Because I can't talk about this to anyone irl...

[MrsBanjoClown]

My older ds played t-ball for 2 years. Both years we watched him completely ignore the game, except for when he was at bat. He was placed at catcher (they don't use a catcher for t-ball, the ump is also standing there and the pitcher throws the ball to the ump to put back on the tee) and would get so bored he would turn around and just talk to people on the other side of the fence. It got so bad that he would stand there clueless while the ball rolled right by him. He was put in the outfield, and the same thing happened. The second year he played, he was benched 2 of the 4 innings anytime they had too many players.

 

I am completely ok with him not liking baseball, but he begs to play every year. After the fiasco 2 years ago, we didn't let him play last spring. He played soccer instead, which he really seems to get into. He's a great goalie. He also plays soccer every fall. He is asking to play baseball again this spring, and I don't know what to do. He missed last year, which was the first year with a pitching machine, so that will be new to him. He is honestly not able to throw/catch a ball as well as he needs to in order to be able to play with these boys (they are very competitive). I don't want to hear kids and adults( yes, this happened the last time he played) screaming at my 8 year old about not paying attention to the game and not catching the ball/throwing hard enough all season. We work with him, but neither one of us was good at baseball growing up, and dh works afternoons/evenings so he would miss all practices and games. I would have to deal with the stress of people treating my child cruelly alone. I don't deal well with that. I lose my temper a little too easily when people are mean to my kid. We have tried to talk to ds, but he is oblivious. He says he wants to play, but he does not show initiative to go outside and throw a ball around or anything.

 

So, we are trying to make this decision...do we let him have another chance, with the knowledge that there is a good chance he is going to ignore the game most of the time and get yelled at/made fun of, or do we tell him he can't play - saving him from being treated poorly (and me the anger that boiled inside me at every game we went to) but in effect telling him he can't do something he wants to do?Also, his little brother will probably be playing as well.

[Dandelion]

Can you probe a bit more as to why he wants to play? Once you find out more about his motivation, you might be able to find a compromise or an alternative that meets that need. Maybe his reason for wanting to play is something that's not directly tied to baseball, and a need that can be satisfied in a different way.

 

I don't deal well with my child being treated poorly either. :grouphug: DS9 has Asperger's and I've BTDT. Hope you find a good solution.

[Tap]

At his age, I would give it one more year and then try again. I woud look at the experience he has gained with playing soccer. Did his effort at staying focused improve? Baseball can be hard, because it can be a lot of hurry up and wait. It can be hard for kids to stay focused, whereas soccer is more fast paced. If you really feel he is ready, I would talk to the coach and see if he is willing to let him go to a couple of practices and gauge if he has the maturity and determination to play now or not. Be honest with the coach and see what he/she suggests.

 

I would also find out what it is that he feels drawn to. Is it the kids, the team, the crowd? Does he just like having something to do and since it is baseball season, he wants to play that? Draw out what he likes and what he doesn't like and see if you can work with that information to make it an easier choice for all of you.

[TranquilMind]

My older ds played t-ball for 2 years. Both years we watched him completely ignore the game, except for when he was at bat. He was placed at catcher (they don't use a catcher for t-ball, the ump is also standing there and the pitcher throws the ball to the ump to put back on the tee) and would get so bored he would turn around and just talk to people on the other side of the fence. It got so bad that he would stand there clueless while the ball rolled right by him. He was put in the outfield, and the same thing happened. The second year he played, he was benched 2 of the 4 innings anytime they had too many players.

 

I am completely ok with him not liking baseball, but he begs to play every year. After the fiasco 2 years ago, we didn't let him play last spring. He played soccer instead, which he really seems to get into. He's a great goalie. He also plays soccer every fall. He is asking to play baseball again this spring, and I don't know what to do. He missed last year, which was the first year with a pitching machine, so that will be new to him. He is honestly not able to throw/catch a ball as well as he needs to in order to be able to play with these boys (they are very competitive). I don't want to hear kids and adults( yes, this happened the last time he played) screaming at my 8 year old about not paying attention to the game and not catching the ball/throwing hard enough all season. We work with him, but neither one of us was good at baseball growing up, and dh works afternoons/evenings so he would miss all practices and games. I would have to deal with the stress of people treating my child cruelly alone. I don't deal well with that. I lose my temper a little too easily when people are mean to my kid. We have tried to talk to ds, but he is oblivious. He says he wants to play, but he does not show initiative to go outside and throw a ball around or anything.

 

So, we are trying to make this decision...do we let him have another chance, with the knowledge that there is a good chance he is going to ignore the game most of the time and get yelled at/made fun of, or do we tell him he can't play - saving him from being treated poorly (and me the anger that boiled inside me at every game we went to) but in effect telling him he can't do something he wants to do?Also, his little brother will probably be playing as well.

 

Sure. He probably likes being part of a team and talking to the other guys. And maybe he won't make the team, so the decision will be removed from you.

 

I have NO problem saying to other parents who are out of control, "Hey, they are KIDS. Relax!" You should see how hockey parents act sometimes.

 

Reminds me of my daughter. At 4, I put her in ballet. All she wanted to do was talk and have fun and make friends.

[Rosyl]

We have Y teams that are more laid back and Traveling teams that are way more competitive. Maybe you could find a team that is laid back and less competitive with a focus on the enjoyment of the game and learning the skills, not winning.

[readinmom]

I would look for an Upward Bound sports program, where it is all about the kids. Ds#2 played this for one year as a break from the insanity of little league. Parents are given a card at the beginning of each game with the name of another player on it. They cheer for that player, write a nice note on the card and it is read by the coach at the end of the game. In our area, ages 5-12 participate in different divisions. Dd9 might play basketball this year because of the no-pressure environment.

[Clarkd]

After asking why he wants to play, I would, gently, explain your concerns to him. For example "i'm surprised you want to play bball again, last time you were on a team, you seemed to not be very interested in the action in the game. Have you changed your interest in being involved?" Compare his success in soccer. Ask why he likes it/wants to play. Ask if there is another activity that would better fit his strengths or if he wants to work on his bball skills/concentration. Many kids lack the ability to reflect on their own sports performance, especially what he did two seasons ago.

Was he aware of the reaction of the parents/kids? Has he changed his level of focus since he last played? It is so hard to experience others be critical of our own kids, but it may not have the same impact on him it has on you. If you did decide to have him participate can you talk to the coach about the negative atmosphere? How could you protect yourself from the negative crowd? I think it is harder to tell him no when his sibling will participate. Is there a different league both of them could join (as others suggested)?

[mom2att]

My youngest played baseball for a few years and he was a lot like your son--just kind of there for the team. I will say that the older he got, the better the kids got and the more my son sat on the bench. The parents and the kids were all nice, but to go to every practice and every game and then only play for two of the four innings, and that in the outfield, it just wasn't what I was looking for in a rec sports team for him. Rec sports should be about everybody playing, IMO. We switched to soccer and haven't looked back. Everytime we drive past the baseball fields we are so glad we are not there. I think the early years were fine, when it was t-ball and early pitching machine, but the greater the skills of the kids, the less fun he had. In soccer everybody plays, everybody runs around, everybody has fun.

[Guest inoubliable]

I'm probably going to sound harsh for this but.... I'd not put him back in. Simply, it seems like he's not good at it. And it seems like he likes being on a team more than he likes playing the sport. I'd suggest taking him to see local games or watching baseball on TV with him if he really enjoys the sport. It's possible to enjoy a sport without playing, kwim? And I'd continue to support him playing soccer. He gets to be on a team and he's playing something that he enjoys AND is good at. If you put him into baseball again this year and he's not up to their skill level, he may not just be clueless this time around. He may end up frustrated and feeling like an outsider.

Just something to think about.

[bzymom]

I would talk to him about what he enjoys about the game, and gently point out that he did not seem very focused on the action when he played and that as he gets older, it becomes more competitive.

Then I would let him play. If you can't try another round of baseball at 8, when can you? Maybe it is not going to be his sport, and I would definitely stay away from travel or tournament teams, but I would not keep him out to appease the fools who believe 8 year old boys playing baseball is akin to the Major Leagues.

[Guest]

If spring soccer is an option, I would do that. I wouldn't put him in baseball this year.

[plansrme]

I would not put him in baseball. If he is really going to sit there and pay no attention to the game, not even try, of course the rest of the team is going to be irritated. There is a big difference in those who try and are just not very good and those who bring down the team because they do not even try. We have been on many teams, and I have seen this over and over, and I have seen patience and sportsmanship modeled beautifully with struggling but hard-working players. I also have seen kids all of us wanted to kick out of the park because their sucky attitudes brought down the entire team. Your son does not seem to have a bad attitude, but after a certain age, inattention looks a like disrespect for your teammates and for the game.

 

Terri

[unsinkable]

For the vast majority of kids, T-ball is a waste of time, for just the reasons you listed. Too much standing around, limited action/interaction, long periods of time with NOTHING happening.

 

If you are dedicated, you can teach your child all the skills and more, that he'd learn in T-ball at home. BUT, it takes time and consistency. Playing catch, fielding, hitting, running...every day. 20 to 30 minutes a day is better than a 2 day per week Tball league.

 

When kids are older, with better skills, they can start coach or machine pitch. It moves faster, etc, etc.

 

Good luck!

[unsinkable]

Ok... Read too fast and saw he was treated badly at tball and would now be at machine pitch level.

 

Well, that is a bunch of crap. Any decent league has rules in place about using positive language, no bullying, sportsmanship, etc. etc.

 

If that kind of behavior is the culture of the league, you shouldn't be there.

 

Eight years old is much too young to decide someone is not good at something. Much too young. I'm shocked at that suggestion!

 

But baseball skills DO need to be practiced over and over and over, nearly daily. Years ago this was accomplished easily with kids on their own, in the streets and corner lots and empty ball fields. Now parents have to take an active role to see that the basic skills are achieved.

[Remudamom]

If you can't get him to the practices I wouldn't even consider it. If you can then give it another year.

[unsinkable]

I would not put him in baseball. If he is really going to sit there and pay no attention to the game, not even try, of course the rest of the team is going to be irritated. There is a big difference in those who try and are just not very good and those who bring down the team because they do not even try. We have been on many teams, and I have seen this over and over, and I have seen patience and sportsmanship modeled beautifully with struggling but hard-working players. I also have seen kids all of us wanted to kick out of the park because their sucky attitudes brought down the entire team. Your son does not seem to have a bad attitude, but after a certain age, inattention looks a like disrespect for your teammates and for the game.

 

Terri

 

The OP's kid was probably 5 or 6 when he was in Tball. No one should be labelled with a "sucky

attitude" at this age. NObody "brings down" a tball team.

[kitten18]

I would talk to him about what he enjoys about the game, and gently point out that he did not seem very focused on the action when he played and that as he gets older, it becomes more competitive.

Then I would let him play. If you can't try another round of baseball at 8, when can you? Maybe it is not going to be his sport, and I would definitely stay away from travel or tournament teams, but I would not keep him out to appease the fools who believe 8 year old boys playing baseball is akin to the Major Leagues.

I agree.

 

Is there anywhere else to play that is less competitive? There is a little league group in our town that is known for being ultra competitive. We also have baseball through the city parks and rec, we're doing city, it's much more ds's speed.

[magnificent_baby]

I coach softball, and at machine pitch level, kids are all over the place skill-wise. I would not be worried. I would suggest a non-competitive league though. Our parks and rec department has different leagues, and I would hope yours does too.

 

If you are going to stick with it, play catch with him, as often as possible. Every day, even in the house with a 'soft' ball. That will help his skills the most.

 

Soccer can be the same situation, there are some teams that have a more competitive attitude. Before signing him up for anything, I would call and ask for a coach that is more laid back or has a lot of beginners.

 

Don't give up! It can take a long time to develop skills for any sport.

[elfgivas]

can you say more about why you are wondering what to do?

 

is it money? are you worried about the kids being mean because he isn't paying attention? (definitely a concern) it just makes me cross that the adults would be that way about an 8-year old t-ball team.

 

this morning, as i read your post, i read about a kid who wants to be outside doing an activity with kids his own age. i would think that's a good thing, and that the teaching point would be around how to pay attention and be involved.

 

flip side is that he's at a great age to try different things. our parks and rec offer 6 week intro to basketball, intro to volleyball, intro to gymnastics, intro to etc..... is it possible he's mentioning it because he knows about it or ???

 

if he'd be doing other exciting things instead, then redirection is good. if he'd be home watching tv, t-ball sounds like a great idea to me.

 

fwiw,

ann

[unsinkable]

I coach softball, and at machine pitch level, kids are all over the place skill-wise. I would not be worried. I would suggest a non-competitive league though. Our parks and rec department has different leagues, and I would hope yours does too.

 

If you are going to stick with it, play catch with him, as often as possible. Every day, even in the house with a 'soft' ball. That will help his skills the most.

 

Soccer can be the same situation, there are some teams that have a more competitive attitude. Before signing him up for anything, I would call and ask for a coach that is more laid back or has a lot of beginners.

 

Don't give up! It can take a long time to develop skills for any sport.

 

 

I wish I could like this more than once...or there was a choice for REALLY REALLY like!

 

 

[plansrme]

 

 

The OP's kid was probably 5 or 6 when he was in Tball. No one should be labelled with a "sucky

attitude" at this age. NObody "brings down" a tball team.

 

 

That is not what I said--my point is that if he is not going to pay attention at this age (8), it looks like a sucky attitude. If he is going to pay attention and try, the teams I have been I involved with would appreciate that. I was under the impression that the OP thought he still would not be paying attention, but maybe I misunderstood that.

 

Terri

[kewb]

I would find out why he wants to play and discuss with him how it was in the past and either find a less competitive league or not sign him up. Once they hit age 8 everyone takes it from a fun rec league to ubercompetitive (at least around here) and the only onces who get to play are the ones who are really into the game and have some skills. There is plenty of time in life for failure. I don't think they need to be set up for it at age 8.

[MrsBanjoClown]

Unfortunately, this is the only option for baseball in our town. The other option at the same time is soccer, and that is what we have been gently directing him toward, because it is much more laid back and he honestly is better at it and seems to enjoy it more (though he won't say that). There are no try-outs for this league. If they sign up, they are on a team. We pay to have them play.

 

Bringing him to practices and games is not an issue - I will be able to. I think he enjoys being part of the game. He likes to bat. He likes being around his friends that play, and he likes the snow cone at the end of the game, of course! We have been working with him every day, and we are hoping that will help if he does end up playing. I honestly think that he has no clue that a lot of the other kids take the game very seriously and want to win. We've talked to him like someone mentioned, but I guess I start feeling guilty - that he will come back one day and say that we "steered him away" from baseball and he regrets not playing.

[unsinkable]

Unfortunately, this is the only option for baseball in our town. The other option at the same time is soccer, and that is what we have been gently directing him toward, because it is much more laid back and he honestly is better at it and seems to enjoy it more (though he won't say that). There are no try-outs for this league. If they sign up, they are on a team. We pay to have them play.

 

Bringing him to practices and games is not an issue - I will be able to. I think he enjoys being part of the game. He likes to bat. He likes being around his friends that play, and he likes the snow cone at the end of the game, of course! We have been working with him every day, and we are hoping that will help if he does end up playing. I honestly think that he has no clue that a lot of the other kids take the game very seriously and want to win. We've talked to him like someone mentioned, but I guess I start feeling guilty - that he will come back one day and say that we "steered him away" from baseball and he regrets not playing.

 

 

Unfortunately, the later he waits to play and the longer he goes without playing, the more difficult it would be for him to get into the game.

 

So, does he HAVE to choose between soccer and baseball this spring and summer?

[unsinkable]

 

 

That is not what I said--my point is that if he is not going to pay attention at this age (8), it looks like a sucky attitude. If he is going to pay attention and try, the teams I have been I involved with would appreciate that. I was under the impression that the OP thought he still would not be paying attention, but maybe I misunderstood that.

 

Terri

 

 

I disagree that an 8 year old not paying attention in baseball will look like a sucky attitude.

 

Perhaps there are some leagues or environments where this is the case but those leagues and environments need some child development classes and attitude adjustments. IMO

[unsinkable]

Brian regan -- lousy in little league...but snow cones!

 

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=CIOzk7d2oUM&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DCIOzk7d2oUM

 

Not saying the OPs kid is lousy but this is so funny.

 

Half game, full snow cone! Grape! Grape is a little more of a favorite!

[MrsBanjoClown]

OP's husband posting here.

 

To clarify a few things: First, we live in a small town. We have Dixie League baseball and a local soccer association. That's all there is for team sports in the spring. Baseball is a big thing here and some of these kids are being groomed from a very young age with the intent of them being college ball players. We're talking about second- and third-generation baseball families, people who are very invested in seeing their child succeed in the sport. To them, our son's inattention is hurting their son's chances at making an all-star team.

 

I honestly don't believe baseball is his sport. It has a lot of down time during which a kid can get distracted, and he's never been the most focused. More than that, though, he's always demonstrated an aptitude toward soccer. He's a natural with the footwork and watches the game, even when he's rotated to the bench. But as my lovely wife said, we don't want him to feel like we pushed him away from baseball. After his last year of tee ball, we refused to let him play last spring. We told him the truth: it was because he didn't put any effort into the sport and his inattention on the field was costing the team. The deal was that if he showed us that he'd grown enough to stay in the game and practice hard, he could play this spring.

 

He hasn't shown us that. I have to practically drag him outside to play catch. I don't know that I've ever heard him ask me to do anything regarding baseball. For two years he's resisted my efforts to help him improve, and now he wants to play. I hate the thought of telling my kid he can't do something, but I hate the thought of watching him fail when I know that if he really wanted it, he could do it.

[unsinkable]

Given what MR and MRS banjo clown have posted, I can see why they are leaning towards soccer. Sport-wise, it sounds like the better choice.

 

It's too bad you don't have other baseball options, just to keep him in the game.

 

Good luck!

[ChristineW]

OP's husband posting here.

 

After his last year of tee ball, we refused to let him play last spring. We told him the truth: it was because he didn't put any effort into the sport and his inattention on the field was costing the team. The deal was that if he showed us that he'd grown enough to stay in the game and practice hard, he could play this spring.

 

He hasn't shown us that. I have to practically drag him outside to play catch. I don't know that I've ever heard him ask me to do anything regarding baseball. For two years he's resisted my efforts to help him improve, and now he wants to play. I hate the thought of telling my kid he can't do something, but I hate the thought of watching him fail when I know that if he really wanted it, he could do it.

 

 

When is registration? I'd remind your son again why he didn't play last year and then give him a limited window to show his willingness to practice. If your son isn't willing to play catch or practice fielding balls at home, then he shouldn't be on the team. It's bad for him, and its bad for his teammates.

[wonderchica]

Just throwing this out there- when my little brother didn't pay attention during baseball/didn't appear to notice the ball or what was happening with it, it turned out to be because he couldn't SEE the ball. He needed glasses. My mom felt like a dope :lol

[Delighted3]

Even at 8, I expect a child to show some ownership of his activities. If he is unwilling to practice with his Dad for 2 years or show any enthusiasm for the sport, then I don't think he really has an interest in the sport. I also don't think it unreasonable for a child to have to choose when it comes to outside activities. I know a lot of families who limit their kids to one outside activity. Why can't soccer be his thing? We are also talking about money/time resources. As a parent, I think it is OK to say that I don't think that is the best use of our family's resources.

JMO,

Joy

[kroe1]

Sounds like he last tried baseball at age 6. Is this right?

 

There is a lot of maturity between 6 and 8. I would give him another chance if he wants to give it a go and you are willing to support his efforts. It is a shame your town does not have a spring soccer season. My DS always played all year.

 

I would also vote for the eye check, as that could be an easy fix.

 

Let us know what you decide.

 

 

[Alice]

Did he perceive that he is being yelled at or made fun of? Does it bother him that he isn’t as good as the other kids? Or does it just bother you?

 

My son plays baseball. He is just ok, average for his age or a little below. We live in a big baseball town and have also encountered a lot of eye-rolling and screaming parents. One season in particular he struggled a lot with hitting and struck out almost every time up to bat. There was one Dad on our team in particular (who was also a “coachâ€) that would mutter under his breath and make all kinds of comments. It killed me. I hated going and watching him fail. I hurt for him. I would get all mad and upset at the other parents and the comments.

 

So why do I let him play? He really likes it. He’s improved every season. Even so, he likes baseball but he isn’t willing to put in a lot of extra time and effort practicing. He works hard during the season and has a good attitude but he’s not a kid who is asking to go out and catch and bat for fun. I don’t think it’s a bad thing for him to learn that he’s not going to be great at everything, especially things he doesn’t put a lot of effort into. I would stop him from playing if I thought it was effecting his confidence but I really don’t think he’s aware of or heard any comments. He loves being on a team and he likes the game. There are other things he excels at and enjoys. So as much as I hate watching him struggle I also see benefits to it.

 

I guess my point is that if your son still likes the game and isn’t bothered by not being the best why not let him play?