MariannNOVA Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) my grand daughter's First Holy Communion. We are moving one week from this Friday. The FHC is in NJ this coming Sunday at 11a.m. We live a 3.5 hour drive from the location where everything takes place. We just spent a week in The outer banks with dd and her dh and the grand daughters on vacation (we arrived last weekend). I am up to my eyeballs in packing as you can well imagine. We settle on the new house next friday and have to be out of this house by Sunday evening. I can do it (all the packing) -- I can do it without killing myself if I don't have to spend 7 hours in a car and hours at the FHC. I asked a friend, and she told me to stay home and do what I have to do. She said that dgd won't even know that I am not there -- she said it in a nice way and I know she is probably right. DGD and I have a really nice relationship and for the times here and there when I cannot be in attendance, I have her here for a week and we do tons of special things -- the week in the outer banks was one of those special things. Be kind -- (I am frazzled -- dd13 just finished Mock Trial yesterday and THAT was an unbelievable amount of time and effort - she won her case -- but boy was it alot of work and practice) -- tell me what you think. PS -- when I first learned the date of the FHC, our house had not yet sold and we did not know we would be moving 5 days after the weekend trip out of state. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DECIDED -- IN RED: It's like you all have been listening to the conversations I have been having with myself all week -- really! It think DD would say it was fine and then at the first opportunity, it would get thrown in my face -- that's kind of how that goes.:grouphug: I really hate the thought of missing seeing A make her FHC. I adore her -- she and I have such a good relationship. I also hate the thought that as a grandmother, I would not be at my grand daughter's FHC -- I cannot imagine not being there. I think I have my answer thanks to you wise women: I will double time the packing and we will go. Thanks -- don't know what I would do without this board! Edited April 18, 2012 by MariannNOVA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Wow that's hard. I'm sure they would understand but there is only one First Holy Communion. Could you get some packing help to compensate? I missed the house selling - yay! I think I would make one day of it. Drive down for Mass and stay for a little or none of the after festivities. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Could you make a special phone call to her that morning to talk to her? And maybe tell her to make sure they take some pictures to send to you. I know they'll take pictures but it's a way to make sure she knows you care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 That is a tough one indeed. I would probably skip it and just give her a nice gift and a phone call since you just spent time with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 who else will be there? Will there be a bunch of people and your not being there isn't a big deal? Or if you and your husband don't go will that make it seem like no one came? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Really the question is how bad your DD thinks it will be. If things are pretty solid between all of you, and she'll understand, and you call your sweet granddaughter, get pics, etc. --- surely it would be okay. If things have tension already, this is the kind of thing that could stay in some people's "You wronged me" banks for a lifetime. Not your granddaughter, but your dd, if she has such a memory bank. (I have relatives that do, and relatives that don't). If she doesn't, then yes, skip it. Pack, move, etc. and send whatever gift you'd have done, get pics, etc. It really depends, IMO, on the relationship you have with your DD and DGD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 :grouphug: in our family, it would be Very Bad. i don't know in your family.... i do know that each time dmil chooses something other than attending one of our children's major milestones, it feels dreadful for dh and for me; the kids have become accustomed to it, which is also very sad. maybe you could hire a local teen to come and help pack for a few hours each day to make it possible? or could your child who is the parent of the grandchild having first communion come and help you out for a few hours a couple of days (total of 7) so that you can go to the first communion.... :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Really the question is how bad your DD thinks it will be. If things are pretty solid between all of you, and she'll understand, and you call your sweet granddaughter, get pics, etc. --- surely it would be okay. If things have tension already, this is the kind of thing that could stay in some people's "You wronged me" banks for a lifetime. Not your granddaughter, but your dd, if she has such a memory bank. (I have relatives that do, and relatives that don't). If she doesn't, then yes, skip it. Pack, move, etc. and send whatever gift you'd have done, get pics, etc. It really depends, IMO, on the relationship you have with your DD and DGD. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 The other question is, can you stand not being there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Could her parents skype you discreetly? I normally would not recommend this for a religious ceremony, but my friends have used Skype to see non-religious events for their grandchildren that they could not attend. Would that be a compromise? I'm not sure it would be allowed, but just an idea to throw out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBear Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Can they opt to do it another Sunday? DS's first communion is coming up and we decided to not to the group FHC and have him do his at the same time we have his baby brother baptized and everyone can come in for both. From what the parish we attend told us, the kids can make their FHC anytime after Easter - with the planned group FHC or any Sunday we want - if we want to do another Sunday, we just let them know so the Priest knows and can make it special during the Mass. Our church actually encourages parents to pick another Sunday since they usually have a couple hundred kids making FHC each year (only Catholic church around here) and the church can't accommodate everyone in the group session. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loudwater School Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Wow that's hard. I'm sure they would understand but there is only one First Holy Communion. Could you get some packing help to compensate? I missed the house selling - yay! I think I would make one day of it. Drive down for Mass and stay for a little or none of the after festivities. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBear Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Could her parents skype you discreetly? I normally would not recommend this for a religious ceremony, but my friends have used Skype to see non-religious events for their grandchildren that they could not attend. Would that be a compromise? I'm not sure it would be allowed, but just an idea to throw out. :iagree: That's a good idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 It's like you all have been listening to the conversations I have been having with myself all week -- really! It think DD would say it was fine and then at the first opportunity, it would get thrown in my face -- that's kind of how that goes.:grouphug: I really hate the thought of missing seeing A make her FHC. I adore her -- she and I have such a good relationship. I also hate the thought that as a grandmother, I would not be at my grand daughter's FHC -- I cannot imagine not being there. I think I have my amswer thanks to you wise women: I will double time the packing and we will go. Thanks -- don't know what I would do without this board! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I'd ask your dd. Honestly, it's likely going to be her that is hurt by your absence more...and she's going to have a better read of her dd's potential reaction than anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I am glad you decided to go. My daughters would be personally devastated if their grandmothers didn't come to their First Holy Communion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Do we get a picture? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 (edited) :grouphug: I'm glad you're going. Call that friend back and ask her to bring some elbow grease and the packing tape. It's one of those things that puts you in the SOLID bank. Grandma will BE There for my milestones, you know? It brings the family together, it's shared memories and something she will always remember-it's huge! Edited April 19, 2012 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadianmumof5 Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I read this earlier today but didn't get a chance to post. I am so glad you decided to go. It is a once-in-a-lifetime moment for your family - it wouldn't be the same if you weren't there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 daughter's wedding because it's too much of a hassle for them and it does sting. Good for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Yay that you've decided to go. In the years to come you and she will remember that you were there. No one will ever remember the move... ;) Hire help with the move, girl. You deserve someone to box, tape, and haul. Wish I were close enough to help out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I am just now seeing this thread, after your added update. You know the easiest thing isn't always the right thing. ;) You will have a wonderful time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Thank you all who posted. Yup, we are going definitely. You are all absolutely correct -- I would love to respond to everyone individually, but I don't have the time or energy - sheesh - I am pathetic. I just got in the door with dd13 from her improv class - we left here at 6pm. Anyway, we will travel on saturday evening and stay at dh's parent's house. They live about 1 mile from the Church. My dd will bring A to dh's parent's house so I can french braid her hair, and from there we will go to Church. I feel immense relief that the decision is made and we will be there. I must have been nuts to think that we could absent ourselves from this. I would be devastated the entire weekend. Thank you all -- I forgot to mention that dgd will wear the gorgeous dress that DD10 wore for her 'Baptism' (Presbyterian Church) last year. It fits her perfectly (my dd is petite, dgd is not petite - that makes the dress perfect). I will post photos next week. Thank you all again!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosesinsummer Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I'm glad you are going to go! Sadly, my own mom will be missing her other granddaughter's FHC (out of state) because my daughter's FHC is on the same date. She literally cannot be in two places at once. The sacrifices will be worth it! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 I'm glad you are going to go! Sadly, my own mom will be missing her other granddaughter's FHC (out of state) because my daughter's FHC is on the same date. She literally cannot be in two places at once. The sacrifices will be worth it! :001_smile: Hopefully, there will be tons of photos and stuff for her to see. You would think that the 'cannot be in two places at the same time' thing would have been solved by now.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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