Christian parents--how do you prepare your child for life in the real world?

[caedmyn]

I'm not talking about basic life skills like handling finances and time management, but being able to maintain their faith while being able to interact with people who may have vastly different beliefs and lifestyles. To actually be able to interact with people and not be completely out of their depth in a new environment if that makes sense. I'm a believer in sheltering children from a lot of what goes on in the world, but as they get older, I think they need to be sheltered less and less and prepared for the real world more and more. I've seen too many kids graduate from HS completely unprepared to cope with a world that overall has very different beliefs from the ones they were raised with, and that can be very harsh to them because of those beliefs.

[momma aimee]

this is something I have been thinking about, I'll have to think about my reply

[Chris in VA]

Not sure if this is the kind of answer you are looking for, but I'd say one thing we did with older ds (who homeschooled high school and is a Christian) is make it a priority to teach him about other worldviews and religions, after getting him clear on Christianity. We never assumed he came to high school age, after years of church/Sunday School/living in a Christian family, with a sound grasp of basic doctrine, and, sure enough, he didn't have one. I took the time in 9th grade to teach him (re-teach, I would hope) really basic stuff, and see if he truly agreed with it. From there, we did world religions and cults (I guess you'd call it "comparative religion"), and also logic.

 

I really wanted him to be sure in his faith, able to defend it, but also not become "defensive," as I don't think that makes for a good witness. We made sure he had space, time, and motivation for cultivating a relationship with God; he attended a mission trip every summer for a more intense experience than our church provided, and also attended youth group and church, and Sunday School (up until about 11th grade--I think he stopped going to SS then, but I don't remember).

 

So we tried to hit the educational aspect, the community aspect, and the personal aspect of our faith.

 

Now he's definitely a believer, but doesn't go to church at college. He can mostly defend his faith, but has a good way of accepting others and letting God be in charge of their faith development.

 

HTH

[Jackie in NE]

I'm not talking about basic life skills like handling finances and time management, but being able to maintain their faith while being able to interact with people who may have vastly different beliefs and lifestyles. To actually be able to interact with people and not be completely out of their depth in a new environment if that makes sense. I'm a believer in sheltering children from a lot of what goes on in the world, but as they get older, I think they need to be sheltered less and less and prepared for the real world more and more. I've seen too many kids graduate from HS completely unprepared to cope with a world that overall has very different beliefs from the ones they were raised with, and that can be very harsh to them because of those beliefs.

 

This is something dh and I have thought about quite a bit. We realize that our children are very sheltered, by design. We're careful about what they read. There is no TV programming in our house. We often rent movies, and are very careful about their content. When our oldest dd reached the 8th grade, it dawned on us that homeschooling through high school, and then sending her off to college was probably not a good plan for her. She was happy being completely sheltered. Although we participated in various activities like sports and 4-H, we generally hung around people who had the same philosophy as we did. We decided it was time for her to experience a bit of the real world while she was still under our care. She began attending the local junior high for a couple of classes. Just 1 class each day and she was home for lunch. Boy, what an eye opener. She told me that each day she felt like she had to literally "put on the armor of Christ" just to walk the halls at school. The language was horrible. The kids were disrespectful. Their dress was inappropriate in many cases. But then there were the "nice" kids. The kids from good homes that dd had met at gymnastics and 4-H. These were the kids she talked to. She enjoyed that. There were also the teachers; some excellent, some just terrible.

Long story shorter..... she has learned a lot. She continued to take 1 or 2 classes at the local public school through her Sophomore year in high school. She participated in sports, which has been wonderful. She learned that there are good people and not-so-good people everywhere; ditto for teachers. She learned to be discerning in who she develops relationships with. She learned how to deal with attention from boys. She did all of this while she was under our roof, and with daily conversations between us. It has drawn us closer. I am so glad we did this, because now I feel more confident about having prepared her for life away from home. She also truly appreciates home and home schooling. This year, her junior year, she chose to come back home full time, with our blessing. Her reasons for doing so were sound. (She could get a better education at home, Hurray!) Being "out in the world" a bit has also developed her faith. She knows now that she wants to go to a Catholic college. She owns her faith more fully because she had to draw from it when she was in uncomfortable situations. I could never have provided that necessary tension for her at home.

 

This is all probably a lot more than you wanted to know. ;)

For our second dd who is now in 7th grade, our approach might be a bit different. She is not as mature at this age as our oldest was. She is not yet strong enough from a faith standpoint to be out in the world. So with her, we will wait another year or 2 or 3. :001_smile: But I will continue this approach with all 4 of our dc. They will all most likely go "away" to college. So they will really need to be ready. I feel that it is part of my responsibility to prepare them to go forward confidently, and with eyes wide open.

[Iucounu]

I'm not a Christian, but would think that there are two main issues here. One is making sure that the child's religious indoctrination will withstand the sorts of direct anti-religious pressures that have been discussed. I actually think that that is less of a challenge than resisting the temptations that mainstream life will eventually thrust at your child. You can't shelter them forever; you have to transition more to a support role.

 

I don't know the best way to do that, unfortunately. I think years of love and stability at home will help. Keeping the lines of communication open will help, so that if your child experiments with alcohol etc. they won't be at risk of feeling like their whole life is changing.

 

One of my roommates in the Army started out quite deeply into his Christian faith. When others in the barracks (we were in Germany) were out or staying in partying, he'd often spend quiet nights reading, watching old Three Stooges tapes, etc. He made some attempts to proselytize, but then gave it up after some time because some of the other soldiers ridiculed him. In the end he wound up giving in to temptation: he became one of the wilder partyers, and if I remember correctly even tried drugs (hash was a problem in Germany). Very nice kid. I think more than anything that being so far away from his home support base weakened him. There were chaplains etc. on base, but it probably wasn't the same for him.

 

So, not being Christian myself, I have no actual advice to give. :) I just think that it's important to be supportive and keep in touch. Basically, just continue whatever you've been doing, and don't let life get in between you and your child. Also, remember that when some of mainstream life rubs off on your child, mild experimentation happens under peer pressure, etc. it's not the end of the world. Plenty of church-going people had quite wild lives when they were younger.

Edited November 5, 2011 by Iucounu

[momacacia]

Wow Jackie in NE, great post!!

 

Accomplishing this is one of my main reasons for homeschooling. Went to private Christian school myself and they didn't pull it off; hope I can.

[NittanyJen]

We seem to take the opposite tack from most people. We do not shelter our kids or imply to them that any people are in any way lesser than we are.

 

We live out in the real world, and when we encounter things that run counter to what we believe and how we wish to live, we discuss it with our kids, and try to do so, without judgement of the other people. We discuss why people make the choices they do, how different choices could be made, and what the consequences might be. How hard would those consequences be to live with? What about the consequences of poor choices?

 

We have some neighborhood kids who seemed like a lot of fun at first, and my kids were envious. They talked back, ate junk food and soda, played endless video games, used some bad language, didn't respect their parents, etc. we let them play together. My kids have learned a lot. They noticed these two brothers are overweight and won't play outdoors with them, even when the weather is nice. The problem isn't the weight; it's the impact on their ability to play and have fun. The rude language gets directed at them too, even though they are supposed to be friends (this really irritates DS10, who is very protective of his little brother). They notice their toys are being broken, left outside, and their "friends" won't help clean up at the end of play time. In short, they are finding that all of these formerly interesting qualities makes people kind of unpleasant to hang out with, and being polite, respectful, moderate, and kind, are values that impact other people; they aren't just things Mom and Dad harp on.

 

While that one may not have ended well. The lessons learned were good.

 

In terms of religion, we routinely discuss other faith pathways, and how there are good people in all of them, and why judging people is not okay (as above, I encourage the boys to not disparage the neighborhood kids for being overweight-- heck, so am I -- but to acknowledge the negative impact their habits have on the friendship when they cannot play. NB in this case we have enough interaction to know the cause is not medical, but dietary and too much couch time). We have our beliefs, and are joyful when others are curious about them and ask us to share, but we don't debate them or become defensive. We also don't feel superior or apart fromothers who do not share our beliefs. Jesus did not shelter himself from others, but interacted with the real world. I figure the best "letter of invitation" we can be is to simply be welcoming, open people to all.

 

We do not fear other people sharing their beliefs or ideas and stories with our DC. We feel our beliefs, church community, and family life is strong. If what we believe is to be correct enough to be strong for them, how could we be fearful of the lives, thoughts, or opinions of others? When my kids have questions, they ask them. In the Methodist church, we encourage people to ask questions, wrestle with their faith, and realize that occasional uncertainty is all okay; it brings you closer to God, rather than separating you froml him, because each instance means you are actively choosing a relationship with him. If it is okay from childhood to see, hear, ask, and wrestle, and still be safe, just as it is with your parents, it's a good place to be.

 

Since we raise our kids in the real world from the get-go, with a strong community of faith all around them, and open discussion about what they see, there won't be a "bump" into the real world... They'll have lived in it all along, and hopefully learned to see the good in all people while also learning to draw on the strength of their faith community.

[The Girls' Mom]

For us, we make sure our girls have a strong foundation of WHY we believe what we believe, and what is expected of them from God. It is one of the primary focuses in raising them. (like it says in Deuteronomy, we talk with them as they rise up, as they walk, etc. It is a constant in our daily lives)

 

But we also take care not to shelter them so much that they have no clue what is out there. I purposely am involved in a secular homeschool group. We have a wide variety of friends with differing beliefs, and we encourage the kids to REALLY become friends with people not of our faith. Not as a mission, per say, but to learn that not everyone we love will follow Christ and how to deal with that. We do this while we still have a strong influence over our kids, and can control the environment in which these interactions happen.

 

We also openly talk about the struggles WE have had, and how God has brought us through them. We point out things that are going wrong in the world and engage in conversations about why we think those things happen.

 

All this is the best we can do. The rest I have to leave up to God. Lots of prayer for my kids that they stay on the right path, and even prayer that their future husbands (if they marry) are Godly men that will walk that path with them.

[mytwomonkeys]

i consider us to be very conservative religiously and most peope find our views fundamental, but on the other hand, we tend to be somewhat socially liberal (we don't abhor spongebob, hannah montana, harry potter, tattoos, trick or treating, santa, trendy clothes, etc). there are things that my children have had no exposure too because they are only 10 & 7. some things require sheltering not because we are christian, but because it is inappropriate. different stages of maturity will open doors to conversations regarding "the world". my husband and i really lead by example. God is very central to every aspect of our lives, not just on Sunday - ykwim? we talk a lot about choices. we look at God's word for guidance. we display a lot of grace to people that live life different than we do. and we pray about it all daily.

Edited November 5, 2011 by mytwomonkeys

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Teach them logic instead of, "We just don't believe this because we are Christians/because the Bible says so". I was told this repeatedly and when I was old enough to think for myself.....I did and it didn't match up with their beliefs at all.

 

Also, don't teach them that people who disagree with them are immoral or not Christian/unethical. It is a difference of opinion, not a personal slam against what YOU believe.

[Ipsey]

I'd suggest having non-Christian friends, for starters.

When we were in the ministry, we were constantly encouraging students to get out of their "holy huddle".

 

I think same goes for families, and particularly families who have very little in the way of non-religious interactions/friends/events.

 

Don't just let your kid go to piano lessons where the children have a recital every other month with some non-Christians. Actually have lots of non-Christian friends--people you love, spend time with, and interact with on a regular basis.

 

Not all Christians can manage to do this, particularly in a religious homeschool setting, but I think it's worth trying.

Edited November 5, 2011 by Ipsey
spelling error :)

[Cheryl in NM]

Not sure if this is the kind of answer you are looking for, but I'd say one thing we did with older ds (who homeschooled high school and is a Christian) is make it a priority to teach him about other worldviews and religions, after getting him clear on Christianity. We never assumed he came to high school age, after years of church/Sunday School/living in a Christian family, with a sound grasp of basic doctrine, and, sure enough, he didn't have one. I took the time in 9th grade to teach him (re-teach, I would hope) really basic stuff, and see if he truly agreed with it. From there, we did world religions and cults (I guess you'd call it "comparative religion"), and also logic.

 

I really wanted him to be sure in his faith, able to defend it, but also not become "defensive," as I don't think that makes for a good witness. We made sure he had space, time, and motivation for cultivating a relationship with God; he attended a mission trip every summer for a more intense experience than our church provided, and also attended youth group and church, and Sunday School (up until about 11th grade--I think he stopped going to SS then, but I don't remember).

 

So we tried to hit the educational aspect, the community aspect, and the personal aspect of our faith.

 

Now he's definitely a believer, but doesn't go to church at college. He can mostly defend his faith, but has a good way of accepting others and letting God be in charge of their faith development.

 

HTH

 

How did you do this? How did you know to pick it out? I struggle here. I was raised in church, but don't even know the basic Bible stories; I've been learning over the last 6 years returning to church. Ds wasn't raised in a Christian home or church environment. I've been amazed at his desire to read the Bible and discern for himself over the last year. Although, now there's a girl that he "loves" who is an atheist and he quit reading his Bible for awhile. He says he's reading it now to try to find something to help her. I've really focused on "read the gospels, Christ's words, and try to follow that." I kind of feel that the "love your God before all others and love your neighbor as yourself" are the commandments we are to be following now. Is that true? I'm know the gospel says that the only way to the Father is through the Son so I know that I must believe Christ died for my sins and I do. These are what I consider basics. Is there more? What else is helpful?

 

I love this thread, BTW. Thank you OP!

 

NittanyJen, thanks so much for your post!

[ereks mom]

I'm a believer in sheltering children from a lot of what goes on in the world, but as they get older, I think they need to be sheltered less and less and prepared for the real world more and more. I've seen too many kids graduate from HS completely unprepared to cope with a world that overall has very different beliefs from the ones they were raised with, and that can be very harsh to them because of those beliefs.

 

This.

 

As children mature, parents should explain the reason for certain family rules. It's fine to tell a young preschooler "because I said so" when he asks why he has to eat his peas or tidy up his room. But when he gets a little older, and reasoning ability begins to develop, it's important to explain in simple terms the reason for the rules: "eating your peas gives your body vitamins it needs" or "cleaning your room shows that you take pride in your home and yourself". The older a child gets, the more explanation is necessary--not to get your child's "permission" for your decisions, but to model the reasoning process for him: "I need to eat the right foods in order to be healthy. If I eat junk food every day, I will be unhealthy" and "Someday I will have to be able to take care of my own home, so it's important to know how to wash dishes, do laundry, cook meals..." When he understands the reasoning behind the choices, and how that process works, he becomes better equipped to make informed decisions himself as he gets older. A sense of responsibility isn't going to magically appear when he becomes an adult; it has to be taught gradually as he grows up.

 

Children need to be permitted to begin making some of their own decisions at an early age, and gradually make more and more decisions for themselves as they get older. It can start with something simple, like allowing a toddler to choose between 2 different cereals for breakfast, or permitting a 5 year old to choose between 3 shirts to wear that day. These are choices that have almost no consequences, but as a child gets a little older, he should be allowed to make gradually more and more decisions that DO have consequences (or potential consequences). For instance, a 10 year old might be allowed to choose which extracurricular activity he wants to do, a 14 year old could decide whether to take Spanish or French for a high school foreign language credit, and a 17 year old could determine her own bedtime. This process gently paves the way for the kind of decision-making that has to be done in adulthood.

 

The most important decision in life is choosing what to believe. This decision should not be suddenly thrust upon an individual when he gets out into the world and is confronted with myriad choices. He will be overwhelmed and will make poor choices. The groundwork has to be laid throughout childhood, with the child gradually learning to reason out his belief system and to make these kinds of decisions on his own too. As part of learning how to reason, it is vital that parents help their children determine not only what they believe but WHY they believe it.

Edited November 5, 2011 by ereks mom

[mytwomonkeys]

This.

 

Children need to be permitted to begin making some of their own decisions at an early age, and gradually make more and more decisions for themselves as they get older. It can start with something simple, like allowing a toddler to choose between 2 different cereals for breakfast, or permitting a 5 year old to choose between 3 shirts to wear that day. These are choices that have almost no consequences, but as a child gets a little older, he should be allowed to make gradually more and more decisions that DO have consequences (or potential consequences)--beginning with those that have minor consequences and moving up to more important decisions. For instance, a 10 year old might be allowed to choose which extracurricular activity he wants to do, a 14 year old could decide whether to take Spanish or French for a high school foreign language credit, and a 17 year old could determine her own bedtime. This process gently paves the way for the kinds of decision-making that have to be done in adulthood.

 

Also, as children mature, parents should explain the reason for certain family rules. It's fine to tell a young preschooler "because I said so" when he asks why he has to eat his peas or tidy up his room. But when he gets a little older, and reasoning ability begins to develop, it's important to explain in simple terms the reason for the rules: "eating your peas gives your body vitamins it needs" or "cleaning your room shows that you take pride in your home and yourself". The older a child gets, the more explanation is necessary--not to get your child's "permission" for your decisions, but to model the reasoning process for him: "I need to eat the right foods in order to be healthy. If I eat junk food every day, I will be unhealthy" and "Someday I will have to be able to take care of my own home, so it's important to know how to wash dishes, do laundry, cook meals..." When he understands the reasoning behind the choices, and how that process works, he becomes better equipped to make informed decisions himself as he gets older. A sense of responsibility isn't going to magically appear when he becomes an adult; it has to be taught gradually as he grows up.

 

 

i wish you had posted earlier. then, i could have simply saved some typing and said :iagree: well said:)

[cheryl h]

:bigear::lurk5:I will be watching this thread closely. This is an issue that we have really been struggling with lately. Our oldest, dd13, is a very solid Christian kid, but has been sheltered for the most part all her academic life. She started out at a very small Christian school, then we brought them all home to homeschool when she was a 6th grader. She has played sports through the local Boys & Girls Club and that has given her opportunity to mix with the local ps crowd, but every season, she ends up being the odd girl out as the goodie goodie because she doesn't swear, smoke, or have a boyfriend. 4H here is predominately homeschool kids so that hasn't been a huge witnessing opportunity.

 

We want to let her be more independant, and involve herself with other non-believers but the middle school and high schools here are a cesspool. The middle school has been off and on the state watch list for behavior and the high school has a 40% graduation rate. We also want to be able to drop her off at the library for a few hours, which is her favorite place in the whole wide world, but that is where all the sex offenders sit and look at their 'favorite webistes'. This is confirmed by local law enforcement. Ugh. We feel at a complete loss as to where and how to give her opportunities to grow in independance.

 

I am listening to all the wisdom in this thread. We have discussed and prayed about this at length and have no answers yet. We have discussed letting her go to the ps for an elective like art or keyboarding just to get her exposed, but the thought of it makes me sick.:tongue_smilie: In just a few short years, she'll be driving and then what?

[ereks mom]

Not sure if this is the kind of answer you are looking for, but I'd say one thing we did with older ds (who homeschooled high school and is a Christian) is make it a priority to teach him about other worldviews and religions, after getting him clear on Christianity. We never assumed he came to high school age, after years of church/Sunday School/living in a Christian family, with a sound grasp of basic doctrine, and, sure enough, he didn't have one. I took the time in 9th grade to teach him (re-teach, I would hope) really basic stuff, and see if he truly agreed with it. From there, we did world religions and cults (I guess you'd call it "comparative religion"), and also logic.

 

I really wanted him to be sure in his faith, able to defend it, but also not become "defensive," as I don't think that makes for a good witness. We made sure he had space, time, and motivation for cultivating a relationship with God; he attended a mission trip every summer for a more intense experience than our church provided, and also attended youth group and church, and Sunday School (up until about 11th grade--I think he stopped going to SS then, but I don't remember).

 

This sounds a lot like what we did too.

[Denisemomof4]

I'm not talking about basic life skills like handling finances and time management, but being able to maintain their faith while being able to interact with people who may have vastly different beliefs and lifestyles. To actually be able to interact with people and not be completely out of their depth in a new environment if that makes sense. I'm a believer in sheltering children from a lot of what goes on in the world, but as they get older, I think they need to be sheltered less and less and prepared for the real world more and more. I've seen too many kids graduate from HS completely unprepared to cope with a world that overall has very different beliefs from the ones they were raised with, and that can be very harsh to them because of those beliefs.

 

I'm so glad you see the importance in this. Many do not.

 

I put my oldest on in public high school and it was like throwing him into a lions den. I definitely sheltered him too much without really meaning to. :sad:

 

I make sure my girls have friends who are Christian and who are not, and we are lucky to even have friends who go to public school. They have a variety of social gatherings and activities, especially older dd. I'm trying to expose them much more than I did my son. Most importantly, we maintain open discussion. My oldest dd has brought some situations to me that our sheltered, legalistic friend's kids would never discuss with their parents. I'm glad we can work through difficult issues together.

 

I'm not saying all Christians shelter and are legalistic, I'm referencing a dear friend who is. And I adore her and our time together.

[3peasinWa]

Do you not have any friends that aren't Christians? Mainly, I'd model it with my own relationships with non-christians. We have neighbors, friends, co-op families that aren't christians. If you have none, then I'd suggest volunteering somewhere to meet people "out in the world" & teach your child how to get to know others & focus on loving who they are - don't proselytize to them. I mean, sure, if an opportunity arises to share your faith, great! But there's nothing worse then teaching kids only to be friends with someone for the sake of proselytizing to them & not out of a genuine love for them, whether or not they accept Christ.

[Cheryl in NM]

Do you not have any friends that aren't Christians? Mainly, I'd model it with my own relationships with non-christians. We have neighbors, friends, co-op families that aren't christians. If you have none, then I'd suggest volunteering somewhere to meet people "out in the world" & teach your child how to get to know others & focus on loving who they are - don't proselytize to them. I mean, sure, if an opportunity arises to share your faith, great! But there's nothing worse then teaching kids only to be friends with someone for the sake of proselytizing to them & not out of a genuine love for them, whether or not they accept Christ.

 

:iagree: I really don't think that's what Christ had in mind.

[Ottakee]

All of this reminds me of something Dobson said before---go away and leave your 17 or 18 year old home alone for a weekend and then come back and deal with any issues/problems/etc. as then you still have some control vs. over protecting them and then suddenly they are loose on the world and have no clue.

 

I like the idea of more and more choices the older they get but still being very open to talking with them.

[Pretty in Pink]

Teach them logic instead of, "We just don't believe this because we are Christians/because the Bible says so". I was told this repeatedly and when I was old enough to think for myself.....I did and it didn't match up with their beliefs at all.

 

Also, don't teach them that people who disagree with them are immoral or not Christian/unethical. It is a difference of opinion, not a personal slam against what YOU believe.

 

I agree completely. I want my children to see the value of other cultures and systems of belief. While I identify with Christianity, I do not believe that Christians are necessarily right and everyone else wrong with respect to faith.

 

I don't want my children to just repeat a litany of things that they were taught growing up. I want them to critically evaluate matters of faith, including their own, and draw their own conclusions. Most of all, I want them to be gracious and accepting of others.

 

ETA: We do not limit our interactions to include only, or even mostly, those who happen to share our faith. It's not high on my list of priorities when considering friendships and such. Our family lives in the real world and our children are part of that world. I hope that they will learn by my and dh's example how to love others as Christ loves us. I don't think it's anymore complicated than that.

Edited November 5, 2011 by Pretty in Pink

[Chris in VA]

How did you do this? How did you know to pick it out? I struggle here. I was raised in church, but don't even know the basic Bible stories; I've been learning over the last 6 years returning to church. Ds wasn't raised in a Christian home or church environment. I've been amazed at his desire to read the Bible and discern for himself over the last year. Although, now there's a girl that he "loves" who is an atheist and he quit reading his Bible for awhile. He says he's reading it now to try to find something to help her. I've really focused on "read the gospels, Christ's words, and try to follow that." I kind of feel that the "love your God before all others and love your neighbor as yourself" are the commandments we are to be following now. Is that true? I'm know the gospel says that the only way to the Father is through the Son so I know that I must believe Christ died for my sins and I do. These are what I consider basics. Is there more? What else is helpful?

 

I love this thread, BTW. Thank you OP!

 

NittanyJen, thanks so much for your post!

 

Isn't it funny, how so much of homeschooling our kids is about US learning? LOL

 

Well, I asked him some questions to see what he believed. He had some interesting spins on things--for instance, that when Jesus died on the cross, he took away all sin to that point, and when he comes back, he'll take care of the rest of it. And that, to him, explained all the evil in the world. Now, that's not a basic Christian way of looking at things, but it sure is interesting, and so we started there. I didn't just "correct everything wrong!" We talked a lot, and went thru some basic materials, including Paul Little's Know What You Believe, John Stott's Basic Christianity, and some other things.

 

In our discussions, I made things personal--for example, wrt the above beliefs, I asked him, "So where does that leave you, in this time inbetween Christ's resurrection and his coming back?" Gave him something to consider. And he gave me plenty to consider, too!

 

For my own training, I've used Beth Moore studies, study bibles, Adult Sunday School classes (my hubby is an AWESOME teacher! lol), seminary lay school classes (we live very close to where dh went to seminary), other training opportunities, self-study--I'm a Berean, a student of the Word, and I.love.it.

 

Blessings on your attempts to learn and to teach!

[Cheryl in NM]

Isn't it funny, how so much of homeschooling our kids is about US learning? LOL

 

Well, I asked him some questions to see what he believed. He had some interesting spins on things--for instance, that when Jesus died on the cross, he took away all sin to that point, and when he comes back, he'll take care of the rest of it. And that, to him, explained all the evil in the world. Now, that's not a basic Christian way of looking at things, but it sure is interesting, and so we started there. I didn't just "correct everything wrong!" We talked a lot, and went thru some basic materials, including Paul Little's Know What You Believe, John Stott's Basic Christianity, and some other things.

 

In our discussions, I made things personal--for example, wrt the above beliefs, I asked him, "So where does that leave you, in this time inbetween Christ's resurrection and his coming back?" Gave him something to consider. And he gave me plenty to consider, too!

 

For my own training, I've used Beth Moore studies, study bibles, Adult Sunday School classes (my hubby is an AWESOME teacher! lol), seminary lay school classes (we live very close to where dh went to seminary), other training opportunities, self-study--I'm a Berean, a student of the Word, and I.love.it.

 

Blessings on your attempts to learn and to teach!

 

Thank you! I have those books. I need to focus on my learning materials to. Right now I'm reading How to Study Your Bible by Kay Arthur. I'm finding it a bit daunting.

[justamouse]

For us it's about allowing them to ask the hard questions. The freedom to let them know that they CAN ask those questions, and we won't question their faith. Then, we struggle through those answers together.

 

Those questions will never stop. I see many of us in the 30, 40, 50 still asking those questions because we're not satisfied with the answers we received. Sometimes we're still afraid of those questions. And, my kids may not be satisfied with the answers, either, but they'll know that asking them ans struggling through them is a part of working out our salvation, day by day.

[ereks mom]

I don't want my children to just repeat a litany of things that they were taught growing up. I want them to critically evaluate matters of faith, including their own, and draw their own conclusions.

 

:iagree:

 

And of course, I believe that my faith can withstand that test. I didn't accept it blindly; I know what I believe and why, and I want my children to do that too. If it couldn't withstand the test, it wouldn't be worth believing, KWIM? :001_smile:

Edited November 5, 2011 by ereks mom

[Denise in Florida]

This is something dh and I have thought about quite a bit. We realize that our children are very sheltered, by design. We're careful about what they read. There is no TV programming in our house. We often rent movies, and are very careful about their content. When our oldest dd reached the 8th grade, it dawned on us that homeschooling through high school, and then sending her off to college was probably not a good plan for her. She was happy being completely sheltered. Although we participated in various activities like sports and 4-H, we generally hung around people who had the same philosophy as we did. We decided it was time for her to experience a bit of the real world while she was still under our care. She began attending the local junior high for a couple of classes. Just 1 class each day and she was home for lunch. Boy, what an eye opener. She told me that each day she felt like she had to literally "put on the armor of Christ" just to walk the halls at school. The language was horrible. The kids were disrespectful. Their dress was inappropriate in many cases. But then there were the "nice" kids. The kids from good homes that dd had met at gymnastics and 4-H. These were the kids she talked to. She enjoyed that. There were also the teachers; some excellent, some just terrible.

Long story shorter..... she has learned a lot. She continued to take 1 or 2 classes at the local public school through her Sophomore year in high school. She participated in sports, which has been wonderful. She learned that there are good people and not-so-good people everywhere; ditto for teachers. She learned to be discerning in who she develops relationships with. She learned how to deal with attention from boys. She did all of this while she was under our roof, and with daily conversations between us. It has drawn us closer. I am so glad we did this, because now I feel more confident about having prepared her for life away from home. She also truly appreciates home and home schooling. This year, her junior year, she chose to come back home full time, with our blessing. Her reasons for doing so were sound. (She could get a better education at home, Hurray!) Being "out in the world" a bit has also developed her faith. She knows now that she wants to go to a Catholic college. She owns her faith more fully because she had to draw from it when she was in uncomfortable situations. I could never have provided that necessary tension for her at home.

 

This is all probably a lot more than you wanted to know. ;)

For our second dd who is now in 7th grade, our approach might be a bit different. She is not as mature at this age as our oldest was. She is not yet strong enough from a faith standpoint to be out in the world. So with her, we will wait another year or 2 or 3. :001_smile: But I will continue this approach with all 4 of our dc. They will all most likely go "away" to college. So they will really need to be ready. I feel that it is part of my responsibility to prepare them to go forward confidently, and with eyes wide open.

 

This is wonderful. I totally agree with allowing them to see 'the real world' while they are still at home and can have our guidance. Our society tendancy (including conservative Christians) has been to protect them until 18 and then assume they can swim on their own. I like the solution you found.

[Oakblossoms]

:bigear:

[sewingmama]

We seem to take the opposite tack from most people. We do not shelter our kids or imply to them that any people are in any way lesser than we are.

 

:iagree:

 

My kids will be prepared because they already interact with the real world. They are free to be friends with people with other beliefs. In our church they are virtually the only kids thier age so all of their friends come from outside sources. All of my siblings are no longer believers so they have the influence of things we don't do directly in the family when they visit their uncles and cousins.

 

We attend secular everything -playgroups, library storytime, homeschool activities and my kids even went to public Pre-K and it was a state Pre-k in a low socioeconomic area - so they were/are exposed already to lots of differing beliefs and behaviours. I encourage my children to never think badly of others just because they don't believe or act the same way we do.

 

I teach them to love and serve EVERYONE.

 

We also want to be able to drop her off at the library for a few hours, which is her favorite place in the whole wide world, but that is where all the sex offenders sit and look at their 'favorite webistes'.

 

What on earth - has this library never heard of Net Nanny. Our librarys' computer system is so protected that you can barely go to innocent sites without being blocked for some obscure reason. This seems so odd to me - every public computer I know has these blocks - couldn't you suggest it to the library?

Edited November 6, 2011 by sewingmama