Merry Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 that was because when he was nine, his sister was diagnosed with diabetes and put in the hospital for a while so his mother who was homeschooling them at that time didn't do the schoolwork for a while. So she decided to put him in a private school the following fall. The school placed him in second grade at age nine because he was behind in reading and writing. He's been at that school for two years now and he's now about to turn eleven and will be in fourth grade. That makes me so mad for his sake. If he was homeschooled or in public school, he would be in fifth or sixth grade and with his agemates. As it is now, he is in the Sunday school class with kids two years younger than him. And he doesn't have any close friends even though he's a very sweet and kind kid. I understand that the private school probably doesn't have the facilities to help him catch up. But still....if I were the mother, I would get a tutor or something for him. Should I speak up to her or just leave it be and hope that the child doesn't suffer the consequences of being two years older than his classmates? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 If she hasn't asked you for advice, say nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I think it's great that the school isn't advancing a child who can't keep up with his age-mates academically. But I wonder why in the world the mother feels compelled to keep him in the 4th grade Sunday School class? If anything, I would gently suggest that it would be fine for her to put him in Sunday School with kids his age, even if he is in a different grade at school. But otherwise, I would MMOB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehogs4 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Say Nothing. If it were you and you had made that choice (it doesn't sound like it was done lightly) would you want someone trying to "save" your kid? If he has loving parents who are guiding him through this process, he'll be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I think it's great that the school isn't advancing a child who can't keep up with his age-mates academically. But I wonder why in the world the mother feels compelled to keep him in the 4th grade Sunday School class? If anything, I would gently suggest that it would be fine for her to put him in Sunday School with kids his age, even if he is in a different grade at school. But otherwise, I would MMOB. :iagree: I wouldn't say anything, but I also think it's odd he's not with age mates in Sunday School? I'm also curious if he has a LD or something? A normal 11 year old developmentally would probably find 4th grade very slow and tedious even if he started out the year behind. I'm still of the MMOB school though. Assume his parents have his best interests at heart. If it came up, I might encourage him to have a developmental assessment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vettechmomof2 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 That is the beauty of homeschooling. When something comes up in life that NEEDS to be taken care of, everyone has the ability to do that and still be okay. I would say nothing about this and just offer her a shoulder if she needs it at times. Parenting a child with Type 1 Diabetes is not the easiest thing to deal with and it sounds like she is dealing with his schooling just fine. If he is behind in reading then having the school put him in that level might be what he needs,, no matter his age. his ability is what is being noted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I would say nothing (though am also a little :confused: as to Sunday school) As an aside, I am very amused that a bunch of homeschoolers are saddened by a child not being with his agemates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 If she hasn't asked you for advice, say nothing. :iagree: Absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Say nothing. Dd turned 11 in 4th grade. It is where the school placed her in accordance with their 1st grade guidelines. Schools and school districts differ all over the country. Doing other activities ahead of her actual school year would bring the topic up all. the. time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 As an aside, I am very amused that a bunch of homeschoolers are saddened by a child not being with his agemates. :lol: LOL - good point. I'm personally not sad he's not with age mates. I'm sad that he probably doesn't have a very good school fit and I can't imagine it can be particularly good for him in thinking about himself either. Poor school fit for a child that was well ahead of grade level in many ways but emotionally wasn't was what lead to homeschooling for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 (edited) that there was something I could say but no, you all are right. I won't say anything. It's just that when I was little,I had a friend who was in the same situation. She also was placed in fourth grade at eleven years old so she was two years older than I and my classmates which didn't matter that much when she was still a child, but by the time she turned twelve and thirteen, she started puberty so that made it awkward for her to be around us. She was starting to develop and also starting to wear hose and lipstick while the rest of us girls were still playing hopscotch and jump rope. Looking back now, I think she must have been frustrated by the childishness of her classmates and also of the curriculum. I assume that the schools back in the sixties and seventies didn't have the facilities to deal with the children who were behind for some reason when I was in school but I thought that by now, this boy's school should have the materials or teachers to help make it possible for him to be with his own classmates but I guess not. What puzzles me is why the school is not helping the boy catch up by giving him special work to do either in class or in the summer? Maybe he really does have a learning disability of some kind. I don't know why he is not in either fifth or sixth grade SS class either but perhaps his parents are thinking long term that by the time he hits high school, his SS classmates would be graduating two years ahead of him by then. Edited July 19, 2011 by Merry grammar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I feel for you. There is a certain air of banishment... From my experience in public school in the 70s, they were much better equipped to get a kid up to speed and less reticent to have kids skip grades based on ability. Now it seems like the just want everyone in the herd to pass the test, you know? I would think a private school would have better resources, but... ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 If she hasn't asked you for advice, say nothing. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Does this bother the parents? Do you have any idea? I don't see why they couldn't ask the school for curriculum or advice on how to advance him at least one grade through summer or afterschool work. But if she hasn't noticed it, mentioned it, and her kid seems ok with it...I agree with everyone else. Keep it to yourself. I do agree with your issues and opinions, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 If she hasn't asked you for advice, say nothing. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 He will, in all likelihood, have severe consequences for being held back for two years. Those consequences typically show up in the teens. Just google the research on effects of grade retention. Then say something or not depending on your relationship with his mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 How well do you know this family? Perhaps there is something else going on with him than you realize? Our 5 y.o. dd has mild MR. She appears normal if you don't know her well. However, she is still learning colors and gets confused as to whether I'm "mommy" or "daddy". It's very frustrating when people shrug off her problems. For social and behavioral reasons, we usually put her in Sunday school classes two years behind. It's really nobody else's business why we do this but a teacher volunteering for a 5 year old class may not be equipped to teach a class of 5 year olds plus one "3 year old" plus my daughter gets frustrated and sullen (then defiant) when the material is too difficult for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 He will, in all likelihood, have severe consequences for being held back for two years. Those consequences typically show up in the teens. Just google the research on effects of grade retention. There is a great deal of difference between being held back and taking a year off. It is not surprising that repeating a grade and doing the same stuff again that didn't work the first time, and expecting it to work better, doesn't yield wonderful results. Or that being told you're a failure would affect self-esteem and show up in teens. That's not what happened in this case and is not comparable. Where is the research on the effects of taking a year off? that was because when he was nine, his sister was diagnosed with diabetes and put in the hospital for a while so his mother who was homeschooling them at that time didn't do the schoolwork for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 He was placed in second grade as a nine year old and he's been promoted accordingly and now he is eleven and about to go into fourth grade. But I'm starting to think there might be more going on than I realize. He might be mildly mentally retarded that easy to overlook. I'll just leave it be. My ds is becoming good friends with him so that's good. He's one year younger than him but is one grade above but that doesn't bother them. It's just me:) One good thing is that he is small for his age so he looks like he could be a fourth grader. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 :iagree: If she hasn't asked you for advice, say nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 ...But I'm starting to think there might be more going on than I realize... Yes, I think there likely *is* more going on here. Being held back so far in a school environment (even a private school) is extremely unusual, and the fact that she's holding him back in Sunday School as well... And the small size... (I have a dd who was slow to grow for several years and is still extremely small for her age, so I know these things aren't always connected -- but there *are* a number of possibilities that would effect both mental *and* physical growth, where the two really *are* connected...) It may be that there is something else going on that makes the family and school think that he really does fit better with kids who are chronologically younger. I would leave it alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I have a friend whose ds was in the exact same situation. He had a late birthday, then my friend got divorced and had a hard time dealing with a vengful ex and he got behind in public school. She took him out of public school to homeschool and he got more behind when she got a promotion at work and she couldn't home school him much. She then put him in a private school that rightfully put him two years behind, but they never helped him catch up and it was beyond her. When he turned 12 the other parents of fifth graders were getting snippy about him being so much older than their kids, they didn't like explaining puberty things to their kids as he was going through puberty. Mom had remarried by then and was a stay at home mom so she pulled him out for a year when he was 13 and together we devised a catch-up plan for him, which he followed, and he was enrolled in ps at his correct grade the year after that. He is doing great now, he is attending a private university on a full football scholarship which he couldn't have done if his academics were not solid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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