5 yr old DS wants to go to "real school" oops!

[ImperfectBird]

OK...another HS newbie question! :-)

 

Ever since my 5 yr old was old enough to watch the big yellow school bus go whizzing by our window every morning, he's wanted to hop on that thing and go to school! :001_smile: I don't blame him...he's a very social kid, LOVES meeting new people, loves adventure, a very smart kid who loves to learn. I think in his mind that's how he sees school as being! Whenever I've brought up the idea of homeschooling he gets upset and says he wants to go to "real school" because that's where his friends from Sunday school and soccer go, and he wants to ride the bus and have homework! :001_smile:

 

We're thinking of starting HS either this summer or fall, and I'm already worried how he's going to handle it. Not to mention every member of our family is giving me hell saying he was "made" for school and why would I deny him that opportunity?? (oh, I don't know, maybe because I'm his MOTHER and I might know a little better?? lol)

 

Anyway...I'm sure I'm not the first to have to deal with a less than enthused future-HSer! Any tips??

[Tohru]

:bigear: Feeling the same way with dd

[AK_Mom4]

Though I would be sure he does get to ride a bus sometime. A nice trip on a city bus does wonders for getting the "transportation itch" scratched. I think the buses at Disney Land were my kids favorite rides!

 

As for the relatives, you need that "pass the bean dip" post!

[Lily_Grace]

Do you have a co-op or a playgroup in your area? I'd start there. If not, I'd look for a class at a museum or science center that meets weekly. Fill your home this summer with books like "A School Like Mine" and watch Sesame Street's segment with Murray and his little lamb. They go to a different "school" each time.

 

School is fun but the novelty quickly wears off as the long days set in.

[Samiam]

Well, my children, at the age of 5, didn't get to make many decisions in their life.

 

My 5 year old would stay up until all hours of the night if it was his choice.

My 5 year old would eat ice cream and cookies for dinner every night if it was his choice. He would also drink soda all day long.

My 5 year old would go outside woefully underdressed for cold weather.

My 5 year old would refuse to wear sunblock at the beach if it was his choice.

My 5 year old would dangle dangerously off the second floor landing, hanging over feet first.

My 5 year old prefers that I NEVER cut his fingernails. Or his hair.

 

 

Most five year old children do not understand or care about the WHY"s behind the choices that we parents make for them. Frankly, my 5 year old doesn't need to. He can "want" all that he wants, but doesn't mean he gets it. I make the choices for him at this point in his life.

 

A child doesn't fully grasp what they are asking when they ask to go to school because they want to ride a bus. But you as the adult, as the parent, should fully grasp why you have chosen to homeschool.

 

While I don't suggest bashing schools because who knows what the future holds for you and your child, I would recommend just playing up all of the fun things that are in store for him at home. Ride a city bus if you can. I am sure he'll move on to something else sooner rather than later.

[Alicia64]

I don't suggest what "worked" for us. We put our boys in kinder and watched one red flag pop up after another. Some of the red flags were serious safety issues that scared us and the school was just fine with. :glare:

 

Yeah. I still need therapy from that lovely experience. (And we were in a "great" charter school.)

 

Finally we pulled the boys at Christmastime. To this day one of my boys will tell you all about what an awful time he had in school -- and that happened almost three years ago! But, hey, if you have a moment he'd be happy to go on and on and on.

 

My other boy stays really quiet, but that's an issue all on it's own. He would have been bullied, no doubt, and I wouldn't have known about it because he rarely shares his problems. He's the strong silent type.

 

Anyway, don't try our method.

 

I guess if I were in your shoes I'd get some activities going like karate class, co-op, park days etc. etc.

 

Good luck,

 

Alley

[LaxMom]

My 11 year old was that kid. We explained that we had made other choices and it was never a big deal. It was more the glamour of the bus. (And she wouldn't ride the bus anyway because I don't think a bus full of un-belted children at highway speeds is ok. At all.)

 

I don't think the boys have ever wanted to go to school. They asked *when* they were going a couple of times, but I think that was based on conversations with other kids or their parents on the playground, who just assumed they'd be going. At 7, they're pretty comfortable with telling people they're homeschooled, what they've been working on, etc.

 

Is there a reason you're waiting to start?

[Butter]

Ask exactly what about B&M school appeals. Sometimes it's the bus, sometimes it's lunch, sometimes it's recess, sometimes it's because they think they can play with their friends all day long however they want. Never is it sitting in the classroom doing work :lol: When my kids said they wanted to go to school it was the bus and lunch. So we took a few trips on the city bus and packed lunch and pretended we were in a cafeteria eating it. By 7 or 8 they never commented or asked to go to school at all.

[Jen in PA]

Though I would be sure he does get to ride a bus sometime. A nice trip on a city bus does wonders for getting the "transportation itch" scratched. I think the buses at Disney Land were my kids favorite rides!

 

As for the relatives, you need that "pass the bean dip" post!

 

:iagree: We use city buses all the time, and constantly heading to fun destinations on those makes the regular schoolbus look pretty boring.:D

[SailorMom]

My sons both did two years of part time pre-school, and K, one did a year of 1st grade - this was before we moved to horrible schools!

I know they were both very excited about school and buses. They had some really cool pre-conceived notions that were very different from reality :)

When we pulled them out, my youngest (with ld's) was thrilled, but my oldest soun ds just like your son - "made for school". I made a huge effort to plan two really cool activities every week, plus we went to a homeschool group once a week, and went on field trips with them.

After about 6 months, he was having so much fun, and loved the self directed learning in science and history.

So - get a zoo membership, go to museums, take him to all those touristy places no one ever goes to when you live there :) Do messy, icky science projects and nature studies, and let him pick what you study in history and science. After a while, he'll be having so much fun - he won't even think about wanting to go.

[Jenny in Florida]

My son went through a similar phase. He kept saying he wanted to go to school, like all of his friends. In his case, it hit right about the time that several kids we knew from Mommy and Me classes and church started pre-K or K.

 

I kept trying to jolly him out of it or distract him. I assured him that we would make sure to find him places to be with kids, reminded him that we were already attending a homeschool group. I told him that his daddy and I love him very much and were just trying to do what we thought was best for him . . . But he kept getting more miserable.

 

Finally, I asked him why he wanted it so badly.

 

He managed to tell me that he was afraid all of the other kids were getting smarter than him, because his homeschool work was so easy.

 

After I smothered a laugh, I asked him if he just wanted harder work? He said that would be good.

 

I started giving him more to do.

 

The moral of the story, I think, is that you may be surprised by what, exactly, appeals to your son about school. And, if you ask him and are open to hearing what he has to say, you might be able to address his concerns in a homeschool setting.

[beaners]

In our house, getting to put your books in a backpack and pull your lunch from a lunchbox in the fridge are the hallmarks of "school."

[JessieC]

Would the school let him attend half-day for K, then bring him home completely for first? This worked for us. The mystery of school was defused, my daughter met some new friends in our community, and was only in school for 2.5 hours per day that year.

[athena1277]

My ds is nearly 5 and will be starting K in the fall. He has absolutely no desire to go to school. Why? Because he knows he would have to be away from mommy all day. ;)

 

Sometimes reminding what they will miss out on helps. No more story time at the library with younger sibling. No more meeting daddy for lunch. Grandma is coming for a week? Sorry, you have to go to school.

[Dmmetler]

My DD went through that last year, after our first year of HSing (and she WENT to PS K). As it turned out, most of what she wanted was "school stuff"-the cute school mascot, the classroom theme, the fun days like "Pajama Day", the bumper sticker for mom's mini-van, and so on. So, since the plan had been to turn our spare bedroom into essentially a big closet for homeschooling materials anyway, we turned it into a school, complete with school name and mascot, ordered a bunch of stuff with the school logo on it from Vistaprint, and for Christmas, DD got a "school uniform" with polo shirt with the school logo, drawn by DD, and a plaid pleated skirt. DH and I have matching polo shirts, so when we go on a "field trip" we match. For about a month this fall she brought her stuffed animals and dolls in every morning and lined them up at her desks, and would answer questions for each of them in succession.

 

We also bought a backpack and a new lunchbox, and for awhile we'd pack her lunch in the morning, then put it in the refrigerator to pull it out and eat (that lasted about a week-the lunchbox is now used for park days and the like), and she'd put her folder and materials in her backpack at the end of school each day.

 

Sometimes, I think the little ones just plain need to PLAY school-or what they think school is like. It's so ubiquitous in children's literature/TV/conversation that it's natural for them to want to do it (the only reason I put my DD in pre-K, which then turned into starting K a year early, was that she was so adamant that she wanted to go to "kidnergarten". I think she expected a cross between Miss Bindergarten and Miss Frizzle.)

[ImperfectBird]

My DD went through that last year, after our first year of HSing (and she WENT to PS K). As it turned out, most of what she wanted was "school stuff"-the cute school mascot, the classroom theme, the fun days like "Pajama Day", the bumper sticker for mom's mini-van, and so on. So, since the plan had been to turn our spare bedroom into essentially a big closet for homeschooling materials anyway, we turned it into a school, complete with school name and mascot, ordered a bunch of stuff with the school logo on it from Vistaprint, and for Christmas, DD got a "school uniform" with polo shirt with the school logo, drawn by DD, and a plaid pleated skirt. DH and I have matching polo shirts, so when we go on a "field trip" we match. For about a month this fall she brought her stuffed animals and dolls in every morning and lined them up at her desks, and would answer questions for each of them in succession.

 

We also bought a backpack and a new lunchbox, and for awhile we'd pack her lunch in the morning, then put it in the refrigerator to pull it out and eat (that lasted about a week-the lunchbox is now used for park days and the like), and she'd put her folder and materials in her backpack at the end of school each day.

 

Sometimes, I think the little ones just plain need to PLAY school-or what they think school is like. It's so ubiquitous in children's literature/TV/conversation that it's natural for them to want to do it (the only reason I put my DD in pre-K, which then turned into starting K a year early, was that she was so adamant that she wanted to go to "kidnergarten". I think she expected a cross between Miss Bindergarten and Miss Frizzle.)

 

This is *exactly* what my son would love! My husband is a public school teacher and he also drives a school bus...they also happen to wear uniforms at the school he teaches at and their mascot is a tiger. ALL OF THIS appeals to my son so much (he very much wants to be "just like daddy!") I think if we could recreate elements of this....picking school colors and mascot, even getting him a uniform to wear, he would feel much better about homeschooling. Thanks SO much for those suggestions!!

[ImperfectBird]

Would the school let him attend half-day for K, then bring him home completely for first? This worked for us. The mystery of school was defused, my daughter met some new friends in our community, and was only in school for 2.5 hours per day that year.

 

 

I haven't looked into that, but I have a feeling it wouldn't be possible. The K here is a full-day year round program (I can't even imagine sending him to full day year round:crying:). Although it wouldn't be a bad option to have!

[nono]

Well, some days I do make my kids walk to school. Yep, they get dressed early, put on their coats, carry their books for the day and walk around the block. :D

 

And, my 2nd grader does get homework once or twice a week. It's the things she doesn't get to during our school time because she was procrastinating or had better things to do, such as extended play with her brother. She does the "homework" while I"m getting dinner ready, so I can help if necessary. I place things she can do independently (such as copywork) for the end of our school day, so if time slips by and we are off to swim practice, it's something she can handle mostly by herself when we return. It also gives her something to complain about in the locker room. "Ugh, I have homework too!" ;)

 

P.S. We are the Seals*, and our school colors are red-orange and turquoise. (Nodding to ImperfectBird).

 

*We were deciding on our mascot last winter when one beached during a windstorm.

Edited March 27, 2012 by nono

[ImperfectBird]

My son went through a similar phase. He kept saying he wanted to go to school, like all of his friends. In his case, it hit right about the time that several kids we knew from Mommy and Me classes and church started pre-K or K.

 

I kept trying to jolly him out of it or distract him. I assured him that we would make sure to find him places to be with kids, reminded him that we were already attending a homeschool group. I told him that his daddy and I love him very much and were just trying to do what we thought was best for him . . . But he kept getting more miserable.

 

Finally, I asked him why he wanted it so badly.

 

He managed to tell me that he was afraid all of the other kids were getting smarter than him, because his homeschool work was so easy.

 

After I smothered a laugh, I asked him if he just wanted harder work? He said that would be good.

 

I started giving him more to do.

 

The moral of the story, I think, is that you may be surprised by what, exactly, appeals to your son about school. And, if you ask him and are open to hearing what he has to say, you might be able to address his concerns in a homeschool setting.

 

 

That is so cute what your son said :001_smile: Sounds very much like what my little guy would say too! He loves being challenged. I will have to sit him down and try to get exactly from him what he finds appealing about school.

[ImperfectBird]

Though I would be sure he does get to ride a bus sometime. A nice trip on a city bus does wonders for getting the "transportation itch" scratched. I think the buses at Disney Land were my kids favorite rides!

 

As for the relatives, you need that "pass the bean dip" post!

 

 

Oh gosh, he LOVES when we go to cities that have city buses! That will definitely have to be a regular field trip :-)

 

What is the "pass the bean dip" post?? I need all the suggestions I can get on how to handle the rude relatives! :tongue_smilie:

[Ellie]

Just say no. Don't bring it up, don't be too sympathetic when (or if) he asks. And make a point of talking about how wonderful it is that he doesn't have to get up at the crack of dawn to get ready for school so he gets to sleep until he's rested, and how sad it is that those poor children have to leave their mommies and their siblings every day to go to school, bless their hearts, and isn't it wonderful that we get to go school at the park instead of having to sit inside at desks...:D

 

Defintely refuse to discuss it with friends and relatives, and don't let them give you grief. Don't even spend much time explaining. They're not the Mom; you are.

[kwg]

I just said "in our family we do not do school until X age" but it was a little easier bc we made friends that were homeschooling. I would try to find some kids that are going to homeschool next year and maybe join a co-op that offers K classes.

[TranquilMind]

Well, my children, at the age of 5, didn't get to make many decisions in their life.

 

My 5 year old would stay up until all hours of the night if it was his choice.

My 5 year old would eat ice cream and cookies for dinner every night if it was his choice. He would also drink soda all day long.

My 5 year old would go outside woefully underdressed for cold weather.

My 5 year old would refuse to wear sunblock at the beach if it was his choice.

My 5 year old would dangle dangerously off the second floor landing, hanging over feet first.

My 5 year old prefers that I NEVER cut his fingernails. Or his hair.

 

 

Most five year old children do not understand or care about the WHY"s behind the choices that we parents make for them. Frankly, my 5 year old doesn't need to. He can "want" all that he wants, but doesn't mean he gets it. I make the choices for him at this point in his life.

 

A child doesn't fully grasp what they are asking when they ask to go to school because they want to ride a bus. But you as the adult, as the parent, should fully grasp why you have chosen to homeschool.

 

While I don't suggest bashing schools because who knows what the future holds for you and your child, I would recommend just playing up all of the fun things that are in store for him at home. Ride a city bus if you can. I am sure he'll move on to something else sooner rather than later.

This is my view too.

 

Five year olds want one thing today and another tomorrow.

 

I believe that 5 year olds do best at home, but this is my personal view. My daughter, when she was little, once made the completely unsolicited comment to me, "If we were in school all day, you wouldn't even know us." I've never forgotten that or regretted what I did when they were young. The vacations during the school year were great too, and cheaper!

[Starr]

Don't engage the conversation with relatives. Tell them you are sure he'll be fine and move on. And don't let them get after him about school. Kids always wonder but they do not have the understanding of school versus home school. I don't feel it's their decision. Go to a museum, the park, do your school work, help in the yard and have imaginative play. It's a wonderful life.

[Momto3indians]

One of the greatest setbacks for us moms is negative feedback when wanting to go down this road of homeschooling. We, too, are extremely social people from two very social families and both were very negative/at first!!...not later!.. and anti our wild choice to homeschool! GASP! When we get hammered like that from family/loved ones, I think it's almost natural to listen a bit tooo much then to our kid's own emotions no matter how young of what 'they want'. For we humans do love to copy each other...we are made for fellowship!

 

I had an aunt that I am extremely close to yell at the top of her lungs at our swim club that I was 'ruining, ruining, ruining!' my kid's lives! (reminded me of that scene from the Princess Bride now that I look back on it!! ha!) It was very painful and can really shrink our confidence levels!! Probably all of us have had such negative feedback and then some! Trust me, you'll have it happened numerous times! Hang in there!! If you are called to this...then you will prevail and your kids will see your confidence and it will make a difference in their attitude!

 

My kids are all now homeschool graduates...they are awesome kids and even though they had to trail blaze thru their own choices they now are thanking me that I homeschooled them! Now that I look back on what I did with them, I'm in awe! 'I...me?..did all that?!' It really is a full time job that is none rewarding...often filled with self doubts...and yet...each year that goes by I am on my knees thankful for another year w/my kids 'at home'! And to have each one of them want to homeschool their own kids now? Wow! I'm humbled...grateful...for trust me...you'll have some rough patches to go thru.

 

And I wouldn't trade it for anything! Hang in there! Also those family members who snubbed their noses at me later became my cheerleaders! It took time, but they couldn't deny how 'social'...'normal'...and 'smart' they were! Proof is in the pudding ba-beee! :)

 

One more thing...I love what ImperfectBird had to offer you!! We did the same exact thing!!!! What is more fun than to 'play school?'!! We did this and it worked beautifully!! We took LOTS of special trips and made a huge deal out of them and did our best to take friends along....we did the 'back to school shopping' each year...getting lunch boxes and a new backpack if needed....picking out pencils and all that! I SOOOO miss it!!!!!

Edited March 27, 2012 by Momto3indians