MariannNOVA Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) Resolution: Having now spoken to everyone involved, i would have to say that DS bears responsibility for 99.99% of this. Fortunately, it was all handled graciously and appropriately. When I did arrive at the 'meet pool,' and finally was able to speak with DS, I did ask him (after he told me what had happened) WHAT he should have done differently.:glare: DS11 has a Dive Meet this evening. Another little girl on the Dive Team was spending the afternoon at our house. They both went to practice from 2:15 till 3:15 and I showed up at 3:15 to pick them up at the pool and take them back to my house -- this was all pre-arranged. The little girl's mom was going to come to my house at approx 4:15 to drive them to the Meet - about 45 minutes away. The meet starts at 5:45. I was going to meet them there right when the meet began. There was going to be a 'caravan' from the pool to the 'meet pool' but my friend and I specified via email and verbally face to face that our children would be arriving with my friend in plenty of time- we told this to the 'team parent.' My friend was going to drive both kids -- they would arrive in plenty of time, and this simply worked out better for us. I arrive at the pool at 3:15 to get the kids and my daughter tells me that my ds and the friend's dd were told by a 13 year old teammate that they HAD to go in the caravan or they would be late and wouldn't be allowed to dive. The two kids went with that kid and his mom. I have had 'the talk' with my own son about not ever doing this sort of thing....a general talk..... - and I will clearly have another one. I am furious -- I know one parent on the Dive Team -- the friend whose daughter was in my care -- I know the Team Parent to see her and speak with her regarding team matters. I don't know any of the other team parents -- I am involved in swim team and this kind of thing has NEVER happened - and we do alot of driving and there are 5 times as many kids on swim team as there are on dive team - it is always very specific and in writing regarding who is going in which vehicle. I will check back here later and see if this thing happens and I am over-reacting and hope that I calm down enough on the drive to the meet pool so that I am not ripping peoples' heads off -- I am furious that someone would tell my kid to get in their car, the team parent allowed it OR wasn't paying any attention, but something slipped through the cracks here. Edited July 25, 2012 by MariannNOVA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I personally would be extremely angry. No one takes my kid anywhere for any reason without my expressed permission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 I personally would be extremely angry. No one takes my kid anywhere for any reason without my expressed permission. Precisely how I feel and why I feel that way. Thanks -- I appreciate your weighing in -- I am leaving now to go to the pool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I personally would be extremely angry. No one takes my kid anywhere for any reason without my expressed permission. :iagree: How is this not a policy?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Sounds like the information came from another kid? I would be annoyed that my child followed the say so of a 13 year old and not an adult. I wouldn't be mad at the adults for taking them. If they checked with the adult in charge and an adult told them the same thing I would be annoyed that they hadn't contacted you via cell phone to check with you. So at that age - I would be primarily annoyed with my own child. I would assume it was a zoo otherwise and parents were all going to the same place and that they would assume that any child that came with them had checked in first with their own parent. I would be livid if it happened to a younger child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnylady303 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I personally would be extremely angry. No one takes my kid anywhere for any reason without my expressed permission. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I'd be angry, but as I understand the story, I'd mostly be angry with my child. It sounds to me like it happened because your child listened to the 13yo teammate. Your son may have been really worried when the teammate said they wouldn't be able to dive. I'd re-emphasize to my child that he was never to go off with someone else without talking to me and getting permission. I wouldn't be mad at the other parents, unless there's more to the situation or I missed something. The team mom may have been too busy coordinating everything to even notice what was going on, or if she noticed, she could easily have thought your plans had changed. The parent who drove the kids probably thought she was helping out--and could even be irritated that she hadn't been asked in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylocks Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I'm not familiar with swim team or dive team protocol, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt... :tongue_smilie: If it was mandatory that all team members arrive together, why weren't you notified of that when you made the arrangements? If it was discovered later (after you had told the team parent of your plan) why didn't the team parent contact you? I can tell you that if my child was forced to get into a vehicle without my consent, I would be LIVID...and the coach/team parent would definitely get an earful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Sounds like the information came from another kid? I would be annoyed that my child followed the say so of a 13 year old and not an adult. I am annoyed with my child for not doing what I told him to do which was to be at the pool at 3:15 when I came to get him and his friend. AND I am annoyed at him for going somewhere that he and I had not discussed - plans are always run by the kid beforehand. I wouldn't be mad at the adults for taking them. If they checked with the adult in charge and an adult told them the same thing I would be annoyed that they hadn't contacted you via cell phone to check with you. Precisely -- the team parent KNEW that those two kids weren't going in the caravan -- we are not talking a ton of kids here -- we are talking 3 or 4 vehicles with maybe 3 or 4 kids in each. It should not have been a zoo -- and imo, no matter what, a 30 second phone call to me could have been made. So at that age - I would be primarily annoyed with my own child. I would assume it was a zoo otherwise and parents were all going to the same place and that they would assume that any child that came with them had checked in first with their own parent. I would be livid if it happened to a younger child. Well, I have to find out particulars when I get to the meet pool -- and, ftr, when I am driving, I NEVER assume that a child is supposed to be with me unless I speak with the team parent, see it on an email or on a roster (swim team always does that) and I try to be there and actually meet the parent, introduce myself and make sure the pick up arrangements are in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I personally would be extremely angry. No one takes my kid anywhere for any reason without my expressed permission. :iagree::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vettechmomof2 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I personally would be extremely angry. No one takes my kid anywhere for any reason without my expressed permission. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Whether the info came from a 13 year old or not, I would NEVER take someone's child somewhere without hearing the ok from the parent first. THIS. THIS is why I am angry. In red, that is totally me -- I want to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the child who is going with me has a parent who knows the child is going with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Furious! I would be furious! I would be on the phone with the "team parent" trying to figure out which vehicle my ds and friend where in. And I would have words with the parent who thought it was "okay" to take two small kids without my permission. IMHO if you don't make a stink then this will happen again. It doesn't have to be a loud stink or a mean stink, but it does need to stink and to stick. and FWIW most people think I overreact - but really, I think there are tons of people who under-react and try to down play things that are or could be become very serious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I'm not familiar with swim team or dive team protocol, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt... :tongue_smilie: If it was mandatory that all team members arrive together, why weren't you notified of that when you made the arrangements? If it was discovered later (after you had told the team parent of your plan) why didn't the team parent contact you? I can tell you that if my child was forced to get into a vehicle without my consent, I would be LIVID...and the coach/team parent would definitely get an earful. :iagree: I'd be so angry! This is totally unacceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I would be furious, too. Hope you get some sort of resolution. And I agree, I would NEVER take a kid without that parent knowing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sourpatchbaby Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Whether the info came from a 13 year old or not, I would NEVER take someone's child somewhere without hearing the ok from the parent first. Words can't even begin to describe how livid I'd be. Yes I would be mad at my kid for not doing what he was supposed to (and 11 is old enough that he could have said "let me call my mom and let her know") but I'd be more furious at the adult that thought it was okay to take my kid and drive off. NO ONE drives my kids anywhere without my say so, NO ONE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 The team needs a policy book that includes information like this. Most groups require a transportation permission to be filled out if a parent is transporting a group of kids. Parents who drive the group must also be background-checked. They are also still supposed to have 2 deep leadership. None of this applies to parents who arrange car-pooling on their own. But, if the team is "requiring" it, then they are opening themselves up to certain risks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Thank you all for your comments and for your understanding as I totally lost it this afternoon.:tongue_smilie: As I was driving to the Dive Meet, a phone call from our doctor's office with dd13's lab results totally took over my 'radar.' Resolution: Having now spoken to everyone involved, i would have to say that DS bears responsibility for 99.99% of this. Fortunately, it was all handled graciously and appropriately. When I did arrive at the 'meet pool,' and finally was able to speak with DS, I did ask him (after he told me what had happened) WHAT he should have done differently.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I personally would be extremely angry. No one takes my kid anywhere for any reason without my expressed permission. ITA! :iagree::iagree: I'd be so angry! Someone would be hearing about this! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 The team needs a policy book that includes information like this. Most groups require a transportation permission to be filled out if a parent is transporting a group of kids. Parents who drive the group must also be background-checked. They are also still supposed to have 2 deep leadership. My how times have changed. Someone's folks going down to the store for popsicles? We all piled in. Someone offering rides home from girl scouts and you could get out of walking? We all piled in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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