Thanksgiving, grrr...yet again...dietary restrictions.

[FaithManor]

Okay, so my mom just LOVES to have Thanksgiving at her house. My brother and his antagonistic wife will be gone and the crowd will be reasonably sized, so this is something I can handle.

 

But, my mom cooks most of it...always insists...and well, dietary restrictions are just BEYOND her - the woman has not changed much about how she cooks since 1975. So, I always make sure that I have things along that ds #2 can have because he needs high omega fat foods at all times and big calorie count because he loses weight so easily and has had problems in the past.

 

I normally take three dishes. However, now that I'm gluten free and noticing HUGE gut issues when I allow myself any gluten (actually any grain besides rice), and my mom can't cook anything without regular flour - literally, I'll be hard pressed to find anything WITHOUT gluten not to mention dishes others will bring, I now need to take about six dishes so there will be something for me to eat besides turkey breast (the part farthest from the stuffing). (Yes, my mother thinks that at the holidays, every dish needs to be swimming in a gravy or sauce and nearly all of them are thickened with flour or have some commerically canned ingredient containing MSG.)

 

I don't enjoy cooking anyway and I feel like I'm cooking ALL THE TIME! Six dishes....can I just stay home with a nice chef salad and grilled chicken breast and call it a day?????

 

Just pouting, that's all. I know it's not a big deal in the scheme of things, it's just that I really hate explaining why I'm not eating all of the "traditional foods", why ds has to have special food, and having my dad look at me with this bizarre expression because he just can't fathom (since he's never btdt) how bad my gut reaction really is now that I've been gluten free for a month. So, he'll spend the whole meal trying to get me to eat more and thinking he's doing me a favor.

 

You know....I think I need a nap, a bite of dark chocolate, and another cup of coffee when I awaken from the nap. Just possibly I won't feel so cranky about it.

 

Faith whose rant is now over.

[Denise in Florida]

I would just politely tell them that you are not coming this year. Stay home, have a fun feast of all the favorites that your family can eat.

 

If she uses a lot of flour while preparing dinner it will hang in the air. Depending on your level of sensitivity that could be enough to be a problem. It also guarantees that all the food will be cross contaminated.

 

Offer an option, say you will meet up the next day for coffee or something.

 

We have always lived at least a day's travel from our family. After the first 5 or 6 years we stopped making Holiday trips home. It is 100% reasonable, fine, okay to have your own Holiday traditions with your own nuclear family.

 

It doesn't have to be about dietary needs and styles of cooking. There is nothing wrong with making your own traditions.

 

Will your kids continue to go to grandmas house after they are grown? Will they come to your house? When does the location switch? If your immediate family bases traditions on extended family when does it end and a new 'family' core start? These are not arguments they are actual questions. :D My mom and dad did not live near relatives and we have our own dinners. My dh and I do not live near relatives and we have our own dinners. I hope my girls come home for holidays while they are still single but do not expect that to continue after they start their own families.

[FaithManor]

We live two blocks away! :001_smile:

 

Normally, we aren't thrown together as much as one would think - dh gave been exercising some holiday independence for quite a while. We've been having a fair number of holidays alone just for the sake of scheduling and what not. Mostly I'm just groaning about cooking. My sister will be home for the first time in three years (lives out of state) so I do want to have a lovely get-together for her sake because she misses the extended family so much. I JUST HATE COOKING! I REALLY, REALLY DO!

 

That's the sum total of my rant. The children will love the holiday with auntie, grandma, grandpa, and my dear nephew and his wife who will be home from Richmond - dh will enjoy it too - I'm the only Grinch. I just have never enjoyed being in the kitchen and after 23 years of cooking and now the intricacies of learning to cook for dietary issues, I'm just personally not in the mood. You know what I mean? I'm grumpy and would really rather eat a salad and have no questions asked, nor be a kitchen presence for more than three minutes! :tongue_smilie:

 

But, I will suck it up because ultimately, it's not that big of a deal other than I DON'T WANT TO COOK!

 

Ds just brought a piece of chocolate to me. Wise, wise boy. :D

 

Faith

Edited October 28, 2011 by FaithManor
sp

[LidiyaDawn]

I can understand YOUR restriction, as it seems that you have a reaction to a specific food item… but I don't understand why your son can't eat there? You said he needs to eat a "big calorie count" - and I'm thinking "It's Thanksgiving! Big calorie meal extraordinaire!" :p

[gingersmom]

We always get guilted into going to my brothers house with 50 of his closest relatives and friends. Awful.

 

The food is catered (with waiters to serve you) and its usually awful. Plus I don't eat turkey and that is the only protein served.

 

No one notices/cares that I eat salad/stuffing. We always go out to eat afterwards.

 

I refused to go last year and it was soooo much nicer having turkey day at home. This year for some reason I agreed to go his house again.

[FaithManor]

I can understand YOUR restriction, as it seems that you have a reaction to a specific food item… but I don't understand why your son can't eat there? You said he needs to eat a "big calorie count" - and I'm thinking "It's Thanksgiving! Big calorie meal extraordinaire!" :p

 

 

A lot of what my mom serves is simple carbs, high in refined stuff and sugar. He's got some metabolic issues and so he needs protein, fat, and complex carbs...low on grains. So, for him I always take three items to supplement what mom makes.

 

She'll be serving, turkey, gravy, potatoes, stuffing, corn, squash chock full of brown sugar and marshmallows, rolls, pasta salad, and one green vegetable. He can't have the corn, potatoes, enhanced squash, or pasta salad...well, he can have a little, but he needs more protein and good fats to go with it. So, I always take three big bowls of supplemental items. He is very low weight; lost weight last year until we finally found a doc that figured out what was going on and interestingly enough, it wasn't diabetes which I originally thought. At any rate, I can't let him eat on only that carbish stuff all day. He'll be headachy, have stomach aches, and feel miserable the next day. Not to mention that he can drop a half pound - pound in a day just from going off his diet for a day. My aunt is like this...even on the weight gaining diet, at her highest non-pregnant weight, she was 94 lbs. on a 5'3" frame. Ds is 5'3" and weighs 74 lbs. we have to be strict even when it is the holidays.

[KungFuPanda]

Get some of your favorite GF indulgence food . . . even if you have to order from a restaurant the ay before and reheat. (Chicken Out has GF options and thanksgivingy foods) Then, eat before you go and just graze at the party.

 

No cooking. No stress. Just spread that turkey and salad out on your plate and enjoy the company. Do the same with Ds. It can be your new, Stealthy Thanksgiving Tradition.

[Harriet Vane]

Eat ahead of time at home. Bring a few safe snacks in your purse in case you need a little pick-me-up. Then, at the holiday dinner, fill your plate and pretend to eat. Just push your food around on the plate a lot. Wave a fork full of food around while you're talking. Then secretly, discreetly, throw it away.

 

I'm only half joking.

 

I run into this all the time because my ds is lactose intolerant. I also spent 8 months on the candida diet, and there were those who just could not remember how strict my diet was. For 6 of those 8 months I was sharing cooking responsibilities once a week with my mil. She tried so very, very hard to make things we liked and she tried so very, very hard to remember the food restrictions, but just. could. not. I faked it through a LOT of meals.

[FaithManor]

Get some of your favorite GF indulgence food . . . even if you have to order from a restaurant the ay before and reheat. (Chicken Out has GF options and thanksgivingy foods) Then, eat before you go and just graze at the party.

 

No cooking. No stress. Just spread that turkey and salad out on your plate and enjoy the company. Do the same with Ds. It can be your new, Stealthy Thanksgiving Tradition.

 

 

Well, I hadn't thought about it, but he and I could eat some before we go and then be really careful when there. It would solve the not having to cook so much dilemna which is the only major thing bothering me. I think I am in ANTI-COOKING mode right now. If I made him a big salad with chicken, some of my homemade yogurt from whole milk, cheese, nuts, and what not, then as long as he avoided the carbby stuff and I was full from salad so I just grazed on a little fruit (which I will take for everyone at mom's) and the turkey and green beans, I'd be okay.

 

Thanks. Truly, I was so grumpy I hadn't thought about eating ahead and that is the simplest thing to do because then I only need to take the big fruit bowl I promised (I put chopped walnuts and toasted coconut on it so there is some more protein, fat, and calories for ds). I'll ply the children into kitchen duty to help get the washing, peeling, chopping done, and then I can be free of cooking.

 

See, I knew someone would be able to think when I'm too grumpy and headachy to do so! The Hive Wins Again! :001_smile:

 

Faith

[Truscifi]

Get some of your favorite GF indulgence food . . . even if you have to order from a restaurant the ay before and reheat. (Chicken Out has GF options and thanksgivingy foods) Then, eat before you go and just graze at the party.

 

No cooking. No stress. Just spread that turkey and salad out on your plate and enjoy the company. Do the same with Ds. It can be your new, Stealthy Thanksgiving Tradition.

 

:lol: I love this! Stealth Thanksgiving. :lol:

 

Seriously though, that might work for you. You would probably still have to take stuff for your ds, but at least it would only be the 3 dishes you're used to.

[LidiyaDawn]

A lot of what my mom serves is simple carbs, high in refined stuff and sugar. He's got some metabolic issues and so he needs protein, fat, and complex carbs...low on grains. So, for him I always take three items to supplement what mom makes.

 

She'll be serving, turkey, gravy, potatoes, stuffing, corn, squash chock full of brown sugar and marshmallows, rolls, pasta salad, and one green vegetable. He can't have the corn, potatoes, enhanced squash, or pasta salad...well, he can have a little, but he needs more protein and good fats to go with it. So, I always take three big bowls of supplemental items. He is very low weight; lost weight last year until we finally found a doc that figured out what was going on and interestingly enough, it wasn't diabetes which I originally thought. At any rate, I can't let him eat on only that carbish stuff all day. He'll be headachy, have stomach aches, and feel miserable the next day. Not to mention that he can drop a half pound - pound in a day just from going off his diet for a day. My aunt is like this...even on the weight gaining diet, at her highest non-pregnant weight, she was 94 lbs. on a 5'3" frame. Ds is 5'3" and weighs 74 lbs. we have to be strict even when it is the holidays.

 

That sounds like a normal Thanksgiving dinner (although why the heck are there MARSHMALLOWS in the squash? Never heard of that!) ~ but okay, makes a bit more sense now when you say he has a "metabolic disorder" and needs very specific foods.

[*Jen*]

Buying premade stuff was going to be my suggestions as well. My mom has recently gone gluten free and she has already said that she will purchase pre-made sides for herself from her favorite store. That way I don't have to try to read every label as I'm preparing dinner for everyone else who isn't eating gluten free.

[LaxMom]

I would just politely tell them that you are not coming this year. Stay home, have a fun feast of all the favorites that your family can eat.

 

If she uses a lot of flour while preparing dinner it will hang in the air. Depending on your level of sensitivity that could be enough to be a problem. It also guarantees that all the food will be cross contaminated.

 

Offer an option, say you will meet up the next day for coffee or something.

 

We have always lived at least a day's travel from our family. After the first 5 or 6 years we stopped making Holiday trips home. It is 100% reasonable, fine, okay to have your own Holiday traditions with your own nuclear family.

 

It doesn't have to be about dietary needs and styles of cooking. There is nothing wrong with making your own traditions.

 

Will your kids continue to go to grandmas house after they are grown? Will they come to your house? When does the location switch? If your immediate family bases traditions on extended family when does it end and a new 'family' core start? These are not arguments they are actual questions. :D My mom and dad did not live near relatives and we have our own dinners. My dh and I do not live near relatives and we have our own dinners. I hope my girls come home for holidays while they are still single but do not expect that to continue after they start their own families.

I made it magenta. I think you missed it the first time. It doesn't matter if they're right next door, it is perfectly reasonable for you to have a holiday during which you can eat and enjoy ALL of the food and not have to worry about gruesome, lasting health issues because people just don't get it.

 

Stay home, enjoy yourselves, and head over in the evening to visit with the family over coffee. And, if you're really feeling generous, bring a GF, high omega pumpkin pie with you. :D

[Starr]

and just in case, put some chocolate in your pocket. ;)

[Impish]

Better than chocolate in your pocket...Some Godiva liquer in a flask. Best of both worlds ;)

[prairiewindmomma]

Have you seen this recipe?

http://realsustenance.com/pumpkin-cheesecake-or-pie-free-of-glutendairysoycorneggsnutssugar-and-grains-paleo-vegan/

 

It helped me get some of my Thanksgiving mojo back.

[Starr]

Better than chocolate in your pocket...Some Godiva liquer in a flask. Best of both worlds ;)

 

:lol:

[TechWife]

Will your kids continue to go to grandmas house after they are grown? Will they come to your house? When does the location switch? If your immediate family bases traditions on extended family when does it end and a new 'family' core start? These are not arguments they are actual questions. :D My mom and dad did not live near relatives and we have our own dinners. My dh and I do not live near relatives and we have our own dinners. I hope my girls come home for holidays while they are still single but do not expect that to continue after they start their own families.

 

In our family the location switched when my mother could no longer physically host a meal and my sister took over the majority of the cooking. It was easier to do it at her house. My mom was in her mid-70's if I remember correctly. It just wore her out to get her house clean and have so many people in it - too loud, too crowded, too tired. My oldest sister usually hosts Thanksgiving, the next sister in line does Christmas Eve, a niece hosts Easter. I don't get one because I am out of town. Now there are four generations in one room when we get together - my parents, their children, their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren. There will be about 20 of us this year - I can't quite put my finger on the number right now.

[jplain]

Our family all lives on the other coast. We do have a local pot luck Turkey Day invite, but I'm gonna say no. We'll have a relaxing day at home. I will not spend the day quizzing people about the ingredients in the dishes they brought. We'll make a turkey or a duck, a pie, some veggies, and that'll be it. No over-stuffed tummies and no feeling left out of all the yummy stuff everyone else is eating. Sounds lovely to me!

 

At Christmas, we will be traveling, so I won't be able to avoid eating at others' houses. But given how sensitive I've become to certain ingredients and cross-contamination, I think I may live on hard boiled eggs and salad for those 2 weeks.

 

Better than chocolate in your pocket...Some Godiva liquer in a flask. Best of both worlds ;)

Except that Godiva liquor is not GF. :( :glare:

Edited October 29, 2011 by jplain

[Catwoman]

She'll be serving, turkey, gravy, potatoes, stuffing, corn, squash chock full of brown sugar and marshmallows, rolls, pasta salad, and one green vegetable.

 

OK, so here's what I'm thinking.

 

I will go to your parents' house, disguised as you, and eat all the food. I will even have seconds (I'm nothing if not a good pal, ready to make the sacrifice for you...) After dessert, we will covertly switch places and you can visit with your family while I go take a nap in the car.

 

After that, we'll go hit all the Black Friday sales together.

 

I'm telling you, this is totally going to work. :D

[justasque]

Anyone else in your family have dietary issues? We usually have close to 40 at dinner, and this year I'm going to rally all the special diet people ahead of time and make some plans.

 

We have one who's vegan, one who's dairy free, one who's watching their weight, and at least two vegetarians (at least one of whom is of the "picky eater", "mostly pizza" variety), all from different families. I figure it will be fun to collectively plan a Thanksgiving mini-meal that meets our needs, and bring those dishes as part of our contribution.

 

I'm going on the assumption that if I label something "vegan, cruelty-free, low-fat, non-dairy pumpkin muffins, 4 WW Points each", that most folks will avoid them like the plague and there will be all the more for us special diet folks! There will be plenty of traditional foods for everyone else, so no one needs to eat the odd things.

 

I'm going to test out some of the recipes ahead of time; it will also add some nice fall recipes to my repertoire. All the healthy-eating food magazines are doing fall/Thanksgiving features this month, so hopefully there will be a lot to choose from.

[Impish]

Except that Godiva liquor is not GF. :( :glare:

Ohhhhhhhhhh, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! *sob*