Frontier Mom Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 I don't expect perfect rooms, nor do I intend on driving myself mad policing their rooms at this age. However, we do have a few minimum rules like: No food or drinks Pick up what you get out Put the clothes away in dresser or closet Keep hall clean (for safety reasons) Dump trash Keep towels off floor Keep bathroom reasonably clean (no pee on floor:glare:) However, mine will say they are clean but all their areas are upstairs. When I go up, like last night, the rooms were NOT clean. Clean clothes on the floor, empty and half full water bottles, food wrappers, towels on floor, etc. So, what punishment besides flogging will work?:banghead: I like to follow Keven Lehman's advice to make the punishment seem like a natural consequence. I try to leave them be but I just can't take it when they get really bad. I need advice:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 No real idea, since my parents never really enforced a clean room. Every now and then my dad would come in and say, "If you don't clean this room by X, I'm going to start throwing stuff away." Or some other kind of threat. And it always got done, because we knew he meant business and would stick to it. My mom on the other hand was a pushover, none of us ever really listened to her. Do you have any other kind of discipline method in place? Like no allowance if they don't do their chores for the week? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 One suggestion of Lehman's is to hire a sib to clean their room, using the allowance to pay. That way, its a 2 fold punishment...less allowance, and *gasp* a sib in their room, touching their stuff! :svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 My eldest has an upstairs bedroom that gets out of control sometimes. I feel your pain. I never go up there unless it is to check his room and bathroom. When he lies to me about having cleaned his room, he loses his room for a week. He takes one of the bunks in the little boys' room and our 5 and 7yos get his room for the week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Little kiddos - we do it together, so no problem. But for the big kiddos - oh my! When it really HAS to be cleaned properly (usually once a week on Saturday), the rule is they have to get it done AND have it pass inspection before they go anywhere. This definitely cuts into their fun time. I did let one kid hire ME to clean his room when he forgot and wanted to go to a baseball game. I actually felt pretty good about that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 One suggestion of Lehman's is to hire a sib to clean their room, using the allowance to pay. That way, its a 2 fold punishment...less allowance, and *gasp* a sib in their room, touching their stuff! :svengo: It took one week of this to rearrange my son's attitude. Works like a charm! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 One suggestion of Lehman's is to hire a sib to clean their room, using the allowance to pay. That way, its a 2 fold punishment...less allowance, and *gasp* a sib in their room, touching their stuff! :svengo: LOL oh yeah, that'd chaff something terrible with my kids! We don't and never have allowed food or drink out of the kitchen, so that's not an issue. And we do the trash bag thing too about twice a year. We go through every shelf, box, drawer, and closet and clear it all out. I'd be pretty harsh. Especially if they lied. Some clutter is expected, but it sounds like they are blatantly and purposely breaking house rules and then compounding it by further lying about cleaning up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgo95 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I ask the kids to tidy throughout the day so messes are more manageable and basically we will do nothing until everything is put away. That way, I don't really deal with cleaning infractions since its always has to be tidy before we go on with our day. Lying about the cleaning is a separate issue from actually cleaning, in my mind, and should be dealt with as any other lie. I do like the idea of having someone else touching their stuff as a deterrent :lol:. Effective parenting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I enforce a clean room (beds somewhat made, no clothes on floor) by checking their room before they can go out to play when friends get home from school. I usually give them a lunch break warning so they can tidy up if needed and then check right before they go out. If it's not clean to my standards, they have to stay in and clean it until it is. I try not to be a stickler about it and give them a lot of grace, but my kids tend to be slobs when it comes to their rooms, hence the daily check. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 My husband works from home (lucky me! :D) and he handles this for me. He walks down the hall before breakfast, looks at the rooms, nags the kids, and if they don't straighten everything up they lose all their privileges for the day. (phone, computer, tv, video games) Granted, sometimes they don't CARE about those privileges since they don't have much time for them on school days anyway, but it still seems to work. :tongue_smilie: If I handled it, it wouldn't work at all. "But, Mom...I NEED facebook to talk to my friends." "Well, OKAY then, but please pick up your clothes." Dh will just snatch the phone off the dresser and walk out of the room leaving a trail of whining behind. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 and the problem is ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I don't expect perfect rooms, nor do I intend on driving myself mad policing their rooms at this age. However, we do have a few minimum rules like: No food or drinks Pick up what you get out Put the clothes away in dresser or closet Keep hall clean (for safety reasons) Dump trash Keep towels off floor Keep bathroom reasonably clean (no pee on floor:glare:) However, mine will say they are clean but all their areas are upstairs. When I go up, like last night, the rooms were NOT clean. Clean clothes on the floor, empty and half full water bottles, food wrappers, towels on floor, etc. So, what punishment besides flogging will work?:banghead: I like to follow Keven Lehman's advice to make the punishment seem like a natural consequence. I try to leave them be but I just can't take it when they get really bad. I need advice:confused: My guys only get game time on the weekend. They don't get game time until their bedrooms, the playroom, and any junk they've left in my room or this school room is put away. I don't care who cleans it up, it just needs to get done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Mine are not allowed out of their rooms untils it's done. Bathroom only. No lunch, dinner, or anything else until it's clean. There's never much to do. No food or drink out of the kitchen, so there's never anything upstairs. No activities are started until current ones are finished. So if dd has her barbie bin all over and wants to go outside, it all gets picked up first. I do laundry frequently and dd puts her own away. It doesn't have to be perfect, just has to show effort. Once per week I'll check her dresser. If it's not decent, it gets dumped and she'll have to redo it. This has happened once. DS is a bit more difficult, but it just means that I have to stay on top of everything he does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 When my daughter's room starts looking like a disaster area, I have learned that telling her to clean it is not really effective. It's not that she purposely wants to disobey or anything. It's that she doesn't really yet know how to make effective use of her time, and she's easily distracted, and she gets overwhelmed and/or doesn't know where to start, etc. Rather than punishing her for that, I've found that if I pick a time where I can go up there with her and either help her out a little bit (I mean, why not- she's always helping me with all the other areas around the house and work is so much more pleasant in general when people pitch in and help each other) and/or at least direct her... "Okay, put those barbies in the toybox. Done with that? Okay, dirty clothes out in the hall please, you can take them down with you when you're done. Put those books in your book bin now." Things like that. Things actually get accomplished that way... much more effectively and in way less time than if I'd just told her "go do it." Nobody gets punished. I know there are those of you who will say "Well how will she ever learn etc etc etc"... all I can say is that I'm just confident that she will. *I* believe that this kind of thing will resolve itself as she gets older, more mature etc automatically and that it's not worth making a "you must do this or you will never learn as long as you live!!!!" stand when she's ten. Works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 Very nice. I admit that I have been so busy lately I haven't taken time to help them out at all so maybe it is just an overwhelming task. Also, my "clean" might be their "clean", IYKWIM. I can walk in their room and they say it is clean but I see mess. Obviously two definitions. I like this idea though, of doing it together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 I like this idea too. One problem I have is the two boys that share a room, one makes the mess but the other one seems to always clean his mess up for him. Maybe I should start paying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 When one of mine doesn't pull his cleaning weight, he gets the job of cleaning the entire room by himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I have learned not to care so much and just shut the door. Every couple of weeks they feel motivated to tidy their rooms when a particular friend is coming over (especially of the opposite sex!). But we do have the same problem in the TV area that they tend to use exclusively. Dh doesn't hand out pocket money until things are tidy. Or we just say not TV or computer till this area is tidy. I have learned to be really, really patient with it all and not expect that just because i say it this time, they will never mess it up again. So, its a regular occurrence- please tidy the TV area before you watch TV. Or, your room is so bad I cant see the floor- go in there and so something before I drive you to wherever. Getting upset just upsets me. And never helps. The thing is to find something to hold over them- pocket money, screen time- and withhold it until the job is done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HayesW Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Food out of eating areas has become a HUGE problem for us. I stopped feeding them! Not really, but I limited snacking and meals to set times. At those times, all electronics and books go away. WE all sit at the dining room table and eat until everyone is finished. I hope that after a week or so of this, they get the point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I still tell my boys when to clean up (always at night during the get-ready-for-bed routine and sometimes during the day). I tell them to let me know when they are finished so I can inspect. I then look around. If there are a couple of things still lying around, I tell them which ones, and they just pick them up. If I can tell they didn't really give much effort, I tell them to try again and let me know when they are REALLY finished. Sometimes I also remind them of things to look for: clothes, wrappers, toys, books, etc. It usually sparks their memory, and they go running. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Mine are not allowed out of their rooms untils it's done. :iagree: Though I do have sort of lax standards, but the last time they did this they did a great job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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