Do you teach your ds separately so he can do "boy" stuff?

[klmama]

Reading Boys Adrift (by same author as Why Gender Matters), I was struck by the need to do more things just for my ds to help him learn in a way that fits him better. Have you made any changes in your homeschool to accomodate a boy's need for masculine activity? Have you changed your curriculum choices for him? Do you teach him separately? How do your girls react to the changes you've made? Thanks for any input!

[Old Dominion Heather]

Well, I have only boys, but I can tell you what a typical lesson looks like...

 

We make sure that they EAT before doing anything else. Then we start school. There are breaks, we do lots of stuff outlous and keep the writing to a minimum. Workbook stuff (writing for the sake of writing) is always done out loud.

 

We take lots and lots of breaks. LOTS. LOTS OF BREAKS. I can't emphasize this point enough. I make them go outside and do something active. We go out and they run to the end of the street and back and then we go back in and resume.

 

We have snack. Lots and lots of snack. LOTS. Lots of food.

 

And we are SILLY. If we are silly, they will remember better what was read/discussed/ taught. Silliness is a part of the curriculum.

[elegantlion]

Well, I have only boys, but I can tell you what a typical lesson looks like...

 

We make sure that they EAT before doing anything else. Then we start school. There are breaks, we do lots of stuff outlous and keep the writing to a minimum. Workbook stuff (writing for the sake of writing) is always done out loud.

 

We take lots and lots of breaks. LOTS. LOTS OF BREAKS. I can't emphasize this point enough. I make them go outside and do something active. We go out and they run to the end of the street and back and then we go back in and resume.

 

We have snack. Lots and lots of snack. LOTS. Lots of food.

 

And we are SILLY. If we are silly, they will remember better what was read/discussed/ taught. Silliness is a part of the curriculum.

 

:iagree: I only have one boy, but we do the same things. Silliness is a big part of our retention as well. We also allow weapons (toy ones) during read aloud time, they must have a silencer however. :lol: I also consiously send him off with dh at certain times to go do guy things and be guy like. Dh is self-employed and if he has errands to do after we are done with school ds will tag along.

[Sharon H in IL]

I learned a lot from Andrew Pudewa's lecture "Teaching Boys and Other Children Who'd Rather Build Forts All Day"

 

I sit with each boy and give lots of help with a lesson until he gives me the signal that he no longer needs my help. Here is the clue they give: "Mo-ooom! I can *do* this."

 

I let them chew sugarless gum while doing math.

 

If we could do it all over again, I'd buy a big exercise ball for my boys to sit on while doing their seatwork.

 

Lots of work done orally rather than written. First Language Lessons, narrations, Prima Latina, all were done orally.

 

We used a math curriculum with lots of movement, manipulatives, and games: RightStart.

 

Plenty of what we call 'strong food' for breakfast and lunch. Short lessons. Outdoor breaks if needed, and the reward of lots of free time once lessons were done. We kept extra-curricular things to a minimum.

 

Sports for my high-energy, social kid. Every season he's in whatever sport is available. It keeps us all sane. ;)

[Natalieclare]

 

I am a big believer in Whatever Works, so I have changed curricula for both boys and girls, looking for Whatever Works. If something didn't work for one of my dds, then I looked until I found something that did. So, when I needed to change things up for my son, it was no surprise. It's standard operating procedure around here.

 

Sometimes as I discover something of value for one child, the others will watch and determine that it's of value to them as well. For example, we figured out that Charles needed to run around the house a few times to get his focus back (or jump on the tramp for 100). Grace saw this and thought it might work for her too. Then Sophia noticed Graciegirl running around and tried the technique herself.

 

Our son has definitely needed to do more work orally and I kind of suspected that the girls would feel ripped off that they'd had to do more written work at his age. Instead, my son feels ripped off that he can't keep their pace. Sigh. I think the first issue would be easier to deal with.

[WTMindy]

Reading Boys Adrift (by same author as Why Gender Matters), I was struck by the need to do more things just for my ds to help him learn in a way that fits him better. Have you made any changes in your homeschool to accomodate a boy's need for masculine activity? Have you changed your curriculum choices for him? Do you teach him separately? How do your girls react to the changes you've made? Thanks for any input!

 

I don't. I have one 9yob and I teach them similarly. Dh also teaches a couple things in the evenings and he coaches his soccer team, so he is getting a male influence. But, I think boys need to learn to sit and work as well as girls. I do the same things with my ds as I do with my dd.

[Amy in Orlando]

I don't. I have one 9yob and I teach them similarly. Dh also teaches a couple things in the evenings and he coaches his soccer team, so he is getting a male influence. But, I think boys need to learn to sit and work as well as girls. I do the same things with my ds as I do with my dd.

 

I only have boys so I might be off, but I think boys and girls learn very differently. If you have a boy that will sit and do work alongside his sister, great, but most are not wired that way, in my own experience. (One of my four is happy to sit and work for as long as it takes)

 

I, too, agree with feeding them well before you attempt anything. Breaks and physical activity between subjects also seems to make a big difference. My older boys are far more capable now of just sitting down and getting things done than they were at 7-8-9-10. BUT, I still get better lessons out of them if I build in time for them to blow off steam and eat AGAIN. As they hit 10-11-12 (puberty), I think it would been a waste of my time to force them to sit for long stretches of time without some kind of physcial outlet. They HAVE learned to sit and get the work done, but on a different timetable.

[WTMindy]

I only have boys so I might be off, but I think boys and girls learn very differently. If you have a boy that will sit and do work alongside his sister, great, but most are not wired that way, in my own experience. (One of my four is happy to sit and work for as long as it takes)

 

I, too, agree with feeding them well before you attempt anything. Breaks and physical activity between subjects also seems to make a big difference. My older boys are far more capable now of just sitting down and getting things done than they were at 7-8-9-10. BUT, I still get better lessons out of them if I build in time for them to blow off steam and eat AGAIN. As they hit 10-11-12 (puberty), I think it would been a waste of my time to force them to sit for long stretches of time without some kind of physcial outlet. They HAVE learned to sit and get the work done, but on a different timetable.

 

Well, he doesn't always sit. :001_smile: There are the mini-trampoline (that we have in our schoolroom) breaks. But, I still want him to sit and do his academics. I don't care where he sits, usually it is on the floor or the couch.

[Amy in Orlando]

Well, he doesn't always sit. :001_smile: There are the mini-trampoline (that we have in our schoolroom) breaks. But, I still want him to sit and do his academics. I don't care where he sits, usually it is on the floor or the couch.

 

:lol::lol:There you go, then. We DO agree. I have a son that likes to read hanging upside down. Makes me crazy to watch him, but he gets what he's reading (even if he is doing it the "wrong" way :tongue_smilie:)

[Snickerdoodle]

We make sure that they EAT before doing anything else.

 

We take lots and lots of breaks. LOTS. LOTS OF BREAKS. I can't emphasize this point enough.

 

This is so true for us too.

[Kate CA]

Reading Boys Adrift (by same author as Why Gender Matters), I was struck by the need to do more things just for my ds to help him learn in a way that fits him better. Have you made any changes in your homeschool to accomodate a boy's need for masculine activity? Have you changed your curriculum choices for him? Do you teach him separately? How do your girls react to the changes you've made? Thanks for any input!

 

Not exactly, but we do have him in Cub Scouts. It has been a really big deal for him to have that time with other boys and his daddy. He is an only boy in the middle of four sisters. I have seen him mature and develop interests in things he might never have known about under my direction alone. I am not big into archery here in my Sacramento suburb. :tongue_smilie: Our troop is a homeschool troop and is full of committed families. If you have the opportunity, I highly recommend it.

[Lolly]

I tend to teach ds separately. Not for everything, but most. He is my youngest, and definitely least mature. I tend to go through things faster with him. Less writing. More active? I was thinking not, but he is the one who learned all his rote memory work while riding his bike; so yes. How do the girls react? Very thankful that they aren't having to sit through his anctics!

[elegantlion]

Both ds and I use an exercise ball to sit. He focuses so much better when he can wiggle while he works.

[PariSarah]

Except for what ODH said about the constant food.

 

But if we did the constant breaks for activity, the freedom to move, that sort of thing? Isaac would never learn and retain anything. He learns and retains best by having concentrated time to be still and work at it. He really absorbs himself into things he cares about, and my best bet for getting him to work well is to get him to care about it and get sucked into it. When I try to turn something into a game, he gets absorbed into the game part, and the learning part goes bye-bye.

 

I think it's great if the "boys should be able to act like boys" crowd is teaching you to be more attentive to the individual needs of your children. But if I treated my son the way they said "all boys need," I would be doing him a disservice.

 

I suspect Theo will need very, very different treatment, however. If it's not obnoxiously loud and dangerously physical, he don't want nothin' to do with it.

[LisaNY]

Reading Boys Adrift (by same author as Why Gender Matters), I was struck by the need to do more things just for my ds to help him learn in a way that fits him better. Have you made any changes in your homeschool to accomodate a boy's need for masculine activity? Have you changed your curriculum choices for him? Do you teach him separately? How do your girls react to the changes you've made? Thanks for any input!

 

I will preface this by saying that I do not have boys. This has just been my observation over the years of other hs'ers with boys.

 

First of all, I *commend* you for taking the time to read about the special needs of boys - especially in a homeschool setting. I would wholeheartedly encourage you to make changes in your homeschool to accomodate the special needs of your son(s).

 

I have seen FAR too many homeschooled boys become angry adolescents because their mothers (and fathers) have not acknowledged the fact that their sons need to be treated like a *boy*, that needs to do boy things on a regular basis. (Hopefully, that includes spending lots of quality time doing guy things with their dad, or other significant, trusted male figure.)

[Melinda in VT]

I only have boys so I might be off, but I think boys and girls learn very differently. If you have a boy that will sit and do work alongside his sister, great, but most are not wired that way, in my own experience. (One of my four is happy to sit and work for as long as it takes)

 

I, too, agree with feeding them well before you attempt anything. Breaks and physical activity between subjects also seems to make a big difference. My older boys are far more capable now of just sitting down and getting things done than they were at 7-8-9-10. BUT, I still get better lessons out of them if I build in time for them to blow off steam and eat AGAIN. As they hit 10-11-12 (puberty), I think it would been a waste of my time to force them to sit for long stretches of time without some kind of physcial outlet. They HAVE learned to sit and get the work done, but on a different timetable.

 

I have three school-age kids, two boys and a girl. I have one child who seems to have been born with the ability to sit down and do school work from start to finish with nary a complaint . . . but it's not my girl.;)

 

My girl is in need of constant motion, careens around the room during read-aloud time (and yet has almost perfect recall of the SOTW lesson), had to sit on her chair backward during writing time in kindergarten, and is excited that her classroom next year (3rd grade) was exercise balls for the kids to use instead of chairs. (We're a public school family.) She can also currently out-eat her twin.

 

I'm for doing what works for each child and for being willing to think outside the gender box.

[abbeyej]

No. I guess I make changes for my two kids based on their personality, but I don't think of it as gender-based. But then, when people describe what "boys" are like, I rarely find it particularly applicable to my son...

[Tracey in TX]

No, of course not. I actually find the question a bit silly. My girls are so high energy and demand a physical outlet that I often wonder if authors and 'gender matters' psychologists have only seen meek, feeble girls and rambunctious boys and not the normal range of children.

I treat my boys and girls the same. They both require nurturing,physical activity, academic push, hugging, playing (outside and in), etc. They do not need to be segregated in order to grow into the men and women they are meant to be.

Now, separating to make parenting easier is another topic altogether!

[Amy in NH]

I agree with Tracey in TX. I try to do whatever works for each child. I don't think a differentiation needs to be made by gender, just by individual child. I also believe that forcing gender sterotypes on children is harmful to their normal growth and development.

[KAR120C]

No. I guess I make changes for my two kids based on their personality, but I don't think of it as gender-based. But then, when people describe what "boys" are like, I rarely find it particularly applicable to my son...

I've not read the particular book in question (only the website about it and a couple excerpts on Amazon... so I probably shouldn't comment) but I have to say almost invariably when something is written about gender differences, including the parts of this that I've read, it comes down to saying DS is actually a girl :glare:

 

But I only have the one, so I've not had to make any particular adjustments to teaching him with siblings.

[klmama]

Thank you all for your input! I appreciate the suggestions, particularly the "FOOD" recommendation! Ds is always hungry, and I tend to forget how much it affects his ability to do his work.

 

No, of course not. I actually find the question a bit silly. My girls are so high energy and demand a physical outlet that I often wonder if authors and 'gender matters' psychologists have only seen meek, feeble girls and rambunctious boys and not the normal range of children.

I treat my boys and girls the same. They both require nurturing,physical activity, academic push, hugging, playing (outside and in), etc. They do not need to be segregated in order to grow into the men and women they are meant to be.

Now, separating to make parenting easier is another topic altogether!

 

Yes, I understand. My loudest, highest energy dc is a girl. They all need exercise, hugs, etc., regardless of gender. Still, my ds is different, and I do believe it's because of more testosterone.

 

The idea that really struck home with me from the book was that he needs to feel that he's accomplishing something significant. That is so my ds. He wants to achieve something, conquer something, be the best. I don't want that satisfaction to come just from playing video games (a major topic in the Boys Adrift). That's why I wondered about working with him separately, or having special activities or curricula. My ds loves competition, but his sisters aren't at the same level in anything, and they don't like to compete much, so there is no level playing field for him to really "test" himself with them. Are there any curricula that somehow would meet this need?

 

We've ruled out playing tackle football, for safety reasons, but he really needs other things to give him that sense of accomplishment for having done something hard and overcoming. Being part of a team or group of guys to do it would be even better. Any ideas about that?

[brehon]

No, of course not. I actually find the question a bit silly. My girls are so high energy and demand a physical outlet that I often wonder if authors and 'gender matters' psychologists have only seen meek, feeble girls and rambunctious boys and not the normal range of children.

I treat my boys and girls the same. They both require nurturing,physical activity, academic push, hugging, playing (outside and in), etc. They do not need to be segregated in order to grow into the men and women they are meant to be.

Now, separating to make parenting easier is another topic altogether!

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I don't think I could add anything to this. Both my boys and girls (I have 2 of each) need a strenuous physical outlet and cuddling.

[johnandtinagilbert]

one of my 3 boys needs to be still, or he is completely distracted and won't learn a thing.

 

The other 2 need to move, chew, take breaks, use manipulative for everything. The thing is, there are times, when they are so still, that's when I know they are completely engulfed...of course, their foot is still tapping, or they are chewing on something!

 

They all need to eat, eat, eat, eat....did I mention eat?

[abbeyej]

We've ruled out playing tackle football, for health reasons, but he really needs other things to give him that sense of accomplishment for having done something hard and overcoming. Being part of a team or group of guys to do it would be even better. Any ideas about that?

 

How about soccer? It's a great sport (for boys or girls), requires a lot of coordination and teamwork, but it's less physically dangerous than football.

[abreakfromlife]

No, of course not. I actually find the question a bit silly. My girls are so high energy and demand a physical outlet that I often wonder if authors and 'gender matters' psychologists have only seen meek, feeble girls and rambunctious boys and not the normal range of children.

I treat my boys and girls the same. They both require nurturing,physical activity, academic push, hugging, playing (outside and in), etc. They do not need to be segregated in order to grow into the men and women they are meant to be.

Now, separating to make parenting easier is another topic altogether!

 

I think they say that for the most part these are generalizations, but Gender Matters gets in to the biological differences between male/females, and what those differences mean. It isn't just about observing a handful of kids and coming up with some theory - I agree, that would be meaningless, b/c kids are individuals. But there are profound biological differences between the sexes, and for most kids, that plays true to some extent.

 

 

OP - did you like Boys Adrift? Our library doesn't have it, and I think I'll probably ask it on ILL - but I hate doing that. I feel like I'm putting them out or something :001_huh:

[Tracey in TX]

How about soccer? It's a great sport (for boys or girls), requires a lot of coordination and teamwork, but it's less physically dangerous than football.

Soccer is a great sport!

Other ideas, depending on his physical limitations (you mentioned health regarding football):

track/cross country

boy's gymnastics

swimming

karate or other martial arts

golf

 

My boys really thrive in a team environment, so even though they do well in individual activities, supporting a team brings out the best of their personalities and natural competitive instincts.

Good luck finding the right fit for DS's interest!

[klmama]

OP - did you like Boys Adrift? Our library doesn't have it, and I think I'll probably ask it on ILL - but I hate doing that. I feel like I'm putting them out or something :001_huh:

 

Yes, I did. I haven't read Gender Matters yet, so I can't compare the two. Boys Adrift deals with the problems young men are facing that cause them to lack direction as teens and young adults, not leaving home or assuming adult responsibilities when appropriate. He discusses expectations of schools being developmentally inappropriate for younger boys, video games' negative influence and how it actually affects the brain and interpersonal relations, ADHD medication negatively affecting the motivation center of the brain, how the estrogen compounds in plastics may cause problems, and more. It reinforced a number of things I already thought and made me aware of some new ideas I hadn't considered. If you can bring yourself to request it via ILL, do! It's an interesting read.