jen3kids Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 We are thinking of going to Disneyland this summer with friends from CA. We (4 or 5 of us) will be flying, they will be driving down. They are huge Disney fans - we aren't so much, but we do want to go. They are all about the 'magic' and the 'total Disney experience', regardless of the cost. They want to stay onsite - we want to stay somewhere cheaper offsite, but within walking distance, or a shuttle drive. They want to spend all 4 days at Disney. We'd prefer to do something else, at least one (preferably 2) of the days. The kids' ages range from 11-17, and we all get along great, so we do want to hang out with them as much as possible, but it is so expensive. How do I tactfully tell her that we can't afford all the stuff they want to do. $2000+ for the hotel + the Park Hopper tickets and meals (they don't want to eat in the room for any meals, except maybe breakfast), not to mention the flight! I hate spending so much on these type of trips. And, I hate telling people that we don't want to spend that much for one trip. Sigh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xuzi Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Why not offer to have a pre-arranged "meet up" time and place at the park for 2 or 3 of those days? Were they wanting the families to be able to hang out in the hotel rooms together as well? Otherwise I can't imagine being in the same location as being necessary. Maybe just arrange to meet at ___ place at ___ time on days _,_, and _ of your stay and go from there. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I am very much NOT a Disney person and I could not stomach it for more than one day. I, too, hate spending money on those types of venues. I'd rather spend a day at the beach, plus there are SO many cool things to do in L.A. I would just be really honest with her and say that you are excited to see them, but you guys can't afford 4 days. Spend the entire two days with them at Disney, and do eat out a few times with them, and let them know you'd like to take advantage of the beach (or whatever) while you are there. Just tell them you don't expect them to go with you and you want them to have fun at Disneyland! I am sooooo with you on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I think your best bet is just being honest. We are traveling with friends to Disney world next month. I was upfront with them and made all of our arrangements and told them what we planned. We are only paying $600 for 7 days at a condo. They actually decided to stay with us but of they hadn't it would have been fine. We bought homeschool discount tickets without the park hopper option. We just bought 5 day tickets so we could do a few half days at other parks. They were only twelve dollars more than 3 day passes. We're also bringing meals in to the park (which is allowed per the website as long as they don't require heating). I would just be matter of fact...make your arrangements, let them know what your plans are and coordinate getting together at the park when you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Tell them how you feel, don't imply that you will compromise if that is impossible, and give them a chance to back out. It sounds like they have something very specific in mind that they are quite familiar with, and maybe they think they will guide you to the most fun ever? In that case, they might not take this very well. But you owe it to them to be really clear very early so that they can change their plans if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen3kids Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Why not offer to have a pre-arranged "meet up" time and place at the park for 2 or 3 of those days? Were they wanting the families to be able to hang out in the hotel rooms together as well? Otherwise I can't imagine being in the same location as being necessary. Maybe just arrange to meet at ___ place at ___ time on days _,_, and _ of your stay and go from there. :) Wanting to hang out all the time!!! Eat, sleep, and play together all the time. I don't mind - we all get along great, but it's just the cost. Their kids seem to want to be 'doing something, being entertained' all the time. They 'get bored' way too easily! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 We have friends like this, too, and we frequently vacation with them. I always sort of predetermine what we're going to spend money on, like how many meals to eat out, etc. Then I have a conversation with my dc and explain to them what we're doing and what we're not doing. I explain that it's not in our budget to do XYZ even though the Smith family is. I find that when I've thought it through prior to the event, and have the kids on board (albeit grudgingly), it's much easier for me to say, "I think tonight we're going to eat in. You guys want to come over to our room/apt. when you get home from dinner and we can hang out?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 After a fiasco dealing with this issue with my childless veryhighearningmoneyisnoteveranissue brother this summer . . . I highly recommend that you be very upfront and clear well in advance. For instance, when, in advance, I said, "The kids and I are traveling for 6 weeks, and we can't afford to eat out for 6 weeks. To save money for truly fun activities, I don't want to spend it on eating out. I'll be grocery shopping and cooking instead." He heard, "I can't eat out." He interpreted this as, "I can't eat out at $40/person sit down places, but sandwiches, pizza, icecream fast food, etc is totally fine as that isn't really eating out." I ran over budget by over $1000 in the 10 days we were together, until I had a fit. When we finally talked it out, I finally understood that he really had NO IDEA what I meant by "NOT EATING OUT" and "ON A BUDGET OF $100/wk for MISC FUN STUFF". He could spend $500/day on fun stuff and eating out and not even NOTICE it! To me, it was huge. He'd offhand mention, "Oh, you can rent bikes with the kids for an hour or two in Yosemite this morning . . ." $20/hr per bike . . . times 4 . . . times two hours, = the whole week's MISC FUN STUFF budget. Uh, no, honey, we'll take a hike! Repeat, over, and over, and over. Until my head pretty much exploded! Anyway, lessons I learned: I won't ever co-vacation with him again unless: a) I am in complete control of eating/itinerary/entertainment b) All of the (a) items are essentially set in stone well in advance * If you cannot talk very frankly with the other family about finances, I'd reconsider that particular co-vacation if possible. You need to be very explicit. I tried ahead of time with my vacation with my brother, but failed miserably. (Possibly mostly due to family dynamics, so YMMV.) * Other things that are easier to do with disparate finances are co-renting a vacation home (assuming you can each comfortably contribute) or camping, etc. Just be sure you discuss in advance how you will handle meals/food/outings/etc. I often covacation with friends at beach houses, and that has always gone well, but I've always maintained control, and I am very frugal about it. (We pretty much bring everything we need, cook in, and expenses are VERY limited beyond the house itself.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Wanting to hang out all the time!!! Eat, sleep, and play together all the time. I don't mind - we all get along great, but it's just the cost. Their kids seem to want to be 'doing something, being entertained' all the time. They 'get bored' way too easily! It sounds like ,if you want to vacation with them and spend time with them on the vacation, you will be spending the same amount of money. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I think you definitely need to tell them ahead of time about your budget and expectations as far as activities, etc. We vacationed with good friends a few years ago, and we told them ahead of time that we wanted a few days with just our family because otherwise we missed out on that family vacation feeling of the kids having such a great time together, us enjoying them, them enjoying us, etc. Things change with another family: the adults hang out, and the kids aren't excited about spending time with siblings because their friends are there. All fine, but we wanted a few family days. We told them way in advance and they were fine with it. So I think I'd just ask if they thought you all could make it work if you had different ideas about what kind of vacation you want, and what your budget is. Shoot, they can go to Disney for all 4 days, and you guys can go elsewhere for 2. Not sure why that would bother them. If they are staying onsite and you stay offsite, maybe 2 of the nights you could go back to hang in the hotel with them and swim or whatever since your kids are older and don't have to be in bed at 7:00pm or anything. And that way they'd know you DO want to spend time with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 It sounds like ,if you want to vacation with them and spend time with them on the vacation, you will be spending the same amount of money. :grouphug: :iagree: It will be too difficult and cause resentment otherwise. Have you ever vacationed with them before or is this the first time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I would not attempt a vacation merge like this. There are very few vacations I would share. Vacations are supposed to be relaxing. I can't relax if I have to accommodate someone else and spend more than we planned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 We did a 2-night, 1 day in the park trip to Disneyland last April. Just want to mention that there are several hotels right across the street that are maybe half the price of staying in the park. We stayed at the Fairfield Inn--a high rise, and we paid a little more to be on the side where we could see the fireworks in the park. There is also a nice pool. The walk to the park takes maybe 10 minutes. There are a lot of people going over from all of the hotels and it feels very safe and even kind of fun to be making the walk over. We arrived at about 5 pm the first night and walked across the street to enjoy Downtown Disney and make our plans for the next morning. It was wonderful! It wouldn't be hard to cut way down on how much is spent and still have a wonderful trip. I would just talk to the other mom, maybe explain that the plane tickets already took up a big chunk of the vacation budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I don't think it's impossible to make this work. You can hang out at Disney and have a great time together while eating food you brought and staying at different places. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I would definitely bring it up now instead of at the last minute. If these are really friends, they wouldn't want to stress you (or your budget!) out. Just talk to her. (I always try to be sensitive to budget issues of friends.....they're not my friends because they can afford to do the same things- they're my friends because I LOVE them and I want to spend time with them, even if we just stay at home and eat hot dogs!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3Blessings Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I am wondering if you can plan to meet together for lunch/dinner and activities on 2 of the 4 days (at Disneyland) and then explain that you'd like to do activities alone on the other two days? You can explain that you'd like to honor their family time and your own family time but still be able to be together at times. We were just at Disneyland and stayed right across the street from the gates. It was just as convenient and lots less expensive. There are lots of hotels up and down Harbor Ave. and the walking is not a big deal. I think it took us 5 minutes to walk from our hotel room to front gates. In this way, you could save money, but still be near them to meet up for activities/park days, etc. Maybe they would even be willing to meet you OUTSIDE the park on one of those 4 days for a shared meal? We did do WDW with some friends who we dearly love and because we were able to be honest and open . . . we still do love them dearly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeemama Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) :grouphug:We've tried vacationing with friends before...a little more stress than I'd anticipated. We were on a cruise and ended up having very different ideas... In your situation, one thing to consider: there is a significant price difference between a two day vs three day Disney pass, but not much difference ($10) between 3 day vs 4 day and if you choose 4 days with one park per day (no park-hopper add-on) just tell the other family which park you'll be in and plan to meet up. Another tip: eat a substantial breakfast before you enter the park and have a late lunch/combo dinner in the park. Whatever you do, be sure to find out which attractions are most important to your kids and as long as they get to those, they will remember the trip forever! ETA: prices were for FL Edited January 16, 2012 by Coffeemama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen3kids Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Thank you everyone. We have vacationed with them before, and it was expensive. They did the reservations and stayed in a more expensive part of the hotel while we stayed in a slightly cheaper, albeit more than I wanted to spend, area. They really do want to make sure we have the best experience and their hearts are in the right place. They are all super sweet, but they are totally fine with financing their vacations. I want to be able to pay for it without it hanging over my head for months! I guess I'll have to put on my 'big-girl pants' and 'fess up that we just can't afford it. I've been looking at offsite hotels that include breakfast. We can stay at one of those and get 3 day tickets for just over half of the cost of staying at a DisneyLand hotel. Those hotels are right across from the park or within a 10 minute walk. All the kids are old enough to handle the walk without complaint. I still have to figure out the logistics. There is a chance we may drive out, rather than fly (that will hopefully save a ton of money!) and visit relatives in Phoenix before continuing on to California. Airfare is so expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 If you can't afford to vacation like them for four days, maybe you could afford two days and one night. Maybe just see if you can get together with them for two days at the park with an overnight stay at their hotel. They can do the full trip at Disney that they want---and you can do something else and stay somewhere else for the other days. You still have time together, but also time apart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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