When to give up

[UmMusa]

How many bad days, tears about math, refusal to read assigned books, and rolled eyes does it take to stop homeschooling your child?

 

I think DD9 has started her change. Attitude is changing, tears flow more easily, and she is more stubborn. Do I have to change something? I know it is a stage, but she's acting so lazy; she doesn't want to write, she practically cries daily about either math, writing, grammar, you name it. Well, that's the bulk of our lessons! Her last few math homework and tests from Saxon 5/4 are terrible. I think she does understand the math, but she doesn't want to do it and is not tuned in when it's time to do the work.

 

I'm feeling a little like a failure. Outside of schoo time we have a good relationship. Homeschooling since January hasn't been very pretty in general. We just moved fromTX to WA, and we're in such limbo that I'm sure it's affecting them somehow. We're in temp housing till June 10 after which we'll move to a rental until we find the house to buy. That is a lot of moving.

 

Y'all told me not to make any decision back in February when I complained about this, so now it is May.... I'm so tempted to quit homeschooling next year :(

 

I'd like to continue with my 1st grader, but the older kids are just getting rebellious and like they need more in their day. My brain is also so preoccupied with househunting that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

 

Sigh.... I just want it be easy.

[Parrothead]

Honestly I'd give it up for the summer. Call it summer break early. Once you get moved to more permanent housing you can start school again. If that happens to be 1 August so be it.

 

As for the attitude - rest, water, exercise, whole foods and hugs.

[redsquirrel]

Do what you think is the right decision for you and your relationship with your daughter.

 

I have seen wonderful families get through this stage as homeschoolers, and I have seen wonderful families get through this stage with a kid in public school. Both solutions were the right one for those families.

 

Don't base your self worth on homeschooling. It doesn't make you a better mother or family. It is just one choice of many we get to make. It works for some and not for others. But, one is not superior to the other.

 

No matter what choice you make, I hope your move goes smoothly and you have a peaceful summer.

[Cassy]

Your description of your DD reminds me exactly of the way DS11 was at that age - we started homeschooling when he was 8 and a half. At the time, I did decide to give up, and was about to phone the local ps, when he burst into tears and started begging me not to, saying that he loved homeschool and would do anything to make it work. The subsequent change in attitude was miraculous. I have remained pretty strict ever since, and never had any messing about from him. I do try to make school fun and enjoyable for him, but ultimately he has to do the work, and do it with good grace. And he does. Of course that only works if they're dead set against ps. I don't think I'd have been able to carry on homeschooling if he'd continued to be uncooperative.

 

Cassy

[Keniki]

How many bad days, tears about math, refusal to read assigned books, and rolled eyes does it take to stop homeschooling your child?

 

I think DD9 has started her change. Attitude is changing, tears flow more easily, and she is more stubborn. Do I have to change something? I know it is a stage, but she's acting so lazy; she doesn't want to write, she practically cries daily about either math, writing, grammar, you name it. Well, that's the bulk of our lessons! Her last few math homework and tests from Saxon 5/4 are terrible. I think she does understand the math, but she doesn't want to do it and is not tuned in when it's time to do the work.

 

I'm feeling a little like a failure. Outside of schoo time we have a good relationship. Homeschooling since January hasn't been very pretty in general. We just moved fromTX to WA, and we're in such limbo that I'm sure it's affecting them somehow. We're in temp housing till June 10 after which we'll move to a rental until we find the house to buy. That is a lot of moving.

 

Y'all told me not to make any decision back in February when I complained about this, so now it is May.... I'm so tempted to quit homeschooling next year :(

 

I'd like to continue with my 1st grader, but the older kids are just getting rebellious and like they need more in their day. My brain is also so preoccupied with househunting that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

 

Sigh.... I just want it be easy.

 

 

I read this to my daughter. We both smiled (in memory) and said, "CLE math!".

 

I kid you not, Saxon math (yes, 5/4) changed my daughter in ways I don't ever want to see again. We switched her to CLE, she became a different child, and math became her favorite subject.

[Little Nyssa]

Would it help to call it the end of the school year and drop the formal schooling for now? The upheaval of the move must have been difficult. I wonder if a few months of less-formal schooling, such as field trips, might be a relaxing change for all. Now that you are in WA, there are lots of homeschoolers here with lots of activities. Have you gotten in touch with your local group? Do they have anything that would suit your family?

 

My kids have been 'afterschooling' with PS this year-- after 1 yr of homeschooling. I don't see that as a defeat, at all, just a recognition of what suits our needs best for this point in time.

[Starr]

Ps still comes with mom having to enforce a certain amount of homework, planning, fundraising, projects. :grouphug: Every so often I would just send dd to her room until she was ready to do her work without complaining. We of course had plenty of conversation but I just couldn't listen to the , "I can't, it's too hard" and eye rolling and I never got along. Start up the school year with new expectations and regular field trips.

[umsami]

Assalamu Alaikum. :)

 

Why not plan on sending your DD to school next year? You might enjoy the break, and she might as well. Thing is...it doesn't have to be forever. It can be for a semester, a year, or forever. That's what I tell people who are interested in homeschooling. Give it a try. It's not like any decision you make has to be kept until your kids is 18. You might go and in and out of homeschooling depending on your circumstances.

 

You're not a failure. You're trying to do the best for your family under major trying circumstances. Even asking for help shows what a great Mom you are. Remember....intention is key. :)

 

Cut yourself some slack. Maybe even taking a break right now with your daughter would be a good idea too. Tell her she has to do 20 minutes of reading per day (or whatever) and that's it. Or, have your daughter make her own plan. Tell her this is what I want you to work on during the week, now you figure out how you're going to do it. Even go back and re-do the math. Giving her autonomy and she might surprise you.

 

In FL, schools are ending right about now. Not sure about WA....but my guess is even if you don't do one more thing, she'll still be fine and at grade-level come fall. :)

[Ellie]

Sorry. You don't have permission to quit yet. :)

I'd agree with the others who say just to close the school doors until next fall, and just live life for awhile. This too shall pass. :)

 

:grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

I found there was mourning with every move, even if it was a positive one; could they just need some time to adjust?

 

ANd I'd call it a year and just move on to summer now. :grouphug:

[ktgrok]

Call it summer break then, and start back early next year. If it helps ALL 9 year olds are like this, It does get better. Oh, and sending the work with him to his room helped my son. It turns out that all the drama isn't much fun without an audience.

[Mommy22alyns]

I read this to my daughter. We both smiled (in memory) and said, "CLE math!".

 

I kid you not, Saxon math (yes, 5/4) changed my daughter in ways I don't ever want to see again. We switched her to CLE, she became a different child, and math became her favorite subject.

 

 

Funny you mention that, because I thought the same thing. Sometimes I might seem like a broken record, but CLE math really saved the day here. Math was nothing but tears, frustrations, and arguments before.

 

And I agree to call it a year.

[UmMusa]

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I'll back off the 'rigor' for now and set easier goals like mandatory reading and a little writing. Science and History get done via audio CD or from Basher Science books I ordered (also, there are technical shows on tv and we go to the aquarium and other places).

 

I do have the Math Mammoth series up to grade 6, and she's said she likes that format better, so maybe I'll just print off a page a day for her and see how that goes.

 

I guess taking a break is in order. Next big question, though, for all of you saying to start summer vacation: what do they do without the structure of school hours? I guess our living in this apartment for the past 4 weeks has made us realize how much our home was full of built-in activities. I'll think of something... I think your advice worked. I'll shift our pace and demand. End the school year more or less in the next week or two.

 

Ellie... your firmness brought tears and a smile all at once.

 

Thanks.

[UmMusa]

Would it help to call it the end of the school year and drop the formal schooling for now? The upheaval of the move must have been difficult. I wonder if a few months of less-formal schooling, such as field trips, might be a relaxing change for all. Now that you are in WA, there are lots of homeschoolers here with lots of activities. Have you gotten in touch with your local group? Do they have anything that would suit your family?

 

My kids have been 'afterschooling' with PS this year-- after 1 yr of homeschooling. I don't see that as a defeat, at all, just a recognition of what suits our needs best for this point in time.

Can you point me in a direction.. I don't know how to find a group, really.... I live on the Eastside.

[Tarreymere]

Oh the drama. I have one that is going on nine. I started taking pictures of her and titling them 'the face of math' and 'the face of Latin'. I have a collage of the math ones......pretty funny stuff.

 

I have told her that her reactions are not appropriate and worked with her to keep a polite expression on her face and to quit whining and complaining, and also that twisting into a pretzel and collapsing onto the floor to roll around in agony are also not acceptable. She wouldn't act like that in a classroom in front of a teacher so I'm not going to let her take it out on me and act like that at home. She gets consequences when she can't control her behavior.

 

So far, well, she isn't perfect but she does accept and understand the consequences when she 'forgets' to behave appropriately. I don't care how much she doesn't like her book or whatever else is going on, I still expect a minimal standard of polite behavior even though I'm 'just mom'.

 

Heck, remember when they were toddlers and we had to teach them to 'use your words' instead of acting out? Same thing, really.

Edited May 16, 2012 by Rainefox

[PentecostalMom]

Sorry. You don't have permission to quit yet. :)

I'd agree with the others who say just to close the school doors until next fall, and just live life for awhile. This too shall pass. :)

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:with Ellie on this one. Too much going on right now for you to make life changing decsions. Have fun, go on "field trips", explore your new surroundings, Do some family read-alouds. Relax!!

[Little Nyssa]

There's a WA social group here, to start with... but http://www.washhomeschool.org/homeschooling/support.html

might be more helpful (Wash homeschool organization with list of local groups).

I'm on the other side of WA so not too helpful for you!

[LillyMama]

Oh the drama. I have one that is going on nine. I started taking pictures of her and titling them 'the face of math' and 'the face of Latin'. I have a collage of the math ones......pretty funny stuff.

 

I have told her that her reactions are not appropriate and worked with her to keep a polite expression on her face and to quit whining and complaining, and also that twisting into a pretzel and collapsing onto the floor to roll around in agony are also not acceptable.

 

Heck, remember when they were toddlers and we had to teach them to 'use your words' instead of acting out? Same thing, really.

 

:001_huh::001_huh:

 

But, but... I thought, as we're getting into elementary age and my kids are better behaved... I thought we were done with this?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

(I laughed so hard at how you described the pretzel and the collapsing... I want to do that all the time, I wish I was 9 again and felt allowed to do that.)

[SuperDad]

IMHO, figuring out what to do with yourself during unstructured time is a key milestone of growing up. Being productive without having someone telling you what to do all the time is important. This is also a good opportunity for her to discover new interests. During the preteen years, unstructured time is super duper important.