Truscifi Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Put me down as another vote for finding a new doc. Not just because of the doc, but also because of the nurse who wouldn't pass along your concerns. I would have a HUGE problem with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 My questions: 1. Do you think when you see a medical professional you're simply bound to following whatever they suggest? If you disagree you should leave the practice? Is this doctor out of line or am I? No, I don't. That's what second opinions are about. It was wise for you to seek one, and now you know that your feelings on the treatment plan are valid. I think you should be able to change to another doctor within the practice, but if their policy doesn't allow that I would find another doctor elsewhere. I did this when my dd was an infant she was failing to gain weight even though she was meeting developmental milestones. The doctor wanted me to put dd on formula, and I disagreed, so I left the practice. No extra meetings to discuss it again. I just found a new doctor. 2. Should I have just said I'd do y and z...like pretend to follow all he suggested? I'm just not that kind of person and it seems that would compromise my son's care. No, that could compromise your son's health. If the doctor hadn't called back within a day of my message/letter, I probably would have asked BIL for an interim treatment until finding a new permanent pediatrician to whom I could bring that new treatment plan. 3. Do I just leave the practice over this or meet with this, in my opinion egotistical or something, doctor this coming week? Some doctors have a God complex, NPD, whatever you want to call it... sounds like you lucked out and found one. Don't bother to meet with the doctor again. You've already made your position clear, multiple times, and he's done the same. If you meet with him again, he'll just patronize you again. Just walk away and find a new doctor. When entering the new practice, assume the old doctor has written negative comments about you as a parent into your child's medical record. Talk to the new doctor about your concerns at the old practice. 4. If I do meet with him how do I approach the meeting? Don't. I am feeling really bad about this in tons of ways. Don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Fire the doctor today. The kids doctors and the rest of the doctors my family sees know that we question and have no issues with it. If they do, I fire them. I fired one last year who told me twice that one kiddo only had a cold and he had a degree. Called a second doctor in the practice who listened, checked out kiddo and said pneumonia not cold. If I can't ask questions about why the doctor recommended certain treatments, then I feel they don't have my best interests at heart. I would take the child with asthma to a pediatric pulmonologist as they can treat asthma better than a ped. When I have liked a practice and only had problems with one or two people in the practice, I have the nurse/office manager put a sticky on the front of all of our files stating that we are to never be seen by the person that we have a problem with, I report their "god complex" attitude and refusal to take previous medical history (as well as other dr's willingness to work with us) into consideration, etc. Your other option is to find another practice. You are NOT going to change this particular doctor's attitude. He believes he is superior to all parents and you and your child do not matter to him on a personal level whatsoever. This is NOT the kind of doctor you want to deal with and he could cause problems for you later on if you don't go in with a sheeple state so as to make his work "easier". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 I would switch peds as well. It is obvious they don't want you as a patient, why do you want to continue? The only way they want you around is if you listen and do whatever they say without question, that wouldn't be acceptable to me. We recently had a disagreement with our ped. I'm still considering whether to switch. We just didn't do what they prescribed and I am SO glad that we went with our instincts. Personally, I didn't discuss it with him(although dh was really itching to let him know that he was wrong- it wasn't worth more stress to me at that point after dragging it 2 wks I was done) , it is a long stressful story though, regardless, we have to do what we feel best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 one thing we've done in the past is to call our insurance provider, explain unemotionally what occurred, and ask them how they would like us to proceed. i never felt i was bound by their advice, but it helped to know what their rules for their providers were. they have stepped in on our behalf twice. once it was when we asked for a second (and outside opinion) and were denied. once it was when we wanted a different surgeon than we had been assigned. now, once the person on the phone didn't know what to say, so i asked for a supervisor or nurse advocate, so it may not be a smooth discussion, but we found it very helpful. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 I would (and did) leave the practice if I felt the doctor was not willing to listen to me as the parent, let alone respect me as the ultimate authority on decisions regarding my child. I was MUCH happier with the next person I went to. Look for what you want and don't give it a second thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 I agree with everyone else. Don't bother to meet with him, just go to the doctor you like or find a new one. I'm not always an easy patient (I have OCD, and have had a few weird reactions to drugs, so I tend to ask a lot of questions or ask for different drugs sometimes). But I've never had a doctor refuse to listen to my concerns and explain things. I have also never had trouble getting the nurse to act as a go-between to relay info or questions to the doctor. I wouldn't continue to go to a doctor who wouldn't explain why my suggestions were not heeded. I'm sorry you had this experience. Given the complexity of your son's case, I'd see a specialist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 We just left a practice exactly like this!!!!! RUN, don't walk! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Sounds like you aren't a good fit, because that doctor is a pompous jerk. I had a bad experience like that with my original oncologist and fretted and worried about it, but when I called, they let me change to another doctor in the practice with minimal discomfort. Since this doesn't seem to be the case for you, I would be checking out new pediatric offices ASAP. Nothing irks me more when a doctor acts like they know better simple because they have a medical degree. They see you or your kid for a few minutes, a couple times a year. I have several physicians in my family, and I can tell you that, while they are intelligent and knowledgeable about the things that were covered in medical school, they do not know everything and certainly do not know what is best in every single circumstance. The arrogance of not listening to the patients (who are PAYING their salary) sends me over the edge. There is no harm to your ego if you take a few minutes to hear someone out, discuss why you think your decision is better, and allow your patient to make an informed decision, even if you don't agree with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Run, and don't look back. This guy is an A@@. You would be happier elsewhere. You are dodging a bullet here, seriously. My kids are teens now, but I am SO glad I did not use a pediatrician, but instead took them to my long time family doctor. He treats all of us and actually listens, and uses common sense. We don't always agree, but I'm still seeing him 30+ years later because he is very knowledgeable and because he respects my opinion. For the immediate problem, maybe you can go to a small clinic inside a store? I go to an alternative-oriented one, though they will give antiobiotics or anything we really need when we need it. The advantage is that these are staffed by older nurses or NP's who have seen it all. They use common sense! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 It sounds like the attitude is not just coming from the doctor, but also the nurse who refused to relay information, and the office manager who repeated the "he has a medical degree so you can't argue with him" mentality. I would most definitely find another practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Besides changing doctors, you need to find a pediatric pulmonologist to help you manage the asthma stuff. Once that is under control you can see the new ped. for regular stuff. I agree. I *would not* continue with a regular ped writing scrips for singulair, steroids, etc. Our ped has nothing to do with that stuff, unless ds needs a course of antibiotics or steroids ASAP. Sure, he has a degree, but it is not in pulmonology. I would switch practices without hesitation. They cannot guarantee that you won't see this one doctor. FWIW, one of my friends had a pediatric dental practice fire her. Our insurance pays for one set of x-rays per year. The dentist wanted to do a second set for some reason at the kids' six month appointments. When she asked if that was really necessary, they stopped everything and told her that they wouldn't see her anymore. So, some medical professionals *do not* want to be questioned at all. IMO, it is best to avoid them, no matter how good they might be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Don't bother meeting with this pediatrician. It sounds like they're giving you a chance to be a good little do-bee and make amends with this God-like figure of a doctor. It's crap. You're a patient. You had a concern. You got a second opinion. If the doctor didn't feel the second opinion was the best course of action, he should have called you and explained why he felt his treatment would work better. It's ridiculous that you HAVE to be willing to see every doctor in the practice and if you don't get along with one, you can't just see the others. There is a doctor I don't particularly care for in my practice (others rave about him) because of past treatment options with my son and because I feel he is arrogant. I won't go into my whole story of why, but it's similar to your situation. I will see him in a pinch, but he's not my first option and even if we DO have to see him in a pinch, I will make all follow-ups with my regular pediatrician or another doctor in the practice. I know many people who use the same practice, and some have refused to use one of the doctors. No one I know has EVER been told to find a new doctor. At my OBGYN office I refused to use one of the doctors. No one ever gave me a hard time about it. They are being unreasonable. I know doctor shopping is not fun, but you will be better off in the long run. There is no point in going to a practice where they try to bully and beat you into submission. I'm sure you don't know as much as this doctor about medical treatment, but that doesn't mean you're wrong and it doesn't mean the doctor has the right to treat you with disrespect for questioning him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 Thank you all who took the time to reply. It helps me a lot to know I'm not the only one who has run into this type of doctor. After reading all the replies I decided to call the business manager back. Actually, I called the switchboard and asked if the hospital had a patient representative or patient advocate. Not really--the business manager is the closest thing. So, with some confidence and clarity gained from the replies here actually, I called her today. She talked again to her manager. They decided I don't have to see that doctor again to remain in the practice. She is setting up a pulmonology referral at the Children's Hospital. All of you who asked why I would want to stay or told your own stories made me realize I needed to really think about the practice as a whole. I may leave the practice. I told her that but it will be my choice and they aren't going to terminate me. She told me the only thing about this mess in the file will be the doctor's statement that perhaps I should find a doctor who was a better fit. This is good because it gives me a chance to try the other pediatrician's office if I want and, if I find more stinkers in the other practice, I can remain with the current doctor set. I do really like the other doctors though. So I may see the one I like best and see how the staff responds to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I would find a new doc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Thank you all who took the time to reply. It helps me a lot to know I'm not the only one who has run into this type of doctor. After reading all the replies I decided to call the business manager back. Actually, I called the switchboard and asked if the hospital had a patient representative or patient advocate. Not really--the business manager is the closest thing. So, with some confidence and clarity gained from the replies here actually, I called her today. She talked again to her manager. They decided I don't have to see that doctor again to remain in the practice. She is setting up a pulmonology referral at the Children's Hospital. All of you who asked why I would want to stay or told your own stories made me realize I needed to really think about the practice as a whole. I may leave the practice. I told her that but it will be my choice and they aren't going to terminate me. She told me the only thing about this mess in the file will be the doctor's statement that perhaps I should find a doctor who was a better fit. This is good because it gives me a chance to try the other pediatrician's office if I want and, if I find more stinkers in the other practice, I can remain with the current doctor set. I do really like the other doctors though. So I may see the one I like best and see how the staff responds to me. Good for you mama! I hope you never have to deal with that doc again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Glad you were able to resolve this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Glad your talk with the office manager went well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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