JaneP Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Dh and I have 9 nephews and nieces and a few are approaching adulthood. We generally spend about $30 - $35 for each birthday and Christmas per person. I was thinking about giving them a lump sum (eg. $200) on their 18th birthday and after that stop sending the birthday and Christmas gifts. I will continue to acknowledge these special occasions with a card. I can see a few problems with this approach. The main one is that most of these kids will probably continue living at home with their parents so their younger siblings will keep getting presents from us and that could be awkward. The bigger problem is that we catch up with one of the families for Christmas each year and it may also be a bit unfair that we buy gifts for some and not others. (The other two families live too far away for Christmas catch ups) I know this isn't a really big issue :001_smile: but I would like to work out a way of doing this nicely. Any ideas? What do you do with your adult nieces and nephews? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I only give gifts to 3 adult nephews---I have too large of an extended family to give to everyone---I try and acknowledge each birthday with an e-card or regular card.....same for xmas....the 3 that I do get gifts for are more like brothers to me than nephews (we grew up together and my son calls them "uncle"--long story).... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 DH and I have a dozen or so nieces and nephews. We quit giving at age 18, even if they are still living at home and/or still in school. Personally, I wouldn't give a 'lump sum,' but that is just me. (Also, the ones that have already turned 18 are rather ungrateful and don't acknowledge gifts, so I don't feel a great need to give them more.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 My parents stop giving gifts to the grandchildren when they turn 18! They are legal adults and they need to understand that the children in their family may still get gifts. I think a car acknowledging them is fine. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 My parents stop giving gifts to the grandchildren when they turn 18! They are legal adults and they need to understand that the children in their family may still get gifts. I think a car acknowledging them is fine. :lol: That would do it! :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 :lol: That would do it! :auto: :lol::lol::lol::lol: I have been doing some more thinking... maybe we won't be able to afford giving the lump sum by the time the youngest hits 18. He is currently two. Maybe it would be better not to set a tradition if there is a chance we can't follow through with it :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 My aunts (dad's sisters) never bought for nieces and nephews for Christmas or birthday. My mom's sisters buy for Christmas/birthday until you turn 18. Your 18th birthday gift is the last "expected" gift from them. (After that, I have 1 aunt who gifts to each household, so she gives to adult nieces/nephews if they're out of the parents' house.) My stepmom's brothers both still give me a sweater or a pair of earrings for Christmas. As long as you're consistent with your cut-off age, I see no reason for adult nieces/nephews to be offended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I give birthday money until they turn 21. Once they get out of college and/or get a job, we invite them to take part in our extended family's Christmas exchange, where we draw names. Seems to work pretty well - once they're adults, it's time to give back! :001_smile: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I tend to give gifts to nieces and nephews as long as they are students. I now have one nephew and a niece with children (and another who has one on the way). I am now giving gifts to the wee ones. My son had a great aunt who would send him ten or twenty dollars for his birthday or Christmas. These dollars were added to his nest egg which he is now tapping into as a college student. I hope that the cash I am providing to the next generation is similarly invested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 :lol: That would do it! :auto: :lol::lol::lol: Oops, I meant CARD, but I agree that a car would work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 In DHs family, it stops when the child leaves school. No big final gift, just no more once school is over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 In our family once you are out of school you are considered an adult and start participating in the adult gift exchange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I'm the oldest of the grandchildren and I was horribly embarrassed when I turned 18 and found out I was being put into the kids present draw. I removed myself, to everyone's satisfaction. No one wanted to buy for me any more than I wanted to be bought for. So glad I didn't receive anything bought so grudgingly when it was only luck that I even heard new way of doing things was happening. :glare: I think adult nieces and nephews should be embarrassed if they are expecting presents and not buying in return. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 We give a nice ($75-200 depending on the level of closeness) gift at high school graduation, then figure on cards only thereafter (except for significant life events). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) Well, I'm glad that no one here has a problem with not giving gifts to their adult nieces and nephews. I guess I was just getting a little nervous because I would be the first to stop giving on both my dh's side and my side. I still would like to give an extra special gift on their 18th though. :) Edited October 27, 2011 by JaneP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: Oops, I meant CARD, but I agree that a car would work! Not trying to be pushy or anything, but they would probably much prefer the car over the card. Just saying... ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 My husband's family does this -- send gifts until the grandchildren/etc are 18. Then nothing unless you are physically present on Christmas day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jul Posted December 14, 2023 Share Posted December 14, 2023 I have a grand niece and a grand nephew. Both are now over 18, the younger one is in college. Their parents never gave us any presents throughout the years even though we did give them a family present each year. I no longer give the parents anything but I’m not sure when to stop giving the younger generation presents. The grand niece and grand nephew are present at Christmas, but they never give any presents and never have. My children on the other hand ,when they were in their teens, started giving presents to the family members and still do. I find myself not wanting to give them presents because they don’t reciprocate and then I kicked myself because I know that’s not the spirit of giving. I don’t care about the cost of the present, it could just be a five dollar gift card to Starbucks, but there was never anything from their parents and now nothing from them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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