tuzor Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 If he has to go away to college. He said he wants to do college from home. My immediate reaction was to tell him that he has many years at home with us and that he does not have to think of leaving home now at age six. I also told him that probably once its time for him to be in college he will want to be there and not here with mom and dad. I wanted to tell him that there were options like community college etc. But my husband almost exploded and started telling him that yes he has to go away to college etc. :001_unsure: This of course made my son cry. He is very attached to us, and I am okay with that. My husband thinks we should handle the situation differently. I don't know what to do or how to approach my hubby about his reactions to our son. I feel many of the responses my husband gives my oldest push him away rather than draw him in. Help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 It sounds as if your dh is of the "boys are tough; man up" variety. That's got to be hard on a young son. I'm sorry. Maybe some of the other posters will have suggestions for talking to your dh about this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 This is something both my kids have gone through and I remember going through myself as a kid. The question isn't really about college. It's really about the child wanting reassurance that they are going to be with you for a long time. He's asking because he doesn't have a real sense of the time involved, he's just realized that at some point kids leave their parents and he knows he's not ready and wants to make sure it's not anytime soon. My standard response to this and any related question is, "You won't have to leave until you're ready to," accompanied by a big snuggle. I'm not sure how I'd handle your husband except to tell him to just cut it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I'd just be like dh, he's six years old. Of course he doesn't want to think yet of leaving his parents, nor should he have to. When he's old enough, he will decide what sort of college he will go to, but what's the point of making him cry about it now?! I'd also tell my kid that regardless of what his father said, there are lots of options for college, including ones close to home, and that HE will decide which one he wants to go with when he's old enough, so he doesn't have to worry about it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I would suggest you speak to with your dh without your son being present and decide on how to deal with these type questions. At 6 you ds is only looking for reassurance that he will have a home. College is a long way away, but the thought of leaving home is scary. If it makes either you or your dh feel better, dd said she would homeschool college when she was about your ds's age. Now at 11- almost 12-years old she is ready to put me in a home. She did qualify it with "the home will be just down the road" from where she and her future dh will live. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Six year old often also want to marry their parents, they want to be ballerina firefighters who eat cake all day and all kinds of things. FWIW, I used to work in daycare. There were two boys there who had decided they were going to get married (why not? they were best buddies and wanted to be together forever). They had decided they would also marry one girl (so, a triad) because they needed a mommy to have babies. These three children are now college freshman. They've moved to different parts of the country and I'm pretty sure I would just embarrass them if I mentioned the whole "I thought you were supposed to marry David" thing from when they were FOUR. The kid is SIX. he loves his parents. this is a good thing. if he's 17 and is talking about never leaving home, you can revisit tough (or at least slightly mean) love. Right now, it's okay to not break his little heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 OK when oldest was 6, maybe 7 he asked if you could homeschool college. I didn't "explode", but I did say something like "Oh no, you have to go far away, probably Western Canada." We live near DC. If I were you, I'd just emphasize there's a long time to decide what he will do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 OK when oldest was 6, maybe 7 he asked if you could homeschool college. I didn't "explode", but I did say something like "Oh no, you have to go far away, probably Western Canada." We live near DC. Ok, that's just evil. But funny. :lol: To the OP, my ds has asked the same thing several times. We've assured him that he doesn't have to move away unless or until he's ready, and he can go to college while living at home. This has given him the reassurance he needs. I kinda want to throw something at your dh for his insensitivity. Your ds' is just 6 years old. To be told by his dad that he's going to be sent away, come hell or high water, is just mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 :grouphug: My 8 year old dd says she doesn't EVER want to move out. She'll live at home and go to college and IF she gets married, she says they'll just live here, too. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll for sure be :willy_nilly: by then. Seriously though, isn't it a compliment that our children want to be with us? That will change... and we'll be sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Awe....yeah, I would try explaining nicely to your DH that he is SIX. He needs/wants the security of knowing he won't get kicked out at 18. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessieC Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 That's hard. I would remind your husband that your son can't really cognitively grasp leaving home, even in the distant future. My 6yo daughter says the same thing (that she wants to live with us forever), and I always say, "You can live with us as long as you want to." (knowing that she in all likelihood will have a change of heart by age 18!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo2 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I would tell your husband to chill out, but I can't think of a particularly nice way to do it. Sorry, I'm not very helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Kids this age cannot imagine life without mom and dad sleeping in the next room. That is developmentally appropriate for your ds to feel like this. My answer to my kids when they ask how long they can live with me and dad at this age is "as long as you want to!" :D I know that someday they will want to move out, and that is fine, whether it is before, during or after college. Your husband seems to be lacking in child development understanding. His response was clearly insensitive to your son's developmental stage. Is he open to being educated about this? I have had to help my dh understand how to have developmentally appropriate expectations for our kids. He truly had no idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 BTW, I am needing to have some reassuring conversations with my 16 year old that she will always have a home with us and doesn't have to rush right off to out of state college when she graduates from high school. I really think that kids move off/away better when they feel that they always have a place to come home to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) I think your DH handled it incorrectly and insensitively. A 6 year old has no concept of what life is like when he turns 18. He's little right now and fully relies on the security of being with his parents. My 7 year old claims that when she grows up, she's going to marry her Daddy and live right here with us. And it's okay for her to think that at this age. Her views will change. When I told her that one day she may change her mind because most children *do* grow up and move out, she looked at her 4 year old sister and asked her if they could live together....my 4 year old agreed that they would get their own place....right next door to us. And have lots of dogs LOL. Edited September 21, 2011 by ChristusG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 We always told ours that they could stay home but that they would probably change their minds when they got older. Ds wanted to stay home because there wouldn't be enough room in the car for his stuffed animals. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Aww, tell dh this is a totally normal stage kids go through. All my kids have wanted to stay with us forever, and go to college from home until they became old enough to actually go. We just always tell them that they can live with us forever, and homeschool college. So far the older two have changed their minds, and I expect the other two to do as well. Just show your dh this thread, it may help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuzor Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 Thanks guys this was very helpful. I did have a talk with hubby last night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 My kids said things like this when they were younger. As I think it is important to go away to college, I told them that they'll probably feel differently when the time comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 It cracks me up when my kids say this to me! My dd7 actually has the rest of her life planned and it includes her fixing up the house we live in now so that it looks like Pottery Barn or Pier 1 (:eek:) so her and her children can all live here with us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuzor Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 Isn't it funny. I remember around this age telling my mom that I was never going to get married and that I did not need boys. I was going to live with her forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I agree with everyone! :D DS1 said the same thing. Dh wouldn't have taken that seriously, but he does sometimes not know how to react to the things the kids say. I think you should tell him that a 6 yr. old needs just needs reassurance, and that it will all be okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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