Night Elf Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 What do you look for? Do you attend the service only, or do you ask for a Sunday School class? How long do you go before deciding whether it's a place you definitely do not want to attend or that you do intend to join. IF I work up the courage to do this, because no one in my family will go so I'll be totally on my own, how do I explain my solo appearance when I'm asked about family members? It would be a heck of a lot easier to know someone who could invite me. That was how I joined my former church which we've moved away from now. It's been 7 years and I still haven't worked up the courage to try a new church. I want to be an active member in a Sunday school class and teach children and work with AWANA. I miss those activities a great deal. Oh my, how do I explain 7 years of not going to church. They may not let me waltz in and become a teacher/helper with kids. It's just I miss it so much. It really helped me feel a vital part of our church and it's why I felt it was a home of sorts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Oh, it takes so much effort to try a new church! It's one of my least-favorite things ever. I sympathize with you. We usually just try a service and that's it; if we like that, we'll try more. We try not to talk to a lot of people, because we've been to churches where they latched onto us immediately and really were kind of pushy. That was a turn-off. We also have a terrible knack for picking "special Sunday." Guaranteed, the first time we try a church, the pastor will be on vacation, or they'll have a missionary speaker, or it'll be children's Sunday, or something. It's almost become laughable. And in today's society, families of all types come to church. I would just smile and say, "it's just me today" or something. People work odd shifts, families look non-traditional, whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Twice, I have visited churches on very special Sundays. One time they were announcing the Resignation of the music minister who had had an affair. But we do always give a church at least two Sunday services....just in case we hit a weird day. We go to the service for a few weeks. We did not try a small group until we knew we liked the church. Oh, it takes so much effort to try a new church! It's one of my least-favorite things ever. I sympathize with you. We usually just try a service and that's it; if we like that, we'll try more. We try not to talk to a lot of people, because we've been to churches where they latched onto us immediately and really were kind of pushy. That was a turn-off. We also have a terrible knack for picking "special Sunday." Guaranteed, the first time we try a church, the pastor will be on vacation, or they'll have a missionary speaker, or it'll be children's Sunday, or something. It's almost become laughable. And in today's society, families of all types come to church. I would just smile and say, "it's just me today" or something. People work odd shifts, families look non-traditional, whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I would go to a regular service first. Get there right before it starts and yo can even slip out early if you want. This gives you a chance to evaluate them without being put on the spot. If you can't stand the preaching, or realize it's not up your theological alley, you can not go back without having to make the effort of introducing yourself to anyone. If you go a few weeks and like it, you can then try a small group and see if you still like it. A lot of churches also have sermons online. You can get somewhat of a feel for a church without having to even go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Just go! No one will (or should) care about any of the details like why you haven't been in church and why you are alone. Go to a regular service a few times and ask yourself, "Is God here?" Visiting websites also helps -- you can learn a lot about a church from visiting their website. It's not the same as going, but it can provide good visitor information sometimes. If you're near central Washington, consider yourself invited. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 As someone who has visited several churches in the past few years you need to go a few times if the format (for lack of a better description) is different then you are used to. In the US we are Presbyterian and can quickly adjust to different churches. Usually it is a matter of which version of the bible and how modern the music is. A couple visits as long as we are comfortable with the sermons and we know if we want to start meeting members. In the UK it took several visits over a few years to understand that our village church was not really different from us in terms of core beliefs. Both reformed. Different articles but essentially the same. We always got lost in the paperwork and seriously could not follow the paperwork. It sounds a bit ridiculous but that was our problem. It took a new vicar who made sure we knew which book and page to make us comfortable regular attenders. Now that we get the system we can get through the stack that we are handed each week as well as most people. We love attending evensong on Sundays. We feel really fortunate to have such a wonderful church to worship in literally in our backyard. When you visit a new church I would simply be friendly. If approached ask about the programs you are interested in participating in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 The first week, we go to a service. If we like that, the next week, we try a SS class, as do the kids. The last few churches we've been to did not allow people to teach/work with kids until they had a background check and had been attending for at least 3 months. Current church makes you wait 6 months. The exception is VBS because we need so much help but someone new is always with an "old timer". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 We just started a new church last fall. I just went to a service the first time. Next time, I went to coffee hour afterwards and met people. After that, DH and DS3 came with us (it was just me and DS7). Then we talked to the priest and started the boys in Sunday school. Four years ago, we went to a new church after never having gone anywhere. My mom watched our son while we attended for about a month. Once we were sure we wanted to stay, he came with us. Nobody was ever weird about us not having attended church previously or where the rest of us were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 What do you look for? Do you attend the service only, or do you ask for a Sunday School class? How long do you go before deciding whether it's a place you definitely do not want to attend or that you do intend to join. IF I work up the courage to do this, because no one in my family will go so I'll be totally on my own, how do I explain my solo appearance when I'm asked about family members? It would be a heck of a lot easier to know someone who could invite me. That was how I joined my former church which we've moved away from now. It's been 7 years and I still haven't worked up the courage to try a new church. I want to be an active member in a Sunday school class and teach children and work with AWANA. I miss those activities a great deal. Oh my, how do I explain 7 years of not going to church. They may not let me waltz in and become a teacher/helper with kids. It's just I miss it so much. It really helped me feel a vital part of our church and it's why I felt it was a home of sorts. First, I check their website to see if I can eliminate the church before I even visit based on their beliefs or practices. For example, I wouldn't attend a church that had completely separate worship services for elementary age, mifddle-school, high-schoolm and adults. A VERY popular church around me (which has great teaching and fabulous programs) does this- but we would all be in separate church services. Not just Sunday school, CHURCH! Since you want to work with AWANA- only visit churches that have AWANA- unless you find a similar program you think you'd enjoy. How to explain being on your own? Just tell the truth! You're looking for a new church, and checking out several; before your family joins you. Why haven't you gobne in 7 years? You moved and didn;t get involved in a new church right away and before you knew it- 7 years have flown by. To encourage you: Diamond recently left our family's church (with our blessing). Long story- but she felt "invisible" there. She knew some people who attended the church that hosts her Bible study- so the week after she got her driver's license she drove herself to her new church! All by herself! She even went into the "visitors" Sunday school class. LOL- she was a unique case. She looks older- so they asked if she graduated college or just moved to town for work. Nope- she's a high school senior. They asked if her family goes to church- yep! Then she told them her story. She loves it there- for the first time in her 15 years of church attendance, she feels like she's "home." So, if a deeply introverted 17yo can walk into a new church alone, you can do it too! Let us know how it goes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Visit the church website, watch online sermons, download audio sermons or podcasts. Call and see if they have a calendar of events if it's not posted online. Our first service at our current church was a potluck dinner night that coincided with the first sermon given by the new youth pastor. A good youth group is a huge priority for us and the more casual style helped us feel not as uncomfortable. We attended for about 6 months before I took a class to learn more about the church's founding values and principles. I signed my pledge to be part of the church family (which is their version of membership), and filled out the volunteer/background forms they needed so I could work with the youth. Then when the next women's bible study started up, I joined in that. It's been slow going because I wanted to make sure that I felt comfortable at each stage before I jumped in, but we've been at our church for 9 months and I love it. It's exactly what we need at this stage of life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 … How to explain being on your own? Just tell the truth! You're looking for a new church, and checking out several; before your family joins you. Why haven't you gobne in 7 years? You moved and didn;t get involved in a new church right away and before you knew it- 7 years have flown by. … Brilliant responses! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Just go! :) With our last church (in our hometown) and our current one, we just decided one day to check them out, so we just showed up for service. No one questioned us at all, but both were bigger churches so we kind of blended in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 The church I'm considering is just like my old one. I have been to the website and everything looks good. It's just a matter of actually going to a service. Plus I don't own anything except jeans so I need to go get some slacks at least. There are two services. The early one is contemporary and the later one is traditional. The dress is probably different for the two and I prefer the traditional service. I'll start psyching myself up for it. I really do want to be involved in a church again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 We moved recently and this is the plan we implemented to find a church home. First, we made a list of what we were looking for in a church. Then we made a list of all of the churches we thought we be a good fit for us (based on denomination, recommendation from coworkers & friends, information on church websites, etc compared to our list); in our case, there were 6 churches on our list. We then attended each church once during their normal worship service. Everyone was very friendly and if they inquired as to whether we would be coming back, we were very honest with them that we would be visiting other churches in the area but that they may see us again in the future and thanked them for their hospitality. After we had visited each church once, we re-evaluated our list and eliminated any churches that obviously conflicted with what we were looking for. We then attended each of the remaining churches two weeks in a row and attend Sunday School and worship, and we asked the pastors or elders if we could meet with them just to talk about their congregations, ask questions, and get to know them a bit. Our plan at this point was to then narrow down the list again and visit each church for a month and attend as many of the additional activities (youth groups, Wednesday night suppers, Bible studies, etc) as we could then narrow our selection down to one, but our whole family was in agreement as to which church we wanted to attend after our two-week visits so we started attending there. As to what to say when people ask about your family situation, I would just be honest while sharing as much information as you feel comfortable sharing. Just let them know that while you do have a family and you hope that they will join you for worship and other activities at the church in the future that right now you are looking for a place for yourself to worship and serve in. You have been longing for a new church home for a few years now and are very thankful for their hospitality while you look. If any of the churches you visit has a problem with you searching for a church home on your own or after a seven year hiatus, then maybe that is not the right church for you. I would see thier responses to these situations/ questions as tools rather than potential embarrassments. I'll be praying for you as you search. Looking for a new church home can be such an emotional and stressful task. May you have peace in the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Everyone has given you great ideas. I agree not to worry about how to answer questions. Vague answers should work nicely, without embellishment. If they ask, "Do you have a family?" "Yup. A husband and # kids." You wouldn't need to explain where they are unless someone says, "Egads, woman! Then where are they!?" And no one will do that, so you'll be fine. I wouldn't expect any church to immediately send you off to work in Children's ministry. Once you find a church you like, expect to put in a few months of attendance before being given responsibility. My church has a policy of no leadership until you've been there a year. For example: helping out in the nursery doesn't count as leadership, but taking over coordinating the nursery workers would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 The church I'm considering is just like my old one. I have been to the website and everything looks good. It's just a matter of actually going to a service. Plus I don't own anything except jeans so I need to go get some slacks at least. There are two services. The early one is contemporary and the later one is traditional. The dress is probably different for the two and I prefer the traditional service. I'll start psyching myself up for it. I really do want to be involved in a church again. I think you would be fine in jeans for the contemporary service if you decide you want to try it before you have a chance to shop. You should probably attend both services before deciding because your interest in the activity side of things is so strong. I would want to experience both groups first since you will be working with both groups should you join. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Ugh, I hate church "shopping". That's probably why I ended up back at the same church 4x even though I know I don't want to be there. I thought I'd found MY church finally with our current church but I'm not so sure anymore. I did the web search, found out where the pastor had been before and since he was from a local church I was able to talk to people who knew him. I also knew people from the church who had been involved in starting the church. All that background info made me feel a lot more comfortable. After a few weeks I talked to both the pastor and his wife on separate occasions. I had a few questions for them and from there I was pretty settled that it was where we were supposed to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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