Amber in SJ Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My dd (14) babysits for a family at our church regularly. She is the only one who babysits for them because they have five of the most unruly children I have ever met (including mine.) The mom is also known to skimp on paying, if dd babysits for 2 1/2 hours she pays for 2, or she doesn't have cash and then has to be reminded to pay at all. I have told dd she can say no to this woman, but I leave it up to her. Today she was to babysit the baby while the older kids are in school so this woman can get a mani/pedi & go out shopping. When dd got home I asked her how the baby was & she said two of the four school age kids were there too because they were home with the stomach flu.:glare: Really? My 14 yo does not need to be cleaning up after your vomiting children so you can go shopping. She does not need to be exposed and to expose our family to the stomach flu so you don't miss your mani/ pedi appt. Like I said, I usually leave it up to her if she want to take the job or not, but I may have to speak to the mom. I will wait until I am no longer fuming. How long it take me to get over this will depend on if we get the stomach flu. Grrrrrr, Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 That's exploitative. This woman also has her prorities seriously messed up. What does your DD think about this whole situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in the UP of MI Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Wow! Who would leave their sick kids with someone else if it isn't an emergency?? Not to mention all of the other things that she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 That's just crazy! It would be one thing if this was some sort of emergency & your daughter agreed to do it and knew ahead of time to take precautions because the kids were sick. But a mani/pedi hardly qualifies as an emergency. I actually can't believe someone would do that. I would talk to the mom...after cooling down of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 i'd be fuming too. But...I wouldn't speak to the mom. This is your dd's job, and she needs to be the one to handle it. I really feel that if kids are old enough to have jobs, they are old enough to handle the communication and all that goes with that. When I was this age, I also babysat for a family with five unruly children. Sometimes I was also underpaid. I continued to work for them because I really wanted the money. Once I had more babysitting offers, I could pick and choose who I wanted to work for. I'd *strongly* encourage your dd to consider not working for this family anymore. They are totally taking advantage of her. I also wouldn't encourage her to confront the mom. I'd advise her to just say no when asked to babysit. The money she's getting, while not enough, is nice in her eyes. But...it is just.not.worth.it. As to your question: why do people do this? This mom sounds clueless and self-centered. Getting a manicure with kids at home with the stomach flu? Being cheap with a babysitter but still having enough money for a manicure? Leaving a babysitter around those germs? Wow. Just wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Your dd has been treated disrespectfully....incredibly disrespectfully. My gosh! I wouldn't allow her to babysit them again.....since payment seems to be a problem, your dd isn't really losing much. Protect your dd and tell that woman she's not available and WHY. You can show your dd you want the best for her by also helping her to get other babysitting jobs. So sorry she's had to endure this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My 14 yo does not need to be cleaning up after your vomiting children so you can go shopping. She does not need to be exposed and to expose our family to the stomach flu so you don't miss your mani/ pedi appt. Like I said, I usually leave it up to her if she want to take the job or not, but I may have to speak to the mom. I will wait until I am no longer fuming. How long it take me to get over this will depend on if we get the stomach flu. Grrrrrr, Amber in SJ I'm not sure I'd let my dd continue to babysit for this woman. She sounds very manipulative and it may be difficult for your dd to say no or set the appropriate boundaries. I babysat for a ladies Bible Study years and years ago, in the home of one of the moms. She would always be late in coming home - and would call 1/2 hour later, saying she got stuck at the oil change place, or where ever and would be another hour or so. She'd never clear any of this beforehand with me, just would not come home. So when they asked me to sit the next year for the Bible Study, I said fine, as long as it's in someone else's home, so if so-and-so doesn't come get her kids, I'm not stuck with them. This mom would have continued to take advantage of the situation and it sounds like the mom your dd is babysitting for will, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I would push your daughter to ask for the pay, but I would not do that myself. However, on the illness front, if someone did that to my dd I would call them myself and say that I'm not going to continue to allow her to babysit for that family, because we really can't afford to all get sick. I would say it regretfully and nicely, but I would say it very clearly. And that would be the end of that, right there, no argument, no second chances. That's beyond irresponsible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I would not let my DD babysit for this family anymore. Having to watch sick children without being asked beforehand whether that would be OK is not acceptable. Not "having cash at hand" can happen exactly once - after that, it is not acceptable either. Your DD is being taken advantage of. This is a difficult situation to deal with and I would not force my 14 y/o to handle this independently, but I would step in and pull the plug on this arrangement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Like I said, I usually leave it up to her if she want to take the job or not, but I may have to speak to the mom. I will wait until I am no longer fuming. How long it take me to get over this will depend on if we get the stomach flu. Grrrrrr, Amber in SJ Yeah...No. She's takng advantage of your daughter and it's not just affecting your daughter but the whole family now. At 14 she probably doesn't yet have the kahoonas to tell this lady where to go. I think you're completely justified in calling the woman up and laying down some boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My DD has been stiffed on babysitting payments too... I don't get it. This was for a family that could definitely afford to pay. :glare: I wish I had an explanation for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My daughter babysat at 14yo and if that had ever happened to her I would not leave it up to her judgment to decide what to do. Call me overbearing or whatever, my job is to protect my own children - especially when they don't know how to do it themselves. I would tell my daughter she is no longer babysitting for that family. I don't think a 14yo girl is really capable of making a wise choice and I would definitely think it is up to me as her parent to step in and stop the madness. I would also speak for her, but that's just the way I am - I wouldn't expect a 14yo to deal with an adult who is that self-centered. At 17 or 18, yes - not 14. It would be completely different if there was no sickness involved - late payment, taking longer than she said she would, that sort of thing. But when she sends my daughter home with germs that could potentially infect my whole household it becomes my problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 I called the woman & asked about her sick kids, and I asked if there was anything we could do to be of service to her. I offered to pick up her other kids from school, or grab anything she needs from the store. I also asked her to please let us know in advance if her kids are sick on a day when dd is scheduled to babysit so we can make a decision about if she will be able to babysit. (Obviously, we would say no if sick child is contagious.) Dd didn't want me to say she couldn't babysit for them anymore. Thanks for letting me vent so I could be a kinder person IRL. This is why virtual friends rock! Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I would definitely draw the line at having my teen daughter bring illness home to all of our children, as well as dh and me. Nope. And I agree with the idea that at 14 I would be more willing to intervene on pay issues than with, say, a 17 year old. Wait for calm to descend up you and then call her and be calm and direct and rational. She won't want to lose a babysitter she can trust, especially when no one else will has any desire to take on her brood. I hope you all stay healthy and immune to the pukies. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I called the woman & asked about her sick kids, and I asked if there was anything we could do to be of service to her. I offered to pick up her other kids from school, or grab anything she needs from the store. I also asked her to please let us know in advance if her kids are sick on a day when dd is scheduled to babysit so we can make a decision about if she will be able to babysit. (Obviously, we would say no if sick child is contagious.) Dd didn't want me to say she couldn't babysit for them anymore. Thanks for letting me vent so I could be a kinder person IRL. This is why virtual friends rock! Amber in SJ I wanna be you when I grow up!! Nicely done!!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I wanna be you when I grow up!! Nicely done!!! :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I would not let my DD babysit for this family anymore.Having to watch sick children without being asked beforehand whether that would be OK is not acceptable. Not "having cash at hand" can happen exactly once - after that, it is not acceptable either. Your DD is being taken advantage of. This is a difficult situation to deal with and I would not force my 14 y/o to handle this independently, but I would step in and pull the plug on this arrangement. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 That is unbelievable. I would never leave a sick child with someone else. I'm glad you stuck up for your dd. Now, I will admit to forgetting to pay a babysitter (Twice! In a row!!) Her mother called me immediately after the 2nd time and asked if there was a reason I wasn't paying her daughter. I was horrified to realize what I had done. I immediately sent my dh over to their house with a generous payment for the two nights. I am still good friends with this lady. Her dd is still my favorite babysitter (I could go on and on about how great this girl is). I always pay her more than our agreed-on rate. I'm still embarrassed to remember how I messed up with payment. :blushing: So stick up for your dd. It may do more good than you think. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I wanna be you when I grow up!! Nicely done!!! :grouphug: :iagree: I'm not sure I would have handled it quite that nicely. You were very gracious considering the circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My daughter babysat at 14yo and if that had ever happened to her I would not leave it up to her judgment to decide what to do. Call me overbearing or whatever, my job is to protect my own children - especially when they don't know how to do it themselves. I would tell my daughter she is no longer babysitting for that family. I don't think a 14yo girl is really capable of making a wise choice and I would definitely think it is up to me as her parent to step in and stop the madness. I would also speak for her, but that's just the way I am - I wouldn't expect a 14yo to deal with an adult who is that self-centered. At 17 or 18, yes - not 14. It would be completely different if there was no sickness involved - late payment, taking longer than she said she would, that sort of thing. But when she sends my daughter home with germs that could potentially infect my whole household it becomes my problem. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My child would not be allowed to babysit for the family anymore. There is a point at which the adult is taking advantage of the child and I would need to step in as her parent and put a stop to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I know that you want your daughter to take responsibility and make her own decisions, but I WOULD NOT allow her to sit for this lady. She is using her and it is not OK!!! It will continue. Who leaves kids with the flu with a sitter??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I would be upset too, not to mention hoping she gets one of those nasty toenail infections from the pedicure. Seriously? That is just the epitome of selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Yeah...No. She's takng advantage of your daughter and it's not just affecting your daughter but the whole family now. At 14 she probably doesn't yet have the kahoonas to tell this lady where to go. I think you're completely justified in calling the woman up and laying down some boundaries. :iagree: I remember babysitting at that age. Def a good thing you talked to the mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Amber, you handled it so well!! I hated babysitting for a family like this when I was around your DD's age but I thought I had to because she was my French teacher. They were the CHEAPEST people on the planet and very wealthy (family money) but they did crazy things like have me babysit the day the DD got her tonsils out without telling me beforehand - or anything about post-surgical complications like what to do when the child had a fever spike. :glare: And they "forgot" to pay me all the time. My Mom finally made the call for me and told the lady I was too old to babysit. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I would push your daughter to ask for the pay, but I would not do that myself. However, on the illness front, if someone did that to my dd I would call them myself and say that I'm not going to continue to allow her to babysit for that family, because we really can't afford to all get sick. I would say it regretfully and nicely, but I would say it very clearly. And that would be the end of that, right there, no argument, no second chances. That's beyond irresponsible. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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