would you/do you homeschool someone else's child?

[TessaS]

Here's the situation: I've been babysitting for this family (2 kids) since the eldest was a baby (he's now 12.) I've kept both kids until they were school aged, and since then I've kept them over school breaks, snow days and sometimes summers. I have them this summer. We're close, but its mainly a business relationship.

 

My kids are 12, 10 and 4. Our family is complete :) I do pretty ok with my role as homeschooling parent--I'm somewhat harried, but not excessively. Our kids have never been to school. I feel like I pretty much know what I'm doing. :)

 

The little girl in question is 6. She will be repeating first grade this year. The recommendation from her teacher is that they medicate her for ADHD and give it another go (since when did teachers become qualified to diagnose/prescribe??) She's a pleasant little girl. She's spacey, and she struggles with academics, but her attention issues have gotten much better as the summer has progressed. The first week she was here she would ask me the same question over and over and over (what's for lunch, when are we going to the library, that kind of thing.) I started writing our agenda on the dry erase board and pulled out the learning time clock for her, and that has stopped. I seriously think her "attention disorder" is a reflection of her not receiving enough attention--but that's neither here nor there--I'm also not qualified to diagnose :) The bottom line is, I don't think she has issues I can't handle.

 

Her mother would like to homeschool, but she's a single parent (never married, adopted kids, not that it matters,) so it's not really an option.

 

We are not making ends meet, and haven't been, and I'm sick and tired of being frustrated with the money situation. I need a job.

 

It seems like a good match...but I'm apprehensive.

 

Has anyone homeschooled someone else's child? How did that go?

 

TIA!

[Sandy in Indy]

I homeschooled my niece this year (an unpaid venture for which I volunteered). I don't know that I'd do it again...but that's me!

 

ETA: I think much would depend on the learner. My niece is completely **uninterested** in learning. It was a daily struggle, and in the end we accomplished little. It took a lot of the joy out of homeschooling this year.

Edited June 21, 2011 by Sandy in Indy

[silliness7]

It's not legal in some states so you'll want to check on that.

[TessaS]

Why would you (maybe) not do it again?

 

My concern is the upset to our family dynamic.

 

That, and I would commit to the school year. What happens when I hit the doldrums in February??

[TessaS]

In my state her parent would take responsibility, submit the required paperwork, and leave me with the day to day implementation.

[lmrich]

I have. It was for a student that I had taught in the private school setting. The parents trusted me; never questioned me. We filed paperwork together. I was listed as his tutor. He is a great kid with great, (wealthy) parents. I loved working with him. It gave my son a playmate, and he was so nice to my daughters. He did not have add.

 

I would make sure that you are not babysitting her, too. If she is at your house from 7 - 5; that is too intrusive. My student was over 4 days a week for 5 hours. Sometimes I had to skype lessons when he didn't make it.

[BabyBre]

Has anyone homeschooled someone else's child? How did that go?

 

TIA!

 

 

I haven't but, if all parties were in agreement (including dh and my own dc, of course), I would happily.

[trailofsparks]

I would if the other children were respectful toward me and the rules of our home. I would if these children were decent influences on my children, especially if close in age to my kids (as in your situation). I absolutely would if it would enable me to continue homeschooling my own, as opposed to needing to get a job to make ends meet and placing my dc in school.

 

You said you are not harried. That's great. You are on your course w/curricula, organization, and confidence. That's great, too.

 

Would the $$ be enough to help your family make ends meet? Would they bring their own lunch to your homeschool? Do these dc even want to be homeschooled by you?

[twoforjoy]

If you already have a relationship with this child, and the babysitting has been going well (you've been paid on time, you haven't been taken advantage of, etc.), and the money would help your family, I'd definitely consider it.

[yucabird]

The recommendation from her teacher is that they medicate her for ADHD and give it another go (since when did teachers become qualified to diagnose/prescribe??)

TIA!

 

This does not sound like something a teacher would do….Is it possible there was miscommunication? Maybe the mother said something about ADHD and/or meds and the teacher simply agreed…or something like that?

 

I seriously think her "attention disorder" is a reflection of her not receiving enough attention--but that's neither here nor there--I'm also not qualified to diagnose :)

TIA!

 

From whom? The teacher or the parent?

 

It seems like a good match...but I'm apprehensive.

 

 

 

Why?

[TessaS]

The little girl is a neutral influence on my kids. She's a playmate for my ds, and sometimes my middle dd. She has some behaviors that are negative, but those things tend to evaporate when she is with us for a stretch at a time. My kids haven't picked them up. My girls are too old to be influenced by a 6yo, my boy is still very much in my pocket.

 

The job situation is flexible...I need a job, but if not this, then an evening/weekend gig. I know that will also cut into our quality of life. I did doula work for several years. I was good at it, but I can't do that anymore (multitude of reasons--philosophical, logistical, as well as the on-call schedule.) My other job options are likely retail, food service, housekeeping, data entry, home health aide....low paying all around. I've been at home for 12 years.

 

I would also be babysitting. 7-5 is about right. I agree that it's too intrusive, but my options are limited. A school aged child who also needs instruction seems like about the same amount of work as a baby/toddler to babysit.

 

I don't know if it would be better or worse for me/our family for me to take this child or to get an evening/weekend gig. The money would likely be about the same.

 

I don't know if the mom would want me to homeschool her child. She's disenchanted with the public school & is looking at all of her options. I'm sure she would consider it. I want to figure out if I would be willing to do it before she and I have the discussion.

[TessaS]

This does not sound like something a teacher would do….Is it possible there was miscommunication? Maybe the mother said something about ADHD and/or meds and the teacher simply agreed…or something like that?

 

No, no miscommunication. This same teacher put the girl on the wrong bus one day, realized it, couldn't reach the mom, called the girl's emergency contact (me,) and left me to sort it out. She didn't go to the principal, file paperwork, nothing. I tracked down the girl while in contact with the teacher via her cell phone while she was driving home from work. Sparks did fly, but after I found the girl and all was well, it was none of my business.

 

 

 

From whom? The teacher or the parent?

 

The teacher. I think she needs more one-on-one than what she was getting in her classroom. She's not a troublesome child, so she's not drawing that kind of attention. She's not an ambitious child, so she doesn't get that kind of attention. When no one is paying attention to her, she's content to do her own thing. That tends to be wandering off and playing dolls by herself.

 

I'm not interested in getting into any savior kind of dynamic here. If I do this, it has to be because it's mutually beneficial.

[Joanne]

Yes. Several came and went, but 2 stayed for 3 and 4 years.

[yucabird]

Then look at the economics vs. personal cost of it….

 

Consider:

 

Will you be paid for prep time and paperwork (or will the wages make up for that time lost)? Would you be reimbursed for the cost of materials? Would a part time job or temp work be less demanding? Are you educating all the kids (yours/hers) during the same hours (so you aren’t too stretched)? Would your children’s educations suffer? What would be best for your family?

 

Good luck.

 

Donna

[Peela]

I did it for a year- my oldest was 12, this kid was 12. I figured I could teach them together.

 

It was ok for a while.

Upside- it gave my kids someone else to play with. I got a bit of money. I enjoyed feeling I was helping another child.

 

Downside- this kid wasn't very open. He was damaged, distant, jaded. He worked ok for me, but he didn't warm to me- he stayed emotionally distant. He would undermine me a little with my kids.

Another aspect- I was used to reading to my kids before bed- and I considered it part of our curriculum (although I didn't tell the kids that!). It did annoy me that this kids mother didn't encourage reading, and that I had to read all our "school" books in school time.

 

The straw that broke the camel's back was that I had finally got this kid to read Treasure Island during our school time- he had never read so much before, and he was actually enjoying it. Then holidays came- he had 2 chapters left to read and I asked him to read them over the holidays.

He didn't.

I had talked to his mum about it, presuming her cooperation. When I brought it up again, she told me she thought I was being unreasonable. I think what happened is that she tried to get him to read it, he fought with her because that was their pattern, so she made me the enemy. It was not something that was too hard for him.

 

That did it for me. I didn't take him back the next term because without complete cooperation from the parent I couldn't do it. She really didnt understand and was shocked. Lots of people tried to explain to her that she was being ridiculous but she refused to back down. She was a single mum but a trained psychologist- not poor, not underprivileged.

 

I felt relieved when he left. THere is something about the dynamic of working just with my own kids that I preferred, but it might have just been this situation and a kid who was passive aggressive and we never really clicked together emotionally.

 

One thing that it does is that it locks you into a dynamic with another family. If that family is dysfunctional in a way that will disturb your family, it is difficult to not let that impact because you experience it everyday. It is combining 2 family systems, in a way. It may jsut be me, but I didn't find that easy.

[funmamacita]

I did. I wouldn't do it again.

My situation was different from yours. I didn't get paid -- I did it to help a friend's daughter who was very behind academically. (She was 12, but at least two grades behind in everything.) Honestly, it was a struggle. She needed a lot of time and attention, and I felt like my own children suffered because of it -- we skipped fun experiments and field trips because I had to spend so much time on basics with my friend's daughter. I felt frustrated, too, because when she didn't do her reading or work carefully on her assignments at home, there wasn't much I could do beyond remind her how important that was -- and she started to tune me out when I talked about that pretty quickly. School took up almost every bit of my free time while I was teaching her. I was pretty burned out near the end.

I am glad I did it. She gained two grade levels while I was working with her, so it was nice to see that my effort had generated some reward. But I was very relieved when we were finished, and I would not volunteer to do anything like that again.

[amy g.]

I did for 3 1/2 years, until I moved away. It was good for me, because I REALLY stayed on track with my homeschooling schedule. I couldn't goof off, I was getting paid to do this.

 

I had him from 6:00-6:00, and he really became part of the family, even going on vacations with us.

 

If I had it to do over again, I would focus more on support, and nurture, nurture, nurture, instead of being so controlling and judgmental about everything.

 

Fortunately, I've matured a little bit, and his mother overlooks my arrogance. 6 years later, we are still very close. He considers me his other mother, so in the end, I think it was a great thing for all of us.

[HSmomNY]

I have homeschooled my niece for 10 years on and off. It is hard work, I think and plan and work with her much more then I do with my own son who is the same age. She has a difficult home live with lots of trama and drama. All this take a toll on me and my family. I am not getting paid and we feed her and she has a room at our house that she sleeps in about 1/2 of the time.

But she is like a daughter to me and She thinks of me a her other mother. So we will continue untill she goes off to college.

[SailorMom]

I would hesitate if it was a "favor", but because of your need for a job, I think it would be a good fit.

However, you'd really need to set good boundaries and make sure both you and the mom have the same expectations. Also - go over curriculum and schedules at the beginning of (whenever) but explain that she'll have to trust you as to the day to day implementation.

Edited June 21, 2011 by SailorMom

[lmrich]

If you have her from 6 -6 would you be responsible for taking her to after school activities? I would make sure you had all the information up front. If you feel comfortable with this family and have excellent communication; I say go for it. I tutor and teach classes out of my home (but would take on another full time student if one was presented to me) so we have extra $$ for the kids' lessons and extra stuff. It is worth the loss of freedom for us. It keeps us focused. I can not take a random Friday off because I have to tutor, therefore I teach my kids that day as well. Everything is trade off, everything is a compromise. Go ahead and talk to her.

[Ester Maria]

I am not sure, I cannot give a generic "yes" or "no" to this question as it would depend on many factors. I tend towards "no".

 

Firstly, you wish to check that education-wise the student's mother and you are on the same page. Even if technically you could individualize the instruction to the student in a different way than you would do for your own children, it would create some sort of educational mismatch, and with children who spend so much time together, it might not be a good idea. So educationally, standards-wise and content-wise, you would have to be roughly on the same page.

 

Secondly, and an even more difficult aspect, parenting-wise you would have to be on the same page, because if you are taking such a small child into your home for so many hours daily, basically for the whole day, you will be not only an educator, but also co-parent this child, it can hardly be avoided. You would have to agree on numerous issues regarding discipline, nutrition, spirituality or lack of it... Generally, it would be expected from those who come to you to adapt, not from you to adapt, but be prepared to make some compromises and think very, very well which ones you would be ready to make in such a situation. Even though reversible, this is a decision that will affect your lifestyle.

 

Thirdly, you must take the rest of your family into account, because they will also be affected by the presence of another child for so many hours daily. Something in the dynamic might change, and you want to have some techniques in advance prepared for dealing with it, making sure ALL affected parties are okay with this new situation, etc.

 

And last, but not least, consider the financial aspect really well (from instruction, prep time, making documentation for all you do if needed, additional food cost, babysitting, etc.) and think whether it is worth it to take upon yourself such a big responsibility and such a change in your life.

 

I would even consider, if all of the above is favorable, agreeing to an experiment period rather than giving my word that it is definite - a period of several weeks at least - to see whether the dynamic and the change is something you can really work it.

 

Good luck.

[Kipling]

When my oldest was younger, I watched another little boy that was about the same age. This lasted for about 4 years. While I wasn't officially homeschooling yet, I did work with them on letters, coloring, reading to them, etc. I enjoyed having another child in the house who was a playmate and "classmate" for my child. He went on to kindergarten, but if his mom had wanted to me to homeschool him, I definitely would have considered it.

Ester Maria brings up some good points to consider:

 

Regarding the education/curriculum, you might need to tailor this child's education to match what she would be doing in public school. If you follow a strict WTM or classical approach, you would be teaching her things that she wouldn't learn in school yet, but you would also be delaying other skills that she would be picking up now. If she were to return to ps after a year with you, would she be considered behind in certain areas? For that reason, you might want to look at a more traditional curriculum for her, like Abeka, so that she stays on a traditional school track.

 

Since you have been watching this woman's children for so many years, I assume that you have worked out a discipline strategy that works for both of you. However, having a 6-year-old with you all day will bring about some challenges that you don't have to deal with doing the occasional snow-day and summer babysitting.

 

Firstly, you wish to check that education-wise the student's mother and you are on the same page. Even if technically you could individualize the instruction to the student in a different way than you would do for your own children, it would create some sort of educational mismatch, and with children who spend so much time together, it might not be a good idea. So educationally, standards-wise and content-wise, you would have to be roughly on the same page.

 

Secondly, and an even more difficult aspect, parenting-wise you would have to be on the same page, because if you are taking such a small child into your home for so many hours daily, basically for the whole day, you will be not only an educator, but also co-parent this child, it can hardly be avoided. You would have to agree on numerous issues regarding discipline, nutrition, spirituality or lack of it... Generally, it would be expected from those who come to you to adapt, not from you to adapt, but be prepared to make some compromises and think very, very well which ones you would be ready to make in such a situation. Even though reversible, this is a decision that will affect your lifestyle.

 

 

[2cents]

Homeschooling another person's child can be very different from just sitting for them. There will be expectations that the child will meet educational milestones and you will be held responsible for that (I don't doubt you would be able to do this). Another thing, if the child is too much to handle, you have to be prepared to stick out the year. It would be hard to place her in a school in the middle of the year. It can be done but in her situation it would be better not to have that kind of disruption. Also, the mom hasn't approached you yet about homeschooling and this would send up some flags. If you offer this puts you in a position of promising something better and that puts more pressure on you to deliver. It also communicates that homeschooling is the best solution and if she cannot do this she may end up feeling somewhat judged. You will also be committed to being available to the family for schooling/sitting even if you want time off. It is a huge commitment with a lot of unforeseen pitfalls IMO.

 

Personally, I would never homeschool another person's child. I would however offer suggestions that would help the mom improve the situation if it was requested.

[Haiku]

I have not done this, but your thread titles asks "would you" so I'll answer.

 

No, I would not.

 

I homeschool my kids so that their education can be my primary focus. Bringing in someone else's child would dilute my focus and add in the issue of a child who hasn't been raised by me, that is with my expectations and my values.

 

Specific to your situation ... I would be concerned about your downplaying the ADHD and thinking that, because the way you addressed the incessant question situation worked, that somehow the issue has been overhyped. I don't know where these kids were adopted from, but I do know that a larger percentage of kids who were adopted struggle with attentional issues. The causes are myriad and most likely not all traditional ADHD or whatever, but the struggles are real. I live with them every day with my ds8.

 

I'm not trying to be negative. Those are just my honest thoughts.

 

Tara

[Pretty in Pink]

I don't feel like it would be an ideal gig for me, personally. I would really have to need the money (which it sounds like you do); however, given a choice between taking on this particular child as a full-time student and getting a night/weekend job, I'd be inclined to give it a shot.

 

I think it will work in your favor that you are already used to having this child around full-time. That means (I assume) that you and Mom are already on the same page regarding discipline, nutrition, and such.

 

Curriculum...that's something to consider. Would you just fold her into your own children's line-up (I'm assuming you are a classical HSer; is that correct?) or would you do something different with this child that is more in line with a traditional scope and sequence?

 

Practically speaking, do you have a vehicle capable of transporting that many children? That would be a deal-breaker for me. There is *no way* that I would take on an extra child full-time without a way to come and go when I wanted to.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I've seen the situation work but I don't think $ was a factor in it.....EEEE tough call you'd need to sit down with the parent and see what kind of things it would be ok to teach her child--meaning if you two were on the "same page" of thinking about education.....It might work in the lower years.....tough decision...I'd want to say yes but not sure you know......

 

OFF TOPIC --teachers tried to get my nephew on ritalin some 20 years ago when he was in K too...crazy!!

[TessaS]

The mother and I are on the same page wrt discipline, food, etc. The older brother told me the other day that his mom says my house is their second home.

 

We are ecclectic homeschoolers, but we draw a lot from the classical model. I would need to fold her into what we do. I could be somewhat flexible, but I couldn't change styles entirely.

 

The attention thing is a concern. I think it's ok, but it concerns me.

 

I really appreciate hearing what has and hasn't worked for other families.

 

I also love the questioning.

 

Thanks for helping me think this through!

 

eta--I drive a 7 passenger mini van & I only have 3 of my own. I agree that transportation is crucial!

Edited June 21, 2011 by TessaS

[TessaS]

Thanks, 2cents. I like how you described how homeschooling the little girl might affect my relationship with her mother. It's helpful to me to think about it like that.

[BabyBre]

This does not sound like something a teacher would do….Is it possible there was miscommunication? Maybe the mother said something about ADHD and/or meds and the teacher simply agreed…or something like that?

 

 

 

I've heard several teachers and know several parents whose teachers have suggested/requested that children be medicated. :cursing: It makes their impossible jobs a little easier.

[Pretty in Pink]

I've heard several teachers and know several parents whose teachers have suggested/requested that children be medicated. :cursing: It makes their impossible jobs a little easier.

 

I personally know a few teachers who have told me that they have told parents that their children need to be medicated.

[Haiku]

This does not sound like something a teacher would do

 

I hear about this all the time. In fact, a while ago there was some law or something either discussed or passed (forget which) that would prohibit teachers from suggesting medication because they are not qualified to do so but would sometimes do so because it would be easier to teach if Johnny were still and quiet.

 

Tara

[DawnM]

I would if I were getting paid enough. :001_smile:

[Virg]

I have and loved it :) Just make sure everyone is on the same page. In my case that was: "I am the teacher, here is what I do, how does that work for you?" In your case though it may look very different.

 

ETA: I have heard of many teachers suggesting ADHD meds :) It was nicely suggested for mine in their 5 months of Kindergarten.

[DawnM]

In CA we were told to never suggest the child needed therapy or medication in any way or the school might be held legally responsible to make sure the child received it.

 

Dawn

 

I hear about this all the time. In fact, a while ago there was some law or something either discussed or passed (forget which) that would prohibit teachers from suggesting medication because they are not qualified to do so but would sometimes do so because it would be easier to teach if Johnny were still and quiet.

 

Tara

[TessaS]

I would if I were getting paid enough. :001_smile:

 

and there's the million dollar question!

 

what is enough?

 

enough to pay for some expensive classes I think my eldest dd (pg, accelerated learner) needs, enough for my ends to meet, us to eat more foods that don't require as much prep time, gah! housekeeping help??

[bairnmama]

I did this past year, but I won't be doing it again. Yes, it did help me to stick with our curriculum and get through the non-skill areas, but my dd's math and LA ended up falling through the cracks. She has many learning issues that require intense teaching from me and I just didn't have the time/energy to devote to it once I was done with my other student who was also woefully behind in math... but I was getting paid to teach the other student and so HAD to get her more up to speed.

 

I am a single mom and even though the extra money was helpful, it wasn't enough to justify the time it took away from teaching my own dd. We are now continuing our math and LA through the summer to get back on track even though I'm really ready for a bit of a break from school. Also, my ds often felt excluded since the other student was with us for so much of the school day. He was often left to amuse himself and couldn't stay in the same room as the rest of us because of this other student's distractibility - she's 12 and very ADD. She had been on medication, but I found she was easier to handle without it. She may have been more distracted, but at least she wasn't falling asleep any time there was a quiet moment.

[Carpe]

and there's the million dollar question!

 

what is enough?

 

enough to pay for some expensive classes I think my eldest dd (pg, accelerated learner) needs, enough for my ends to meet, us to eat more foods that don't require as much prep time, gah! housekeeping help??

 

I do "homeschool" one of my friend's kids. I was their afterschool and summer care. I get paid the same hourly rate I was getting before but I have them for 7 hours more per day (during the traditional school year, and the same amount in the summer)

 

It's enough IMO. But it's a lot of money for them. A lot. I think it would cost less for one of them to quit working and teach their own kids. I wouldn't do it for less though. It's too much of a time commitment.

[5LittleMonkeys]

If I had to choose between teaching someone else's dc during the day or working part time in the evening I would choose teaching hands down. I've worked part time in the evening (6-midnight) and it was horrid. We all rushed through dinner, then I would have to leave my dh (who had gotten up at 4:30 and worked 8 hours with an hour and a half commute), and my dc to clean up the kitchen. All of our evening rituals were gone...game night, stories, watching movies together, bath time, rocking babies to sleep, cuddles in mommy's bed, bedtime stories, relaxing with dh after the house was quite...I felt like a huge chunk of my family life was just gone. The dc started begging me to call in sick and then finally dh said he couldn't stand it any longer and told me to quit. I did and we made ends meet.

 

Now, if I didn't have to choose one or the other of those options then I wouldn't teach someone else's dc. I'm in a different position than the OP though. I have more dc and still spend most of my day in one on one instruction (usually 7 to 8 hours), so I can't even fathom adding in another student right now.