Erica in PA Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Hmm... what to do when you are having one of those awful "cupboard-is-bare" times, you're scrambling to figure out gas money for dh just to get to work... and you have a wedding to attend? Would you... just attend the wedding, offer your best wishes, and wait to send a gift until you have the means to do so? I can't think of any other more creative options. Not attending the wedding doesn't seem the right thing to do. It just seems such a shame to not be able to bless the couple on their special day! :crying: Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Hmm... what to do when you are having one of those awful "cupboard-is-bare" times, you're scrambling to figure out gas money for dh just to get to work... and you have a wedding to attend? Would you... just attend the wedding, offer your best wishes, and wait to send a gift until you have the means to do so? I can't think of any other more creative options. Not attending the wedding doesn't seem the right thing to do. It just seems such a shame to not be able to bless the couple on their special day! :crying: Erica Yes, that is what I would do. I wouldn't skip the wedding over a lack of a gift...Any bride and groom worth your time to attend will want YOU there more than they will want a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Hmm... what to do when you are having one of those awful "cupboard-is-bare" times, you're scrambling to figure out gas money for dh just to get to work... and you have a wedding to attend? Would you... just attend the wedding, offer your best wishes, and wait to send a gift until you have the means to do so? I can't think of any other more creative options. Not attending the wedding doesn't seem the right thing to do. It just seems such a shame to not be able to bless the couple on their special day! :crying: Erica I would absolutely attend the wedding without at gift. I think etiquette-wise, you can send a gift up to a year after the wedding. Honestly, I don't think it is always necessary to send a gift. (I always do, but I didn't expect them in return, if that makes sense.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Oh, my. I've been married enough times to tell you that your presence is the gift! Please don't let not having a gift keep you from going. I invited the people I invited because I wanted them to share the day with me. Go! If you're able to send a gift later, do, but don't let it stress you out. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serene Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 This just happened recently to us - only it was for the wedding shower. I usually like to give an hurricane oil lamp & an oil refill as wedding gifts (we live in FL). Not enough $$ to afford to do that this time, so necessity was the mother of invention. I did have the time and fabric to make a simple apron, and wrote several popular recipes from my files on recipe cards. I was a little concerned about our gift being 'homemade' & 'inexpensive' especially surrounded by all the other 'bought' and 'registry' gifts, but when the bride opened our gift, she (and the other ladies attending the shower) responded in a very positive way. It didn't get the biggest "oooohhhh" of the night, but certainly ranked in the top 3. hth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne/Ankara Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I hope indeed that you do go! Your presence is a gift enough! I can compare the weddings that I've been to here in the States, versus the ones I have attended in Turkey, where many families are very poor. There, the weddings are big, noisy, family affairs, with food eaten outside, sometimes even served on paper plates, but always enough for everyone, and everyone welcome. Those who can, sometimes buy a small gold coin/jewelry piece that they pin to the bride's dress. It is modest but heart-felt. And it is magnificent. I can only wish that here we also see the real meanings of such celebrations, and not worry over the financial aspects! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I'm with the others, "Go!"... I can't imagine that the bride is sitting at home cross-checking the various packages that come in the mail and are delivered to her mom's house and that show up at the wedding, etc, etc with her guest list. And gosh, if she is, that's far less gracious than waiting a bit to send the gift. It's my understanding that you have any time in the first year to send a gift, so I don't think you need to feel guilty anyway. Go to the wedding, show your love to the couple. And if you're able to send a gift at some point, do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Yes, you do have a full year to give the newlyweds a gift, so don't sweat it. They want you there more than a present. (well, I would, anyway) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandpsmommy Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I would definitely attend the wedding without a gift. Some of the cards I appreciated the very most at our wedding were from some members of our college campus ministry group who just wrote their well wishes in their cards and didn't find it necessary to include a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 This just happened recently to us - only it was for the wedding shower. I usually like to give an hurricane oil lamp & an oil refill as wedding gifts (we live in FL). Not enough $$ to afford to do that this time, so necessity was the mother of invention. I did have the time and fabric to make a simple apron, and wrote several popular recipes from my files on recipe cards. I was a little concerned about our gift being 'homemade' & 'inexpensive' especially surrounded by all the other 'bought' and 'registry' gifts, but when the bride opened our gift, she (and the other ladies attending the shower) responded in a very positive way. It didn't get the biggest "oooohhhh" of the night, but certainly ranked in the top 3. hth I think the gift that is hand made is so wonderful! That a person took their time and talents to bless me makes it so special! Great idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 One of the best gifts I received was a hand-written letter, where the person wrote down for me what wisdom they had regarding marriage and love. I still have that, even after many of the gifts that were dishes and other trinkets are broken and gone. I may be in the minority here, but I don't think you should send a gift at all other than a card, or a letter (as I mentioned before). I don't think you even need to send one next month, or even within a year. A gift is just that...a gift. Not an obligation. I would be *extremely* disturbed if someone I knew (other than Jesus!) gave me a gift they could not really afford without cutting their own family a bit short. I don't think the happy couple will even notice you haven't sent a gift. If they do notice, I'll bet they don't care a bit. If they do notice, and they do care, then they're not the kind of people for whom you should worry about hurting their feelings. -just my .02... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Go, things will be so busy they won't be taking gift inventory. Send something later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I would absolutely attend the wedding without at gift. I think etiquette-wise, you can send a gift up to a year after the wedding. Honestly, I don't think it is always necessary to send a gift. (I always do, but I didn't expect them in return, if that makes sense.) I have heard this too. I was also thinking : Do you have any crafts? Is a hand-made gift a possibility? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 you are NOT required to bring a gift, or even to send one within a certain amount of time. Go. Enjoy. Wish the happy couple blessings as you go through the receiving line.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted June 7, 2008 Author Share Posted June 7, 2008 I have heard this too. I was also thinking : Do you have any crafts? Is a hand-made gift a possibility? LOL, no, didn't you see my posts in the homemaking thread?? :tongue_smilie: Unfortunately, I am as uncrafty as they come. Dh is very artistic, and he does sometimes draw or paint people pictures or portraits as gifts, but he is totally swamped right now, so he won't have time to do that. It's a good thought, though! Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted June 7, 2008 Author Share Posted June 7, 2008 Thanks everybody! I appreciate the encouragement. I knew that we would go to the wedding all the same, but your comments have helped me feel less like a loser as we go. :tongue_smilie: I'll pass on the thoughts to dh, because I know he will be feeling the same way. It's good to remember that it's the presence of loved one and friends that really matters as a couple joins together, not the stuff. Plus this wedding will be very exciting because it's the first wedding we've attended where the couple has courted-- and I'm pretty sure they have never kissed. So that will be something, seeing a couple kiss for the first time!!!:001_smile: Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I would absolutely attend the wedding without at gift. I think etiquette-wise, you can send a gift up to a year after the wedding. Honestly, I don't think it is always necessary to send a gift. (I always do, but I didn't expect them in return, if that makes sense.) Yep, I am following the 1 year rule for the last wedding I attended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jail warden Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Erica, I have a GREAT idea for you. We went to a wedding this last Feb and we've been really watching our pennies and so I stole an idea I got from a freind of mine. I went to Target, got a cute bowl, put in a couple of bags of microwave popcorn, some cappacino mix and a Cheap($2)(I got Far and Away, Old, classic, and did I mention cheap?!) romantic movie, for them to have a Date Night, as a new couple. They said they loved it. It cost me maybe $7-9. I also went to a dollar store and bought cellophane to wrap it in. I agree with the others, do not feel obligated to give. I'm sure I never remembered who gave a gift and who didn't! But, this is just an idea if you decide you would like to do a little something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 What about making a notebook full of your favorite recipes? I know that at the time I got married, I didn't know anything about cooking and I would love to have had family recipes, good recipes for gatherings, and various occasions. You can be as creative and thrifty as you want and I think it would be a great gift! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyboys Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 One of the best gifts I received was a hand-written letter, where the person wrote down for me what wisdom they had regarding marriage and love. I still have that, even after many of the gifts that were dishes and other trinkets are broken and gone.I may be in the minority here, but I don't think you should send a gift at all other than a card, or a letter (as I mentioned before). I don't think you even need to send one next month, or even within a year. A gift is just that...a gift. Not an obligation. I would be *extremely* disturbed if someone I knew (other than Jesus!) gave me a gift they could not really afford without cutting their own family a bit short. I don't think the happy couple will even notice you haven't sent a gift. If they do notice, I'll bet they don't care a bit. If they do notice, and they do care, then they're not the kind of people for whom you should worry about hurting their feelings. -just my .02... it will be their 50th. All of us kids got together for their 25th to throw a big surprise party. I'm sure they got many beautiful gifts and the party was great. Just recently my mother pulled out a few cards from that anniversary. One was from a wonderful couple who were celebrating their 75th anniversary around the same time. They wrote a lovely heartfelt message to my parents and enclosed a $5 bill. My mother treasures that letter 25 years later, long after she's forgotten many of the other gifts. That's something I don't always remember. It's better to send a timely card, attend the party without a gift, or call on the special day than to put it off trying to find the perfect gift and wrapping and ship it all out...way too late. Or worse, forget the event all together.:001_huh: Great advice!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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