What do you see as "enough"

[I.Dup.]

I often feel like a failure because I spend too much time online. Mainly that. I'm always wondering if I'm doing "enough."

 

I am curious what basic things you need to accomplish each day to feel good about what you did. What is "enough" in your opinion? If that makes sense?

[NicAnn]

:grouphug: That's a hard one. :) I think sometimes there are days when it's never enough.

 

But in general, I want my house to be clean enough that I'm not embarrassed by it. So right now there are a few dishes in the sink, a load of laundry to be folded on couch, and the table needs to be cleaned off. BUT my toilet is clean, the trash has been taken out, and I could get the house to "guest"? level in just an hour or so. I've also played with my daughter, read her a few books, and finished my minimum Bible reading I do every day. So that's enough.

[Spryte]

I struggle with this question, too. We have chronic health issues in our house, so I have to factor that into the daily "enough" formula. And an infant. :)

 

My enough is probably bare bones, compared to some here:

 

- feed the family

- keep the main areas clean enough that I won't want to crawl under the sofa if a guest surprises us

- the 3Rs for school, and read aloud time (we are doing a modified summer break, so our school schedule its light right now)

 

I try to accomplish more than the above, but if I don't - no guilt. There's always another day.

[cathmom]

:grouphug: That's a hard one. :) I think sometimes there are days when it's never enough.

 

 

 

That's every day around here!

[fairfarmhand]

n/m. i clicked the wrong button!

[swellmomma]

If the kids are fed/clean/dressed, the house is reasonably clean (meaning it's okay for toys to be out, right now ds and dd have a huge "town" in the making being built in the livingroom, down the hall and into the boys room out of blocks, lego and playmobil, looks messy but I am okay with that), during the school year school is being done and everyone is being adequately supervised.

 

I jsut got internet again after over a year with none. Having fewer kids means less responsibilities these last couple weeks and has meant I am on here many many hours of the day right now. I just have cut back on my other pleasures (reading, sewing baking etc) to even it out without letting the rest slip.

[meggie]

I'm trying to get to the point where I'm not beating myself up over all my failures. *sigh* it's a long road.

 

For me, I consider getting to my son's schooling enough to not beat myself up over. I consider it quality time with him. I consider washing a load or two of dishes (by hand, so they're small loads, but it's very time consuming) enough. I consider the living room being clean enough. I consider making healthy meals enough; nothing fancy, but not junk food. Is it perfect? No, but it's so much better than how I've been most of my life, so I consider it a success.

 

I am a perfectionist by nature and when I fail I took it very badly. My husband had to stress over and over (and over again) the fact that I needed to take baby steps and I'm not a failure as long as I keep trying. So that's where I am on my baby steps and some days I'm still not very good at that and get overwhelmed and want to quit, but I just keep trucking.

[justamouse]

I'm here today because I have cramps and am hiding from my mother. :D

 

Enough...

 

I go through waves. Times when my energy is high, I can leap mountains in a single bound, and accomplish TONS. Then, I'll return to level and we'll be on one foot in front of the other.

 

I gave up trying to regulate it, I gave up feeling guilty over the way I work. It's just the way it is. I've now gained the knowledge that another wave WILL come, and I need to hold onto my patience until that comes. I've learned that I, peronally, accomplish a *lot* in those waves so I refuse to beat myself up.

 

Like the last few weeks. I've blogged on a portion of what I've accomplished. Obviously, I'm on a wave. I'm figuring that most of August will be down time because that's the way August is for me. No air conditioning, sitting by the pool, too hot to do anything. I'll crochet and read. I truly enjoy that time because it allows me to rest and regroup for the next wave. We'll eat grilled foods and fresh veggies because the stove and oven will not go on. We'll enjoy the last of summer. (Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability-Sam Keen)

 

Every day:

 

some laundry gets done

dishes get washed and put away

 

math, spelling, reading copywork get done and all in no more than 1.5 hours, right after breakfast before heat shortcircuts the brain.

I pick up as I go along and even dust and such as I go along so it's not ever *dirty*. It takes 5 minutes to wash down a bathroom, and if it needs it, I'll do it. I've taught them to pick up after themselves so I never often have to deal with some mess. (Twice a year I deep clean. Spring cleaning and before Christmas (Lent and Advent)). I vacuum as I need, mop as needed.

 

(((hugs))) Hang in there. Small steps create bigger change than large moves. Respect the way you work. If you need a schedule and that's the way you roll, then do it, if you work in spurts, than do it. Don't fight what you are to fit into anyone else's schedule if you don't *have* to.

Edited July 18, 2011 by justamouse

[2squared]

I am eager to see the responses.

 

For this summer season with a baby:

-Laundry complete

-Meals provided

-Kitchen counters cleared

-Dishes done

-On time to obligations

-Morning & afternoon routines completed

-Afternoon pickup completed

-Large chunk of free play time for dc

*Everything above dropped if the baby is having a bad day

 

School season with everyone 1yo+:

-All things listed above

-3Rs completed

-Read aloud to littles

-Read aloud to bigs

-Connect individually with each dc, even just for 5 min

 

I struggle with days of high activity followed by days of low energy. My job is never done, so how should I evaluate if I'm working hard enough or smart enough?

[justamouse]

Actually I think fairfarmhand's siggy adds a lot to the discussion-

 

We live in a modern society that loves shortcut techniques. Yet, quality of life cannot be achieved by taking the right shortcut. There is no shortcut, but there is a path. The path is based on principles revered throughout history. If there is one message to glean from this wisdom, it is that meaningful life is not a matter of speed or efficiency.It's much more a matter of what you do and why you do it, than how fast you get it done.- Stephen Covey

[I.Dup.]

My job is never done, so how should I evaluate if I'm working hard enough or smart enough?

 

This is the hardest part for me. There is no kind of progress report and of course we judge ourselves harshly. I am hoping that subsides as I get older, it already is some ;)

 

For me, I would say the living room and kitchen decently picked up and vacuumed. Meals made, mostly everything I make at home is pretty nutritious (we've been eating out more lately as I have been SO overwhelmed- another guilt trip for me :glare:). Babies always have clean diapers, everyone is decently clean. School done for the day if we are in that season- mostly just the 3 R's here as well.

 

If I end the day with a picked up house, I generally feel pretty good. I may not always spend all of the quality time with each child that is "ideal" whatever that means, but they are here with me all day so they get WAY more time with me than if they were at school. So I generally feel okay about that, even though I have one child who would take every ounce of energy and attention I have.

[I.Dup.]

Actually I think fairfarmhand's siggy adds a lot to the discussion-

 

We live in a modern society that loves shortcut techniques. Yet, quality of life cannot be achieved by taking the right shortcut. There is no shortcut, but there is a path. The path is based on principles revered throughout history. If there is one message to glean from this wisdom, it is that meaningful life is not a matter of speed or efficiency.It's much more a matter of what you do and why you do it, than how fast you get it done.- Stephen Covey

 

I spend too much time online, but so what. I enjoy it. I do plenty of other things and in fact I do everything around here minus earning the paycheck.

 

I like these. :001_smile:

[twoforjoy]

It really depends. I had a baby in March 2010, and then obviously had an infant, and then got pregnant again in the fall, and now am 37-1/2 weeks pregnant. So what "enough" is has really been all over the map, depending on how I'm feeling and what's going on.

 

In the spring, when I was feeling good and working and homeschooling, "enough" was keeping the kids' needs met and keeping them occupied, doing school with DS, keeping the house clean, getting meals on the table, and getting my teaching work done.

 

For most of the summer, "enough" has been getting the kids out of the house once a day and keeping them reasonably occupied with productive activities, keeping everybody clothed and fed, keeping the house pretty neat, and getting meals on the table.

 

As of this week, "enough" is keeping the kids fed and reasonably clean. That's pretty much it. If I've got the energy and motivation to do some housecleaning or cooking I will, but at this point in the pregnancy, DH is cool with taking over pretty much all of the household chores that I usually do. And, if the kids want to spend the next 2 weeks or so until the baby comes playing video games, watching TV, and eating pretzels on the floor, that's fine with me.

[2squared]

School done for the day if we are in that season- mostly just the 3 R's here as well.

 

After reading these forums, I often feel like we don't do enough schoolwork since we don't work on content areas formally. However, my oldest's test scores were highest in those content areas and she made the most improvement in spelling without having used a formal spelling program. I think I just need to relax into what feels right for us and let go of what everyone else is doing.

 

If I end the day with a picked up house, I generally feel pretty good.

 

:iagree: My emotional state hinges on having a picked-up, clutter free house and an open schedule. Oh, and sleep. I so need sleep!

[Upward Journey]

If I end the day with a picked up house, I generally feel pretty good.

 

My emotional state hinges on having a picked-up, clutter free house and an open schedule. Oh, and sleep. I so need sleep!

 

These describe me to a T.

 

I could have had the day from h---, but if I'm able to go to go to bed with a clean house, am committment free and had a good nights sleep, the day feels like a success. Unfortunetly these three things seldom align :tongue_smilie:

[Janie Grace]

Kristi, that's a great question, but you're 8 months pregnant. This is NOT the time to evaluate what you're accomplishing! So you're eating out more often. It's okay. Your body is HARD at work, even when you're resting. My humble advice would be to return to this question when you are in a more "normal" season.

[I.Dup.]

Kristi, that's a great question, but you're 8 months pregnant. This is NOT the time to evaluate what you're accomplishing! So you're eating out more often. It's okay. Your body is HARD at work, even when you're resting. My humble advice would be to return to this question when you are in a more "normal" season.

 

Thank you. My friends are continually trying to get me to relax right now. :tongue_smilie:It's hard, I seem to get even more uptight towards the end of pregnancy and newly PP.

[lovelaughs_times_three]

I'm thinking that all those women who are doing "enough" aren't on-line here to answer your question! :D:D

 

BUSTED!!

 

I have definitely enjoyed my time on-line.

 

I have added a new way of doing things in my life that has helped me feel more accomplished at the end of a day. Instead of looking all around me at all the so. very. many. things that need doing, I am making a short list each day. I put down only a focused list of 3-5 things I want to accomplish that day. I make sure it is actually less than I think I can do (because I tend to overestimate what can be done.) Of course, if I get this list done, I can still choose to work on something else. By checking off these things on the focused list, I get a wonderful sense of accomplishment that feels like "enough"! :001_smile:

[justamouse]

Kristi, that's a great question, but you're 8 months pregnant. This is NOT the time to evaluate what you're accomplishing! So you're eating out more often. It's okay. Your body is HARD at work, even when you're resting. My humble advice would be to return to this question when you are in a more "normal" season.

 

Thank you. My friends are continually trying to get me to relax right now. :tongue_smilie:It's hard, I seem to get even more uptight towards the end of pregnancy and newly PP.

 

Ahhh I didn't realize.

 

Ugh, you just need to concentrate on breathing and reserve everything for the upcoming performance.

[2_girls_mommy]

Right now in the summer enough for me is:

 

watering the garden at least once a day

skimming the kid's pool to keep it clean.

dishes and laundry

3 meals: like others said it is not fancy, but we don't do too much junk. Fruits and veggies at every meal, etc.

dishes done before bed.

reading or studying while the kids swim a little each afternoon

 

Then at least one other project worked on: either working on getting ready for school or cleaning out a small area that I am too busy to do during school. Like a drawer or a closet or a shelf or something or regular housekeeping duties like mopping.

 

Things like the trash are taken out and to the curb on trash day.

 

Kids clean up their messes each day.

 

And listening to dds read aloud and reading to them most days. Even that is not every day right now in the summer.

 

***** school starts for us in a couple of weeks, so this relaxed schedule is about to end :(

[Meriwether]

I often feel like a failure because I spend too much time online. Mainly that. I'm always wondering if I'm doing "enough."

 

I am curious what basic things you need to accomplish each day to feel good about what you did. What is "enough" in your opinion? If that makes sense?

 

 

Bare minimum - all the kids get one day older. Sometimes that is all we manage.

[2_girls_mommy]

Bare minimum - all the kids get one day older. Sometimes that is all we manage.

 

LOL. When I had toddlers my mom, a mom of 5, used to tell me it was all about survival: 3 meals a day, throw in a load of laundry, do the dishes, diapers, nursing, bathing, wash, rinse repeat... just survive it :)

[I.Dup.]

I'm thinking that all those women who are doing "enough" aren't on-line here to answer your question! :D:D

 

 

Ha! Good point. :lol:

[I.Dup.]

LOL. When I had toddlers my mom, a mom of 5, used to tell me it was all about survival: 3 meals a day, throw in a load of laundry, do the dishes, diapers, nursing, bathing, wash, rinse repeat... just survive it :)

 

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one- simply feeding and changing them every 20 minutes or so is a full time job! :tongue_smilie:

[Dandelion]

Kristi, that's a great question, but you're 8 months pregnant. This is NOT the time to evaluate what you're accomplishing! So you're eating out more often. It's okay. Your body is HARD at work, even when you're resting. My humble advice would be to return to this question when you are in a more "normal" season.

 

:iagree:This is excellent advice.

I have added a new way of doing things in my life that has helped me feel more accomplished at the end of a day. Instead of looking all around me at all the so. very. many. things that need doing, I am making a short list each day. I put down only a focused list of 3-5 things I want to accomplish that day. I make sure it is actually less than I think I can do (because I tend to overestimate what can be done.) Of course, if I get this list done, I can still choose to work on something else. By checking off these things on the focused list, I get a wonderful sense of accomplishment that feels like "enough"! :001_smile:

 

This is what I do as well. I'm also an overestimator, and an idealist - so my natural inclination is to write down everything that has to be done, whether it's realistic or not. By limiting it to the top 3-5 priorities, it's much more doable, it keeps me focused, and it the feel-good factor of having done everything on my list (on those days that I do ;)) is priceless...