Major tantrum at B&N tonight--how do you handle this?

[bzymom]

First, :grouphug: to you.

 

As the mom of three boys (well, two are now men!), I always reminded myself that one day these peanuts would be bigger than me, so I needed to make sure they learned quickly that I meant business.

 

Two of my guys were tantrum prone, one of these two has AS. If he lost it in a store, I would quietly tell him I knew he was out of control, and I was giving him three or four minutes to pull it together before I would need to take him out of there for his own sake and to keep him from disturbing others. After a couple of assisted removals, followed by his not being permitted to go back to the 'scene of the crime' for weeks afterwards, he improved.

 

My other son was more prone to this at home. I did bear hug him when I needed to, and held him till he regained control. He hated it, but it worked, and kept him from hurting himself or someone else while in that state. (Although I did have bruises from these days!)

 

Talk to your 8 yr old privately about your plan before you head out again. Tell her you may need her help if he goes into meltdown, and what you want her to do (i.e. hold your purse, grab whatever purchases you have made and quietly follow you). Acknowledge to her that you recognize it can be embarrassing for her, that she needs to have empathy because it cannot feel good for him to be so out of control, but that you and Dad are going to work hard to help him. Bear hug him from behind if you can. If you need to throw him over your shoulder to move him, do it. If he hits or bites, the consequences must be monumental the first time.

 

And I'm in NJ, so if I see you out with an unhappy 5 yr old, I'll be happy to give you a hand!

[beccad777]

I wouldn't have bought her anything. You told her if she continued, she wouldn't get anything, but didn't follow through, since she didn't behave. As soon as she sat down and refused to budge, I would have put everything down, slung her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and left.

 

btdt.

 

 

:iagree: This is exactly what I would have done. In general, my kids don't get things while we are in the stores. If I say they can have something, I am very specific about it and don't budge. Sometimes I will give them a choice of anything on a certain rack (all the same price). But, in general, they don't get stuff because I don't want them always thinking that they get something every time we go anywhere. They know that if they misbehave, their chances of anything special will automatically disappear. It doesn't always quell all misbehavior, but it certainly helps. You must be consistent. Don't argue or conjole. If she doesn't obey, don't let it escalate. Simply leave.

 

I don't just walk away from certain kids because they would just let me leave and then I would look like a fool coming back to get them. My oldest DD and DS this would work for, but not my 5 and 3 year old. Can you say stubborn? :tongue_smilie: I just pick them up and leave. Stick them in a cart or the stroller and go. I need to get them in a controlled environment or my blood pressure skyrockets. Once we are back at the van I can let them scream it out or whatever, but they are not disturbing others and they are safe. If she is too big for you to carry, take a cart with you around the store just in case you need it. Then you can get her to the door in a hurry. Good luck! :grouphug:

[zookeeperof3]

:grouphug: Your child sounds like mine. Mine is 4 yrs old, wears 6T clothes, and I can't carry him anymore. The Dr says he has severe ADHD,but can 't be medicated yet so I understand what you are going through.

 

I'll list here some things that I do that have helped a lot. First, I read the book The ADHD Diet ( Feingold Diet) There are a lot of similar books out there, borrow what the library has.Doing the diet elimination, I discovered that my kids are very sensitive to caramel coloring, it's in a lot of products including Coke, who knew!

 

Second, Children who have tantrums are acting out for various reasons, the dietary aspect, not having control of what's going on, confusion about what's going on, sensory overload etc. My son also has sensory issues. These kids NEED to know what's going to happen at all times. This means having a routine. I use these free chore charts, http://confessionsofahomeschooler.blogspot.com/2011/01/chore-chart-cards.html

She has a set for younger kids. My child HAS to know what's going to happen or he can't function.In addition to the chore chart, we have the Melissa & Doug magnetic calendar. We put everything on it, hair cut magnet, Dr appt magnet, etc. Every morning we go over the calendar to see what we have to do that day, so the children know what to expect.

 

Third, for going to the store or other outings we follow a set pattern, that's helped a lot. It also helps to go out right after breakfast, so we are back for lunch and I'm not tempted to buy lunch out, that will have food dyes in them. Also, most kids are better rested, more amiable in the mornings, and the stores aren't as crowded. I tell the child, we have to buy 20 things at the grocery store, see they are on Mommy's list. He knows there's a limit, that we won't be trolling the aisle's for hours because I have a list. If it's not on Mommy's list, then we won't be buying it ( that means no toys, gum etc unless it was added to my list before we left). Before we get out of the car at the store, we go over THE RULES. They are non-negotiable. I say them in a firm, but not mean voice.

No running

No whining

No begging

No screaming

No running away from Mommy

You MUST hold onto Mommy's hand or cart the entire time. If you do not, you will have one warning, then you will ride in the baby seat of the cart.

If you don't follow the rules, we will leave the store, then we won't have any food for dinner and Mommy will have to come out shopping after you go to bed. This would make me very sad, if you can't act like a big boy in the store.

If you follow the rules, when we get home you will have a treat...I name the treat, make it reasonable, a Popsicle, 30 mins of Wii time, calling Grandma on the phone to tell her what a big boy he was etc.

You can do this right? Of course you can, You're a big boy! OK, let's go!

 

I always try to have a positive, upbeat attitude. Kids pick up on it if you are unhappy, then they are unhappy.

 

If after going over The Rules, he acts up, we leave the store. I simply say ( calmly, angry voices feed the temper tantrum), you are not following The Rules, so we have to go home no. That means you did not earn your treat. I'm very disappointed.Let's go. Then, I walk away. He usually comes running after me before I've made it 10 feet away from him. Then, I follow through, this is the important part. Go home. DO not give the treat because it was not earned. If your child cry's and begs to try again, say Maybe tomorrow we will try again.

 

All of these things have helped my son tremendously. I had to learn that he HAS to know what's going to happen and that he can not handle a lot of running around, loud noises etc. I try to go out only once a week. My son does best being at home, on his schedule.

 

I hope some of this helped you. You will figure out what works for your child.

Take Care,

Kim

[TravelingChris]

Does she have other issues? Is she ADHD or something else? Because the best thing I found that helped was proper dosages of medications. It still helps. I was wondering why my almost 18 yo was having problems these last few evenings and it turns out she didn't take her late afternoon dose. (No, she wasn't having a tantrum but was having unacceptable behavior).

[KS_]

Oh no, sorry, that was my big kid. The trip was specifically to get her something she wanted, that she'd been waiting to shop for.

 

I still manage to overpower her, and I make sure I win the battles, but that doesn't seem to stop DD5 from picking them anyway :confused: She doesn't seem to learn, and doesn't seem to have a currency that matters long-term. I attribute some of that to the food sensitivity. How much? I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

 

KH_ recommended that book to me a little while ago too. I had started it, but then didn't think it applied really. She's generally not explosive like they seem to describe in the book--she's more like a brick wall. KH_ assured me that it would help anyway, so I'm waiting for it from the library. I have a few others on hand as well. Thanks for the follow-up recommendation!

 

I'm just catching this thread this morning. I'm sorry you had such an awful day yesterday :grouphug: The winning battles doesn't really matter to kids like this - it's not about you as the parent making sure you always overpower or win. At least from everything I've read and from what I've experienced, it doesn't make things better. "Common sense" parenting strategies have never worked well with my ds who has meltdowns/tantrums like this.

 

The book deals a lot with being able to identify the triggers and when the child is headed down that path and to avoid going there. Over time, you help teach the child coping techniques to deal with their feelings. My ds was older when I finally got the book, and was old enough that I sat down and explained to him that he had a low tolerance and low threshhold for frustration and that I was reading the book to try to help him with that. He'd always viewed our relationship as adversarial, and he was genuinely happy that I wanted to help.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Sigh...Bad behavior happens...

 

Mine would loose the privilege of visiting that wonderful place until they could keep it together.

 

I would also set the child up for a good outing next time by ensuring a small amount of time and their system was in working order. (You mentioned dye sensitivity.)

 

Due to size, I'd even consider calling dad and have him come to the site and carry my out of control darling to the car. (You might want to shop as a pair for a while.)

 

:grouphug:Big hug again.:grouphug:

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I still manage to overpower her, and I make sure I win the battles, but that doesn't seem to stop DD5 from picking them anyway :confused: She doesn't seem to learn, and doesn't seem to have a currency that matters long-term. I attribute some of that to the food sensitivity. How much? I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

 

 

I have not yet read past this, but this really stood out to me.

 

You can't set out to win the battles. In our case, it makes ds worse. I do not give in to him, but I don't make a big deal about winning either. Our battles end as peacefully as possible with niether winner or loser.

 

As soon as dd gets home from school, I'll pm you some pictures of different holds.

 

The most useful one for us, looks very mean, but works.

 

I will put ds face down with his hands at his back (like when police take someone down) and hold his head firm but not mean, to the side. He'll try to slam his head, bite, spit, etc. I also sit on him, but not with all my weight. When using this, you have to sit nears the knees or you get kicked that way.

 

I only use this if he is beyond losing it, and there would be no safe way to get out of the store.

 

As soon as he calms down, I turn him around and hug him until he's ready to continue. Usually we'll just leave.

 

We also have a stroller/wheelchair and a harness for a carseat when he has extended periods of tantruming behavior.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Wanted to add something about the bear hug from behind-

 

My ds is strong enough to push me over, so I have to make sure I sit against a wall.

 

You also have to hold her head very firm or she can slam your collar bone, and it really, really, really hurts!

 

Anyway, I'll get you some pics later. I am 5 feet tall, and my ds is just over 4 feet. I've been learning to modify holds as he grows. I'll practice with my dd who is taller and 50lbs heavier than ds.

 

These holds are only useful in the moment. Obviously working on her behavior should be a top priority.

 

I keep remembering things as I type, sorry. With my ds, I can't talk to him while holding, and I have to ignore what he says, does, and asks. He'll start screaming that he's done, he promises, and wants to be let go. This is not true! I can only let him go when I *know* he's calm. Usually it's after his mood seems to go from angry to upset.

[Occasionally]

 

OK, I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

 

Just :grouphug: and hoping that things are starting to look up.

[kathkath]

This does not solve the *entire* issue but can help in the heat of the moment in a public place. I learned it from a behavior management course. Keep some mini-marshmallows in your purse, or something else your child loves. Marshmallows work for me because my kids love them but they don't tempt me :). My kids will eat them stale too.

 

If there is a problem, calmly whisper/state in your child's ear your single specific request "Your job is to walk to the front door" or whatever. State it 1 time. Then tell your other children your request, in earshot of tantruming child. As you bring your others to the door, praise them loudly and profusely for cooperating, giving THEM marshmallows as you move towards the door. The tantruming child gets NO attention while the others are saturated with it.

[melissel]

I'm just catching this thread this morning. I'm sorry you had such an awful day yesterday :grouphug: The winning battles doesn't really matter to kids like this - it's not about you as the parent making sure you always overpower or win. At least from everything I've read and from what I've experienced, it doesn't make things better. "Common sense" parenting strategies have never worked well with my ds who has meltdowns/tantrums like this.

 

The book deals a lot with being able to identify the triggers and when the child is headed down that path and to avoid going there. Over time, you help teach the child coping techniques to deal with their feelings. My ds was older when I finally got the book, and was old enough that I sat down and explained to him that he had a low tolerance and low threshhold for frustration and that I was reading the book to try to help him with that. He'd always viewed our relationship as adversarial, and he was genuinely happy that I wanted to help.

 

I have not yet read past this, but this really stood out to me.

 

You can't set out to win the battles. In our case, it makes ds worse. I do not give in to him, but I don't make a big deal about winning either. Our battles end as peacefully as possible with niether winner or loser.

 

As soon as dd gets home from school, I'll pm you some pictures of different holds.

 

The most useful one for us, looks very mean, but works.

 

I will put ds face down with his hands at his back (like when police take someone down) and hold his head firm but not mean, to the side. He'll try to slam his head, bite, spit, etc. I also sit on him, but not with all my weight. When using this, you have to sit nears the knees or you get kicked that way.

 

I only use this if he is beyond losing it, and there would be no safe way to get out of the store.

 

As soon as he calms down, I turn him around and hug him until he's ready to continue. Usually we'll just leave.

 

We also have a stroller/wheelchair and a harness for a carseat when he has extended periods of tantruming behavior.

 

Thanks to you both. I mentioned winning the battles because with her, if I give her an inch, she will take 50 miles. It took me a long time to learn this, because I'm a very "Hey, do what you need to do" kind of person, and DD8 is very rational and compliant. But DD5 wants to control every situation, all the time. The more she "wins," the more control she thinks she has over you, and she exerts it in every possible way--in the way she speaks, the way she treats me and her sister, the way she negotiates. I always notice that after days like yesterday, as long as I win the battle, she's much calmer and more polite, and she speaks much more kindly, and I make sure that I show her that I see that, and make opportunities to give her some control gladly (she flipped pancakes today).

 

I honestly don't know what it is about her personality, but it worries me so much. I'm worried about her future, about what she'll do as a teen, as an adult, just to show people that she can :( My mom used to joke that DD8 was going to be a lawyer when she grew up, which was good because DD5 was going to need one. It was a joke then, but we don't joke about it anymore, and I'm really concerned. She's not a sociopath or anything, but she's the kind of kid who will think, "Oh, so you think smoking's disgusting? Somebody hand me a cigarette. You won't let me stay out past 10 p.m.? See you tomorrow morning!" She's so much like my father in so many (negative) ways, and I'm thinking hard about our relationship right now, and how I can make it stronger while still maintaining the parent portion of the relationship.

 

Someone asked what the consequence was: She got no toy/sticker book, we came straight home, she went straight to her room without her blanket, because she couldn't find it and I wasn't about to go searching. She spent the evening in there, ate her plain dinner in there, got no bedtime reading or dessert, etc. I did finally dig out her wooby because she couldn't calm herself without it, and I did allow her to read to herself and to listen to an audiobook eventually. She had a very hard time going to sleep and didn't drop off until almost midnight. I had her up at 8:15 this morning, and there will be no screens of any kind today, and maybe longer, I haven't decided. She'll be spending lots of time outside today.

 

She already knows she won't be going anywhere except the grocery store and library (not generally a problem for her) for a long time. She did ask to go back to B&N today when she first woke up. I just laughed, and she, "Well, can we play a game then?" I did agree to that.

 

Several people mentioned seeing the signs. I feel like I did see the signs and that's when I tried to get her out of there. But I also realized...I know better! I know better than to wait until I see the signs! This is something I've known since DD8 was a baby--once you see them rubbing their eyes, you missed the sleep window. When they start to fuss, it's too late, you waited too long. Always stop at the halfway point, no matter how much DD begs to keep going with the RightStart lesson. Get out BEFORE THEN. Don't wait until you've gone over the peak and you're on the downhill. I think I need to have that tattooed on my arm :smash:

 

All the muscles in my right arm, chest, and shoulder are sore today *sigh* Again, thank you all for the hugs and the ideas and and the therapy session and for sharing your experiences. I feel girded up again.

[clarkacademy]

Ah, thanks :crying: It's been an extremely tough day for all of us, though DD8 is very happy with her purchases at least :rolleyes:

 

So maybe I am misunderstanding, she threw a fit over leaving? Yet she left the store with something? Isn't that kind of rewarding bad behavior? I understand sort of that somethings sets a kid off but the fact she left the store with something is what blows me away.

 

I have a son who is autistic and another who is adhd and I have seen meltdowns in my day. I would never have walked out with something in a bag for them, EVER. I don't care if they paid with their own money either, the bag would have been left on the floor.

 

She is 8 and getting bigger everyday, what will you do when she is 13, 16.. I mean regardless of issues she has to learn appropriate behavior and it won't be learned if she is rewarded.

[melissel]

Does she have other issues? Is she ADHD or something else? Because the best thing I found that helped was proper dosages of medications. It still helps. I was wondering why my almost 18 yo was having problems these last few evenings and it turns out she didn't take her late afternoon dose. (No, she wasn't having a tantrum but was having unacceptable behavior).

 

Christina, I think she does have ADHD. I started researching it because of her, and I discovered that I'm pretty sure I have it too. I also read a bit about men and ADHD, and I'm reasonably sure my dad does too (though he would nevernevernevernever admit to it, and certainly never seek treatment), and she is SO MUCH like my dad in so many ways. I'm toying with the idea of medication for myself, but I'm not ready to medicate her yet, because I don't think it manifests itself on a broad scale too badly. I'm prepared to do it if I have to, but I've noticed positive changes based on controlling her food alone, so I want to start there and with better routines at home. She can concentrate on schoolwork just fine for now, so I've been holding off until I see what I can do on my own. I've been able to manage my own pretty well with supplements too, thankfully (as long as I remember to take them!).

[melissel]

So maybe I am misunderstanding, she threw a fit over leaving? Yet she left the store with something? Isn't that kind of rewarding bad behavior? I understand sort of that somethings sets a kid off but the fact she left the store with something is what blows me away.

 

I have a son who is autistic and another who is adhd and I have seen meltdowns in my day. I would never have walked out with something in a bag for them, EVER. I don't care if they paid with their own money either, the bag would have been left on the floor.

 

She is 8 and getting bigger everyday, what will you do when she is 13, 16.. I mean regardless of issues she has to learn appropriate behavior and it won't be learned if she is rewarded.

 

No, DD5 was the problem yesterday. DD8 was the one who got books, and I bought gifts. DD5 got nothing.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

One of my son's behavior therapists said to take away bedtime reading as a punishment, but I refused. I personally do not think a bedtime routine like reading should change because of behavior.

 

I'll read something beyond boring on really bad days, but I always read.

 

You should read Functional Behavior Assessments for people with autism. It can easily be extended to anyone, not just people with autism, or any diagnosis for that matter. It's been a huge help here. This book will only help pinpoint the reason for the behavior, it will not help with a behavior plan. However, designing a plan is much easier when you know the real cause.

[clarkacademy]

No, DD5 was the problem yesterday. DD8 was the one who got books, and I bought gifts. DD5 got nothing.

 

 

Oh OK I see. I did misunderstand! Sounds like you made a great choice on that one. I agree with no outings for quite a while like alot of others have said. That is really crummy, having one who acts up. My other children have had to leave things because of sibling behavior and it was never fun.

 

I would put the five year in a stroller too then. They would only go with me when it was a must, like when I could find no sitter. I would let the other come home happy full of smiles over going bye bye and cement that in the other child. "See, you must behave or you stay home".

[Pink Fairy]

I don't have any advice because I've never BTDT, but hugs to you and your precious girl. Whatever else your dd needs, she's already got a caring and compassionate mama. :grouphug:

[melissel]

One of my son's behavior therapists said to take away bedtime reading as a punishment, but I refused. I personally do not think a bedtime routine like reading should change because of behavior.

 

I'll read something beyond boring on really bad days, but I always read.

 

You should read Functional Behavior Assessments for people with autism. It can easily be extended to anyone, not just people with autism, or any diagnosis for that matter. It's been a huge help here. This book will only help pinpoint the reason for the behavior, it will not help with a behavior plan. However, designing a plan is much easier when you know the real cause.

 

I know, I'm conflicted on the reading thing too. I think she knows how much it means because she knows how much reading means to ME, so for me to not do it is a big deal. It wasn't so much a punishment as it was that I really just couldn't bring myself to sit down and snuggle on the couch :( I would have been in another state at that point if I could have.

 

I will look for the book, thank you.

 

I would let the other come home happy full of smiles over going bye bye and cement that in the other child. "See, you must behave or you stay home".

 

That's the plan. This isn't something that happens often, really. That's why it was so mind-blowing. I mean, she's had smaller-scale meltdowns, but I've NEVER had to bodily remove her from a store that way. Hopefully the consequence will have an impact, and will maybe get us past a stage--maybe???

 

I don't have any advice because I've never BTDT, but hugs to you and your precious girl. Whatever else your dd needs, she's already got a caring and compassionate mama. :grouphug:

 

Thank you :crying: I really did not feel that way last night at all. All I could think while I was dragging her out was, how will I explain this if something like a greenstick fracture or nursemaid's elbow happens?! Another good reason to try the bear hug carry, I guess.

[2cents]

I personally hesitate to strong-arm a larger child in public because on-lookers get odd about it and it only gives the child an audience. I think one of my daughters only tried something like that one time and I told her I was leaving and she needed to follow. She refused and I left (hid behind a book shelf and peeked on her). Once she lost sight of me she came running pretty quickly. I only told her that it was fortunate she came along because I didn't want her to think it was a game. Normally, this isn't something I would recommend if there is traffic or other potentially dangerous situations nearby. However, I'm not saying I wouldn't, as a last resort, pick up a child and bodily haul them out if all else failed.

 

Whatever you do, just make just sure you adhere to your consequences. :grouphug:

[elise1mds]

I have tears in my eyes after reading the entire thread. I have a son who is an Aspie/ADHD child and a DD with a mood disorder. They are both huge for their ages. The 8-yo is 5 feet tall, more or less, and the 6yo is more than 4 feet tall. I have been an extremely consistent parent since my son was tiny and I began to realize that he couldn't handle any inconsistencies whatsoever. When I say I will do something, I do it. Empty threats do not exist. They can't.

 

My DD6 began to throw the exact same type of fits you're talking about when she was 5. They were horrendous and lasted for hours. I have story after story that I could share, and you'd probably relate to a few. The folks that suggest walking away and assuming your DD will follow... I'll be honest. That idea petrifies me. Mine will NOT follow when she's gotten a rage started. In fact, she's more than likely to head in the opposite direction and start destroying property on the way. I like using the 'hug' and am not afraid to use it in public. If I can get her back to a verbal state (she goes subverbal in her rages), then I can usually release her and we can resolve the issue... usually leaving the premises immediately and without bolting through the parking lot. I still get some bruises but not as much as if I tried to gunnysack her out the door.

 

I also recommend the book "The Explosive Child" that someone else mentioned. A redirection tool (like the marshmallows) doesn't work with mine, though each child has his or her own 'currency' and if you can figure out what works for yours, you might be able to work something out. Unfortunately, *I* am my daughter's currency, so when she's decided that she wants nothing to do with me, nothing else matters.

 

I wish I had a magic cure. I wish I could say that my daughter's issues are related to food, though I know they aren't. Red 40 messes with my son a little bit, but there aren't any other food reactions that I've ever seen and none in my daughter. We've tested for celiac. We've tested her thyroid. We've tested for lead. Nada, though those might be options for you. Someone mentioned OT testing, and that might be a good idea. I know that stores like Walmart, Lowe's, some grocery stores - any store with a combination of skylights and fluorescent lighting - mess with my son in a fierce way, and he literally feels sick to his stomach.

 

Gosh, I didn't mean to write this much. I hope you're able to make a list of things to try and see if something helps your daughter. I don't wish that behavior on any parent! :grouphug:

[keptwoman]

:iagree:

 

 

Please do read The Explosive Child and consult a competent psych. Your family life will be much more peaceful than the wars you have going on now.

 

 

 

This makes me sad to hear. Please, please contact your ped for a referral to a psych. The right psych can get this solved for you very quickly. You don't have to imprison a sensitive child and continually have warfare.

Under the advice of a psychologist I did with C exactly what is described here. In a month we had a totally different child. He spent a few half days and a few full days in his room, including eating his meals alone there, but the punishment fitted the severity of his behaviour (it was a whole new scale of bad) and within a few weeks he was controlling himself better so he would not end up in his room. He needed iron clad boundaries and strong consequences and when he got them he settled down.

 

It might make you feel sad, but it turned my kid around from saying that he hated his life and wanted to die, to a happy, normal kid.

[Peela]

Nothing much to add except that I used to take care of intellectually disabled people- young adults- in a public place where they were supposed to be working (washing cars) and I was supervising (but usually washed most of the cars). I did the job 2 days a week for 5 years. We had one young woman- I honestly do not know how her mother didn't strangle her or put something in her dinner- she was so, so difficult to manage. She was sweet looking though, pretty and innocent looking- and of course disabled- but if she was allowed to go to the nearby shop- where most of them had lunch money to spend- and she wanted something but didn't have enough money- she would literally start screaming loudly and crying with profuse tears, there and then, to manipulate the store owner into giving it to her. Getting her back to base camp- a mere 100 metres away- through a city street- was incredibly difficult- she was a grown young woman literally behaving like a toddler. My partner (male) and I would literally have to physically drag her back sometimes, while she screamed and writhed- so, so difficult and embarrassing in public, not to mention physically dangerous. Of course- that was our job, and someone needs to do it. But your post reminded me of those times when you just have to do what you have to do, with the public watching and all. Then you use preventative strategies so you are not in the same situation again if possible- in our case, we stopped allowing this young woman to come to the shop at all- and literally had to lock her in the office back at the carwash or she would sprint for it.

( I am not tryng to compare your dd to my intellectually disabled client of course- just sharing a story your story reminded me of).

 

My son used to throw massive tantrums in public too, but he was always a small kid so it wasnt the same- just pick him up, sling him over my shoulder, and walk off.

[Giraffe]

No advice, just :grouphug:.

 

When DD has a tantrum, I just let her have it, while holding her hand, right there in the middle of the store. But her tantrums and your child's are nothing like each other, so I just offer my heartfelt hugs to you.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I haven't read the whole thread but I have a 15yo Aspie and a 12yo who I suspect has some sort of sensory disorder. I want you to know you are not alone. People didn't understand why I was physically holding or dragging/carrying my dd out of somewhere or into the car. Dirty looks, mean comments and threats to call the cops. It has gotten better and I've learned some triggers to watch for, hunger, tired, fluorescent lighting too long, noise.... Anyway :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Pretty in Pink]

OP, I only read through page 4 so forgive me if I am repeating someone else. Is it still possible for you to get this child seated in a shopping cart? What about a stroller? Perhaps you could avoid taking her stores in general (I know you already mentioned that) and then, if you do *have* to take her in one, strap her into a carseat or stroller. At least it would make it easier for you to get her out of there if you had to. :grouphug: