WWYD? Using the bathroom to avoid chores/school

[joannqn]

Without fail, DS9 has to go to the bathroom (for at least 5 minutes) every night when DH tells the kids it is time to do our after dinner chores. Without fail. So, everyone else is working or waiting on him to finish his part before they can do their part while he sits on the toilet.

 

I've also noticed that he often tends to need to use the restroom when asked to do anything he doesn't really want to do. Sometimes I'll ask the two big kids to pick up the living room floor only to have DD do most of it while DS goes to the bathroom. Or I remind them to get back to their school work; DD gets back to it and DS disappears only to be found in the bathroom.

[vonfirmath]

I have younger kids. But I know our son was doing the "but I'm HUNGRY" thing to put off naps.

 

So we started asking first if he was hungry or thirsty. He'd say No. Then we'd say naptime.

 

Could you do something similar?

[mommaduck]

two minutes and not allowed to go again until the one chore or subject is done. Yep, I have one of those kids also.

[TheReader]

No idea. I've got one who does the same thing. It's hard to argue with.....and yet.....(sigh)....

[Annie G]

We had that. We started telling the offender to go to the bathroom because it was almost time to clean up, and made sure to tell the other kids they could keep playing for a few more minutes. After a couple of days of that, the offender asked for another chance and the problem stopped.

[Pink Fairy]

I used to do that. I'd go in the bathroom and read for 40 min or so after dinner, hoping that my mom would do the dishes. Sometimes she did, which naturally encouraged me to keep trying.

 

If my kids tried it, I'd start with a five minute warning, requiring all bathroom needs to be taken care of before cleanup begins. Also, assign specific jobs to specific people, so that moving slowly won't get him out of doing his work.

[PentecostalMom]

We had that. We started telling the offender to go to the bathroom because it was almost time to clean up, and made sure to tell the other kids they could keep playing for a few more minutes. After a couple of days of that, the offender asked for another chance and the problem stopped.

 

 

Good idea!

[WishboneDawn]

Mine do that. I just chalking it up to the sudden demand reminding them that they need to go pee where otherwise they'd ignore the need a little longer.

 

I just give them a chance to go before chores, "If you need to pee, go now!" or, if it's not going to take long just make them wait.

[Parrothead]

I imagine all work would stop until everyone was assembled and ready to work.

[Koerarmoca]

My 12 year old does this all the time I set a timer and work starts when the timer goes off so everyone gets the same amount of break. No one is allowed to do her share unless they want to which is rare.

[StephanieZ]

My 12 yo son does this!

 

What has worked for us it to just call him on it. I tell him to get his rear out of the bathroom when there is work to do! Also, this year I've put out a constant rule that the first five minutes of each hour, by the computer clock, is the only allowed unscheduled break time during school. All drinks, bathroom visits, snacks, clothes changes, etc must be done only during those five minutes. If at any other time they want to do one of those things, the answer is no, and if I catch them wandering in the kitchen looking for a drink at some other time, it'll be a problem. I'll yell, lol.

 

Both my older kids are known to hide novels in the bathroom, too! So, be sure to check for that! I confiscate novels being illicitly read during school or chore time.

 

I've also been known to assign extra chores to the negligent kid. I'll tell the others to go relax, and leave a lot of extra work for the runaway to complete on his own when he finally exits the bathroom.

[StephanieZ]

Oh, I've also been known to threaten to walk into the bathroom if ds isn't fast enough getting out. He is a freak for his privacy, so this gets him moving. Works for overslow dressing or overlong showers, too. I just stet counting to 10 or whatever, and he gets done mighty fast.

[Tree House Academy]

Without fail, DS9 has to go to the bathroom (for at least 5 minutes) every night when DH tells the kids it is time to do our after dinner chores. Without fail. So, everyone else is working or waiting on him to finish his part before they can do their part while he sits on the toilet.

 

I've also noticed that he often tends to need to use the restroom when asked to do anything he doesn't really want to do. Sometimes I'll ask the two big kids to pick up the living room floor only to have DD do most of it while DS goes to the bathroom. Or I remind them to get back to their school work; DD gets back to it and DS disappears only to be found in the bathroom.

 

 

Yep. And I remember being 12 or 13 and asking the teacher to let me go to the bathroom all the time right after she gave an assignment. It was usually to delay doing the work. Both of my kids (ages 12 and 8) do this when I allow it. Sometimes I call them on it and follow them to the bathroom door (so I can HEAR them use the bathroom)...generally they promptly decide "nevermind." :tongue_smilie:

[joannqn]

Well, that solves the problem with after dinner chores when he's on dish duty. I'll tell DH to do DS's chore (putting away clean dishes, clearing and wiping down the table, and stacking the dishes ready to wash. Then when DS is done in the bathroom, he can do DH's chore of washing the dishes. I'm sure he'll stop using the bathroom when he has dish duty pretty quickly.

 

Now to solve the other times he does it.

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree, chores are easy, because he can be left with chores he does not like or chores that take longer when he gets out of the bathroom. Schoolwork is harder. My excuse kiddo ends up doing work while the other kids get a break. He is getting better, because he wants to play too. It takes time to find something that works.

[Aubrey]

I've got one like this, too! When it gets out of hand, child gets a warning, which entails a description of what will happen if the behavior continues, which is

 

if child was to help unload dw, for ex, & waits until *then* to go to the bathroom (for much longer than about a minute), bathroom child gets to unload by him/herself. No one waits on b child; b child does not get out of chores.

 

I'm also not going to remind a kid over about 6 or 7yo to go to the bathroom for a reason other than a long road trip. My goodness. Be responsible for your own bathroom habits. If we clean up after dinner every. single. night., you know the routine.

 

Again, a quick minute in the bathroom is different from setting up camp in there.

[clementine]

I would set the timer the minute he heads into the bathroom (without letting him know I'm doing so). When he got out, I would show him my stopwatch and say "You took 4 1/2 minutes in the bathrooom, so you will spend 4 1/2 minutes cleaning the ____________. I'll watch." ;) That way he'll know that the no matter how long he spends in the bathroom, he'll still be required to make it up with a chore.

 

I agree with giving a warning that chore time is coming, but if he doesn't take that warning & get the bathroom out of the way then, he'll still have the same amount of work to do.

[goldberry]

Well, once I told her I was installing a camera in the bathroom if I couldn't trust her to get in and out of there! (I said it jokingly, but she knew that I KNEW she was just scamming.)

 

Then she kept saying "I was going number 2". This may be TMI, but I told her, even if you are going number 2, it's not good to sit on the toilet that long it will give you hemrhoids (sp?). Then I showed her pictures of hemrhoids that were totally disgusting and freaked her out. Now I yell, get out or you will get hemrhoids! Which seems to work! :-)

[QuirkyKapers]

I would have everyone wait for him, or save chores for him, or I would tell him if you don't go by such and such a time, you can't go until after chores etc are done.

[AlisonK]

Well, once I told her I was installing a camera in the bathroom if I couldn't trust her to get in and out of there! (I said it jokingly, but she knew that I KNEW she was just scamming.)

 

Then she kept saying "I was going number 2". This may be TMI, but I told her, even if you are going number 2, it's not good to sit on the toilet that long it will give you hemrhoids (sp?). Then I showed her pictures of hemrhoids that were totally disgusting and freaked her out. Now I yell, get out or you will get hemrhoids! Which seems to work! :-)

 

:lol::lol::lol:

That is so funny, yet effective! I am so going to try this! My 9 yo DS goes #2 consistently during the subjects he doesn't like and takes 20 -40 mins! This is such a helpful thread!

 

I don't feel so alone in my struggles :tongue_smilie:

[Photo Ninja]

Just don't allow the long visit to the bathroom to yield any positive benefits. If he is there too long and other people can not do their jobs because his must be done first (he cleans table, sibling washes dishes, or he washes dishes and sibling dries, etc.), then he gets to do both jobs because it is not right to keep the other person waiting. I suspect he will quickly change his behavior. If he spent 30 minutes there instead of doing a school subject he doesn't like, then he gets to spend 30 minutes doing that school work while his siblings are playing.

[joannqn]

Thanks everyone. There was no delay of after dinner chores last night. I reminded him before dinner, that he should probably visit the restroom now.