The Goods, The Bads, and the Only (? about pros/cons of being an only child)

[justamouse]

HUH? Did you mean that *I* seem to be purposefully reading your words as an attack? No, I specifically said I can't speak for you.

 

Also, could you please indicate where I stated, or even implied, that having multiple children is not as wonderful as having one?? (at least I think that's what you meant; there were some words missing) Or maybe that no one can SAY anything other than having an only is wonderful? (again, your words are not clear)

 

I get that parents of onlies are in the distinct minority, especially here. But seriously-- if parents of large families can commiserate here about all the rotten things people say/do/think about large families, then why can't the very small group of us here voice our frustrations with perceptions about our family size?

 

astrid

 

No, that's why I said, to the thread-

 

And yes, I was getting the distinct impression that no one-not even the onlys, can speak against being an only. Which really is unfair, no? :confused: I understand needing to commiserate, really, but this was a thread about opinion on being an only, and pros and cons. It's as if every parent of an only gets upset that an adult only says they were lonely. No one is saying that anyone here is raising your children that way, but just let the adult (lonely) onlys be an example of how NOT to raise an only.

Edited November 22, 2011 by justamouse

[elegantlion]

No, that's why I said, to the thread-

 

And yes, I was getting the distinct impression that no one-not even the onlys, can speak against being an only. Which really is unfair, no? :confused: I understand needing to commiserate, really, but this was a thread about opinion on being an only, and pros and cons. It's as if every parent of an only gets upset that an adult only says they were lonely. No one is saying that anyone here is raising your children that way, but just let the adult (lonely) onlys be an example of how NOT to raise an only.

 

That's not what I don't get. It's the attitude that certain character traits can only be learned with a sibling group. It's feels, to me as the PARENT of an only, very similar to the smacking stereotype that homeschoolers are at a distinct disadvantage because children have to learn in a peer group and should be in school to do that. We know well on this board that parents are quite able to model, teach, and learn right along side their children, that applies to character building as a well as academics. The principle doesn't apply just to those with two or more children.

[Impish]

And then there's me, who has lived as both a sibling and an only. Had a brother, one year younger. Joel was killed in a car accident when he was 17 and I was 18. I then became an only child.

 

astrid

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[justamouse]

That's not what I don't get. It's the attitude that certain character traits can only be learned with a sibling group. It's feels, to me as the PARENT of an only, very similar to the smacking stereotype that homeschoolers are at a distinct disadvantage because children have to learn in a peer group and should be in school to do that. We know well on this board that parents are quite able to model, teach, and learn right along side their children, that applies to character building as a well as academics. The principle doesn't apply just to those with two or more children.

 

What I've said is that a parent of an only has to be exceptionally engaged. (I had forgotten what you posted about your brother, I'm sorry (((hugs))))

 

 

Perhaps, then, you (universal) could look back and see how much you engaged with your family (if you went to ps)-and a homeschooling family all the moreso.

 

I cannot even begin to count how many times a day my kids have to navigate relationships. All day long, which is why I'm very protective of their 'alone' time. All day long, there is this constant push/pull of someone wants, negotiating, decisions, votes.

 

From the time they wake up and put a vote in for what they want for breakfast, to when they go to bed and juggle with eachother as to when they can get in the shower. Someone is always in a position of 'preferring' someone else over themselves. Always. It doesn't stop.

 

Things that are never even a consideration to an only, are a constant navigation to siblings.

 

So, as I've said, a conscientious parent of an only, needs to allow their kids to have intimate relationships with other kids/family/whathave you, where these things are going to be worked out.

Edited November 22, 2011 by justamouse

[astrid]

Amen. No need for any of us to pass judgement on the other and I like to think none of that is happening. Everyone's family functions differently and that's a GOOD thing!

 

I agree--- A GOOD THING! :001_smile:

 

astrid

[elegantlion]

What I've said is that a parent of an only has to be exceptionally engaged. (I had forgotten what you posted about your brother, I'm sorry (((hugs))))

 

 

Perhaps, then, you (universal) could look back and see how much you engaged with your family (if you went to ps)-and a homeschooling family all the moreso.

 

I cannot even begin to count how many times a day my kids have to navigate relationships. All day long, which is why I'm very protective of their 'alone' time. All day long, there is this constant push/pull of someone wants, negotiating, decisions, votes.

 

From the time they wake up and put a vote in for what they want for breakfast, to when they go to bed and juggle with eachother as to when they can get in the shower. Someone is always in a position of 'preferring' someone else over themselves. Always. It doesn't stop.

 

Things that are never even a consideration to an only, are a constant navigation to siblings.

 

So, as I've said, a conscientious parent of an only, needs to allow their kids to have intimate relationships with other kids/family/whathave you, where these things are going to be worked out.

 

Actually that was Astrid's brother. I am sorry for your loss, Astrid. :grouphug:

 

I guess my family dynamic is just different. There is negotiation happening in my house all the time, we have a small house, a cat, a dog. My ds has a lot of consideration in relationships. We've had to made many considerations this year because of dh's health. Ds doesn't get indulged. We still pound on the door to remind him to cut the shower short. :tongue_smilie: I don't see that as exceptionally engaged, it's parenting and I'm sure I'm not doing anything extra special.

 

He does have his own room to retire to, but I had that as a kid too.

 

I grew up with a sister that bickered with me about everything. It didn't teach me about conflict management, it's just taught me not to like my sister. We still don't get along for many reasons. My parents and I had a much better relationship once she left for college and I was the "only" child.

[astrid]

IMO, growing up with a sibling, then losing the sibling as an adult, is quite different from not growing up with siblings.

 

Well, not really. Not when it comes to the issues mentioned above-- caring for aging/elderly parents, having no siblings with whom to spend holidays, enjoying close relationships with adult siblings.

 

And I don't know that I'd consider a junior and a senior in high school, still living at home "adult."

 

astrid

[astrid]

Thank you. And I totally agree--- living with parents, a grandmother, cats, dogs and chickens has taught my only a lot about putting the needs of others first.

 

astrid

[GoVanGogh]

I cannot even begin to count how many times a day my kids have to navigate relationships. All day long, which is why I'm very protective of their 'alone' time. All day long, there is this constant push/pull of someone wants, negotiating, decisions, votes.

 

From the time they wake up and put a vote in for what they want for breakfast, to when they go to bed and juggle with eachother as to when they can get in the shower. Someone is always in a position of 'preferring' someone else over themselves. Always. It doesn't stop.

 

Things that are never even a consideration to an only, are a constant navigation to siblings.

I find this interesting. I don't remember 'navigating' or negotiating with my five siblings. We were told what we were eating for breakfast. We were told when to shower and when to go to bed. Every single detail of our childhood was scheduled. I see that now, with larger homeschooling families. I'm not being judgmental - just observing. We had a hs meeting last week on planning and scheduling. It was basically about micromanaging your day and color-coding your children (so you know whose pencil was left on the coffee table or who left their towel on the bathroom floor.) Several of the mothers talked about scheduling which children play together when, so that the younger siblings always have someone to play with. In my opinion, they are not learning to navigate anything.

I do see my son navigating and negotiating all the time when he plays with friends (and within our own family unit) and I have not observed anything that was problematic. I think we are born with those skills. It isn't something that is exclusive to families with 2 or more children. There is a constant push/pull within any household - whether the couple have no children, one child or a dozen.

[justamouse]

I find this interesting. I don't remember 'navigating' or negotiating with my five siblings. We were told what we were eating for breakfast. We were told when to shower and when to go to bed. Every single detail of our childhood was scheduled. I see that now, with larger homeschooling families. I'm not being judgmental - just observing. We had a hs meeting last week on planning and scheduling. It was basically about micromanaging your day and color-coding your children (so you know whose pencil was left on the coffee table or who left their towel on the bathroom floor.) Several of the mothers talked about scheduling which children play together when, so that the younger siblings always have someone to play with. In my opinion, they are not learning to navigate anything.

I do see my son navigating and negotiating all the time when he plays with friends (and within our own family unit) and I have not observed anything that was problematic. I think we are born with those skills. It isn't something that is exclusive to families with 2 or more children. There is a constant push/pull within any household - whether the couple have no children, one child or a dozen.

 

I couldn't parent like that. We live much more organically. It flows. I would hate parenting like that, and I would never raise my kids like that.

 

I don't think we are born with those skills. I think they are nurtured by conscientious parents.

[justamouse]

Actually that was Astrid's brother. I am sorry for your loss, Astrid. :grouphug:

 

I guess my family dynamic is just different. There is negotiation happening in my house all the time, we have a small house, a cat, a dog. My ds has a lot of consideration in relationships. We've had to made many considerations this year because of dh's health. Ds doesn't get indulged. We still pound on the door to remind him to cut the shower short. :tongue_smilie: I don't see that as exceptionally engaged, it's parenting and I'm sure I'm not doing anything extra special.

 

He does have his own room to retire to, but I had that as a kid too.

 

I grew up with a sister that bickered with me about everything. It didn't teach me about conflict management, it's just taught me not to like my sister. We still don't get along for many reasons. My parents and I had a much better relationship once she left for college and I was the "only" child.

 

Oh Astrid, I'm sorry. Double sorry.

 

Paula, Well, that, as a parent of multiples, I don't allow in my house. We focus a lot on the heart, not being selfish, learning to compromise.

 

I'm not saying that they aren't allowed to be angry or sad, or to fight, but they're not allowed to bicker, pick at eachother, or be disrespectful.

 

So, that wasn't a fault of your sister, that was your parents not dealing with why your sister was bickering with you.

[astrid]

Is that a mouse with a petunia blossom on its head?

It's freaking adorable!!!!

 

(I just noticed it)

 

astrid

[justamouse]

Is that a mouse with a petunia blossom on its head?

It's freaking adorable!!!!

 

(I just noticed it)

 

astrid

 

Yes! All I could think of was HOW did they get that shot? :001_smile:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I find this interesting. I don't remember 'navigating' or negotiating with my five siblings. We were told what we were eating for breakfast. We were told when to shower and when to go to bed. Every single detail of our childhood was scheduled. I see that now, with larger homeschooling families. I'm not being judgmental - just observing. We had a hs meeting last week on planning and scheduling. It was basically about micromanaging your day and color-coding your children (so you know whose pencil was left on the coffee table or who left their towel on the bathroom floor.) Several of the mothers talked about scheduling which children play together when, so that the younger siblings always have someone to play with. In my opinion, they are not learning to navigate anything.

 

Wow, that's all very bizarre to me. Is that the next phase after Babywise, maybe? Scheduling sibling playtimes and color-coding their pencils?

[GoVanGogh]

That's not what I don't get. It's the attitude that certain character traits can only be learned with a sibling group. It's feels, to me as the PARENT of an only, very similar to the smacking stereotype that homeschoolers are at a distinct disadvantage because children have to learn in a peer group and should be in school to do that.

:iagree:

I wonder how many homeschooling parents of only children had someone say to them, "But you can't homeschool an only child! They will never... (fill in the blank.)" I can't even begin to count the number of silly comments I have been subjected to. He will never have any friends. How will he ever meet anyone? He will be so lonely. He will never learn how to play/work/talk with others.

I may come across as defensive of an only, but I get so tired of the stereotypes.

[astrid]

No kidding.:glare: At my earliest convenience, I'll be sure to remind dd that she's supposed to be a selfish, spoiled brat with a complete inability to share. It will come as a complete shock to her, but we wouldn't want her to fail to conform to all those lovely stereotypes, would we?

 

(Can ya' tell that my snark-meter is in the red zone?)

 

Darn. Dd's in public high school now. Is it too late to add Intro to Sloth, Basic Selfishness and Beginning BRAT to her core curriculum? Maybe that's a question for the Afterschooling Board? :lol:

 

astrid

[astrid]

Oh I thought YOU got that shot! I was all impressed!

I still am, though-- yeah, how adorable is THAT?!

 

astrid

[astrid]

:iagree:

 

astrid

[Audrey]

I heard this all the time while parenting an only. Perhaps it's a personality quirk of your dh, but my only and the onlies I know do not have problems sharing. It's one of the most common misconceptions about only children, and really isn't fair.

 

astrid

 

 

My only has no problem with sharing. He is much more likely to share than the kids he knows who have siblings. If anything a correllary could be made, from my own observations, that children with siblings have problems sharing with others because they are forced to share with siblings all the time.

[elegantlion]

Oh Astrid, I'm sorry. Double sorry.

 

Well, that, as a parent of multiples, I don't allow in my house. We focus a lot on the heart, not being selfish, learning to compromise.

 

I'm not saying that they aren't allowed to be angry or sad, or to fight, but they're not allowed to bicker, pick at eachother, or be disrespectful.

 

So, that wasn't a fault of your sister, that was your parents not dealing with why your sister was bickering with you.

 

Actually it was my sister's fault. She was mean, she had consequences, but she was born with a personality that clashed with my mom's and mine. My mom drew the line where she could, and my sister is still a difficult person. Dad worked second shift, so he was rarely around when we were kids. He did what he could. My sister will not be someone I count on to help me with my aging parents.

 

To assume they didn't "deal with it" is pretty assumptive.

 

eta: yes, your mouse is very adorable, once I figured out what it was, thanks for asking Astrid.

Edited November 22, 2011 by elegantlion

[Audrey]

My sister and I bickered as children and rarely talk as adults. We.just.don't.get.along. Thankfully they live far away.

 

There is no guarantee siblings will spend time together as adults. There is not guarantee sibling will live long enough to care for aging parents. My sister has stated what she plans on doing for my parents. :glare: Another reason I'm glad she lives far away.

 

My dear friend had a brother who died almost two years ago. In her 40s, she has now become a only child.

 

For us having an only has been perfect. He adores being an only, he has never asked for a sibling. We don't do co-ops or classes and he is content, believe me I ask. He's introverted and likes his alone time. We have a cat and dog who simulate toddler behavior. The cats eats his stuff and the dog demands attention during schooling. Fortunately no one cares if we lock the dog in the bedroom when she's being obnoxious.

 

Schooling an only is a blast, you can follow rabbit holes, study odd things because of their desire, learn with them, and really make the instruction personalized.

 

Being an only in this house, well dh is kind of a kid too, so they fit. I goof around with ds, he's hardly spoiled (maybe by my parents), and he adores his bedroom, which is the biggest room in the house (attic dormer).

 

Dh and I never desired more children, we adore our one. We discussed it a few years ago and felt like our family size was perfect for us.

 

 

Similar here. My brother and I never got along. We fought like cats and dogs as kids. We both regularly wished we could have been onlies. We have nothing in common but same parentage. Our parents are now both dead and although we maintain a civil adult relationship, we are not friends and are not close at all. We love each other, but if we weren't siblings, we wouldn't. If we weren't siblings, we'd probably despise one another.

 

 

Oh... and dh and I have an only by choice. Not everyone aspires to breed like rabbits and we're just fine, as are our onlies.

[Audrey]

Gosh, some of these posts make it sound like parenting an only is such an added burden, I don't see it that way. :confused:

 

 

My dh has often said "we have the luxury of being a small family." It is, indeed, a luxury. Our son has the luxury of our undivided love, attention and time. Dh and I have the luxury of not having to worry about more than one child's needs. We all enjoy the luxury of not having to stretch our modest but hard-earned budget amongst more than 3.

[justamouse]

Actually it was my sister's fault. She was mean, she had consequences, but she was born with a personality that clashed with my mom's and mine. My mom drew the line where she could, and my sister is still a difficult person. Dad worked second shift, so he was rarely around when we were kids. He did what he could. My sister will not be someone I count on to help me with my aging parents.

 

To assume they didn't "deal with it" is pretty assumptive.

 

eta: yes, your mouse is very adorable, once I figured out what it was, thanks for asking Astrid.

 

I took the chance in assuming it was them, not her. I don't have much experience with children who are that ... different. Even with all of the siblings/large families I see. I do see lots of parents who struggle with how to deal with sibling problems. I'm sorry.

[astrid]

Oh... and dh and I have an only by choice. Not everyone aspires to breed like rabbits and we're just fine, as are our onlies.

 

Yes, that's another popular misconception. I am often given sad, sympathetic looks and told how sad it is that another baby never "happened" for us.

 

To which I reply-- whew! Thank goodness! :001_smile:

 

astrid

[Audrey]

Must be National Bash Small Families month. This is the second thread I know of that has gone there willingly or not.

 

 

Hmm... jealousy?

[justamouse]

Hmm... jealousy?

 

Hmmm baiting?

[Audrey]

I am an only child and always recommend that people have at least two children if possible. I always felt lonely growing up. Now that I have 4 kids, I can see why. My kids always have a playmate.

 

 

LOL! That's so funny! My brother and I always had a "playmate" too... and we beat the snot out of each other as "play" every chance we got! :lol:

[Parrothead]

Similar here. My brother and I never got along. We fought like cats and dogs as kids. We both regularly wished we could have been onlies. We have nothing in common but same parentage. Our parents are now both dead and although we maintain a civil adult relationship, we are not friends and are not close at all. We love each other, but if we weren't siblings, we wouldn't. If we weren't siblings, we'd probably despise one another.

 

 

Oh... and dh and I have an only by choice. Not everyone aspires to breed like rabbits and we're just fine, as are our onlies.

:iagree: I could have written most of that. The only differences are that my parents are still alive and we are not parents of an only by choice.

 

Siblings do not always have close loving relationships.

[elegantlion]

I took the chance in assuming it was them, not her. I don't have much experience with children who are that ... different. Even with all of the siblings/large families I see. I do see lots of parents who struggle with how to deal with sibling problems. I'm sorry.

 

Ironically my mother comes from large family, eight children. She has a sister that has a very similar difficult personality. She would remind me of that and tell me stories as a kid. It was comforting. Unfortunately my mom is in her 70s and her sister is still acting in a similar manner. In fact she just ticked off half the family at a recent funeral. So my mom helped me understand my sister even if we still don't get along.

[Parrothead]

Hmm... jealousy?

Me?

[elegantlion]

LOL! That's so funny! My brother and I always had a "playmate" too... and we beat the snot out of each other as "play" every chance we got! :lol:

 

My sister used to kick me in the shins until they were bruised. Yes, she got in trouble.

[Impish]

Not everyone aspires to breed like rabbits and we're just fine, as are our onlies.

Huh. Part of me wants to say, "Hey! I resemble that remark!" and the other part of me thinks that's a lousy thing to say.

 

But, I'm not in my happiest frame of mind right now.

[Catwoman]

Not everyone aspires to breed like rabbits and we're just fine, as are our onlies.

 

I'm sure you didn't mean that as an insult, but if I had several children, I would have been offended by that comment.

 

(I am the happy parent of an only child, BTW. :001_smile:)

[Audrey]

Oh Astrid, I'm sorry. Double sorry.

 

Paula, Well, that, as a parent of multiples, I don't allow in my house. We focus a lot on the heart, not being selfish, learning to compromise.

 

I'm not saying that they aren't allowed to be angry or sad, or to fight, but they're not allowed to bicker, pick at eachother, or be disrespectful.

 

So, that wasn't a fault of your sister, that was your parents not dealing with why your sister was bickering with you.

 

 

Well, justamouse, I can assure you that my parents didn't "allow" all the fighting my brother and I did. We were punished for fighting and our parents were constantly teaching us to be unselfish and compassionate, which we were. But not with each other. You can't force that. You can disallow anything you want. You can punish any infractions, but that doesn't mean you can make two siblings play nicely together and treat each other decently. You can't MAKE people like each other. It just doesn't work that way. If anything, forcing us together only drove us further apart.

[Audrey]

Me?

 

 

No... some of the commenters bashing onlies and parents of onlies. Some sound... odd.

[Audrey]

Huh. Part of me wants to say, "Hey! I resemble that remark!" and the other part of me thinks that's a lousy thing to say.

 

But, I'm not in my happiest frame of mind right now.

 

 

Hmm... perhaps not best choice of words. I posted that after reading several posts of people saying they'd been told they weren't real mothers if they only had one child. Made me think maybe you had to be able to produce a few litters worth or something in order to qualify as a real mother. I'm sure the octomom qualifies, right? Just not any moms of onlies because they're apparently not real moms.

Edited November 22, 2011 by Audrey

[Hoggirl]

Is that a mouse with a petunia blossom on its head?

It's freaking adorable!!!!

 

(I just noticed it)

 

astrid

 

Anyone notice that the mouse petunia hat is the same color as my hat in my avatar? :D

[Audrey]

Anyone notice that the mouse petunia hat is the same color as my hat in my avatar? :D

 

Is your hat made of petunias? :001_smile:

[Catwoman]

Anyone notice that the mouse petunia hat is the same color as my hat in my avatar? :D

 

Apparently, that mouse has STYLE! :001_wub:

 

I love that color, and it's so cool that you look good in hats. I have tried to wear them but always end up looking like an idiot.

[astrid]

Anyone notice that the mouse petunia hat is the same color as my hat in my avatar? :D

 

Yes! I did, actually! You and that mouse are on the CUTTING EDGE of fashion! And you both look ADORABLE in your hats!

 

astrid

[elegantlion]

Yes! I did, actually! You and that mouse are on the CUTTING EDGE of fashion! And you both look ADORABLE in your hats!

 

astrid

 

I love that color, I used it in my wedding. Although there were no petunias or hats or mice involved. Oh wait my veil had that color, part of it anyway.

[GoVanGogh]

LOL! That's so funny! My brother and I always had a "playmate" too... and we beat the snot out of each other as "play" every chance we got!

My sister used to kick me in the shins until they were bruised.

My older sister and I just to chase each other around with a baseball bat. We physically fought with each other and often scratched at each other until we drew blood.

My younger sister used to steal my clothes and burn them in our trash barrel.

Yeah, we were punished. But it didn't make us friends. I'm friends with my older sister, now that we are in our 40s, but I haven't seen or spoken to my younger sister in a decade.

My DH and his older brother never fought, but then they never played together either. They shared a room, but never talked. As adults, they talk twice a year - on their birthdays. Phone call lasts five minutes or less.

 

Well, justamouse, I can assure you that my parents didn't "allow" all the fighting my brother and I did. We were punished for fighting and our parents were constantly teaching us to be unselfish and compassionate, which we were. But not with each other. You can't force that. You can disallow anything you want. You can punish any infractions, but that doesn't mean you can make two siblings play nicely together and treat each other decently. You can't MAKE people like each other. It just doesn't work that way. If anything, forcing us together only drove us further apart.

A great big AMEN to that!

 

I don't buy the argument that siblings teach you how to work together and provide built-in playmates. Maybe for some, but certainly not all.

I was talking with two moms just last week and they both complained that their boys don't play well with their sisters and are often lonely for a boy to play with. A group of us actually formed a play group a few years ago for the sole reason that we had boys with no siblings to play with. My child is the only 'only' child in the group. All the rest have sisters.

[Impish]

Hmm... perhaps not best choice of words. I posted that after reading several posts of people saying they'd been told they weren't real mothers if they only had one child. Made me think maybe you had to be able to produce a few litters worth or something in order to qualify as a real mother. I'm sure the octomom qualifies, right? Just not any moms of onlies because they're apparently not real moms.

I think the idiots who say anyone isn't a 'real' mom should get a well placed punch in the mouth.

 

One of my best friend's had her first child Mother's Day wknd. At 21 wks.

 

He was disconnected from the respirator 4 mths later, and passed away.

 

One of the things that I lost my mind over was my mom saying that my best friend wasn't actually a mom. She most certainly was and is the mother of that precious child.

 

So, the idea that someone isn't a 'mom' based on family size is completely repugnant to me.

[Hoggirl]

Yes! I did, actually! You and that mouse are on the CUTTING EDGE of fashion! And you both look ADORABLE in your hats!

 

astrid

 

And, thanks to Catwoman, too! I bet you don't look like an idiot in a hat! But, I am an idiot b/c I don't know how to multi-quote! :lol:

 

No, Audrey, my hat is not made of petunias. Now THAT would be really cool!

 

I love hats, though I don't wear them very often. There was a little old lady (I mean, really - the woman was 96) in our church choir who always wore hats. She moved to Houston to care for a child (how ironic, particularly in this thread), and on her last Sunday everyone in the choir - including the men wore hats in her honor. Some of the men wore big ol' ladies hats like the one in my avatar. It was precious!

[astrid]

There was a little old lady (I mean, really - the woman was 96) in our church choir who always wore hats. She moved to Houston to care for a child (how ironic, particularly in this thread), and on her last Sunday everyone in the choir - including the men wore hats in her honor. Some of the men wore big ol' ladies hats like the one in my avatar. It was precious!

 

Now THAT is just plain awesome!!!! I"ll bet she was just so tickled!!

 

astrid

[leeannpal]

I haven't had time to read the replies, but I have mixed feelings about being an only child.

 

I was very lonely. I relied heavily on neighborhood children, school friends, and church friends (which I saw a max of once a week since we went to church an hour away). My parents didn't have time for me (were consumed with owning a business), and we didn't have hardly any kind of quality "family life."

 

However.

 

I spent a lot of time with adults and learned how to work hard. I also spent a lot of time with elderly relatives. So, while I am technically Generation X, I think and live much more like a Baby Boomer.

 

I can entertain myself endlessly.

 

I am actually an introvert, so I think my cherished dreams of siblings may have been very overly rosy. ; )

 

Books became my refuge, solace, and love. This has served me well ; ).

 

I could have written your post almost word for word except that I was not an only child. I have a sister who is two years younger than me and one that is almost 10 years younger than me. The sister closest in age to me has absolutely nothing in common with me; even as adults, we rarely see eye to eye and don't have much of a relationship. I was mostly a glorified, unpaid babysitter for my youngest sister. We didn't grow up together and don't have much in common. We aren't close either. For me,having siblings did not make me any less lonely or feel any less of any only child.

[Parrothead]

No... some of the commenters bashing onlies and parents of onlies. Some sound... odd.

Gotcha.

 

Yes, I'll agree some did sound odd.

[Impish]

Oh, and those that have idiots tell them they aren't 'real' moms...

 

Look them dead in the eye and ask, "Do I look IMAGINARY to you?!"

[Parrothead]

I think the idiots who say anyone isn't a 'real' mom should get a well placed punch in the mouth.

 

One of my best friend's had her first child Mother's Day wknd. At 21 wks.

 

He was disconnected from the respirator 4 mths later, and passed away.

 

One of the things that I lost my mind over was my mom saying that my best friend wasn't actually a mom. She most certainly was and is the mother of that precious child.

 

So, the idea that someone isn't a 'mom' based on family size is completely repugnant to me.

I'm so glad your friend has you.

[leeannpal]

I don't think she was saying someone with an only is less Christian. I think she was saying exactly what she stated. The home is where you " learn love, self sacrifice, how to temper your self and words, how to work as a team, how to prefer someone over you, how to negotiate disagreements with care." As an only child, I can tell you that I never had to learn any of those qualities (except love) until I left home and had roomates and then a spouse. There is something about living with someone every.single.day that is just plain hard and requires learning to die to self in a way that cannot be re-created outside the home.

 

Sorry, I don't buy this. Of course these things can be recreated outside the home. I grew up with siblings, a very selfish mother and an absent father. Having siblings did not help me to learn any of the things you mentioned because I had parents with very poor parenting skills. Now, as the mother of an only, her father and I are making the effort to help her learn the skills you mentioned. Also, unless an only child lives in Siberia, he or she will have plenty of opportunities to learn to share, work on a team and learn self-sacrifice in other ways such as participating in sports, in a class and and just working out differences with friends.