Canadianmumof5 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 The title says it all :( After months of struggling, we finally had to do it. And I am not happy about it but it really was the only decision that made sense. Since DD was born 4 months ago – I haven’t been able to find a new routine for us. I am so used to being organized – some would call it too organized. We had schedules that worked, we had a flow to our days, the kids were doing awesome with their work, the house was managed pretty well (thanks to DH doing quite a bit) and we were doing really well overall. Life was good. When DD was born, we took some time off. I had pictured days filled with fun crafts, educational DVDs, lots of reading, baking and playing outside. Lots of time for mom to rest. Yea – that didn’t work at all. The toddler was a little tornado leaving a trail of disaster behind him every minute of every hour. The kids thought it was suddenly a free for all. We went from very structured to chaos pretty much overnight. You would think they would have LOVED having all that free time but all they did was bicker and aggravate each other. They argued over the TV, they fought when they went outside to play (I’m sure the neighbours LOVED that), they couldn’t agree on a board game, etc. It was a nightmare. The toddler was all over the place & none of them were interested in playing with him. After a month of chaos, I decided to get them all back to work. We started off slowly with the core subjects and oh.my.gosh. – you would think I had asked them to write a 10,000 page essay. It was like pulling teeth to get them to do ANY amount of work. And when they did do it (after much nagging, yelling & threatening) it was garbage. They put in as little amount of effort as possible. I was calling DH or emailing him many times throughout each day. Just frustrated and angry. He kept saying to just send them back and I kept pushing back & saying no, no, no. I can do this. I just need more sleep, more time, more patience, kids need to listen, blah blah blah. Then it was Christmas so more time off. More chaos ensued. My organized little life blew up in my face. Our days were not productive on any level at all. Schoolwork wasn’t getting done, piano practice wasn’t happening, they balked at their chores and put in very little effort there as well. I was a really miserable mom. I know that I could have been more consistent, or could have been more patient or could have tomato staked them or whatever, but I seriously had no energy to do that. None. Did I mention that we had booked a trip to Disney a few weeks before baby was born? So now here we are in early January. I am fed up with all of it, the kids are being so awful and we are supposed to be going on a fabulous 2 week trip to Disney. I didn’t even want to go. But we did. It was fun. The weather was great. But it was not relaxing. It was not a break in the true sense. 1 week after coming back from our trip, they were back in school. And they are happy. So far. I feel guilty. They are not back in school because I think it is best for THEM. They are back in school because I need a break from homeschooling, a break from them to be honest. So in my mind, I am being selfish. And moms aren’t supposed to be selfish. I feel like I failed. I failed to live up to my own expectations and I failed my kids. I failed my husband. I’m not sure if all of this is just homeschool burnout, or post partum baby blues, or me being lazy. I just don’t know. What I do know is that I hate sending them off every morning. I hate how quiet the house is during the day. I hate that they likely won’t be learning very much. I hate that all of my hard work over the last 2.5 years is pretty much going to go out the window. I hate that I couldn’t suck it up and just carry on. I hate that “people†are looking at me and saying “yup, told ya she couldn’t do itâ€. I’m not sure what will happen in September. I am hoping the kids will realize how great homeschooling was and ask to come home. I am hoping I will feel better by then and be able to tackle homeschooling again. I hope. Any prayers or good thoughts would be most appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I just want to say that there are some people looking at you and thinking "I wish I had the courage to say enough's enough." Anyone who is looking at you and thinking "I told you so." probably hasn't been where you are right now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 1 week after coming back from our trip, they were back in school. And they are happy. So far. I feel guilty. They are not back in school because I think it is best for THEM. They are back in school because I need a break from homeschooling, a break from them to be honest. So in my mind, I am being selfish. And moms aren’t supposed to be selfish. I feel like I failed. I failed to live up to my own expectations and I failed my kids. I failed my husband. I’m not sure if all of this is just homeschool burnout, or post partum baby blues, or me being lazy. I just don’t know. What I do know is that I hate sending them off every morning. I hate how quiet the house is during the day. I hate that they likely won’t be learning very much. I hate that all of my hard work over the last 2.5 years is pretty much going to go out the window. I hate that I couldn’t suck it up and just carry on. I hate that “people†are looking at me and saying “yup, told ya she couldn’t do itâ€. But they are in school because you think it's best for them. It's best for them at this time. You didn't fail. You're readjusting your views of what's necessary and essential at this point in time. Just like in a plane accident - put the mask on yourself first. That's where you are right now. Sounds like your kids are doing well in school for now (not miserable and begging to return home). They're getting some of the structure that they weren't getting recently at home, you're all getting a break so you can enjoy the time you have together, and you can reassess in a while. Sounds like you're doing great.... even if it doesn't feel like it. You haven't stuck with something that wasn't working just because it's what your ideal was. You've adapted your desires and wishes to do what's best for your family. Well done!!! And lots & lots of :grouphug: . I hope you'll find peace with your decision and you'll see where you go from here. Them being in school doesn't have to be permanent, but it does sound best for now. Reassess in a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I am proud of you. You didn't just stop their education. You didn't say, "The baby is the lesson," or decide to abandon math for the year so the children could focus on home ec. As your children's work ethic started to slide, you didn't just decide they must be the un-academic type and let them get worse. You stood up, surveyed the damage, and made changes. You decided the motion would be "forward" even if the vehicle is not your ideal. I call that being a great Mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Please don't be so hard on yourself. Now is not the time for you to be beating yourself up because things weren't working. Now is the time for you to be taking care of yourself and that new baby and the toddler and just recover. It will all be OK. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I feel guilty. They are not back in school because I think it is best for THEM. They are back in school because I need a break from homeschooling, a break from them to be honest. So in my mind, I am being selfish. And moms aren’t supposed to be selfish. I feel like I failed. I failed to live up to my own expectations and I failed my kids. I failed my husband. I wouldn't look at it as a failure. You didn't live up to your ideal of a perfect homeschooling fantasy/goal, but you picked something that WILL work for them and will provide what they need right now. A good enough reality is much more important than sticking with a disaster reality. You did not fail them! You aren't being selfish! You decided what would be right for them right now, and you seem to have made the right choice if everyone is happier. It would be selfish to insist that they stay home to preserve your identitiy as a homeschooling mom, or for fear of looking like a failure. Take care of yourself. It sounds like you did what you needed to, for yourself and your kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
songsparrow Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 (Hugs) Don't be so hard on yourself! Maybe you would feel better if you eased in a bit of afterschooling in the evenings or weekends - some of the projects you had imagined enjoying with them. And relax a bit and enjoy your little one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 STOP! Just stop listing reasons to feel bad and use this time to REST. You take care of a large family. That's a LOT of work without the homeschooling. ANY choice has its pros and cons. Focus on the pros while you're in that particular season of life. I do get it. I sent my teen to high school after exclusively homeschooling. It felt like I somehow couldn't finish the race after I made it so far, but it was the right decision for that particular phase of life. You know what? Deciding to do it and adjusting to that decision was the hardest part. The rest has been NICE. The lighter workload has been nice. We were both ready for a change. Like you, I'm still working hard during the day. I still homeschool and care for my son. I still keep everyone fed and run the house. However, now I get to experience things we missed before. Catching up on each other's day over a snack, meeting some wonderful teachers who appreciate what a great student my daughter is, and hearing about new friends and adventures. Next weekend we're all going to see my daughter perform in her first ever high school musical. Thousands of people will see this over the course of a weekend. It's exciting once you decide to embrace it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 It really sounds like you're doing the best you can. Take a deep breath. Enjoy your little ones who are home with you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 You know, I used to think it would be the end of the world if I had to send my kids to school, now I know they would be fine :). It might not be the ultimate dream come true for them, but they will be just fine. Having a new baby is HARD, I don't know if I could have done school with a newborn. You are doing the best you can for them right now, and it doesn't have to be permanent. You will be in a completely different position in the fall with a 10 month old, so you can definitely reassess then. Praying for peace for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I think you made the right decision! They are happy at school. You have some time and energy back. It sounds like everything is working out. If they do want to homeschool again in the future, your little one will be a little older and easier to manage. I think it is a great plan. My kids were in school for awhile and got a lot of good things out of it. There were pros and cons of course (just like there are pros and cons with homeschooling!). If the pros outweigh the cons, then it is a good decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Use this time to regroup, to rest as much as you can, and just...be, for a while. Enjoy that toddler and that newborn--this break will help you do that, instead of wishing they were different. They will be different very soon, and you might miss it. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 So tell them that this is a BREAK from homeschooling...for mom and them. Get back to it in the Fall. It is not like it is an irreversible decision, Right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Putting one of mine in school was the hardest decision I ever made but the best one for her. I expected a lot of criticism but I got an unexpected amount of support. I wish the same for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AKshanmar Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I love the airplane analogy! Put on your mask first. Get recovered, get your strength back, start getting into routines with the toddler and the baby. Make little steps and goals, and when the fall (well summer really) comes, you will be ready to tackle it all again. Take the time during the day to rest, so that when they come home at night, you have the energy to set the standard for how you want it to be when they are home. I never homeschooled with a baby or toddler, and I've always marvelled at those who do. I would have thrown 'em all in school too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadianmumof5 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 From the bottom of my heart - thank you for all the kind words. I love the wisdom that you shared with me. And I am going to really make an effort this week to look at the positives of this decision and focus on the 2 little ones. One day at a time....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Wait. Who said moms are NEVER supposed to be selfish?! You have every RIGHT to want a break; you have every RIGHT to take a break. Having a baby can totally throw a monkey wrench into the best of plans - it did here. Marco is 8 months old and I had to bring down our workload to the BARE MINIMUM. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I think it probably is best for them at present. You sound overwhelmed and definitely shouldn't feel guilty. If, by being in school, they get you back as a peaceful, in-control mum, then it's the right thing for you all at the moment. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Taking care of everyone in your family and doing what you need to do is not selfish! Do not beat yourself up. This isn't a permanent decision. And even if it is, human beings can only handle so much at once. You kids legally need to be educated, and if it has to happen in a b&m school and that wasn't your ideal, so be it. Being honest, stepping up and doing what needs to be done, those are things to be proud of. Some people will judge you harshly, but just ignore them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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