Babies in Restaurants... BTDT

[tex-mex]

We were invited to a fancy restaurant with a large group of people -- Lawry's in Dallas. It was part of a business dinner with company execs and family members. A big treat!

 

One of hubby's co-workers is a sweet family that has 18 mo. old twin girls. We've been out to eat many times with the babies and they have been delightful company. The babies have been to this restaurant before and we had so much fun.

 

Our recent time at Lawry's started off great -- the babies were seated with parents. Execs talking about the day's event at a Golf charity event. 15 yr. old son and I seated together with the babies going ga-ga over what to order greedily (in quiet) but having a wonderful time. Baby twin girls munching down on warm artisan bread with gusto. Waiters serving the drinks and appetizers.

 

Lawry's is not exactly known for speedy service. ;) Why that is the reason... I am not exactly sure. The menu is basically high priced everyone-eats-the-same Prime Rib, kwim? But it takes forever for the meal to arrive. LOL

 

So the young mama of the twins was entertaining one exec guest with the new things she was teaching her girls. They know sign language. And they were beginning to learn french. It was adorable to see them mimic their mom and show their talents. Hilarious. :D

 

Then during the long wait, hunger began to set in. (The girls were teething too.) One twin just had it with the wait. I did not blame her one bit. It was close to an hour for our entrees to arrive. The baby just began to whimper. The whimper began to turn to a cry. The cry became a meltdown. And the wife of the co-worker began to panic. You mamas know the feeling. But everyone at the table just kept quiet and pretended not to notice. I felt so bad for her. We've all been there.

 

Any-hoo... the poor parents decided to take the twin that was screaming loudly. (Waiters by that time were looking our way.) And go outside. Minutes ticked by and the parent/exec never came back. Not a good sign. The young mother decided to go out and check if everything is okay. Meanwhile the other twin girl began to whimper as to where her sister went to. But it was quite humbling for the young mom to gather her stuff as the other twin began to worry. Many minutes went by and the large group still enjoyed the time. Finally as our entrees FINALLY arrived -- the exec and his wife came in to apologize to the host/hostess and give their regrets. They had to leave.

 

I noted how uncomfortable the exec's wife was with all of this. I know her twins. They eat out all of the time. This was the first time they've ever acted like this. But I really felt so bad for the mom. BTDT, ya know?

 

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Years ago, when my son was a baby in a restaurant, it used to bug me that although my son was behaving and not causing a scene... my MIL had the attitude that babies should not be in restaurants due to disasters like the one I shared above. MIL was very old-school and always worried over what people would think. One time during a musical comedy performance, my son laughed during the performance and MIL/Grandma shushed him due to his laugh being "too loud". Say what, Grandma? LOL Oh goodness.

 

Me? After going thru so many scenarios with kids in restaurants or airplanes... you do what you gotta do. It is like the old saying, kids and animals are always unpredictable. Even with the most well behaved toddler or baby, you never know what will happen in public places. :lol: Oh the stories...

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Later, the young mama FB'ed me via a private message and apologized. I replied back to not worry. Heck, us mamas have all experienced this -- I told her. I tried to make her feel good and reassured her. There was no way I was going to judge her like my MIL did to me! I think for being a mom of multiples alone she is doing a great job! Poor thing.

 

I wanted to make her feel at ease. Not like how my MIL made me feel. What else can I do to help a new mama with an issue like this?

Edited April 22, 2011 by tex-mex

[Impish]

Nothing, really. Tell her it happens to all moms, and you've found her dds to be delightful. Suggest bringing some snacks or something for the next time, so a long wait won't be such an issue. Survival skills are always a good thing :lol:

[tex-mex]

Nothing, really. Tell her it happens to all moms, and you've found her dds to be delightful. Suggest bringing some snacks or something for the next time, so a long wait won't be such an issue. Survival skills are always a good thing :lol:

I thought of that too. I used to bring tons of snacks and small toys to keep my lil' guy busy during situations like that.

[happypamama]

Yep, just reassure her that you weren't offended, that her girls were adorable, that you've btdt, etc. Commisserate on the long wait, share an anecdote about your own child at a similar age. In the future, you could offer to take a turn walking a child around or even playing peekaboo or something, if the parents and child are okay with that -- sometimes someone different is a nice distraction for the child, and as the parent, it's nice not to have to be "on" every single second.

[MindyD]

Yep, just reassure her that you weren't offended, that her girls were adorable, that you've btdt, etc. Commisserate on the long wait, share an anecdote about your own child at a similar age. In the future, you could offer to take a turn walking a child around or even playing peekaboo or something, if the parents and child are okay with that -- sometimes someone different is a nice distraction for the child, and as the parent, it's nice not to have to be "on" every single second.

:iagree:We've ALL been there. I'd tell her a few horror stories of your own then maybe plan a night soon to go out again just to show that you really don't mind.

[tex-mex]

Yep, just reassure her that you weren't offended, that her girls were adorable, that you've btdt, etc. Commisserate on the long wait, share an anecdote about your own child at a similar age. In the future, you could offer to take a turn walking a child around or even playing peekaboo or something, if the parents and child are okay with that -- sometimes someone different is a nice distraction for the child, and as the parent, it's nice not to have to be "on" every single second.

Would it be okay to pack a small item in my purse to surprise the twins?

 

Like a small puppet to play with them during the long wait? Something to distract them and help out the parents? We know them quite well. We go over to their home and help mom out when her exec hubby is gone on business trips and she needs help. I just gave a large box of children's books and DVDs to her a few weeks ago that I don't need anymore. We go to their bday parties. They come to our place to swim and BBQ. Or to watch a movie together. The 2 husbands golf together and work together. It is a friendship. I just don't want to come across as weird with a small toy in my purse for an event to help out the situation -- ?? Eeeek.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've been there too and sympathize and empathize. But having btdt, I would not have brought such young children to that sort of a dinner.

[tex-mex]

:iagree:We've ALL been there. I'd tell her a few horror stories of your own then maybe plan a night soon to go out again just to show that you really don't mind.

Oh yeah!

 

I already told her we need to have the babies over for a swim and BBQ. Or myself to come over and help out one night -- I'll bring cheesecake and we can watch Real Housewives of New York City! LOL :D

[tex-mex]

I've been there too and sympathize and empathize. But having btdt, I would not have brought such young children to that sort of a dinner.

Good point. The wait was simply too long.

[RachelFlores]

Wow, that is SO brave of her in the first place. I rarely eat out with my children when they are 1-3 years old. We do take out or have a babysitter, this is for everyone's sanity (mine, my kids and fellow diners). I have noticed that other kids seem to be able to sit longer at younger ages than mine do.

 

I would just reassure her that every mother has btdt, anyone with kids should understand. I always feel sympathy for parents I see in this situation, no judgement whatsoever.

[Impish]

Nothing wrong with helping out, be it by a toy in your purse, offering to go outside to keep them company, etc.

 

If you *really* want to show love, offer to babysit so she and her dh can go out for a date. I swear, Wolf and I didn't get out alone for over 3 yrs, with the Littles being 19 mths 7 days apart. I can't imagine how much more difficult that would be with twin babies to tend to.

 

No, I'm wrong...we went out for dinner on our wedding anniversary when I was pregnant :lol:

[tex-mex]

Nothing wrong with helping out, be it by a toy in your purse, offering to go outside to keep them company, etc.

 

If you *really* want to show love, offer to babysit so she and her dh can go out for a date. I swear, Wolf and I didn't get out alone for over 3 yrs, with the Littles being 19 mths 7 days apart. I can't imagine how much more difficult that would be with twin babies to tend to.

 

No, I'm wrong...we went out for dinner on our wedding anniversary when I was pregnant :lol:

:lol::lol::lol:

I hear ya! We never went out when sonny boy was younger. I think back then, if we did eat out with baby in tow... it was a big deal just to go to Denny's. LOL

 

Man, I told my hubby if I volunteer to babysit, he and my son are coming too. Teamwork! I'll change diapers -- but those two need to help me with playing and just keeping up with twins! Eeeek. God bless their mama! ;)

[kalanamak]

I've been there too and sympathize and empathize. But having btdt, I would not have brought such young children to that sort of a dinner.

 

 

We used to, but we made sure we took turns "exploring" with the child (usually outside) until food was actually served. And leave shortly thereafter.

 

Sometimes, when I feel down a little bit, I might think of people "less fortunate than me". When kiddo was still very small, still a babe in arms, we went out to eat at a new, packed Thai restaurant. About halfway through eating, kiddo woke up and started to warm up to squall. Not a holler, not a scream, a warm up. At the FIRST peep, I picked him up and went outside. I'll never forget the look of hatred in a woman's eye as I got up and went by. H-A-T-R-E-D.

Well, kiddo perked up the moment we were outside and proceeded to look in the window at Papa and give these big smiles and waves and was just adorable. I could see people nudging each other and pointing at us outside. It was one of those lovely moments. The angry woman would not melt.

Soon we went inside, and a couple of grandma types had me stop so they could ogle, etc. As I sat down, the angry woman said, clearly, to her husband, "people shouldn't bring children to a place like this!"

 

I felt profoundly sorry for her, and my irritation at being glared at turned into a permanent memory I can to turn to when I need to remember there are people less fortunate than me in the world. :)

[FO4UR]

Poor momma!

 

My dc are 26mo and 14mo apart. I totally get how hard it is!!!

 

 

Restaurants are full of visual and auditory stimulation!!! It's overload after a while for a baby. If you want to help, offer to take them for a walk while they are still happy and you are waiting for the food. Getting out of the noise and chaos (even if it's happy chaos) can really soothe. Maybe take one on your lap for a bit and play a quiet little finger game.

 

Honestly, just knowing you understand and aren't judging her poorly is probably a huge relief for her.:001_smile:

[Murphy101]

I think there is nothing to apologize for. She did exactly as she should have to both meet her girls needs and be considerate of others. Besides that, wise parents know when to bail for their own sanity.

[tex-mex]

The angry woman would not melt.

Soon we went inside, and a couple of grandma types had me stop so they could ogle, etc. As I sat down, the angry woman said, clearly, to her husband, "people shouldn't bring children to a place like this!"

 

I felt profoundly sorry for her, and my irritation at being glared at turned into a permanent memory I can to turn to when I need to remember there are people less fortunate than me in the world. :)

Whoo... that chick reminds me of my MIL. :lol::lol::lol:

 

I am glad you did not let her bully or intimidate you.

[tex-mex]

I think there is nothing to apologize for. She did exactly as she should have to both meet her girls needs and be considerate of others. Besides that, wise parents know when to bail for their own sanity.

:iagree:

[justamouse]

Hoo I know that.

 

But also, were they not asking if the food was being walked from Chicago? Did they stop for a cigarette break on the way? Went back for something they forgot?

[MomsintheGarden]

We used to, but we made sure we took turns "exploring" with the child (usually outside) until food was actually served. And leave shortly thereafter.

 

Sometimes, when I feel down a little bit, I might think of people "less fortunate than me". When kiddo was still very small, still a babe in arms, we went out to eat at a new, packed Thai restaurant. About halfway through eating, kiddo woke up and started to warm up to squall. Not a holler, not a scream, a warm up. At the FIRST peep, I picked him up and went outside. I'll never forget the look of hatred in a woman's eye as I got up and went by. H-A-T-R-E-D.

Well, kiddo perked up the moment we were outside and proceeded to look in the window at Papa and give these big smiles and waves and was just adorable. I could see people nudging each other and pointing at us outside. It was one of those lovely moments. The angry woman would not melt.

Soon we went inside, and a couple of grandma types had me stop so they could ogle, etc. As I sat down, the angry woman said, clearly, to her husband, "people shouldn't bring children to a place like this!"

 

I felt profoundly sorry for her, and my irritation at being glared at turned into a permanent memory I can to turn to when I need to remember there are people less fortunate than me in the world. :)

You have described my dad's long-lost twin sister. :glare: Dad never misses a chance to make a nasty comment about children in restaurants. I feel sorry for him.

[happypamama]

Would it be okay to pack a small item in my purse to surprise the twins?

 

Like a small puppet to play with them during the long wait? Something to distract them and help out the parents? We know them quite well. We go over to their home and help mom out when her exec hubby is gone on business trips and she needs help. I just gave a large box of children's books and DVDs to her a few weeks ago that I don't need anymore. We go to their bday parties. They come to our place to swim and BBQ. Or to watch a movie together. The 2 husbands golf together and work together. It is a friendship. I just don't want to come across as weird with a small toy in my purse for an event to help out the situation -- ?? Eeeek.

 

*I* would not find that weird -- I would find it sweet and thoughtful and would appreciate that my friend thought enough of me (and my children) to plan ahead like that. Since you do know them quite well, presumably the children would be comfortable with you entertaining them; I think your idea would go over very well. I know a few times when we've taken our children to pretty fancy dinners with my ILs, my MIL has pulled a small toy or something out of her bag for the kids, and the novelty is great.

 

You are a great friend/mentor for wanting to put the mom at ease too, btw!

[Joanne]

What a sweet, kind person you were to her!

 

As to the issue, I have some fairly rigid ideas about baby/toddler/kid noise in sit down restaurants. Those ideas are somewhat tied to the restaurant setting itself and the age of the child.

 

However, I also have some ........ irritation? with men and women who expect developmentally impossible stillness or quiet.

[tex-mex]

Hoo I know that.

 

But also, were they not asking if the food was being walked from Chicago? Did they stop for a cigarette break on the way? Went back for something they forgot?

 

I know! :lol::lol:

 

The prices at that place are crazy, to say the least. The last time we ate there (another business meeting with the same group of execs & family -- and the twin girls) my mashed potatoes were cold. I never got my Yorkshire Pudding either. I think the food went to the north pole and back before it got to our table. LOL :glare:

[Giraffe]

BTDT.

 

When DD was about 2 we went to Three Forks for a special (very special) family dinner with MIL and a cousin visiting from out of town. I'd never been there so didn't know what to expect but knew it was "oh so so". It took FOR.EV.ER. for the food to come, and DD got antsy. We walked with her around the restaurant, I took out my bag of tricks (never leave home without it), fed her all the bread and butter. She made it, by God's grace.

 

My lessons learned were to always carry snacks, ask the wait staff to bring her food out first (and order something like an appetizer that's easy to bring out early), carry toys, and accept any help offered.

 

I always carry a coloring book, crayons, and a couple "happy meal" toys in my purse. Especially the "boy" ones that DD doesn't care for. If I see a struggling kid, I offer coloring or the toy. The mom has never been offended. I mention I have a little one too and understand so they don't think I'm totally weird. If the toy is a hit, I let the kid keep it. My DD doesn't want it, so why not?

[Trish]

Oh yeah, those were the years I became very familiar with the OUTSIDES of restaurants. Hubby and I would take turns eating. I guess she was surprised because up 'til now her girls hadn't had any meltdowns? I would've expected one earlier than the one hour mark.

 

:grouphug:

[tex-mex]

BTDT.

 

When DD was about 2 we went to Three Forks for a special (very special) family dinner with MIL and a cousin visiting from out of town. I'd never been there so didn't know what to expect but knew it was "oh so so". It took FOR.EV.ER. for the food to come, and DD got antsy. We walked with her around the restaurant, I took out my bag of tricks (never leave home without it), fed her all the bread and butter. She made it, by God's grace.

 

My lessons learned were to always carry snacks, ask the wait staff to bring her food out first (and order something like an appetizer that's easy to bring out early), carry toys, and accept any help offered.

 

I always carry a coloring book, crayons, and a couple "happy meal" toys in my purse. Especially the "boy" ones that DD doesn't care for. If I see a struggling kid, I offer coloring or the toy. The mom has never been offended. I mention I have a little one too and understand so they don't think I'm totally weird. If the toy is a hit, I let the kid keep it. My DD doesn't want it, so why not?

That is a great idea!! (BTW, I've always wanted to go to III Forks!! Save mah pennies for it to happen. LOL *grin*)

Edited April 23, 2011 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

Oh yeah, those were the years I became very familiar with the OUTSIDES of restaurants. Hubby and I would take turns eating. I guess she was surprised because up 'til now her girls hadn't had any meltdowns? I would've expected one earlier than the one hour mark.

 

:grouphug:

Yup. I think that is what happened to the young mama -- her twins never acted like that before. I just felt bad as it happens to us all. I knew she was looking forward to getting out of the house and it happens. Not much you can do.

[Janice in NJ]

You can tell her my cute story.

 

Twelve month old son (our oldest). My husband and I are flying with our little man along with my husband's brother and his girlfriend. A short one-hour flight to attend dh's sister's wedding.

 

I BROUGHT the new toys and the snacks. I had enough to occupy the little man for MORE than the one hour flight. I was ready.

 

They taxied the plane out of the gate and then we SAT! For nearly two hours. Now I have had a cranky baby in church. I get it. I've had them in a restaurant. I get it. You take them out. Right? WRONG! There. is. no. where. to. go. on. a. plane.

 

This kid was DONE! He was not screaming or anything but he was getting jazzed up. We were headed to the dark place, and I knew it. I was literally starting to panic. Dh and I were doing the best we could.

 

THEN from twelve rows up, everyone on the plane heard a voice give words to what I suspect EVERYONE was thinking. An anonymous man from twelve rows up with a cranky tone yells, "Hey. You back there! Will you SHUT that kid UP!" It was dh's brother. But he was completely deadpan and NO ONE knew that we knew each other.

 

Without missing a beat, dh yells, "You wanna' come back here and TRY, big guy?"

 

You could have heard a PIN drop on that plane. EVERYONE was holding their breath. (Dh and his brother both run over 6 ft tall and 200 lbs.) Then my brother-in-law stood up and dh stood up and they both smiled broadly and laughed. BIL held out his arms and said, "Sure. Give him here. I'll see what I can do." (Note - these two guys look almost EXACTLY alike so everyone could immediately tell that they were related and just having a good time.)

 

THE ENTIRE plane-load heaved a nearly-audible sigh of relief. We took off about four minutes later.

 

Isn't life grand?

 

Peace,

Janice

[happypamama]

THEN from twelve rows up, everyone on the plane heard a voice give words to what I suspect EVERYONE was thinking. An anonymous man from twelve rows up with a cranky tone yells, "Hey. You back there! Will you SHUT that kid UP!" It was dh's brother. But he was completely deadpan and NO ONE knew that we knew each other.

 

Without missing a beat, dh yells, "You wanna' come back here and TRY, big guy?"

 

You could have heard a PIN drop on that plane. EVERYONE was holding their breath. (Dh and his brother both run over 6 ft tall and 200 lbs.) Then my brother-in-law stood up and dh stood up and they both smiled broadly and laughed. BIL held out his arms and said, "Sure. Give him here. I'll see what I can do." (Note - these two guys look almost EXACTLY alike so everyone could immediately tell that they were related and just having a good time.)

 

THE ENTIRE plane-load heaved a nearly-audible sigh of relief. We took off about four minutes later.

 

Isn't life grand?

 

Peace,

Janice

 

This really made me smile -- too funny!

[mcconnellboys]

I would be pro-active in future in asking the wait staff to bring something - anything appropriate - for the children which might help them. As long as this took, I don't know if it would have helped or not in this situation, because if they were teething and tired then perhaps nothing would have helped. I don't recall whether Lawry's offers anything like applesauce or other such things that a toddler might enjoy, but it might be worth a try to ask if something like this were to happen again. A different food item might serve to distract them a little longer.

 

It might also help if someone could offer to walk them (in the ladies room, etc.) a bit so that they could get out of their seats for a while. I wonder if she brings along books for them to look at while waiting, etc., too?

[DianeW88]

I've been there too and sympathize and empathize. But having btdt, I would not have brought such young children to that sort of a dinner.

 

:iagree:That's the sort of evening you get a sitter for.

[tex-mex]

You can tell her my cute story.

 

Twelve month old son (our oldest). My husband and I are flying with our little man along with my husband's brother and his girlfriend. A short one-hour flight to attend dh's sister's wedding.

 

I BROUGHT the new toys and the snacks. I had enough to occupy the little man for MORE than the one hour flight. I was ready.

 

They taxied the plane out of the gate and then we SAT! For nearly two hours. Now I have had a cranky baby in church. I get it. I've had them in a restaurant. I get it. You take them out. Right? WRONG! There. is. no. where. to. go. on. a. plane.

 

This kid was DONE! He was not screaming or anything but he was getting jazzed up. We were headed to the dark place, and I knew it. I was literally starting to panic. Dh and I were doing the best we could.

 

THEN from twelve rows up, everyone on the plane heard a voice give words to what I suspect EVERYONE was thinking. An anonymous man from twelve rows up with a cranky tone yells, "Hey. You back there! Will you SHUT that kid UP!" It was dh's brother. But he was completely deadpan and NO ONE knew that we knew each other.

 

Without missing a beat, dh yells, "You wanna' come back here and TRY, big guy?"

 

You could have heard a PIN drop on that plane. EVERYONE was holding their breath. (Dh and his brother both run over 6 ft tall and 200 lbs.) Then my brother-in-law stood up and dh stood up and they both smiled broadly and laughed. BIL held out his arms and said, "Sure. Give him here. I'll see what I can do." (Note - these two guys look almost EXACTLY alike so everyone could immediately tell that they were related and just having a good time.)

 

THE ENTIRE plane-load heaved a nearly-audible sigh of relief. We took off about four minutes later.

 

Isn't life grand?

 

Peace,

Janice

That is a GREAT story!! (I have to confess I avoided flying due to fear of this happening... lol) ;)

[elegantlion]

These stories are great. Honestly,*I* wouldn't have brought younger children to a company dinner. However, because of the reputation of the restaurant the wait staff should have been more on the top of the situation. Dh was never above asking the waiter to bring out something if our entire meal was running late.

 

I would love to have an ally like you in that situation.

 

My son was never prone to meltdowns, but come to think of it, he would always bang his head. We were trying a new church, we sat in the back. Ds was less than 2 years old. He's sitting in dh's lap and wham smacks his head on pew in front of us. Silence, followed by scream, followed by hasty exit.

 

At dh's grandmother's 85th birthday party he did the same thing. Nice restaurant, wham, he smacked on the table. I was holding him this time. Can you say wiggly kid?

 

When he was 4 we were at business get together for families. He smashed his head on his toy horse (the head was heavy plywood). Ds banged his head again. This time hard. Big goose egg on his forehead. Thankfully there was a doctor there who examined him in the back room.

[tex-mex]

These stories are great. Honestly,*I* wouldn't have brought younger children to a company dinner. However, because of the reputation of the restaurant the wait staff should have been more on the top of the situation. Dh was never above asking the waiter to bring out something if our entire meal was running late.

 

I would love to have an ally like you in that situation.

 

My son was never prone to meltdowns, but come to think of it, he would always bang his head. We were trying a new church, we sat in the back. Ds was less than 2 years old. He's sitting in dh's lap and wham smacks his head on pew in front of us. Silence, followed by scream, followed by hasty exit.

 

At dh's grandmother's 85th birthday party he did the same thing. Nice restaurant, wham, he smacked on the table. I was holding him this time. Can you say wiggly kid?

 

When he was 4 we were at business get together for families. He smashed his head on his toy horse (the head was heavy plywood). Ds banged his head again. This time hard. Big goose egg on his forehead. Thankfully there was a doctor there who examined him in the back room.

Oh my!! ;) Kids do the darnest things, huh?

 

Happy the knocks to the head did no damage... yikes! :lol: