I am at my wits end with my 9 y/o ds...

[mama2cntrykids]

He has aspergers. I've posted about him before, but not for quite some time.

 

I'm not sure what to do anymore. Our main problems right now are: He will not listen to me when I'm trying to give him instructions, when I'm trying to encourage him, when I'm trying to discipline him (not physical...training/coaching, what have you). He literally starts going off and talking OVER me:glare::glare::glare:. Tonight I LOST it! I literally was crying uncontrolably. I felt like it was a mini-meltdown.

 

Him talking over me makes it extremely difficult to do school with him, let alone anything else. If I try to stop him from talking over me, he will freak out and just walk (or stomp) away. All I have to do is look at his face to see that it's very distressing to him. I wish I had a picture of how he looks when he just can't handle it.

 

This may sound bad, but sometimes I question why God gave him to me. I mean, not that I don't love him. I absolutely DO, but I'm not patient. I have a hard time staying calm when things are spinning out of control (like they do a lot with him).

 

I've told him so many times that if he won't/can't listen to me (especially for school work), that he might need to go to public school where he'll be more apt to listen to the teacher. I DON'T WANT TO SEND HIM!

 

BUT I really feel like he *would* listen to a teacher better than what he does with me. He doesn't want to go to public school. He went for Kindergarten and it was NOT a good experience for him (the social stuff). We just finished third grade with him and he still occasionally will talk about "bad" situations in Kindergarten. If I sent him my 11 y/o ds and almost 6 y/o dd would continue to hs though.

 

Among other reasons why I don't want to send him to ps is we may be moving out of the area in the next 15 months (there's a pretty good chance of it) and he's have to switch schools. I don't know what the district is like that we'd be moving into.

 

I feel so confused. I don't want to enroll him, but I'm not sure I can keep going like this. Plus, if he goes to ps, I'd have to deal with getting him up, forcing him to school (he won't go willingly...he'd run away from the bus in Kindy) and deal with the homework and other crap that would come home (trust me...it'll be there).

 

Thanks for listening to me. I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm very stressed out about it. I feel frozen...like I can't stay here and I can't do the alternative.

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Lots of hugs. I have a child on the spectrum, and I've definitely had those days when I've wondered why I was given this challenge.

 

:grouphug:

 

First, hon, don't tell him he might need to go to public school if you don't want to send him. Tell him only if it's an option you're seriously considering, and if it's unconnected to the behavior of the moment. (I hope that makes sense, and that you know it's very kindly meant.)

 

How do you think he might respond to a nonverbal signal? How will he know when your turn is over and his begins? If he starts talking over you, stop talking, assume a neutral expression and point to yourself, or to your mouth or your eyes. When he stops talking, resume what you were saying, then point to him when it's his turn to talk. I'd sit him down and explain ahead of time what these cues mean, maybe practice a few times.

 

And how does he do with written instructions? It may be that he's having a hard time processing verbal instructions...would writing the bullet points on a dry erase board as you elaborate on the instructions verbally help? (For example: "I want you to write, in your best writing, a paragraph about penguins" as you write on the board Write one paragraph, topic penguins. Best writing.)

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Hang in there. God knows what he's doing. Trust that there is something in this relationship especially for you and for him, and that you're just the right momma for your sweet boy.

 

Cat

[mama2cntrykids]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Lots of hugs. I have a child on the spectrum, and I've definitely had those days when I've wondered why I was given this challenge.

 

:grouphug:

 

First, hon, don't tell him he might need to go to public school if you don't want to send him. Tell him only if it's an option you're seriously considering, and if it's unconnected to the behavior of the moment. (I hope that makes sense, and that you know it's very kindly meant.)

 

How do you think he might respond to a nonverbal signal? How will he know when your turn is over and his begins? If he starts talking over you, stop talking, assume a neutral expression and point to yourself, or to your mouth or your eyes. When he stops talking, resume what you were saying, then point to him when it's his turn to talk. I'd sit him down and explain ahead of time what these cues mean, maybe practice a few times.

 

And how does he do with written instructions? It may be that he's having a hard time processing verbal instructions...would writing the bullet points on a dry erase board as you elaborate on the instructions verbally help? (For example: "I want you to write, in your best writing, a paragraph about penguins" as you write on the board Write one paragraph, topic penguins. Best writing.)

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Hang in there. God knows what he's doing. Trust that there is something in this relationship especially for you and for him, and that you're just the right momma for your sweet boy.

 

Cat

 

Thank you, Cat. With him talking over me, I don't think it's a matter of him not understanding that I'm not done talking. When he does it, he's very anxious and stressed. Kind of like, "I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I can't hear you." type thing. Like he's trying to get his point across and there's no way in heck he wants to hear mine.

 

I thank you for your kind words. LIke I said, I don't want to send him, but man lately I don't see a way out. I just don't deal well with ds' challenges. It's so darned HARD!

[cin]

 

Lots of hugs. I have a child on the spectrum, and I've definitely had those days when I've wondered why I was given this challenge.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

Hang in there. God knows what he's doing. Trust that there is something in this relationship especially for you and for him, and that you're just the right momma for your sweet boy.

 

Cat

 

:grouphug::iagree::grouphug:

[MomatHWTK]

Are you in any type of counselling with him? My DS has benefitted from behavioral therapy (and medication).

[MollyAnn]

You said that he would be more apt to listen to the teacher at public school. Would an online school where all the instruction and work is on the computer work for him?

I know of a family who went through their state's virtual academy and their 9yo dd did all her schooling independently on the computer.

It wouldn't solve all the issues but it might make school time easier and not so stressful.

Edited May 11, 2012 by MollyAnn

[MomatHWTK]

Good point about the computer based learning. My DS does better working with the computer program than with me on some topics. The program allows me to assist rather than teach. He likes the math and science at Plato Learning.

[mama2cntrykids]

Are you in any type of counselling with him? My DS has benefitted from behavioral therapy (and medication).

No counseling. I've thought about it and the counselor I'd like to bring him to is 40 min one way and his schedule is *very* tight. I'm pretty picky about counselors:). I would have to look into it more and find someone else that would be a good fit for ds.

 

You said that he would be more apt to listen to the teacher at public school. Would an online school where all the instruction and work is on the computer work for him?

I know of a family who went through their state's virtual academy and their 9yo dd did all her schooling independently on the computer.

It wouldn't solve all the issues but it might make school time easier and not so stressful.

I'm leery of it b/c it would still be *me* making sure he's on track, not distracted, understanding the problems, etc. Wouldn't it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His behaviors seem to ebb/flow. For awhile all will be ok, then, BAM! Everything blows up and it snow balls.

 

His preception of himself is going doown hill too. He sees himself as bad. I think it's b/c I always have to correct and discipline him. I'm not trying to be hard on him, but he needs A LOT of guidence and re-direction...talking, talking, talking through stuff. Correcting, correcting, correcting behaviors.

 

Outsiders look at him and can't understand why I say he's like this. They just haven't spent enough time with him to "get it".

 

Maybe I really should go the counseling route, it's hard when I'm the only parent at home all week (dh works out of town and only comes home on weekends). Plus, I have three other kids to juggle. I know...excuses, right?

 

Sigh...

[DawnM]

My son has gone to FOUR behavioral therapists and it has done nothing but harm. I really caution against this unless you are SURE it is the right person.

 

I have had to undo a lot of stuff that just wasn't what my son needed to hear.

 

Dawn

 

Are you in any type of counselling with him? My DS has benefitted from behavioral therapy (and medication).

[DawnM]

I have been right there with you MANY times. He just pushes buttons like no one else can.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Have you considered occupational therapy?

 

My dd is like this. The problem is that I know if she doesn't get out what she needs to say, she does NOT process what I'm telling her.

 

Something that her OT does with her is give her an activity she knows dd will want to have fun and be creative with, but not allow it! She'll do the activity twice, the FIRST time, following OT's instructions, and the second time she can do it her way. This could be with a word search (not being allowed to circle words not on the list), coloring (OT instructing her to use colors that do not match), puzzles (completing the edge before even touching a center piece), etc.

 

It's very, very hard, both as a parent AND for the aspie kid.

 

Something that helped me a lot was reading everything I could find written by people with asperger's and autism.

[mama2cntrykids]

Have you considered occupational therapy?

 

It's very, very hard, both as a parent AND for the aspie kid.

 

Something that helped me a lot was reading everything I could find written by people with asperger's and autism.

 

I would have to check into this more. We live in a very rural area, so it can be hard to find specialized services unless I drive 1.5 hrs one way.

 

Yes! It IS hard on BOTH of us. I keep having a me.me.me attitude about it all, but I am realizing how tough it is ON ds too! Poor kid. He's doing all he knows how to do.

 

I do need to find some books. I think that would help. Especially if they give us "tools" to use.

 

I love my boy, really and truly. It's just so tough when it's like this.

Edited May 11, 2012 by mama2cntrykids

[angela in ohio]

How do you respond when he talks over you?

 

I always try to think about the best way to diminish a negative behavior. What he wants is to be heard immediately. So if you listen and respond to what he is saying, his method (talking over you) is proven effective to him, and it will increase. If his method is not effective, the occurence will decrease. My solution would be to tell him up front that you have a problem with this behavior (as will others he encounters,) it needs to stop, and you will not respond to anything said while you are still talking. Then when it happens, very calmly remind him of the rule. Wait him out and then say what you were trying to say. When you finish what you were saying, listen intently to what he has to say, then give him praise. The first few times, it may take for.ev.er to get to a positive resolution, but it will get easier with time. Above all else, don't let his talking over you be effective for him.

 

Meanwhile, I would do two other things:

(1.) Examine your own behavior with him as if you were an outside observer. Do you ever talk over him? Do you listen and respond to what he says faithfully when he *isn't* talking over you?

(2.) Carefully model proper interaction with others in front of him, then discuss it with him afterwards. ("I was very excited to tell grandma about my day, but I knew I needed to wait until she was done with what she was saying.", for example.)

 

I also agree with Cat's suggestions for cues.

 

And God gave him to you because you are both meant to grow from this relationship. He knows what He's doing! :grouphug:

 

Do read whatever you can, too, not only to find tools to use, but also to feel less alone. Sometimes it helps to know that others are facing the same challenges.

Edited May 11, 2012 by angela in ohio

[Trilliums]

I have an aspie son who loved to learn but hated being taught when he was younger. He isn't that way anymore, but it wasn't until 13-14 that he started to change.

 

All of my notions about education were challenged and I altered our approach to schooling dramatically. Most structured curriculum was not appropriate for him. This caused a lot of fear on my part that he would never learn anything! Thankfully, I can now say that this was not the case.

 

Have you read, "Quirky, Yes - Hopeless, No" by Cynthia La Brie Norall?

 

Very good info IMO, on dealing with an aspie. The book is primarily focused on social aspects, but she covers so much info on how aspies tend to think, it gave me a greater appreciation of how my kid thinks and processes information.

 

 

A few quick things:

 

Tell him what he should do, not what he shouldn't do.

Provide lots of reasons for WHY activities have to be done.

Understand his concrete way of thinking and avoid vague statements.

 

Even a question such as "what book are you reading?" would cause problems for my son. Once someone asked him this question, he would not longer be reading the book because he had stopped reading in order to listen to the question. So, his answer would be, "I am not reading anytyhing." At first I thought he was being deliberately difficult, but I finally "got" it. We had to work a lot on this basic kind of communication--making inferences based on what people say and not taking every thing so literally. If your son is a literal thinker like this, he may be mis-understanding a lot of what you say to him.

 

:grouphug: I know how hard it can be!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

How do you respond when he talks over you?

 

I always try to think about the best way to diminish a negative behavior. What he wants is to be heard immediately. So if you listen and respond to what he is saying, his method (talking over you) is proven effective to him, and it will increase. If his method is not effective, the occurence will decrease. My solution would be to tell him up front that you have a problem with this behavior (as will others he encounters,) it needs to stop, and you will not respond to anything said while you are still talking. Then when it happens, very calmly remind him of the rule. Wait him out and then say what you were trying to say. When you finish what you were saying, listen intently to what he has to say, then give him praise. The first few times, it may take for.ev.er to get to a positive resolution, but it will get easier with time. Above all else, don't let his talking over you be effective for him.

 

 

 

 

This never worked with my Aspie. He would never get the clue that you were ignoring him to get his behavior to stop. He would also not respond to a direct command to stop his behavior. If his method of getting attention is not effective, it will not decrease, but rather escalate. I've been through this with so many things so many times.

 

OP- My son went to K and 1st at public school, and he did not listen to the teacher any better than he listened to me. This led to him being sent to the guidance counselor's office almost weekly. He also thought his teacher was a vampire and would try to hide from her. It was horrible.

 

So, last year I homeschooled both of my boys, and my aspie's worries were so reduced that his behavior became MUCH better. Also, cutting him off from added sugars and processed foods helped immensely. But still, we would have those days where he would go into a complete spiraling out of control fit about something.

 

This fall, I took him to a pediatric psychiatrist to discuss medication. He was put on zoloft, and is doing fabulously on it. Almost no out of control moments at all. It's quite a difference.

[Wendi]

This never worked with my Aspie. He would never get the clue that you were ignoring him to get his behavior to stop. He would also not respond to a direct command to stop his behavior. If his method of getting attention is not effective, it will not decrease, but rather escalate. I've been through this with so many things so many times.

 

Oh, my son, too. This is what makes parenting him so hard.

 

Wendi

[mama2cntrykids]

How do you respond when he talks over you?

 

I always try to think about the best way to diminish a negative behavior. What he wants is to be heard immediately. So if you listen and respond to what he is saying, his method (talking over you) is proven effective to him, and it will increase. If his method is not effective, the occurence will decrease. My solution would be to tell him up front that you have a problem with this behavior (as will others he encounters,) it needs to stop, and you will not respond to anything said while you are still talking. Then when it happens, very calmly remind him of the rule. Wait him out and then say what you were trying to say. When you finish what you were saying, listen intently to what he has to say, then give him praise. The first few times, it may take for.ev.er to get to a positive resolution, but it will get easier with time. Above all else, don't let his talking over you be effective for him.

 

Meanwhile, I would do two other things:

(1.) Examine your own behavior with him as if you were an outside observer. Do you ever talk over him? Do you listen and respond to what he says faithfully when he *isn't* talking over you?

(2.) Carefully model proper interaction with others in front of him, then discuss it with him afterwards. ("I was very excited to tell grandma about my day, but I knew I needed to wait until she was done with what she was saying.", for example.)

 

I also agree with Cat's suggestions for cues.

 

And God gave him to you because you are both meant to grow from this relationship. He knows what He's doing! :grouphug:

 

Do read whatever you can, too, not only to find tools to use, but also to feel less alone. Sometimes it helps to know that others are facing the same challenges.

Thank you so much. When he talks over me I end up repeatedly asking him to stop and listen to what I'm saying. Yeah, not working:glare:. Thank you for the examples. I do have a couple of friends who have Aspie boys, but they're teenagers and just recently dx (both of the boys, actually).

 

I have an aspie son who loved to learn but hated being taught when he was younger. He isn't that way anymore, but it wasn't until 13-14 that he started to change.

 

All of my notions about education were challenged and I altered our approach to schooling dramatically. Most structured curriculum was not appropriate for him. This caused a lot of fear on my part that he would never learn anything! Thankfully, I can now say that this was not the case.

 

Have you read, "Quirky, Yes - Hopeless, No" by Cynthia La Brie Norall?

 

Very good info IMO, on dealing with an aspie. The book is primarily focused on social aspects, but she covers so much info on how aspies tend to think, it gave me a greater appreciation of how my kid thinks and processes information.

 

 

A few quick things:

 

Tell him what he should do, not what he shouldn't do.

Provide lots of reasons for WHY activities have to be done.

Understand his concrete way of thinking and avoid vague statements.

 

Even a question such as "what book are you reading?" would cause problems for my son. Once someone asked him this question, he would not longer be reading the book because he had stopped reading in order to listen to the question. So, his answer would be, "I am not reading anytyhing." At first I thought he was being deliberately difficult, but I finally "got" it. We had to work a lot on this basic kind of communication--making inferences based on what people say and not taking every thing so literally. If your son is a literal thinker like this, he may be mis-understanding a lot of what you say to him.

 

:grouphug: I know how hard it can be!

So there is hope? I'm serious, I feel pretty blah. I do happen to have that book, but never got past the first 1/3 of it. Don't know why. I will take it off the shelf again. Thanks for the support. It is hard to educate him. I'm not the think outside the box person that he needs to reach him. I keep trying to be patient with my instructing him over and over and over only to have it not sink in. So tiring.

 

This never worked with my Aspie. He would never get the clue that you were ignoring him to get his behavior to stop. He would also not respond to a direct command to stop his behavior. If his method of getting attention is not effective, it will not decrease, but rather escalate. I've been through this with so many things so many times.

 

OP- My son went to K and 1st at public school, and he did not listen to the teacher any better than he listened to me. This led to him being sent to the guidance counselor's office almost weekly. He also thought his teacher was a vampire and would try to hide from her. It was horrible.

 

So, last year I homeschooled both of my boys, and my aspie's worries were so reduced that his behavior became MUCH better. Also, cutting him off from added sugars and processed foods helped immensely. But still, we would have those days where he would go into a complete spiraling out of control fit about something.

 

This fall, I took him to a pediatric psychiatrist to discuss medication. He was put on zoloft, and is doing fabulously on it. Almost no out of control moments at all. It's quite a difference.

Yeah, sending him to ps isn't *the* answer. It's not the fix-it, but there are MANY times it feels like a good escape (for me) at least for a 7-8 hrs. I realize (oh how I realize) that I'd probably be getting at least weekly phone calls, but man, to have that peace in the house during the day. It would be heavenly:). Would it be in ds' best interest? Probably not. Would it help me keep my sanity on track? Probably. Sad, but true. I feel badly typing it out here.

 

It's so hard to tell someone something day after day, time after time, only to have the words float away. I don't know if he's not listening to me, or if he just doesn't get it, or if he can't make himself do what he needs to do.

 

Today he pushed the baby. He constantly is saying negative things/put downs to his almost 6 yr old sister. I mean constantly. I'm always saying things like, "You need to treat others how YOU want to be treated. Would you like it if someone _________ to you?" "W, that was disrespectful and hurt L's feelings" "If you can't say something nice, then say NOTHING". And on and on.

 

Sorry for the raving crazy post. I get depressed just thinking about endless years of saying the same things to no avail. Another example...he's reading a book and keeps trying to talk to his sister about it, she doesn't want to listen b/c she's doing something else. I tell him as much, he will be quiet for awhile and start all over again. It goes on until he get's yelled at (by me).

 

Arghhhhhhh!

[Catwoman]

I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can send you are :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and my prayers and hopes that things will get better soon.

 

Is there any way you and your ds can take a little vacation from school and just enjoy being together without the stress of schoolwork for a week or so? It might give both of you a chance to recharge your batteries and de-stress a bit.

[Dinomom13]

Something simple that you could try - get a tennis ball (or something small and similar that can be tossed between the two of you) and a timer. Tell son you're going to play a game (you could let younger sibling play as well). The person who has the ball gets to talk - but no one else can talk unless they have the ball. They can talk for up to 30 seconds (set the timer) but they can pass the ball before the timer dings if they like. If someone talks when it's not their turn, gently remind them of the rules.

 

If he enjoys the game, perhaps you can incorporate it into your school day. One of my son's special ed teachers used to do this as a game every Friday with the kids - and during the week, if they were having a class discussion, she would use the same method. It worked wonders - the kids would pay attention because they didn't want to miss a chance to catch the ball.

[MomatHWTK]

My 11 y.o. began to have emotional outbursts he couldn't control at around age 9, hence the medication. The child can control his anger and learn now. He still has very strong emotions and difficulties with control and communication which we address through the therapy. There is hope, but it may take intervention. Dietary, therapy, medications, all three... FWIW, I have some of the same symptoms as my son, and have found that medicating my issues helps as well.

[ktgrok]

Good point about the computer based learning. My DS does better working with the computer program than with me on some topics. The program allows me to assist rather than teach. He likes the math and science at Plato Learning.

 

He sounds a lot like my Aspie. Mine is VERY auto-didactic. He really prefers to self teach, and gets annoyed when I lecture or teach something he thinks he knows how to do. We are choosing almost all our curricula next year based on that...everything will be self teaching.

[ktgrok]

Also, if it helps, my Aspie got a LOT better around 12 years old. He has "outgrown" or adapted to his aspie issues, and is a totally different kid. I seriously pinch myself sometimes. 9 years old was one of the hardest years. 9 and I think 11.

[kathy_overman]

My DS is like yours as well, most recently I have been reading the Explosive Child, and it has helped me. Not much as changed in my son, but my attitude, patience and endurance are better.

 

The book basically says (this is a huge paraphrase), these kids have developmental delays in frustration tolerance. Oh so true with my son!

 

He too ebbs and flows, we have had 2 good weeks, and when it is good, it is really nice. When it is bad it is really bad, and I have acted in many ways of which I am not proud. I try to remember that I had to deal with this same behavior at the end of the school day, each and every day he was in PS. PS did help him get his work done, but it did NOT take away any of his behaviors - they were just after school.

 

I love what someone else on this board said - I must first transform myself. This is what I (try to) focus on during his 'fits'. I try to ignore what I can, and I try not to stress that it takes 6 hours to do math on those bad days. I find if I can regulate, then I can help him regulate.

 

Yes, it is SO very hard.

 

:grouphug:

[Desert Strawberry]

How do you respond when he talks over you?

 

I always try to think about the best way to diminish a negative behavior. What he wants is to be heard immediately. So if you listen and respond to what he is saying, his method (talking over you) is proven effective to him, and it will increase. If his method is not effective, the occurence will decrease. My solution would be to tell him up front that you have a problem with this behavior (as will others he encounters,) it needs to stop, and you will not respond to anything said while you are still talking. Then when it happens, very calmly remind him of the rule. Wait him out and then say what you were trying to say. When you finish what you were saying, listen intently to what he has to say, then give him praise. The first few times, it may take for.ev.er to get to a positive resolution, but it will get easier with time. Above all else, don't let his talking over you be effective for him.

 

Meanwhile, I would do two other things:

(1.) Examine your own behavior with him as if you were an outside observer. Do you ever talk over him? Do you listen and respond to what he says faithfully when he *isn't* talking over you?

(2.) Carefully model proper interaction with others in front of him, then discuss it with him afterwards. ("I was very excited to tell grandma about my day, but I knew I needed to wait until she was done with what she was saying.", for example.)

 

I also agree with Cat's suggestions for cues.

 

And God gave him to you because you are both meant to grow from this relationship. He knows what He's doing! :grouphug:

 

Do read whatever you can, too, not only to find tools to use, but also to feel less alone. Sometimes it helps to know that others are facing the same challenges.

 

:iagree:

 

We are dealing with this, too. I have done the same. When he starts to interrupt, I stop and wait silently for him to ask me to resume. If he is not responding to that, I get up and walk away. If that doesn't work, I hand him the books and assignment and tell him I'll see him when it's finished. That has only happened once. It was a very long (over 14 hour) day.

I have explained and cried and threatened and of course itdoes nothing. Because the behavior was working for him now it doesn't. It does him no good to taking over me if I 'm not there to listen and respond.

 

Good luck. It is hard. I have wondered many times why I was given this child. Surely thee are other mothers who would be better suited. But mine has made huge strides. I know that he is benefitting. I wish you that same peace.

[Pink Fairy]

How do you respond when he talks over you?

 

I always try to think about the best way to diminish a negative behavior. What he wants is to be heard immediately. So if you listen and respond to what he is saying, his method (talking over you) is proven effective to him, and it will increase. If his method is not effective, the occurence will decrease. My solution would be to tell him up front that you have a problem with this behavior (as will others he encounters,) it needs to stop, and you will not respond to anything said while you are still talking. Then when it happens, very calmly remind him of the rule. Wait him out and then say what you were trying to say. When you finish what you were saying, listen intently to what he has to say, then give him praise. The first few times, it may take for.ev.er to get to a positive resolution, but it will get easier with time. Above all else, don't let his talking over you be effective for him.

 

Meanwhile, I would do two other things:

(1.) Examine your own behavior with him as if you were an outside observer. Do you ever talk over him? Do you listen and respond to what he says faithfully when he *isn't* talking over you?

(2.) Carefully model proper interaction with others in front of him, then discuss it with him afterwards. ("I was very excited to tell grandma about my day, but I knew I needed to wait until she was done with what she was saying.", for example.)

 

I also agree with Cat's suggestions for cues.

 

And God gave him to you because you are both meant to grow from this relationship. He knows what He's doing! :grouphug:

 

Do read whatever you can, too, not only to find tools to use, but also to feel less alone. Sometimes it helps to know that others are facing the same challenges.

 

This has always been my theory too. Unfortunately, with my SPD son, it simply doesn't work (although my other four kids benefit). He doesn't have the tools to do what's in his own best interest sometimes, so even if he doesn't get what he wants with his bad behavior, it doesn't end the behavior.

 

OP, I am having a lot of luck with the book "The Explosive Child." The advice is pretty counterintuitive, but I've seen some dramatic improvement already. It comes highly recommended by WTM moms with special needs kids.