strange night noises that are always there but maybe not noticed when dh is home.

[J-rap]

I'm sorry. Could the wind have knocked it over? I would guess that the police knew what to look for, and that probably it was an animal.

 

Maybe keeping your dog downstairs will give you an extra sense of security. I've read statistics about a dog in the house preventing so many break-ins, any type of dog at all. But again, I think it seems more likely that it was an animal or even the wind.

 

I know about having a fear about something though. Years ago, when my husband and I were first married, we were trapped in a horrendous fire on the 6th floor of an apt. building in the middle of the night. We couldn't even get out of our apt. it was so bad. We lived through it, but it took me years to get over that. Anytime I smelled smoke at night, I'd have to get up and sometimes walk around the entire neighborhood to try and determine where it was coming from.

[Danestress]

Things that improve security:

 

Making your house less appealing for a break in. This would include keeping bushes cut back away from the windows, having outside lights on, particularly motion sensing lights, keeping newspapers and garbage cans off the street, and otherwise making it clear someone is home.

 

A security alarm you set when you get in bed at night.

 

A dog. The kind that barks:)

 

None of these things are a guarantee, but they make you a bit safer.

 

Realistically, while I love my husband, he would be low on my list of things that truly make me safer. He is an ex-marine, very strong and athletic, and I would place bets in him in hand to hand combat with a man half his age. But he has no special bullet repelling skills, and a guy with a gun wins every time. If we had an intruder, calling 911 would be our best bet, together or alone. DH is an excellent shot with a lot of training, but firmly believes that loaded guns in the home would overall make our children more, rather than less, at risk. No desire to argue this point - it's just his judgment.

[elegantlion]

I vote raccoon. The other night we were getting rain and I heard this godawful noise outside my kitchen window. Sounded like someone trying to break in. I turn on the back light and peek and there is a raccoon scampering up the vinyl siding and onto the roof. We've lived here two years I have never seen a raccoon around before. He was big thing. I wondered why he was nuts enough to crawl on top the roof in a storm, underneath the deck would have been more cozy.

[Laurie4b]

I would so be assuming a possum or raccoon in that scenario, even without the police inspection. Possums are totally annoying creatures and raccoons are very strong.

 

Some people are helped by a rational list that they read over and over to themselves:

 

• Probability is very high that it was a possum or raccoon. It's their MO. Many animals don't care about rain. It could be neighborhood pets, too.
  
• Police don't think it was a person. They saw no evidence.
  
• Person turning over ottoman, getting scared, and running, is not going to be being careful. Police would have been even more likely to have seen evidence.
  
• Person who turned over ottoman, made a noise,and ran is a person who does not want to be confronted by homeowner or neighbors--ie is much less dangerous than someone who wouldn't care
  

 

 

You can also, if you'd like, make it super safe inside just to comfort yourself. You could bring your kids in your room for a special sleepover with movie, popcorn, etc. After they were asleep, you could prop a chair under your doorknob. That kind of wedging is very hard to break through even if someone has unlocked a door. Make sure you have a charged cell phone with you. Leave the lights on outside during the night (but not only when dh isn't home)

[tammyw]

Turn on all your outside lights during the night. We have an alarm and we still do this. Ours are all the energy efficient ones, so it doesn't cost much to leave them on all night, every night. It's just another deterrent, and should help alleviate your fears a bit.

[AimeeM]

*Hugs*

I get scared too - and my husband travels sometimes on business (like yours).

 

Husband got me this to help me feel better... and boy does it ever! Lol.

 

I know it isn't for everyone, but he has really done A LOT for simmering my fear of being alone at night, for whatever reason. I have no practical advice for you, unfortunately, as this is ultimately the only thing that has worked for me, lol.

 

ETA: I vote for animal (as far as what was on your porch) - we get neighborhood cats frequently... sometimes, when they're especially naughty, they climb on the car port... which makes a TON of noise, lol.

[speedmom4]

*Hugs*

I get scared too - and my husband travels sometimes on business (like yours).

 

Husband got me this to help me feel better... and boy does it ever! Lol.

 

I know it isn't for everyone, but he has really done A LOT for simmering my fear of being alone at night, for whatever reason. I have no practical advice for you, unfortunately, as this is ultimately the only thing that has worked for me, lol.

 

ETA: I vote for animal (as far as what was on your porch) - we get neighborhood cats frequently... sometimes, when they're especially naughty, they climb on the car port... which makes a TON of noise, lol.

 

 

What's funny is that my dog is a pit bull mix. She is THE sweetest dog on the planet. She loves people. Sometimes people are afraid of her when they see her but she wouldn't hurt a fly.

 

You have a beautiful furry baby there!!! I imagine he/she would be a deterrent for criminals!

 

Thanks,

 

Elise in NC

[speedmom4]

I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. I know rationally that it is likely that what we heard was an animal. We definitely have possums and raccoons in the neighborhood. It is comforting to hear that rain will not deter a possum or raccoon.

 

Thanks!

 

Elise in NC

[AimeeM]

What's funny is that my dog is a pit bull mix. She is THE sweetest dog on the planet. She loves people. Sometimes people are afraid of her when they see her but she wouldn't hurt a fly.

 

You have a beautiful furry baby there!!! I imagine he/she would be a deterrent for criminals!

 

Thanks,

 

Elise in NC

 

My neighbor has a pit mix - barks like she'll rip your face off, but the minute you give her what she wants (attention), it's clear that she's "all bark, no bite", lol!

Unfortunately for any potential evil-doers, my dog is NOT all bark, no bite. Lol. He is gentle and ridiculously tolerant of children (and sincerely enjoys being crawled over over, poked at, and snuggled with), but he doesn't extend the same grace towards anyone he considers even a potential threat.

 

German Shepherds really are fantastic dogs to have in the home, IME. They are great and loyal family pets... and predictable, reliable protection.

[speedmom4]

 

My neighbor has a pit mix - barks like she'll rip your face off, but the minute you give her what she wants (attention), it's clear that she's "all bark, no bite", lol!

Unfortunately for any potential evil-doers, my dog is NOT all bark, no bite. Lol. He is gentle and ridiculously tolerant of children (and sincerely enjoys being crawled over over, poked at, and snuggled with), but he doesn't extend the same grace towards anyone he considers even a potential threat.

 

German Shepherds really are fantastic dogs to have in the home, IME. They are great and loyal family pets... and predictable, reliable protection.

 

 

And they are beautiful!!!

 

Elise in NC

[Laurie4b]

I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. I know rationally that it is likely that what we heard was an animal. We definitely have possums and raccoons in the neighborhood. It is comforting to hear that rain will not deter a possum or raccoon.

 

Thanks!

 

Elise in NC

 

I was referring to the neighbors' spoiled indoor pets when I said rain didn't deter all of them. Definitely doesn't bother wildlife. They have to move around in it or starve, unless it's like a hurricane or something.

[zoobie]

I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. I know rationally that it is likely that what we heard was an animal. We definitely have possums and raccoons in the neighborhood. It is comforting to hear that rain will not deter a possum or raccoon.

 

Thanks!

 

Elise in NC

Rain seems to make possums more disoriented, as evidenced by higher than usual road kill numbers. Last night my DH was walking our two dogs in the pouring rain. A possum got about 6 feet from them before DH turned the flashlight strobe on it. It jumped and ran. They have really bad vision and I think the noise of the rain throws them off somehow.

 

Aimee, your dog is gorgeous! If anyone wants to trade for two exceedingly sweet but stoopid rescue Goldens, lmk... ;)

[NotSoObvious]

My husband travels too. Find a friend you can call in the middle of the night. That helped me tremendously even though I never had to use it. I sleep with the phone in the bed. ;)

[NorthwestMom]

A few years ago I was under a lot of stress from multiple sources, and when my husband travelled I would lie awake in bed and listen for sounds of intruders and work myself into a huge flaming ball of freak out. We got an alarm system and it really helped. Also, I feel better leaving my kids at home on their own knowing the smoke detector is always on and it works, and they can hit the emergency button and help will come no matter what the situation is.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[speedmom4]

Well I found out what happened. I had an errand to run this afternoon and as I pulled back into my driveway I noticed that a neighbor's tree had fallen over and broken another neighbor's wooden fence. That must have been why the noise was so loud and because it was so dark and raining I could not see it even with the back porch lights on.

 

I already feel so much better.

 

Thanks!!!!

 

Elise in NC