Are safety harnesses/leashes "illegal" in CA? (??????)

[BigMamaBird]

I'd much rather see a kid in a harness than run over in a parking lot because they ran away from Mommy. My friend has a deaf child and said before he was born she was horrified by harnesses, but now, he literally cannot hear her if she has to shout instructions to him. We never know what is going on in another family.

[dcjlkplus3]

Her attitude doesn't seem ironic to me at all, it sounds just right in character.

Usually those who judge have the attitude/fear that they are always being judged.

[Laura Corin]

That seemed like a no-brainer to me, but I did receive abrasive comments from stupid people about how I was treating them like dogs.

 

By this logic, if you have a child in a stroller, you are treating them like a package to be strapped to a trolley. I'd rather be a dog than a package.

 

Laura

[Julie in CA]

I remember when I was at Cal that there were harnesses like this with leashes, only they were made out of black leather and worn by adult men in the Castro ;)

 

Bill (Go Bears!)

:smilielol5: Okay, when I post "lol", I'm not always truly lol. Now I really am! (Thanks Bill!)

[chiguirre]

Really, I don't think I belong in California at all. I probably should be living somewhere that might be a bit more representative of my conservative values--Texas maybe? Yeah, I think I should change my screen name to "misplaced Texan", since I'm pretty sure my values would be better suited there than here. :001_huh:

 

 

You might be surprised! There's a reason that they have those "Keep Austin Weird" bumper stickers and you might want to google Annise Parker. You also might want to avoid Spring Break on South Padre Island. Just sayin'...

[dhudson]

When my twins were little, I used them. I did get comments in Yellowstone but I just smiled and told them it was a better option than allowing my busy 2 year olds to fall off the paths into the scalding pools.

 

I also used them at Amusement Parks. Usually I received the opposite reaction there, "I wish I would have thought of that!".

[Spy Car]

:smilielol5: Okay, when I post "lol", I'm not always truly lol. Now I really am! (Thanks Bill!)

 

:tongue_smilie:

 

Bill

[Forget-Me-Not]

I was against toddler harnesses until my 2nd child was born when we were living in Boston and I had to deal with taking the T (subway) with a very energetic 3 y.o. and an infant. I still cringe a bit every time I put it on a child, but it has kept them safe over the years.

 

Yep, we used them when we were using the BART in San Francisco. I was afraid my very tiny kids would fall off the platforms in those stations :eek:

 

And we'll use one for our 3 yo when we go to Disney this Spring. She's a runner.

[smstjohn]

I have never used one myself and actually used to wonder why someone would use one. That is, until I had my second child and then I fully understood why someone would want to use one! I try to think things through a bit more now.

[mommymilkies]

I have never used one myself and actually used to wonder why someone would use one. That is, until I had my second child and then I fully understood why someone would want to use one! I try to think things through a bit more now.

 

:lol: I used one in an airport when my ds was 1 and liked to wander. I was alone and in charge of 2 under 2 years old, so it was safest to make sure he couldn't get away from me. But I do see them abused around here. I've seen people literally drag their kids in them. Not kids who were misbehaving (this was at a library function where we were next to them the whole time), but just being there. Mom went to the fountain and she would literally drag the kid like a limp dog. :001_huh:

[tex-mex]

Perhaps for the next outing you should buy some for her twins. :lol:

:D

My kids had harnesses. There was no way to safely take them out in public otherwise. That seemed like a no-brainer to me, but I did receive abrasive comments from stupid people about how I was treating them like dogs. A few even accused me of being abusive because my kids wore leashes.

 

I do mean stupid, btw, even though I'm certain none of the people who made comments were actually unintelligent. To me, it is simple common sense that if I have 3 or 4 toddlers or preschoolers in tow, I have the responsibility to make sure the children are safe. What would I have done with the others if one had run off and risked being hit by a car?

:iagree:

 

As far as the friend, my mom learned this when I was little, and I did, too. As much as we liked some people, their active decision not to parent, illustrated by the refusal to have any rules, even for safety like holding hands (not necessarily by choosing not to personally use a harness), made the situation dangerous for us as children and my own children, and it became necessary to make the relationship more distant for the course of the child-raising phase of life. My mom is now close again to one of these ladies who she had to stop socializing with when her dc broke every toy in my room while the mother stood blithely by. They can now talk grandchildren, though my mother, who rarely has anything bad to say about anyone or anything, has confessed to not particularly wanting to meet this friend's grandchildren in person.

This is where I am at with this relationship -- and I feel guilty as I seem to be the ONLY person willing to help her out, kwim??? I so dread the times we get together as it is very stressful from a safety POV. And I am not going to discipline her kids as Lord knows WHAT she would do if I did. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

 

Sounds like an urban legend to me, along the lines of its not being legal to drive a car barefooted in California. Not drive barefooted? In California?? :lol:

 

As far as comments to your friend, I probably would have said, "Huh," and let it go. She's going to believe what she's going to believe.

:iagree:

My problem is that I hate the way CA is run,* but it's HOME.

 

I was born and raised in CA! I miss CA!

But my friend and I (both families) relocated to TX.

 

Her attitude doesn't seem ironic to me at all, it sounds just right in character.

Usually those who judge have the attitude/fear that they are always being judged.

Ayup.

 

I think you nailed the issue. This poor mom is dealing with insecurities and most of her marriage and young motherhood did have folks judge her unfairly. But the root of her personality is legalistic and the irony is that she can swing a sword pretty badly like those who hurt her in the past. I just get drained from both her twins and her attitude at times. :confused:

[celticmom]

When my dd was young she always had to wear a harness in parking lots and she understood it was to keep her safe. She also wore the harness at any sort of large outdoor festival or other crowded outdoor funtion. She liked the freedom of not having to hold my hand constantly. She was a major runner.

[higginszoo]

:D

 

 

 

This is where I am at with this relationship -- and I feel guilty as I seem to be the ONLY person willing to help her out, kwim??? I so dread the times we get together as it is very stressful from a safety POV. And I am not going to discipline her kids as Lord knows WHAT she would do if I did. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

 

 

One thing to think about. If you're in the parking lot and she has put you responsible for the twin who gets away and something happens, is she going to blame you/hold you liable? If so, then it's definitely not worth it, and tough love of having to learn to deal with things on her own is definitely the way to go, IMO.

[tex-mex]

One thing to think about. If you're in the parking lot and she has put you responsible for the twin who gets away and something happens, is she going to blame you/hold you liable? If so, then it's definitely not worth it, and tough love of having to learn to deal with things on her own is definitely the way to go, IMO.

:iagree:

 

I'm about ready to de-commit to the help sessions due to this factor. I am cutting into my own time with homeschooling also. But the one thing that makes this situation delicate... is that both of our husbands work together and often socialize together. And I am the nitwit who came up with the idea of library and gym 2x a week to get her out of the house as she was dealing with depression.

 

How do I get away with such an excuse and not create WWIII? :confused:

[higginszoo]

 

How do I get away with such an excuse and not create WWIII? :confused:

When I had to back out of things, I just claimed to be overcommitted/overwhelmed and needed to cut back on things for a while (the main situation I had to leave I was able to break off just as my youngest was born, so she was a great excuse to bow out gracefully).

[mom2scouts]

I bought a harness when my extremely bright but very immature son was 2 years old. I couldn't take him anywhere without something catching his attention and causing us to lose him the second I was distracted. That harness was an answer to my prayers! Years later we were flying into San Francesco with a large group and large amounts of luggage and I had another 2 year old, so I dug out the harness and took it with me. While watching a huge pile of luggage and waiting for some people from our group, I put the harness on my son to keep him close in the busy airport. He thought it was great and pulled to the end of it and started BARKING LIKE A DOG at other passengers when they walked by.:lol: I was so embarrassed and that was the end of the harness use.:blush:

[jewellsmommy]

Live in California and used one on my daughter when she was 18 months or so. She never liked being confined so she had walked beside me from the time she was a year old. She'd just hold my hand. That was all fine and good until I had her brother. Then one day she dashed off at a dead run across the store (she'd NEVER done that before) and I was paralyzed in indecision. Do I run after her and leave the newborn in the buggy? Do I yell for help? It was terrible. From that point on I gave her the choice of being in the stroller/buggy or walking with a harness. She loved that harness.

 

I don't have a problem with them. I frankly don't see the difference between a harness and strapping your kid down in a stroller. At least with a harness they are allowed some freedom of movement.

 

 

Exactly! I never understood the hate. I used one for dd. I elicited one of 2 responses often. People would either whisper something and give me the look or stop me and ask where I got it! Dd was very strong willed (still is :lol:) and active. I liked that I could let her have the extra movement while still maintaining all the control. I honestly never saw a downside. I don't care if it looks like a dog's leash. My dd turned out just fine. :tongue_smilie:

[Khselee]

I live in California (sitting in the heart of little wine country as I type this), and our police department has had booths at the safety fairs selling those things. Little backpacks that look like monkeys or dogs, right? I sincerely doubt the police department would be selling them if they were illegal. I used one of those for my son when he was smaller (He's 7 now), because he always wanted to SEE! He would bolt away quickly if I didn't make sure I had both his hand and his harness on. I wanted him to see, but I wanted him to do it safely, obviously.

[tex-mex]

I live in California (sitting in the heart of little wine country as I type this), and our police department has had booths at the safety fairs selling those things. Little backpacks that look like monkeys or dogs, right? I sincerely doubt the police department would be selling them if they were illegal. I used one of those for my son when he was smaller (He's 7 now), because he always wanted to SEE! He would bolt away quickly if I didn't make sure I had both his hand and his harness on. I wanted him to see, but I wanted him to do it safely, obviously.

Love it! ;)

[tex-mex]

When I had to back out of things, I just claimed to be overcommitted/overwhelmed and needed to cut back on things for a while (the main situation I had to leave I was able to break off just as my youngest was born, so she was a great excuse to bow out gracefully).

I think this is a good bow out reason. I do feel this way, truthfully.

[azmomx3]

I actually bought mine at Target in California when we were visiting Disneyland so I'm positive that they are legal. My oldest daughter never needed one but my second daughter, and now my son, was a very strong willed toddler that wanted nothing to do with holding anyone's hand yet insisted on walking whenever she had the chance...so why deal with the headache? They are able to walk and I can keep them from wandering off or getting injured...win/win!

[AdventureMoms]

I really am shocked that a mother of energetic twin toddlers can function without them, frankly. Does she ever go out alone? When she does, does she ever take them out of the stroller? Because my boys, at the ripe old age of 14months, if I took one out of the stroller for half a second at the mall (or anywhere) he'd be gone and climbing something, destroying something, or asking a man who he's never met to pick him up. And if I ran after him, the other one would figure out how to get out of his stroller harness and I'd come back to a missing toddler. And a terror-stricken 3yo, or she'd be off chasing the other one through the parking lot. And one of mine can barely walk.

 

We have two harnesses. Not even the cute backpacky ones because those are bulky in the diaper bag and can't be worn in the stroller, etc. I have these ones. If we go to the mall, the boys wear them anytime we're not in the play area. If they want to get out and walk, I just clip the leash on, if they get tired, I put them in the stroller and unclip.

 

For the life of me, I can't figure out why people are so upset because dogs also use leashes. When I had a dog, I used a leash to keep her from getting hurt or running off because she didn't know enough to stay near me without one. For my kids, I use a leash to keep them from getting hurt or running off because they don't know enough to stay near me without one. I don't understand why I should value my dog's safety above my kids' safety. Or why my dog would be allowed to walk when she wanted to, but my kids should always have to be in a stroller.

 

Also, my dog ate out of a bowl. If I feed my kids out of a bowl, does that mean I'm treating them like the dog?

[tex-mex]

I really am shocked that a mother of energetic twin toddlers can function without them, frankly. Does she ever go out alone? When she does, does she ever take them out of the stroller? Because my boys, at the ripe old age of 14months, if I took one out of the stroller for half a second at the mall (or anywhere) he'd be gone and climbing something, destroying something, or asking a man who he's never met to pick him up. And if I ran after him, the other one would figure out how to get out of his stroller harness and I'd come back to a missing toddler. And a terror-stricken 3yo, or she'd be off chasing the other one through the parking lot. And one of mine can barely walk.

 

We have two harnesses. Not even the cute backpacky ones because those are bulky in the diaper bag and can't be worn in the stroller, etc. I have these ones. If we go to the mall, the boys wear them anytime we're not in the play area. If they want to get out and walk, I just clip the leash on, if they get tired, I put them in the stroller and unclip.

 

For the life of me, I can't figure out why people are so upset because dogs also use leashes. When I had a dog, I used a leash to keep her from getting hurt or running off because she didn't know enough to stay near me without one. For my kids, I use a leash to keep them from getting hurt or running off because they don't know enough to stay near me without one. I don't understand why I should value my dog's safety above my kids' safety. Or why my dog would be allowed to walk when she wanted to, but my kids should always have to be in a stroller.

 

Also, my dog ate out of a bowl. If I feed my kids out of a bowl, does that mean I'm treating them like the dog?

I love it! ;)

 

Honey, if you lived near us, I'd be setting up a playdate with my friend and I and instead of a playdate... it would be a SAFETY intervention talk. I need backup. :D

[AdventureMoms]

I love it! ;)

 

Honey, if you lived near us, I'd be setting up a playdate with my friend and I and instead of a playdate... it would be a SAFETY intervention talk. I need backup. :D

 

I'd be right there. Twin-mama safety intervention. I like it.

[keptwoman]

:D

 

:iagree:

 

This is where I am at with this relationship -- and I feel guilty as I seem to be the ONLY person willing to help her out, kwim??? I so dread the times we get together as it is very stressful from a safety POV. And I am not going to discipline her kids as Lord knows WHAT she would do if I did. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

Seems to me that you are the only person willing to help her out because she is actually not a pleasant person to be around, for just the reasons you dread spending time with her. That's sad for her, but it's also up to her, not you, to fix.