AuntPol Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Well not me personally but others in general. My sister was diagnosed with leukemia at age 4. She will be 40 this year. She's had various remissions and relapses over the years until she had a bone marrow transplant at age 16. Since then she got meningitis and was in a coma 11 days. She's had a partial hip and shoulder replacement and is having a total shoulder replacement this month. Each time her hair fell out for chemo, it came back thinner. We are a thin haired family to begin with. She has sensory issues and doesn't wear a wig. She is not into make up or dressy clothes or "looks" in general. If you see her in public, you just know that something is not "right" with her health. It is obvious. That said, random people that she doesn't know walk up to her all the time and tell her that they will pray for her. I know they mean well and yes, she can always use extra prayers. However, just notice and pray. You don't need to come over and tell her. How do you think it makes her feel that people can just look at her and tell that something is wrong based on how she looks? She's not vain or into looks but having this happen over and over again still plays havoc on your self-esteem!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 That's right up there with "When are you due?" and "Are those your REAL children?" I don't know how people can be so clueless when talking to perfect strangers. :grouphug: for you and your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt_Uhura Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes, it does. I once had a woman ask me if all my children (I have 3) have the same father. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes, it does. I once had a woman ask me if all my children (I have 3) have the same father. :lol: I had a pediatrician ask me! Then he was amazed that they were.....oy! Some people should just.not.talk! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I had a neurologist ask me about the paternity of my children. :glare: I don't get why anyone would need to announce they're praying for a stranger. Is it to make the stranger feel better, in that they're being supported, or is it to make the praying person get thanked? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny from Tenny Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes, it does. I once had a woman ask me if all my children (I have 3) have the same father. :lol: We have 5 children who are very spread out in age and I get asked this often. No joke. Sometimes I can just see the look on their face and just go ahead and say, "Yes, to what you are wondering." I'm almost always right. As for your sister, I am so sorry that she has this happen. I have an obviously disabled son who doesn't "feel" the responses that people often give him, but I feel it for him. It stinks. :glare: :grouphug: Penny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I've gotten this a few times when the boys had meltdowns. I never actually said what popped into my head, which is probably a good thing... If you want to pray for someone, go ahead, but don't announce it to them when you don't have the vaguest idea if they appreciate this or not. It's not a good feeling to be pitied and this just smacks of pity (to me, ymmv). I also wonder if I should take this as an opening to explain why I'm an atheist and why they should be too (I've never done this, I'm too much of a wimp, but it is soooo tempting). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes, it does. I once had a woman ask me if all my children (I have 3) have the same father. :lol: All of our kids are about 2 1/2 to 3 years apart. I recently learned that several people in our Little League have always assumed that our oldest was my stepson, not my bio son. :confused: I guess he has dark hair and the rest are blond. When he was a baby, I was frequently asked if his father was Hispanic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 my ds has obvious disabilities. People are always coming up and saying something like "bless you, for caring for him." It just confuses me. I'm obviously his mother (he looks like me). Is there another option. It sort of implies it would be ok if I didn't care for him because of who he is. Which is kind of outrageous. Just weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntPol Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 my ds has obvious disabilities. People are always coming up and saying something like "bless you, for caring for him." It just confuses me. I'm obviously his mother (he looks like me). Is there another option. It sort of implies it would be ok if I didn't care for him because of who he is. Which is kind of outrageous. Just weird. What are you going to do -put him on the street???? I am sure they probably mean well but why not just offer up a silent prayer? I understand praying telling someone that you will pray for them when they tell you something that is going on in there life. Often, it is just what people say when they want to tell you that they care about you and they want to do something to help you but in reality, there is not much they can do. I pray for people from here and on facebook all the time. Sometimes, I reply that I will pray and sometimes I won't. It depends on the person and the event. "I'm rushing Mom to ER" -will get a "sending a prayer" reply. "I got drunk yet again last night" will get a prayer but no reply LOL. "I'm having a bad day" will get hugs or prayer depending on person "I'm having a bad day" post every day of the year (yes, I have one of those friends) gets ignored. Heck, I have sent up silent prayers for moms struggling in the store with melting kids or people I see who seem to be sick, poor, or otherwise in distress. However, I just can't fathom walking up and telling them I"m going to pray for them without knowing anything about them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 My YOUNGEST child is adopted. He is Chinese. we are Caucasian. When people ask DH "is he adopted?" This is with me and my older two caucasian boys. My husband always answers, "My first wife was Chinese." :lol: People just say, "Oh." hahahahaha! Dawn That's right up there with "When are you due?" and "Are those your REAL children?" I don't know how people can be so clueless when talking to perfect strangers. :grouphug: for you and your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I had a woman come up to me and "diagnose me" with leukemia years ago because I am very very white. I also have chronic illness but not leukemia. I asked her how she could tell - she said that it was because she was trained: she was an LPN. I didn't even bother to correct her. She didn't offer to pray for me, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 My YOUNGEST child is adopted. He is Chinese. we are Caucasian. When people ask DH "is he adopted?" This is with me and my older two caucasian boys. My husband always answers, "My first wife was Chinese." :lol: People just say, "Oh." hahahahaha! Dawn That's awesome!!!!! OP, I'm sorry this happens to your sister. It's strange to me that people think it's okay to walk up to a stranger they think looks sick and say they are praying for them. Would they walk up to a blind person and say that? I would guess that would be very offensive to the blind person. I figure if it's on my heart to pray for anyone, regardless of what they look like, I should do it, but I don't necessarily have to announce it to them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 That said, random people that she doesn't know walk up to her all the time and tell her that they will pray for her. I know they mean well and yes, she can always use extra prayers. However, just notice and pray. You don't need to come over and tell her. How do you think it makes her feel that people can just look at her and tell that something is wrong based on how she looks? She's not vain or into looks but having this happen over and over again still plays havoc on your self-esteem!!!! Pharisees. They want that smidge of credit for letting her know they're praying for her. "Oh look! We're going to pray for this poor girl! Aren't we SPIRITUAL???" Bah. :glare: I'm sorry for your sister's health issues. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Good grief. I guess people mean well, but they really need to think before they open their mouths. What a horridly insensitive thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes, it does. I once had a woman ask me if all my children (I have 3) have the same father. :lol: Maybe hers doesn't. That's why all 3 children are from the same father is unthinkable to HER. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Ohh man, that's so bad. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Ouch. That's painful to even read about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarfoot Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Ugh, how awful. I often pray for people who look like they're dealing with an illness of some sort. However, I always do it SILENTLY,:001_huh:. Why in the world would people do that?? My 3rd child was an emergency C-Section in another state while we were traveling. In the hospital, I was really suffering, and when the nurses/staff saw that there were 7.5 years between my pregnancies, they kept asking if this was my "second family.":confused: No one says anything now, as my kids all resemble each other, which probably helps. People say the weirdest things. :grouphug: to your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes, it does. I once had a woman ask me if all my children (I have 3) have the same father. :lol: I am asked this and "Did you plan this pregnancy? Is this a wanted child?" almost every time we see a new dr/nurse (I have 6 children). It really bothers me and I am just about to the point if I am asked again I am not going to answer, just tell them its non of their business! People can be so insensitive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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