Hanging up on people who get distracted by their children?

[Butter]

while I'm guessing it won't make sense but I've found most LDS women have a "tone" to their speech. Not saying its neg or pos, its like an accent but with tone. Ridiculous I know but its something I have noticed.

 

I've noticed *some* Utah Mormons have a certain tone of voice. MOST Mormons do not. Actually, what I've noticed some Utah Mormons do is this clicking thing when they are talking. It's hard to explain, but we can always identify Utahns by their clicking.

[MamaSheep]

The 1 lady talked to me about her beliefs, the school lady I took a wild guess since she's in an area with a very very high LDS population and while I'm guessing it won't make sense but I've found most LDS women have a "tone" to their speech. Not saying its neg or pos, its like an accent but with tone. Ridiculous I know but its something I have noticed.

 

I'm down to 1 kid and school just got out so hopefully her little playmate will be out soon, I'm going to go read a book now and enjoy some silence, oh yes, and EAT SOMETHING while I relax:)

 

I would guess it's a regional tone rather than religious. But if you're in an area with a very, very high LDS population you may be right. Or y'know, not. Either way, thanks for humoring me and satisfying my curiosity.

 

If you're talking about Utah County, Utah (there aren't that many places with a very, very high LDS population), maybe I could ask around amongst my friends, several of whom have kids in charter schools, and help get you the inside scoop. Also, if your question is about charter schools, it might be helpful to know that in some districts around here there's some tension between charter schools and other public schools, and they don't function under the same district leadership. A district-level person recently mentioned in a meeting I was attending (about autism issues in the district) that each charter school is kind of like its own little school district with its own administrative structure that operates separately from the public school district in that area and answers directly to the state office of education. They get public funding and have to follow the same general rules as other public schools, but they're not run by the school district administrators. So I'm not sure how much a school district person would be able to tell you about the charter schools, or whether their opinions would be very objective.

 

But maybe I'm barking up completely the wrong tree, and that's not even where you're talking about. If it is, though, I'm happy to help however I can.

 

And I'm glad you're getting a little bit of a break. :grouphug:

[kalanamak]

She was from the school district where were moving to and I need help locating a charter that will meet our needs. I was a bit embarrassed by taking 30 seconds to place the woman, the entire call lasted 38 seconds:(

 

Any one from a school district should be used to talking to parents. Sheesh!

[jennsmile]

I am sorry you are having a rough day. I am LDS and while I don't find "butt" offensive it bought back memories of the kids I babysat who weren't allowed to say it. They were LDS. :D Thanks for reminding me of those sweet kids.

[DianeW88]

:iagree: I lived in Utah, among mostly mormon neighbors, for several years, and am now blessed (in WV) to have some LDS friends. I have to say, that, without a doubt, the (MANY) LDS folks I've lived among, counted as friends, neighbors, or acquaintances . . . have been the most polite, courteous, kind folks, as a group, that I've ever known. There is no other religious group I'd rather have as members of my little world. I've MANY TIMES said that if there was anyway I could face myself in the mirror (spritually), I'd have converted to LDS & never left Utah.

 

There was ONE LDS neighbor lady who used to yell at her kids. (She had 10!) She was still really nice. I still liked her, but I hated to hear her yell at her kids. She seemed really TIRED, and I felt like she should have stopped a few kids back. But, other than that ONE acquaintance, I have never met an LDS -- kid or adult -- who I didn't see routinely exhibiting exemplary courtesy.

 

I've also been amazed at how understanding my LDS acquaintances and friends have been of our differences. I *try hard* not to use "god" or even "gosh" among them b/c I know they don't like it. When I slip, I apologize, and they always smile and remind me that they appreciate my effort, but that their "rules" don't apply to ME. In UT, dh and I were living IN SIN together in between two great LDS families, on a block of ALL LDS families. Folks were still nice as could be to us, even before we made it legal and got married. Despite the fact that we were un-evangelizable and didn't go to ANY church, they still loved on us, taught us how to garden, etc. Good people. Awesome neighbors.

 

So, anyway, as a non-LDS, I just wanted to give a yell-out that discourteous behavior is the VERY LAST thing I'd attribute to someone's LDS-ness.

 

Thank you for your kind words!! And, we'd love to have you if you ever decide you want to join us!!! :D :D :D

[ssavings]

If the interruption to deal with the kids came right on top of the 30 seconds of silence while you tried to figure out who she was, I can kinda understand why she'd hang up. I'd figure you hadn't meant to answer the phone, and hang up. (I come from a family of pocket dial-ers and pocket answer-ers, so it's not uncommon for me to hang up because someone accidentally answered while busy).

If you were speaking to her, then got interrupted... Yes, rude of her. She should have waited.

[Soror]

It sounds like it was likely confusing on her end and I can understand why she might have hung up. I wouldn't feel bad or blame her though. It was a bad day/week, hopefully it gets better. I'd try to let it go and get some peace :)

[besroma]

It was a bad day/week, hopefully it gets better. I'd try to let it go and get some peace :)

 

:iagree: But, it was still rude IMO.

[Mimm]

No matter how rude my children are being, unless they had an arm fall off in front of me, I've always managed to say, "Hold on a moment please?" I find it extremely rude when I'm on the phone with someone and they just start talking to someone in the room without saying anything to me. So I guess I'll be the naysayer (from what I've skimmed of this thread) and say that I think you were the one being rude. Maybe hanging up was also rude, but if you didn't say anything for those 30 seconds while you were trying to place her and then for a further several seconds while you dealt with your children, then I really can't blame her in the least.

[BlueTaelon]

No matter how rude my children are being, unless they had an arm fall off in front of me, I've always managed to say, "Hold on a moment please?" I find it extremely rude when I'm on the phone with someone and they just start talking to someone in the room without saying anything to me. So I guess I'll be the naysayer (from what I've skimmed of this thread) and say that I think you were the one being rude. Maybe hanging up was also rude, but if you didn't say anything for those 30 seconds while you were trying to place her and then for a further several seconds while you dealt with your children, then I really can't blame her in the least.

 

 

I wasn't silent, I was asking questions trying to place her.

[OrganicAnn]

Maybe she said she'd call back at a better time, but you didn't hear her because you were dealing with the kids. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and not think it rude.

 

And you never know what it sounded like on her end.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hopefully 30 seconds was an exaggeration. Surely you would have asked, "and what organization are you with?" or even more surely she would have volunteered that information to begin with. Since she was returning your call, I would think that she would have a reasonable expectation that you would recognize her organization name, if not her personal name and would know why you called her to begin with. I don't see her as rude. I see her as being very kind to call you back. And very patient at first that you weren't prepared to know who she was and to get to the point of why you had called her to begin with. I could see why she would hang up when she saw that you were not prepared to talk to her.

[ereks mom]

This has happened once before and was it shocking then too. Anyway a lady called returning my call from Monday and I had totally forgotten about her and I was trying to place her and it finally dawned on me who she was. At that moment the kids came in...

 

Yes I know I was rude by needing to deal with my children and it took me 30 seconds to realize who the woman was ...

 

did I over step some social boundary by dealing with my rude children for a moment?

 

Did you say "Can you hold a moment?"

 

I'm afraid I didn't ask to be excused for a moment...

 

I'm sorry, but if I were her, I would've hung up too. I would shush my kids and talk to the caller, and then when I was off the phone, I would really light into my kids for their rudeness. It really, really annoys me when I'm on the phone with someone and they randomly start talking to another person, whether it's their kids or whoever, without asking me to hold for a moment.

[nd293]

If someone talked to their children in the background without asking for a moment, yes, I would most definitely hang up.

 

When I am on the phone and the kids interupt I ask the caller for a moment, and tell the kids to get out of hearing range immediately, outside the house, if that's what it takes. Then I deal with the phone call, and the children afterwards. Obviously this would be different with a toddler, but a 5yr old and 11yr old can be expected not to interrupt, or to deal with the consequences.

Edited April 19, 2012 by nd293

[Ellie]

Its a great idea until your children realize it doesn't mean your going to stop your call immediately and give them your full attention. Its the whole waiting for you that's the problem. They want you NOW and to heck with your needs.

Two things:

 

They have to learn to wait, because if they don't, you're going to gently tell your caller that you'll have to get back to her, and you'll deal with your dc. You have to do this every.single.time.

 

And you have to not make the dc wait for very long, 'cuz it would be incosiderate of you to make them wait longer than a minute or so after they've tried to obey the rules, KWIM?

[StephanieZ]

Thank you for your kind words!! And, we'd love to have you if you ever decide you want to join us!!! :D :D :D

 

Awww, shucks, thanks. If only it weren't for the whole religion thing, and the rules stuff, and all that . . . uh, church stuff . . . I'd be all over it.

[TranquilMind]

Suggestions on how to do this? I have tried everything from time outs to spanking for interrupting and nothing works. They. just. don't. get. it!

Oh, they will. The 10,000th time you tell them. ;) Seriously, just keep saying over and over, "You must NOT interrupt Mom on the phone or at a counter when I am doing business. You wait until I am finished UNLESS it is an emergency (define emergency). You wanting a candy bar is NOT an emergency!"

 

It eventually worked. Soon, I only had to point at the phone. Now, if someone barges in, I simply shake my head.

[TranquilMind]

I wasn't focused on the iPad, I was just holding it because I had been using it when the phone rang 30 seconds before. I have locked myself in the bathroom, that leads to children yelling though the door and knocking non stop. Its like waving a flag saying "come harass me!":glare::( Yes, I know, my children have no manners and every attempt to teach them as failed:(

Is there a consequence that gets the attention of your child that age? Early bed (my kids hated this one!)? No game or computer time? Something like that?

[LarlaB]

Hopefully 30 seconds was an exaggeration. Surely you would have asked, "and what organization are you with?" or even more surely she would have volunteered that information to begin with. Since she was returning your call, I would think that she would have a reasonable expectation that you would recognize her organization name, if not her personal name and would know why you called her to begin with. I don't see her as rude. I see her as being very kind to call you back. And very patient at first that you weren't prepared to know who she was and to get to the point of why you had called her to begin with. I could see why she would hang up when she saw that you were not prepared to talk to her.

 

:iagree:

 

Sorry, I would have likely hung up on you too....:blushing:

 

If you aren't prepared (and that includes seeing if kiddos are ok to hang for 5 minutes) to speak to someone on the phone, don't answer it.

[TranquilMind]

I am very burned out and upset with my children today. My only positive thought is in 15 minutes the behavior councilor lady (totally ineffective but gives me a break from them for an hour) will be here and deal with them for an hour then take the older one away for group counseling for an hour. With luck the younger will go play with the neighbor kid for an hour and I can get a break and some peace and quiet. My stress level is though the roof this week with everything going on and 90% of its being caused by misbehaving kids.

I'm sorry. I had some days like that when my kids were the age of yours. My husband sometimes found me in the van ready to pull out when he pulled in, when the kids were younger.

[TranquilMind]

They aren't little anymore and don't interrupt much either. But when they feel it's an emergency they will stop at nothing to get my attention, lol :tongue_smilie: Like messages on the white board or long written notes. They are kids. It's important to them.

 

My mom wants dead silence when on the phone. But when I talk to her she's got the tv in the background blaring at level 80. Doesn't seem like a fair request to have kids silent :lol::tongue_smilie::glare:

Laughing. My Mom's gone now but I ALWAYS had to say, "Hey MOM! TURN DOWN THE TV!!!" when we talked.

 

She didn't hear very well in those last years if there was background noise either. We used to go out to eat and the waiter would tell us what the specials were, and when he left, I'd turn to Mom and say, "MOM! HE SAID THERE WAS FLOUNDER TONIGHT and SOME SPECIAL PASTA!" And we'd laugh...

 

I miss her. You got me going down memory lane with this post...

[TranquilMind]

:iagree:

 

Sorry, I would have likely hung up on you too....:blushing:

 

If you aren't prepared (and that includes seeing if kiddos are ok to hang for 5 minutes) to speak to someone on the phone, don't answer it.

That's the best answer. I never answer the phone unless I know who it is, I am expecting the call, and it is a good time to talk. Sometimes, though, you are waiting for a repairman or someone, and you just have no choice, so training the kids that you are to be left alone unless there is an emergency is best.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I would have called her right back and said, "Hey, I think we got disconnected, sorry about that" and just gone on as if nothing had happened. Who knows, maybe her cell battery died at a really inconvenient moment and it had nothing to do with you?

 

Phones are sort of a landmine with small kids around. My own can be peacefully, quietly playing and the minute I dial or pick up the phone they need me IMMEDIATELY for some (non)emergency. I've started telling them, "Don't interrupt me unless you see smoke or blood."

 

I'm LDS and your posts completely baffle me. I wasn't allowed to say butt as a kid, but my own kids are allowed to say it, and in fact, my 3 yo went around saying that her butt hurt most of last week (she had a stomach virus) :lol: Like anywhere else, you'll find variable strictness among our membership. I have non-LDs friends who have stricter rules than we do. Since you made the comparison of English to Amish, I really have to wonder if you live near the FLDS, which are quite, QUITE different from mainstream LDS. That being said, I agree with the following:

 

ETA: (I know I said lastly, but had to add this) If have questions about LDS beliefs and customs that you'd like to ask someone who isn't your neighbor, or would like some pointers on how to deal with a situation involving someone who is LDS, please feel free to post them on the forum. I'll be happy to at least give them a shot, and I promise I won't be offended. And I know there are other very nice LDS women here who are full of good ideas and information who would also be happy to pitch in.

Always happy to answer questions. Start a thread anytime. :001_smile:

 

Hope things get better for you :grouphug:

Edited April 19, 2012 by LemonPie