Trilliums Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Ok, I misread the original post. He is still alive??? I find that the oddest part, honestly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Ok, I misread the original post. He is still alive??? I find that the oddest part, honestly. :iagree: Very strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 would you solicit funds from people you didn't know? I am a bit shocked by a mom's post on a moms group I am on (forum). Apparently her dad is dying and she can't afford funeral expenses and her mother won't pay for them. She also went on a very long tirade about her entire family problems, including her mother going to jail for attempted murder but being let out, etc..... Her post was to ask us, even those of us who don't know her, to help pay for her father's funeral. She even linked a paypal account for donations. Do you find this odd? Dawn Odd and no, I would not ask other people to make donations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 No, I wouldn't do it. But I did not have to. My dad died and the money from his estate paid for his burial and funeral. It was not cheap. I'm sorry she's in this position. Unfortunately, when you have a loved one dying, yes, sometimes you do have to consider funeral/burial decisions before they have passed. I feel for her. However, I'd only donate if I knew her or her family personally. I'd not pass judgment in any way though. You either give or you don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 Yup! Great. I hope it is swampland. I know a few gals on our board have met her IRL, but I don't know her. I just don't get why she has to be the ONLY one to pay for this.....she has other family but she says they don't speak to one another. Dawn It sure sounds like she has all her bases covered! The only thing left for you to do is to make a huge donation towards the funeral of a man you don't know who has Alzheimers' but who isn't yet dead, whose miltary records were destroyed in a fire but yet at the same time whose wife has them, whose wishes were to be buried but whose wife refuses to bury him and regardless funds aren't even available to cremate him--all funded by requests for donations by a daughter who doesn't sound like she's has any legal rights to make arrangements since there's a surviving spouse. Oh, and there's an attorney working on it so that should make you feel better about the cause being legitimate! If you have any cash left over, I have some houses in Florida we could talk about...;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Wow! :001_huh: I would never ask for money like that. I'd be fine with the cheapest possible funeral/cremation option for myself or any family member and paying however I could. I can't imagine collecting for a funeral while someone was alive either? I wonder if she's depressed or something? Sad. The family didn't ask for money, but friends set up a paypal account to collect money to cover medical and funeral costs, and another friend set up a fundraiser to raise money for the same and for a college fund for her son. So donating isn't weird, asking that way certainly is. I've seen this done many times and donated this way too. Many people have ways to donate to cover medical expenses, etc. on their Caringbridge pages, etc. To me that's MUCH different than actively soliciting funds from people you do not know. People have to seek out your website and click it. Even saying in an obituary "In lieu of flowers donations preferred to daughter, Susy to cover funeral expenses", would be ok in my book. There are so many scammers online, I would never donate to an individual making this kind of request unless I had a history of personal contact with them or knew them IRL. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 She SAYS there is an attorney on the case but doesn't say what she means by that. OK, so she can afford to pay an attorney, but she can't pay for funeral expenses. Yeah. Right. :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Her story sounds very odd. However, as to whether it's OK to ask for help for funeral expenses: It's common for people in some cultures to get help from their community to pay for funerals. I see it here in SoCal. I think friends & family usually offer a service (such as a car wash), but sometimes they just ask for donations. That said...I don't think this applies in the case you described. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcelmer Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 What do people with very little money do if they can't afford funerals? Surely not every funeral and burial is $10,000? Dawn We did a cremation with DH mother, it was $250-300 back in 2002. (I did have to call 3-4 funeral homes to find the best cost, it varied quite a bit, and the least expensive place was the furthest away oddly enough) Her ashes are in the attic, and we didn't spring for a fancy vase. DH wasn't sure that he wanted a funeral or memorial service, so that was our total cost. Our church would've given her a funeral for free. If you have a local church that the family has connections with, it can be very inexpensive. Sure, I would've preferred a service with flowers, family plot and a fancy casket, and but it wasn't something we could do. FYI: We loved her very much, and had just cashed out our life insurance policy, spent all our savings and gone into a wee bit of credit debt to bring her to our state to live with us during her final months of suffering from emphysema. She was from the east coast, we were in the west coast. We were her only living relatives, she was living on SS, and I had a toddler at the time she lived with us before a nursing home became necessary. We didn't have the money to pay for more, but I would not have asked for cash from friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Yup! Great. I hope it is swampland. Well, technically I haven't seen any of them but I've been assured they're really great houses. Take all the time you need to think about it, but I wouldn't wait too long because I have people on a waiting list after you. Oh, and I have an attorney working on it so you can be sure it's legit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Odd and no, I would not ask other people to make donations. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 It sure sounds like she has all her bases covered! The only thing left for you to do is to make a huge donation towards the funeral of a man you don't know who has Alzheimers' but who isn't yet dead, whose miltary records were destroyed in a fire but yet at the same time whose wife has them, whose wishes were to be buried but whose wife refuses to bury him and regardless funds aren't even available to cremate him--all funded by requests for donations by a daughter who doesn't sound like she's has any legal rights to make arrangements since there's a surviving spouse. Oh, and there's an attorney working on it so that should make you feel better about the cause being legitimate! If you have any cash left over, I have some houses in Florida we could talk about...;) I'm interested in a house in Florida! Why don't you start with the paperwork, because I'm definitely going to pay you with the money I'm going to receive from that nice man in Nigeria who left me all his assets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 ** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 Hey, I get it first! But I don't have the downpayment yet. I will post a link to my Paypal donation for it later today. But YOU missy, better back off! Dawn I'm interested in a house in Florida! Why don't you start with the paperwork, because I'm definitely going to pay you with the money I'm going to receive from that nice man in Nigeria who left me all his assets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 We moved here from SoCal. :D Very different to have a carwash or other fundraiser with people you know pitching in. Also, very much a cultural thing. This was just quite different. Dawn Her story sounds very odd. However, as to whether it's OK to ask for help for funeral expenses: It's common for people in some cultures to get help from their community to pay for funerals. I see it here in SoCal. I think friends & family usually offer a service (such as a car wash), but sometimes they just ask for donations. That said...I don't think this applies in the case you described. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 Another question. If the wife is still alive, isn't she next of kin? Wouldn't she have the final say in the funeral arrangements? This daughter may not have any say or rights to any of it, even if she has the money or wants to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 It looks like it has to be claimed in 10 days or it gets turned over to the state. Wow, I am not only spending WAY too much time on this, but I am learning a lot. http://law.onecle.com/north-carolina/130a-public-health/130a-415.html Dawn You'll have to check your local rules on the spousal obligation. Years ago here, no one had to claim the body from the morgue...poor folks would just leave it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Not sure about where she lives, but here there is a general assistance fund to help with these type of expenses and can be applied for through the local public assistence office. Not knowing her and the fact that some elements of her story seem a bit fishy I think if I helped it would be in the form of pointing her in the right direction to get the help she needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 People on this forum have helped a couple long-time posters here. I didn't think it was odd then. Yes, but in the 2 cases that come to mind, it wasn't the posters who asked for help. Members here took it upon themselves to offer help. That's very different. Dawn, I do find it odd. It sounds like a scam. If it's a local board, do others know her and can they verify that her story is real? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Actually military personnel records from 1912 to 1960 were lost in a fire at one of the national archives building. http://www.archives.gov/st-louis/military-personnel/fire-1973.html Off topic, but I didn't know that. I wonder if my dad's records were among the 80% lost. I do have his discharge papers, and would never need them for anything (he died in 1970), but now I realize they might be the only records in existence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 I am sure part of it is real. Ok, well, not SURE, but she does know some members of the board, not any of the people I know, but she lives on the other side of the county. She also has a website up with pictures of her and her dad. The more you all have helped me here, the more I think that even if she DOES want to give her dad a nice funeral, it just isn't going to happen. Her mother is next of kin and even if they don't speak to each other, she will have the final say, not the daughter. I am not commenting on the other forum because I really believe the woman is too emotionally charged to really discuss it. Dawn Yes, but in the 2 cases that come to mind, it wasn't the posters who asked for help. Members here took it upon themselves to offer help. That's very different. Dawn, I do find it odd. It sounds like a scam. If it's a local board, do others know her and can they verify that her story is real? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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