Barbie & Ken dolls

[CalicoKat]

OK, I've relented a lot in the past 9 months on some of my hot button issues mostly because why make stress when there's plenty going on already.

 

Sooooo . . . my girls have more Barbies than they would have had if I wouldn't have been distracted by other stressors (nada is my preference). So the damage was done, what's a little more?! Today they acquired a Ken doll. They've never asked for one before. Perhaps it will distract my ds 5 from undressing and sleeping with neked Barbies. OK, you can buy it with your allowance. On the way home they've already got the dolls out and they're already pretending to make them smooch.

 

Do I just relax and compartmentalize it as "one of the things girls will do," sort of like them pretending with soccer balls to be pregnant?

 

Do I gently remind them, when I hear it, to "pretend nicely?"

 

I never played with Barbies. I was more of a beanie baby type kid. But I remember playing with a friend and how yucky I felt afterwards because she was so focused on the guy/girl relationship.

 

Thanks for your kind thoughts.

[Tracy in Ky]

Oooh, that is a tricky situation.

 

As painful as it would be for everyone involved, I would probably just stop the Barbie play altogther. Easier said than done, I know. I'm just not comfortable with the sensual nature of that kind of play. And, I too was a girl playing with barbies once.

 

Dd has a few that were given to her. After a bit, dh and I decided to put them up (she is 8) where she doesn't know they are. We have found if they are out of site, they are out of mind. We do allow her to play barbies occasionally with a friend (2-3 times a year maybe), but we may stop that soon. It is so hard to allow something and then take it away, than to not allow it to begin with. Boy, have I felt that pain. Ouch. It is hard to backtrack. Being a parent is so hard sometimes.

 

((hugs))

Tracy

[swellmomma]

My dd hasn't played much with her barbie's since she got into webkinz, but she went through that phase. I never made a big deal out of it, but did use it as a conversation starter. My kids have seen granma and poppa kiss, aunts and uncles etc. SO when I saw them or heard them making Ken and Barbie kiss I would make a comment about how Barbie must think Ken is a very special person to love because she wouldn't kiss just anyone, etc I don't worry about them playing out boy/girl relationship stuff as long as it is not a storyline of ken and barbie "making out" or "doing it" kwim. I am all for them learning about healthy relationships and those incl kissing, but I also want them to learn what is and is not appropriate. Kissing your husband is a good thing, kissing Ken and G I Joe is not. Just a thought on how to make it a discussion point rather than a hot button issue.

 

As for your ds stripping the barbie nekkid and sleeping with it, they do that. My almost 5 year old ds currently has a "baby" (a doll)he plays with alot, he refuses to keep clothes on it though he will diaper it if I pull out the toy cloth diapers, he sleeps with it, carries it around, puts it in the doll pram etc. I use it as a time to play with him and instill those seeds of a father's love for his child, rather than focus on the baby being nekkid. You can do the same with your son and barbie, if you don't like her nekkid, play with him leading his play to clothing choices for her, perhaps part of the bedtime routine could be 5 minutes of getting barbie ready for bed in "jammies", combing the hair etc. I don't know what other stressors are going on in your life, and don't mean to discount your feelings about Barbie, but maybe what I said could help you.

[Remudamom]

I'd just chunk them all. Better a little damage than a lot of damage??

[GreenKitty]

I played with barbies as a kid, we had a lot of them. Including Ken and my brothers GI Joe dolls. We smooched them, put them to bed together, put the baby barbies up the mommy barbies dresses to give birth and had marriage ceremonies. My brothers did NOT like that we would take their GI Joes and Bionic Man to marry Barbie. LOL

 

btw My children have absolutely NO barbie type dolls of any kind. LOL

[teamturner]

I really struggled with the whole Barbie thing and had initially vowed to not let my dd have them. A good friend of mine suggested that like her I only allow princess Barbies (they are more modestly dressed for one thing.) My friend told me that Ken is the husband. So appropriate kissing play would be w/in the confines of a marriage. I totally played with Barbies when I was a kid and I had them kissing. Since I am teaching my dd that we kiss our husband (this to help her stop chasing a particular boy in an effort to kiss him) and I hope to teach my dc to wait to date until they are ready to find a mate. So Barbie can be an area that we help our dds role play in the way that encourages our values we wish to pass on to them. This is just an idea. Thankfully, my dd doesn't play much with the prince doll she has. Barbie is usually just going around singing at our house!! ;)

[CLHCO]

I've blocked from my memory some of the inappropriate behaviors a friend had Ken and Barbie doing from when I was a kid. Nope. Not going there again. I don't think I ever had a Ken doll myself, but they were around.

 

I let my older daughters do Barbie when she was dressed nicely, like a princess or a bride. I haven't decided if the youngest will be allowed to go that route or not.

 

No Ken. Ken needs a big punch in the jaw for defiling Barbies all over the country for decades. :gnorsi:

[Nestof3]

Well, I personally would get rid of the Barbies all together. There's just way too much of a man's s_xual fantasies embodied in one of those dolls.

[mo2]

I played with barbies as a kid, we had a lot of them. Including Ken and my brothers GI Joe dolls. We smooched them, put them to bed together, put the baby barbies up the mommy barbies dresses to give birth and had marriage ceremonies.

 

 

I did all of this and I think I'm fine. Someone let me know if I'm not! ;)

[Philothea]

Well, I only had one Ken doll and he kept marrying and re-marrying all of the Barbies. That's probably not the best toy for teaching children about anything!

 

I don't think I would be comfortable with my children's toys taking on those kind of marriage roles especially when my children at that young age. I think anything that is that nearly anatomically correct can lead to inappropriate ideas, which is why we don't allow Barbie.

 

Have you ever considered Calico Critters?

[Nestof3]

Have you ever considered Calico Critters?

 

I love those! I bought my son (when he was MUCH younger) some of the little sets.

[GreenKitty]

I did all of this and I think I'm fine. Someone let me know if I'm not! ;)

 

I'm fine to! Though don't tell anyone. ;)

[GreenKitty]

If you want to stick with that size of a doll. The Only Hearts Club dolls are very nice! You can buy them at Target. My kids like the So Small Pets and horses that go with them.

[Chris in VA]

oh geez, Barbie and Ken--

I had a hand me down Ken (only a little fuzz on his head) and a Barbie from a neighbor. Never really got into them. When I was about 12, my girlfriend and I thought it was hilarious to slightly loosen Ken's arm from the socket, flick it around (so it twirled) and shout "heil Hitler!" as his head flew across the room.

We were so twisted. I had no idea how incredibly offensive this was.

 

We had a few Barbies here, but they were of the knock-off, Dollar store variety. We'd constantly say, "Oh, poor Barbie. Her clothes are too small!" when they had belly shirts on. Their legs kept falling off, too--we nicknamed one "Heckedy Barbie," after Heckedy Peg, the one-legged witch in that wonderful Audrey Wood book.

 

Dd would rather play outside. Thank goodness!:lol:

[KarenNC]

Are they acting out simply kissing or graphic "marital relations" (to keep the terminology board-safe)? The first I would consider no big deal ("things girls do"), the second would be a problem for me. Honestly, I think pitching all their dolls for this reason would make it a much bigger deal and focus way more attention on this than is warranted by the described behavior. In my opinion, it would likely add some sort of forbidden "allure" to that sort of play and make them focus on it much more than is healthy because it got such a rise out of Mom.

 

I had several Barbies and a one-armed Ken that was handed down from my cousin. My friend and I would have Barbie and Ken get married, then pitch him under bed and say that he either went to work or died. The important part to us at that point was the wedding. We also did the pillows under the shirt thing. I ended up perfectly fine, never slept around, understood that marriage was for life and sex was not casual, babies came after marriage, dressed and behaved modestly, etc.

 

My daughter (age 7) has a number of Barbies (and a few Kens and Alans), Disney princesses (and princes), etc. She also plays/has played getting married and having babies with her Playmobil, polly pockets, her stuffed animals, etc.---I don't think this is inherent in or limited to Barbie dolls. Frankly, I think it is more balanced to have male and female dolls than just female ones. When she was younger it really bothered her that there weren't more boy dolls to be the daddies---I think that's a pretty healthy attitude.

 

I do draw the line at Bratz dolls, because they are portrayed and dressed as sleazy low priced call girls for the most part, in my opinion. That I see as an inappropriate toy.

[mo2]

I do draw the line at Bratz dolls, because they are portrayed and dressed as sleazy low priced call girls for the most part, in my opinion. That I see as an inappropriate toy.

 

 

No Bratz here either! I refuse to buy anything with the Bratz logo on it because I will not support them. We have Barbies and Kens, Disney princess and prince dolls, and various others. Every once in awhile I eavesdrop on my dd playing with them, and I love the dialogue the dolls have with each other. They're always families, and usually the children are misbehaving and getting scolded. :D

[Jenny in Atl]

Ours all ended up naked and headless. I did not ask and they did not tell. I think it had something to do with a curling iron and melted hair. Both mine lost interest in their Barbie (all Disney ones) and couple "Ken" or Prince dolls pretty fast, around ~6 or 7. My oldest even had some of those awful Bratz dolls. Thanks to her Grandmothers! Thankfully, my youngest has traded for the odd little plastic pet things, Pocket Pets? My oldest, is way too cool for dolls. :lol:

[Stacia]

then pitch him under bed and say that he either went to work or died.

 

Nothing to add to the thread, but I almost spit out my drink when I read this! ROFL! :lol: Ah, poor old Ken gets sooooo little respect. ;)

[ChristusG]

I have no problem with Barbies. I never played with them as a kid because I was such a tomboy and much preferred GI Joes or Ninja Turtles. But DD4 has just began to show an interest in Barbies. She got a few for her birthday but still doesnt play with them very much.

 

Anyways, as long as DD had them just kissing, I would be fine. She sees men and women kiss. If I started to see her do it a lot, I would just let her know that you should only kiss your husband. Now, if she was making the Barbies do "other" things, I would put a stop to it and consider putting the Barbies away for a while.

 

As for Bratz....nothing with the word Bratz is even allowed in our house. Too slutty to me.

[GreenKitty]

I forgot to add, we also had funerals for them when they lost a body part or got chewed a bit by the dog. LOL

When new people move into my parents home I hope they don't do much diggin.

[Robin Hood]

I think they are just role playing with the information they have. They watch you, they copy you. They are too young to put together in their minds what you think is happening. And you teach as you go. I tried the no Barbie road, but the girls just got the gifts or won them at parties. Girl barbies smooched girl barbies at our house so I bought a Ken. Then aunties bought them Barbies with babies and Nana bought a Barbie dog and cat that pees and poops. I didn't have the heart to take away theses gifts of "love" and to be honest, I have observed no damage. We've actually gotten a lot of laughs. And I eventually made the poops get lost as I saw them lying around.

 

On the other hand, the 10yo girl next door is teaching my developing 9yo what French kissing is. Hmmmm, what's worse?

[GailV]

If you don't have Ken dolls how will you re-enact the Trojan War while mom is reading it aloud for SOTW1? That was the moment I realized that we needed Ken dolls in our house -- I was reading Black Ships Before Troy, and dd wanted to stage it as I read.

 

Also, they are handy for experiments involving throwing them over the banister to the tile floor in the foyer. For the record, Ken dolls tend to have legs fall off, most Barbies tend to have a head fall off (the exception being the ballet Barbies, which have more delicate leg joints).

 

Just sayin'.

 

We have piles of Barbie and Ken dolls. My dds still play with them. They think Bratz are ugly. They are normal kids, not hung up on male-female relationships.

[CalicoKat]

Are they acting out simply kissing or graphic "marital relations" (to keep the terminology board-safe)? The first I would consider no big deal ("things girls do"), the second would be a problem for me. Honestly, I think pitching all their dolls for this reason would make it a much bigger deal and focus way more attention on this than is warranted by the described behavior. In my opinion, it would likely add some sort of forbidden "allure" to that sort of play and make them focus on it much more than is healthy because it got such a rise out of Mom.

 

I had several Barbies and a one-armed Ken that was handed down from my cousin. My friend and I would have Barbie and Ken get married, then pitch him under bed and say that he either went to work or died. The important part to us at that point was the wedding. We also did the pillows under the shirt thing. I ended up perfectly fine, never slept around, understood that marriage was for life and sex was not casual, babies came after marriage, dressed and behaved modestly, etc.

 

My daughter (age 7) has a number of Barbies (and a few Kens and Alans), Disney princesses (and princes), etc. She also plays/has played getting married and having babies with her Playmobil, polly pockets, her stuffed animals, etc.---I don't think this is inherent in or limited to Barbie dolls. Frankly, I think it is more balanced to have male and female dolls than just female ones. When she was younger it really bothered her that there weren't more boy dolls to be the daddies---I think that's a pretty healthy attitude.

 

I do draw the line at Bratz dolls, because they are portrayed and dressed as sleazy low priced call girls for the most part, in my opinion. That I see as an inappropriate toy.

Agree -- no Bratz!

 

Just smooching (like they see dh&I do after work :D) Frankly they shouldn't know about martial relations, just yet. I haven't taught them. (that's another thread!)

[FlockOfSillies]

I know you've got some "baggage" about Barbie dolls from your youth, but I want to encourage you to see this from a different angle. You can take something that drives you nuts and use it to your advantage.

 

Barbie and Ken dolls are learning tools. They can be used for good or for ill. I'm sure there are pastors' kids who have Ken preaching sermons, LOL. It's not unlike encouraging your dc to choose friends wisely, and to relate to them well.

 

Case in point: I played with baby dolls, then graduated to Barbies. I had a "wannabe" Barbie that was a little bit bigger than the other Barbies, and quite ugly. She didn't fit into the Barbie clothes; she only had a blue bathing suit. So in my world she was a villainous hussy/Amazon woman who was trying to steal Ken away from his wife Barbie. Where did I get such a story line? From Mom's soap operas, both televised and IRL.

 

Now, Mom never stepped in and tried to correct me. She was either blissfully ignorant of my plotlines or she found them charming. :001_huh:

 

When it came to puberty and related "grown-up" matters, she was too scared to tell me anything specific and just gave me a couple of vague warnings. No one actually prepared me for the hormonal onslaught that was to come, and it nearly ruined me. Had I known what to expect from teenage boys, I would have made very different choices in high school.

 

You have a golden opportunity to train up your children here, one that my mom squandered out of fear and ignorance. If you want to solidify your values about dating and marriage in your dds' minds, then the safe, make-believe world of Barbie is a great way to do it. The opportunities for conversation just naturally present themselves. You won't need to hem-and-haw your way through "the talk." But you can use the dolls and the girls' play to lay a foundation of trust and information for more detailed discussions later on.

 

What your dds are doing is completely normal. Not all girls want to play with dolls (my oldest two aren't into them), but it's a very normal part of child development to role-play this way. They are trying to make sense of their world, and you can learn and teach a lot by peeking into what they do occasionally and dropping little hints or corrections.

 

With my own kids, I found they had begun a habit of playing "wedding" with the neighbor kids. Ds started being the target of jokes about "being in love with" one of the neighbor girls. (Like his mother, he is wired to be aware of the opposite gender at an early age.) I put the kibosh on that form of play with a simple, VERY CALM, "Hey guys, no more weddings."

 

(As an aside, my ds played "trailer crash" for a few weeks after we rolled our camping trailer on the freeway. I'm sure he was working out his residual anxieties about the incident.)

 

So if your dd is acting out something a little too graphic, just ask, "Oh, they got married?" And take the conversation from there. "Well, sweetie, you know they aren't supposed to do that if they aren't married." Just play it cool, and don't be externally hysterical, even if you're biting your nails on the inside. :D

[swellmomma]

I forgot to add, we also had funerals for them when they lost a body part or got chewed a bit by the dog. LOL

When new people move into my parents home I hope they don't do much diggin.

 

 

That's too funny. My friend and I would make casts out of toilet paper and white glue and pretend they broke an arm or a leg (this after she had fractured her arm at school). We were fascinated with healing broken bones. I should add too we played barbies and other dolls until we were 12 and never made them do inappropriate things, which is likely why I let my dd play with them without concern.

[Mekanamom]

Agree -- no Bratz!

 

Just smooching (like they see dh&I do after work :D) Frankly they shouldn't know about martial relations, just yet. I haven't taught them. (that's another thread!)

 

LOL... my girls have a few Barbies. (I don't buy them, they got some as gifts.) The Barbies lead extremely boring lives for the most part.

 

But those plastic horses! Wow! The kids have seen "the whole deal" with the real horses we have, because one of the geldings has no idea he's not a stallion. We didn't know he would behave that way until... well. The mares and geldings are now separated- we had the "talk" due to the equine demonstration and that was that.

 

They've also seen the "Cloud" series, which they were fascinated with. And, they were there for the gelding of one of our minis. So they also know all about private male parts and what they do, and why we geld.

 

Except... now every time the girls play with their plastic horses, they really go into detail! Everything from stallions challenging each other for mares, to protecting herds, to... er, increasing the herds, to foaling in the spring. Just very matter of fact.

 

Whew, at least the subject matter is horses!

 

I have told them that they should not go into all the details when playing horses with their friends (even friends who also have horses.) I said that it was up to their moms and dads to explain all that, and that the moms and dads would know when the time was right to talk to their kids. Most of their friends with horses board them away from home, so they would really not have the opportunity to see all the things my girls have seen. Oy.

[teamturner]

On the other hand, the 10yo girl next door is teaching my developing 9yo what French kissing is. Hmmmm, what's worse?

 

Oh yes, that horrid French kissing lesson! Unfortunately for me and my ds, the neighbor girl demonstrated this to my ds when he was 7 (she was almost 7). He came in the house and was very upset! The bright side is he was so grossed out by it I don't think he will ever really kiss a girl until he is 20 something! :tongue_smilie:

 

Oh, and the two times since then when he has mentioned it, he calls it Mexican kissing! I laugh so hard every time. :lol::lol: