Only Children and home schooling challenges

[Aelwydd]

I was looking for articles specific to home schooling an only child, but couldn't find much. I did come across this Time article that addresses some of the challenges only families deal with, and it mentioned some of the educational benefits only children may enjoy. (Warning: it's long, and the section on educational advantages is towards the end.)

 

I just want to know if other only-parents here find home schooling to be more or less of a challenge. I find socialization to be more of a challenge, because our son isn't in school with peers, and he doesn't have a sibling.

 

Also, I've run across other parents in the past who've made disparaging comments about only children (which I thought was pretty rude, since I wasn't the only parent present that has just one kid). A lot of families in my area do home school for religious reasons, and those families tend to gravitate toward other similar (often larger) families. There's just not a huge number of secular home schoolers, even in my large area, as most groups are religious. It makes it hard to relate because of differences in philosophy, family values, etc.

 

As a result, when we do have an excursion or some outside activity, it's usually with his two cousins (who are home schooled) and the rare family like us that has only one, or maybe two kids. We took our ds to the zoo for a field trip on Wednesday, and it was his cousins, again, who went with us. Lots of fun, but it would be nice if we had some other folks to regularly interact with, to give our son more opportunities to have friendships.

 

So you guys out there that have one (or even just two) kids, are you able to find enough activities to get your desired level of outside interaction? Or, do you find it difficult to "break in" to your home school community due to bias against very small, especially secular, families?

[sahm99]

:bigear:

 

...not there, yet, but I will be with my little guy...

[Plucky]

I think having cousins as friends is more ideal. These are people he may see more when he is an adult. My oldest ds was older than my other kids by a bit, and was way too nice, and other boys took advantage of that. I wanted to make sure he had plenty of opportunities to socialize since I was a new hs mom and worried way too much about the issue.

 

We went to a lot of homeschool function and it took a while, but eventually he met his posse of friends that he still hangs out with. The boys all come from different walks of life and were homeschooled until 9th/10th grade. One is a new-age religion, his mom runs the local chapter, another is Catholic, and the other is an agnostic family. We are Protestants. One family unschooled, and another was more entrepreneurial and fitted schoolwork in as they could. All the boys are fantastic, turning 17/18. We have different hs styles, different family styles, and different religious beliefs, but we have similar family values.

 

I did wish my son would hang out more with some of the boys from church, and he did more for a while, and also less infrequently now. He still turns to this group. Oh, and politically they are very far apart. LOL The debates these guys have can get quite heated.

 

I guess my point is you have to kiss a lot of frogs, and be open to people that are different from you. But I still think that having cousins as best friends is the best. My best friend growing up was my cousin. :)

[Aelwydd]

The boys all come from different walks of life and were homeschooled until 9th/10th grade. One is a new-age religion, his mom runs the local chapter, another is Catholic, and the other is an agnostic family. We are Protestants. One family unschooled, and another was more entrepreneurial and fitted schoolwork in as they could. All the boys are fantastic, turning 17/18. We have different hs styles, different family styles, and different religious beliefs, but we have similar family values.

 

This is really the type of situation I would want for my ds. I'm very open to him hanging out with other types of kids. It's just a challenge finding them. I don't mind participating occasionally in a religious-themed group, but a majority of the home schooling groups around here seem to all have these "Statements of Faith," which they require parents to sign before joining. I can't do that, not without lying. And to be frank, since my dh is a SAHD and primary teacher for ds right now, our whole family is just plain offensive to the ultra fundamentalist types.

 

Unschooling groups are an option though. I haven't really looked into that. Thanks for the tip!

 

I guess my point is you have to kiss a lot of frogs, and be open to people that are different from you. But I still think that having cousins as best friends is the best. My best friend growing up was my cousin. :)

 

That's good to hear. :) I'm very thankful my ds has his cousins. They're like surrogate siblings in many ways.

[elegantlion]

We've homeschooled in 3 cities with an only. First one we were active with other people from church, probably too active. Second one ds had a friend next door. Now we are still working into our community. All of his cousins live elsewhere, so for relatives he has me and dh and my parents. Which is fine with him, he and my mom are buddies.

 

I'll preface this by saying if my ds felt differently, we'd do things differently. We're not involved in any activities right now for many reasons. Ds is involved with some online communities and is really a homebody. He's well adjusted and social, he's comfortable in his own presence (if that makes sense). We discuss this a lot. We've come off a season of lots of chaos in our lives and I feel like this is the peaceful time, maybe a renewing time. So we're all okay with being a little isolated right now.

 

When ds was younger we did more things. He's not into sports, we're too secular for the christian homeschool group, there are no other groups around that I know of, I'm still looking. So blah, blah, excuse, whatever you want to say we're just family right now. Ds likes his quiet time, we do a lot of things together.

 

We're okay, we have one child, that's not going to change. If people feel we are less than because of that? Well I've never openly encountered that discrimination IRL, but if we did I'd run away. We haven't tried to break into the group here, and most of the community activities stop at 6th grade.

 

the life of an only child is going to look different than the life of a child in a large family. It just it was it is, that doesn't mean there are deficits in his life, it's just different.

[Scarlett]

I was looking for articles specific to home schooling an only child, but couldn't find much. I did come across this Time article that addresses some of the challenges only families deal with, and it mentioned some of the educational benefits only children may enjoy. (Warning: it's long, and the section on educational advantages is towards the end.)

 

I just want to know if other only-parents here find home schooling to be more or less of a challenge. I find socialization to be more of a challenge, because our son isn't in school with peers, and he doesn't have a sibling.

 

Also, I've run across other parents in the past who've made disparaging comments about only children (which I thought was pretty rude, since I wasn't the only parent present that has just one kid). A lot of families in my area do home school for religious reasons, and those families tend to gravitate toward other similar (often larger) families. There's just not a huge number of secular home schoolers, even in my large area, as most groups are religious. It makes it hard to relate because of differences in philosophy, family values, etc.

 

As a result, when we do have an excursion or some outside activity, it's usually with his two cousins (who are home schooled) and the rare family like us that has only one, or maybe two kids. We took our ds to the zoo for a field trip on Wednesday, and it was his cousins, again, who went with us. Lots of fun, but it would be nice if we had some other folks to regularly interact with, to give our son more opportunities to have friendships.

 

So you guys out there that have one (or even just two) kids, are you able to find enough activities to get your desired level of outside interaction? Or, do you find it difficult to "break in" to your home school community due to bias against very small, especially secular, families?

 

I have an only. I can totally relate. Honestly though I am fairly happy with our situation even though at times I wish we had just a tad more socializing. All the homeschool groups in my area are faith based and I won't sign the SOF.....There are a lot of kids in our religion that are homeschooled, and we do hang out with them some---come to think of it I think we mostly don't have the TIME for more social stuff.

[Aelwydd]

I have an only. I can totally relate. Honestly though I am fairly happy with our situation even though at times I wish we had just a tad more socializing. All the homeschool groups in my area are faith based and I won't sign the SOF.....There are a lot of kids in our religion that are homeschooled, and we do hang out with them some---come to think of it I think we mostly don't have the TIME for more social stuff.

 

Thanks for sharing, Scarlett! You know, mostly we're happy with our situation, too. I guess I'm just expressing some inner doubt about whether I'm short changing ds. Patty Joanna's experience is one I'm trying to take a lesson from. I know my son sometimes does feel lonely. However, we've repeatedly asked him if he would prefer returning to public school. He says he likes hs better, so I take that to mean it must not be too desperate.

 

I just wish I had more connections with other home schooling families!

[oneddmanybooks]

I'm homeschooling my only dd (a lovely, very intelligent, sociable, talkative, and sometimes lonely girl) and yes, it's a challenge. Dd needs a certain amount of time with kids (she prefers playdates with 1-2 girls). She does not care for loud, noisy groups. We are Christians and enjoy socializing with others, whether they share our beliefs or not. But it is not easy to get together with people; everybody seems pretty busy. I do need to spend more time on this; I've been letting it slide a bit. In certain ways, I think she would like one of our local Christian schools. She absolutely does not want to go to "building' school, which is fine with me (usually! lol).

 

You are very lucky to have homeschooled cousins nearby!! Dd has lots of cousins, but only two nearby (one in public school, one a baby). I'm very glad they are nearby, but they are pretty busy.

 

One of my biggest challenges is that dd wants to do almost everything with me (crafts, painting, play, etc.). I enjoy doing those things sometimes but it's very hard to get the household stuff done. Believe me, my cleaning standards could not get much lower. :D She does do some things alone, especially reading. She loves to read. I have some health challenges too, so I cannot play certain things with her. I have a homeschooled teen girl (lives a few minutes away) come once or twice a week and that is going great.

 

One of the best decisions I've made recently is to join the local Y. It's only a few minutes away. Dd loves it! It helps give her incentive to get her work done in a timely manner. :001_smile: She'll be starting a basketball class soon; I hope that goes well.

 

I'm rambling. ;) But I wanted to answer your question - Yes, it's challenging! I enjoy it and we've had some great moments together. But it's probably a good thing I didn't know how challenging it would be, kwim?

[Aelwydd]

I'm homeschooling my only dd (a lovely, very intelligent, sociable, talkative, and sometimes lonely girl) and yes, it's a challenge. Dd needs a certain amount of time with kids (she prefers playdates with 1-2 girls). She does not care for loud, noisy groups. We are Christians and enjoy socializing with others, whether they share our beliefs or not. But it is not easy to get together with people; everybody seems pretty busy. I do need to spend more time on this; I've been letting it slide a bit. In certain ways, I think she would like one of our local Christian schools. She absolutely does not want to go to "building' school, which is fine with me (usually! lol).

 

You are very lucky to have homeschooled cousins nearby!! Dd has lots of cousins, but only two nearby (one in public school, one a baby). I'm very glad they are nearby, but they are pretty busy.

 

One of my biggest challenges is that dd wants to do almost everything with me (crafts, painting, play, etc.). I enjoy doing those things sometimes but it's very hard to get the household stuff done. Believe me, my cleaning standards could not get much lower. :D She does do some things alone, especially reading. She loves to read. I have some health challenges too, so I cannot play certain things with her. I have a homeschooled teen girl (lives a few minutes away) come once or twice a week and that is going great.

 

One of the best decisions I've made recently is to join the local Y. It's only a few minutes away. Dd loves it! It helps give her incentive to get her work done in a timely manner. :001_smile: She'll be starting a basketball class soon; I hope that goes well.

 

I'm rambling. ;) But I wanted to answer your question - Yes, it's challenging! I enjoy it and we've had some great moments together. But it's probably a good thing I didn't know how challenging it would be, kwim?

 

I think if my ds was more like your daughter and not really missing having more friends, I wouldn't be too concerned.

 

He is outgoing though, and he really likes being around other kids. He would have made an excellent big brother, had dh and I chosen to have more!

[Lady Florida.]

I'm homeschooling an only. He actually has a brother, but since there's a 20 year difference, he is basically an only. Though I haven't kept my blog up to date, I did write a post about homeschooling an only. Ds wants to take a class or two in high school next year, mostly as a way to be around more teens. However, until now, he really hasn't missed being around large groups of kids.

[Parrothead]

I have an only. Most places we've lived have been pretty good with either groups (girl scouts, co-op, etc) or we've been able to make friends from a variety of backgrounds.

 

There was one place that had neither opportunity. It was really the worst 2.5 years ever. The one other homeschooling family was of a fundamentalist or Evangelical Christian persuasion. They really really disliked us for no other reason other than we are Catholic. If they hadn't been so narrow minded we could possibly have been friends.

 

Other than that time we do okay. We spend a lot of time together, and are pretty close. There isn't much we don't talk about. I do take the stand that time with friends is more important than school so if an opportunity comes up in the middle of the week we are there.

 

I've heard the "disparaging comments about only children" from a number of sources. Luckily not from people I socialize with often. One of dd's best friends is an only also.

[Aelwydd]

There was one place that had neither opportunity. It was really the worst 2.5 years ever. The one other homeschooling family was of a fundamentalist or Evangelical Christian persuasion. They really really disliked us for no other reason other than we are Catholic. If they hadn't been so narrow minded we could possibly have been friends.

 

There are a lot of home schoolers in this area that fit that description, but I know they're not the sum total. I'm considering starting up my own small group. One of Jackson's hockey friends is home schooled along with his sister. I hope their mom would be amiable to doing something like that.

 

I'm open to hanging out with most anyone. The exception being family dynamics that aren't healthy. Jennifer3141 talked about how she doesn't let her kids interact with a patriarchal family because of how opposed that view is to her family's. I feel similarly that if a family is modeling behaviors that would expose my son to damaging social situations, like a domineering and controlling person in a relationship, then I will not have my son around that atmosphere.

 

That's different than just being around folks with divergent beliefs, but who are still respectful and are loving towards each other. I want my son to meet all kinds of people. That's the problem I'm having--too little opportunity to meet all the different sorts of people he'd encounter if he was in ps, KWIM?

 

Other than that time we do okay. We spend a lot of time together, and are pretty close. There isn't much we don't talk about. I do take the stand that time with friends is more important than school so if an opportunity comes up in the middle of the week we are there.

 

I've heard the "disparaging comments about only children" from a number of sources. Luckily not from people I socialize with often. One of dd's best friends is an only also.

 

Yes, there's a lot of prejudice towards only children. IME, big family parents seem to most often bear the brunt of negative comments from outsiders. Meaning, the criticism is mostly directed at them, not their kids. But with only children, our kids get it with us. They get described in turns as "selfish, greedy, self-centered," etc., etc.

[oneddmanybooks]

...

 

There was one place that had neither opportunity. It was really the worst 2.5 years ever. The one other homeschooling family was of a fundamentalist or Evangelical Christian persuasion. They really really disliked us for no other reason other than we are Catholic. If they hadn't been so narrow minded we could possibly have been friends.

 

.../QUOTE]

 

Chucki, I'm sad to hear this. I'm an evangelical Christian and I have several Catholic friends. If only you didn't live so close to Canada...;)

[Dmmetler]

I make a real effort to give DD the same group of kids for multiple activities. So, she dances and cheers with the same little group of girls who have been together since they were 3-4 years old, and I will prioritize those classes in her schedule, because those are the kids who she has enough common bond with to really want to spend time with outside of class. We also do quite a bit with one specific homeschool group, and really, with a small number of families within that group that have children who are compatible with DD (usually ones where there's an older child who is compatible with DD in interests, and a younger one who is compatible with her for "running around outside" type activities, because DD's pretty asynchronous in her development).

 

Her "best friend" is, unfortunately, someone she doesn't see very often. While the two girls really click well together and love being together, her friend is not only in traditional schools, which takes a lot of time, but is in a shared custody situation, and only her mother makes an effort to give the child time to see friends outside of school. It can be VERY tough to get the girls together to just play.

[Parrothead]

There are a lot of home schoolers in this area that fit that description, but I know they're not the sum total. I'm considering starting up my own small group. One of Jackson's hockey friends is home schooled along with his sister. I hope their mom would be amiable to doing something like that.

 

I'm open to hanging out with most anyone. The exception being family dynamics that aren't healthy. Jennifer3141 talked about how she doesn't let her kids interact with a patriarchal family because of how opposed that view is to her family's. I feel similarly that if a family is modeling behaviors that would expose my son to damaging social situations, like a domineering and controlling person in a relationship, then I will not have my son around that atmosphere.

 

That's different than just being around folks with divergent beliefs, but who are still respectful and are loving towards each other. I want my son to meet all kinds of people. That's the problem I'm having--too little opportunity to meet all the different sorts of people he'd encounter if he was in ps, KWIM?

 

 

 

 

:iagree: I come from a more diverse metropolitan area than I've been living the last 15 years. So I get the wanting to meet and get to know people in all their many ways. It is something I miss being stuck in small towns in the middle of nowhere.

[Parrothead]

 

Chucki, I'm sad to hear this. I'm an evangelical Christian and I have several Catholic friends. If only you didn't live so close to Canada...;)

I'm not exactly sure what their exact beliefs are. Could be they weren't evangelical. I know it wasn't mainstream Protestant. I've good friends that are Baptist. The man I married was a Methodist at the time. My brother (biological) by some strange quirk of fate is Lutheran but baptized Catholic. All I know is what they aren't.

 

But the mom in the few times I tried to connect/carry on a conversation almost quaked in her shoes. She couldn't run away fast enough.

 

Thanks for the support. :grouphug:

[Aelwydd]

I'm not exactly sure what their exact beliefs are. Could be they weren't evangelical. I know it wasn't mainstream Protestant. I've good friends that are Baptist. The man I married was a Methodist at the time. My brother (biological) by some strange quirk of fate is Lutheran but baptized Catholic. All I know is what they aren't.

 

But the mom in the few times I tried to connect/carry on a conversation almost quaked in her shoes. She couldn't run away fast enough.

 

Thanks for the support. :grouphug:

 

Some evangelicals are cool with the catholic. Some are merely tolerant. And then some are just plain suspicious and afraid.

 

I'm Anglican/Episcopalian. I'm sure if we were close, we'd get on fine. :D

[kalanamak]

A local parks department has monthly science afternoons. Our local library has monthly crafts after school. Our YMCA has hs gym for group sports. He also does gymnastics in the evenings. Kiddo does clay art weeks in the summer.

 

Hubby takes kiddo kayaking and skiing, but also to the local senior center where there are knitters and ping pong players. When he was little kiddo retrieved balls. Now he is playing with them. They also go to the park during the day, and kiddo has been known to organize things like follow the leader on a toddler scale (hubby says this is quite cute). I like the fact he is learning to "be around" toddlers via this.

 

We have found a busy hs family, but the boy, my son's age, is the only boy, and he gets to come play sometimes for boy-time. I've gone out of my way to be friendly and accommodating to every other mom, sending over fresh baked bread, etc. to "incline" them towards us, but because, frankly, we need them more than they need us. :)

[Aelwydd]

Oh, Parrot, along the lines of religion, have you gotten any grief from other Catholics due to your small family size?

 

There were some very conservative Anglicans in my old church that would express disdain for family planning at all. I got tired of the negative commentary. So, it's not just evangelical groups that can be hostile to onlies.

 

In fact, I think a lot of evangelicals I know are friendlier than the folks at my old parish! That is to say, I think that the stereotypes about onlies and small families tend to cross denominational and religious boundaries.

[Aelwydd]

A local parks department has monthly science afternoons. Our local library has monthly crafts after school. Our YMCA has hs gym for group sports. He also does gymnastics in the evenings. Kiddo does clay art weeks in the summer.

 

Hey, cool!

 

Hubby takes kiddo kayaking and skiing

 

Ok, even cooler. What an awesome dad. :)

 

...but also to the local senior center where there are knitters and ping pong players. When he was little kiddo retrieved balls. Now he is playing with them. They also go to the park during the day, and kiddo has been known to organize things like follow the leader on a toddler scale (hubby says this is quite cute). I like the fact he is learning to "be around" toddlers via this.

 

But, who taught your ds to share the ping pong balls? He has no siblings, after all. :lol:

 

Ok, only-child humor there. All kidding aside, that's...extremely adorable.

 

We have found a busy hs family, but the boy, my son's age, is the only boy, and he gets to come play sometimes for boy-time. I've gone out of my way to be friendly and accommodating to every other mom, sending over fresh baked bread, etc. to "incline" them towards us, but because, frankly, we need them more than they need us. :)

 

Bribery is the key then. ;)

[Parrothead]

Oh, Parrot, along the lines of religion, have you gotten any grief from other Catholics due to your small family size?

 

There were some very conservative Anglicans in my old church that would express disdain for family planning at all. I got tired of the negative commentary. So, it's not just evangelical groups that can be hostile to onlies.

 

In fact, I think a lot of evangelicals I know are friendlier than the folks at my old parish! That is to say, I think that the stereotypes about onlies and small families tend to cross denominational and religious boundaries.

It isn't often that something on these forums makes me :smilielol5:.

 

Yeah, I've heard it. The whispers and the snide comments. I now counter rudeness with superior rudeness. It hasn't happened in a while since we've been in this location for about 2.5 years.

 

There are a lot of stereotypes about onlies that are still perpetuated. It is not limited to religious beliefs either. I met a perfectly reasonable person who could not get it that onlies are not more spoiled or more rude or more (insert negative aspect here) even when it was standing right in front of her (my dd).

[Aelwydd]

It isn't often that something on these forums makes me :smilielol5:.

 

Er...you're welcome? :D ;)

 

Yeah, I've heard it. The whispers and the snide comments. I now counter rudeness with superior rudeness.

 

I like your strategy, woman!

 

There are a lot of stereotypes about onlies that are still perpetuated. It is not limited to religious beliefs either. I met a perfectly reasonable person who could not get it that onlies are not more spoiled or more rude or more (insert negative aspect here) even when it was standing right in front of her (my dd).

 

Yes, well, that's the thing, it's all anecdotal evidence. And a good dose of cognitive dissonance. I can't otherwise explain how someone will say of my son, "He is so sweet, and such a generous child," and then later in the conversation talk about how only children are basically ignorant of how to share and play well with others. To my face, with my son present.

 

The objective data, and the body of evidence show that there isn't any difference between the social skills of only children, and children with siblings. It especially boggles the mind when I hear the "lack of socialization" argument coming from other home schoolers.

 

Oh Arturo, prince of irony.

[Parrothead]

Er...you're welcome? :D ;)

 

 

 

I like your strategy, woman!

 

 

 

Yes, well, that's the thing, it's all anecdotal evidence. And a good dose of cognitive dissonance. I can't otherwise explain how someone will say of my son, "He is so sweet, and such a generous child," and then later in the conversation talk about how only children are basically ignorant of how to share and play well with others. To my face, with my son present.

 

The objective data, and the body of evidence show that there isn't any difference between the social skills of only children, and children with siblings. It especially boggles the mind when I hear the "lack of socialization" argument coming from other home schoolers.

 

Oh Arturo, prince of irony.

I have a wicked strange sense of humor. :D it often gets me in trouble. FTR I have a sibling so it isn't because I'm an unsocialized only. :lol:

 

 

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

:iagree: with everything else you said.

[Radish4ever]

I run a homeschool playgroup meetup and we have several families that have only children. We don't exclude anyone, and certainly not based on faith or family size!

I appreciate ALL kids and parents at the homeschool groups. Several of the boys that are only children are my oldest son's age, so I am so glad that they decide to come out and play or participate in the field trips because he really enjoys playing with them. :)

[Aelwydd]

Ok, Radish, so I can't help but notice that your location puts you darn close to my area. Is your group open to new members? :)

[Radish4ever]

Always! We're in Carrollton - just do a search on meetup for "carrollton homeschool" and you'll find us! :)

[Woodland Mist Academy]

:lurk5: I don't have much time to post right now, but I'm reading. Was there another only child post recently? I thought I saw one, but now I can't find it.

[Aelwydd]

:lurk5: I don't have much time to post right now, but I'm reading. Was there another only child post recently? I thought I saw one, but now I can't find it.

 

Yeah, there was another one right after I posted this thread. It was about playing time with only children. :)

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Yeah, there was another one right after I posted this thread. It was about playing time with only children. :)

 

Thanks!

[hillfarm]

We live at the end of a dead end road, in a rural area, with no other children dd's age around. She does often mention feeling lonely, especially now that she is 13yo. However, I had a sibling, grew up in a small town, and I, too, remember feeling lonely at that age. So I am not letting it cause me to take too rash an approach to the situation.

 

We have church youth activities, 4-H activities, and martial arts activities to fill the void. When she was younger, I would actively seek to arrange play dates at least once every two weeks. Dd is a fairly social and outgoing kid. I do think she would love it if there were a small private school nearby that she could attend. However the nearest one is over an hour away, so not an option.

 

Regarding actual homeschool challenges, I think the main one has been that there is no one with whom to compete. She has never experienced trying to come up with the answer before another or vying to get the highest score on a test or in a subject. I wouldn't want that all the time, but I do think it would have spurred her on to a bit more dedication than I have seen in the past.

 

The fact is that the childhood experience is very different for kids in larger families, especially those with 2 or more siblings. There are benefits and drawbacks to both situations. IMO, the benefits to homeschooling a single are the ability to provide the maximum interaction/instruction time, and the ability to tailor the program specifically to one child's pace and needs. The drawbacks are the lack of motivational competition, inability to do cooperative learning projects, and the development of the expectation of all of the instructor's attention. So I guess I could say that I feel the academic benefits are very strong while the social benefits can be weak unless consciously considered and addressed.

 

For our family, the bottom line is that we currently do more social activities than I would otherwise seek. I have permitted more electronic social media than I would prefer, to allow dd more contact with her friends. OTOH, many of her multi-sib friends have gushed about how much they envy dd's shorter school day/year, more numerous fun field trips, and high level of support for extra curricular activities and projects.

 

It is a trade off. IMO, the best thing is to accept it for what it is, take advantage of the strengths, and work hard to ameliorate the weaknesses. So far, no one has had the nerve to make any negative comments to my face!

[GoVanGogh]

We are nearing our sixth year of homeschooling an only.

I don't really like to identify with the "homeschooled only" at this stage. It is what it is.

We have a lot of homeschooled friends that are not technically "only" children, but are either tag-alongs or the only boy in a larger family of girls. The first few years, I put "socialization" above academics and I think it paid off in helping us build up a great network of friends that remains today.

 

OTOH, many of her multi-sib friends have gushed about how much they envy dd's shorter school day/year, more numerous fun field trips, and high level of support for extra curricular activities and projects.

:iagree:

That has been our experience. We get out and go so much and most of our friends realize that the reason we are able to is because we just have one child - it is just so much easier financially and schedule-wise.

[Scarlett]

We live at the end of a dead end road, in a rural area, with no other children dd's age around. She does often mention feeling lonely, especially now that she is 13yo. However, I had a sibling, grew up in a small town, and I, too, remember feeling lonely at that age. So I am not letting it cause me to take too rash an approach to the situation.

 

This is an excellent point and one I think we moms of onlies overlook sometimes. Kids turn into teens and they begin to seek deeper friendships...they become aware of the big wide world out there and want to feel included.

[3peasinWa]

Someone had given me this book "Homeschooling Only One" by Donna Conner.

 

I was needing some assurance that everything was going to be okay & that i could homeschool an only. This woman shares her personal story of homeschooling her only son. She also talks a lot about her homeschool co-op she & her son were involved in. It helped give both of them a social outlet.

 

Anyway, there are challenges of just having an only. And when you homeschool an only, people do have this attitude that "oh , he must be sooo lonely" (b/c he has no brothers or sister to play with either).

 

My son is 6. So I've always felt it's my job to get out there & build relationships not only for my sanity , but for my son's social needs. I've been very blessed to find a few solid friends & we get together almost weekly for playdates. We also are in 2 co-ops. We also go to church 2x a week.

[GoVanGogh]

My son is 6. So I've always felt it's my job to get out there & build relationships not only for my sanity , but for my son's social needs. I've been very blessed to find a few solid friends & we get together almost weekly for playdates. We also are in 2 co-ops. We also go to church 2x a week.

I think that is a good point, especially about being in 2 co-ops.

I am not in a co-op, as we have so many affordable homeschool activities in this area that I haven't felt a need to join a co-op. But I am in 3 homeschool groups. Each one fills a different need. One is great for social outings for my son. Another one is a good social outlet for me, including monthly meetings and a wonderful group of supportive ladies. The other group is good for both of us, but is curriculum-specific. Yes, there is some overlap between the three groups, but each one fills a need in our lives.