Hiring a Doula

[susancollins]

I am looking at hiring at Doula for my birth at a birth center. Please give me your thoughts. The cost is $550. How can I convince my husband that it is money well spent. Thanks Susan

[Anita in NC]

I've hired a doula twice. Personally I think they are well worth the money. My last birth was 7 1/2 year ago, so back then I think I paid around $400 and $300 prior to that.

 

Both times I was able to have a natural birth. My first birth was a C-section so I wanted at all costs to avoid another C-section.

 

It definitely helps to have a personal coach/doula.

 

If you can afford to hire one then just let your husband know that's what you would like to do.

[Janie Grace]

I have never hired a doula because all of my births (5) have been with a midwife. My dh and midwives have been so wonderful at supporting me during birth -- a doula would have felt redundant, I think. That said, I do have pretty fast labors/deliveries. Maybe if I was the kind who labors for days, I'd have wanted another cheerleader/helper. :)

[amy g.]

I've had 4 different doulas over the last 17 years. The cost ranged from $250 to $750.

 

I think that if you have to be pregnant and go through labor, you definitely deserve a doula.

[Punchie]

I had a doula w/#2 and she was worth every penny spent. DH was not onboard at all when I said I wanted one (bad experience w/our first, ended up firing her). After all was said and done, DH agreed that having a doula was the right thing to do. He's not much of a coach on his own, but tell him what to do, and he's there. She ended up being my main support. DH was secondary. I could not have made it through a pitocin-induced, pain med-free labor w/o her coaching me through contractions. She had a bag full of tricks that made a huge difference.

[gaillardia]

I never had a doula but wish I had. Isn't a doula not only as coach/support, but to speak for you as you can't always make heads or tails out of what is going on around you? (See midwife thread from this week). They aren't as caught up in the emotional part of it as our worried husbands may be. Just my .02. ;)

Patient's advocate!!!

[HayesW]

I have been a doula for friends and for pay. Let your husband meet her. Sometimes that will help. I often tell Dad that I have NO intention of taking his place. I will help him help you, if that's what he wants. If the two of you are doing great together, then I will go get him some food or rub his shoulders. I can give him suggestions about what might work for you as well. I can also handle grandparents or friends who may or may not be wanted. I don't care if your MIL hates me when it is all over. I don't have to eat Thanksgiving dinner with her!

 

It is good to have a doula for physical AND emotional support. She can be a sounding board for you, as a couple, to make decisions that will help you all. I wish you the best.

[SnowWhite]

I had a doula for my latest birth and definitely recommend them for everyone! My dh was very resistant and I just put my foot down for once. I am so thankful I did. When baby was breech at 38 weeks, she was my listening ear and supportive email confidante. When baby went 1.5 weeks past dates she reassured me and gave me confidence all would be well. When I had everlasting Braxton Hicks (or false labor) that made me positive baby was coming... only to find out he wasn't yet.... she encouraged me. When my labor was lightning quick she guided us in the quickest way to get admitted, walking me up to the birthing floor while dh did the paperwork (no waiting on a wheelchair for me). She advocated for me in the birth suite, and I wound up not having to endure a hep lock (IV needle), and baby came within 20 min. Had I delivered elsewhere (while being admitted, for example), baby would have had to be in isolation. ICK.

 

I told my dh if he added up all the cigarettes, liquor, make-up, hairdresser appointments, expensive clothing, accessories, manicures, pedicures, and spa days I DON'T ask for this was a small request for me to make spread out over 15 years of marriage.

[Firestar Academy]

After all was said and done, DH agreed that having a doula was the right thing to do. He's not much of a coach on his own, but tell him what to do, and he's there. She ended up being my main support. DH was secondary. I could not have made it through a pitocin-induced, pain med-free labor w/o her coaching me through contractions. She had a bag full of tricks that made a huge difference.

:iagree::iagree:

Isn't a doula not only as coach/support, but to speak for you as you can't always make heads or tails out of what is going on around you? They aren't as caught up in the emotional part of it as our worried husbands may be. Just my .02. ;)

Patient's advocate!!!

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

 

I often tell Dad that I have NO intention of taking his place. I will help him help you, if that's what he wants. If the two of you are doing great together, then I will go get him some food or rub his shoulders. I can give him suggestions about what might work for you as well. I can also handle grandparents or friends who may or may not be wanted. I don't care if your MIL hates me when it is all over. I don't have to eat Thanksgiving dinner with her!

 

It is good to have a doula for physical AND emotional support. She can be a sounding board for you, as a couple, to make decisions that will help you all. I wish you the best.

:iagree::iagree:

 

yup. all of these. had one with my first. wish I had one with my second, but couldn't find one I liked. my doula was the only person I needed to talk to and SHE talked to the nurses and relayed my wishes. and she would expain to me what the nurses were trying to tell me and how it supported or contradicted my birth plan. I was in labor 3 days and she was there, the.whole.time. and she was nursing at the time. (she just used the hospital pump.

 

Robin in NJ

[The Governess]

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[texasmama]

I hired a doula for my last pg against the desires of my dh. However, I don't regret it, and it was money well-spent. She was absolutely invaluable to me during late pg, labor and delivery. I knew that my dh was good at providing the very specific support that he was able to provide (praying with me when I was in pain), but I needed the doula for the physical support during labor. Dh couldn't have provided it. I paid $550, as well. So.worth.it.

[Hannah C.]

I had my baby at a birth center with midwives, and I am so, so grateful that I was able to have a doula. She was wonderful, and having her there as well as my husband meant that both of them could have a break at times. I wasn't very aware of what was going on around me, but whenever I said something, one or the other was always there. She was a much greater support than my wonderful dh could have been.

[Rosie_0801]

If I could go back in time, I would have had a doula with #2. Dh has issues with authority so makes a pretty useless advocate. He's good for massages :) but no good for saying "no" to medical staff. I was very fond of my midwife and she managed me well during the pregnancy ;) but she doesn't have the power to manage her boss. Lucky for everyone concerned, I'm not having a third because if they pulled the same stunt on me again, I'd be destroying equipment. So if I ever have a surprise, I'll insist on a doula. She'd be less expensive than what I'd do to their machines that do worse than ping.

 

Rosie

[susancollins]

Thank you all for sharing! I am going to be meeting with the Doula next week. I will update you all on how it goes. Thanks Susan

[Impish]

If I could go back in time, I would have had a doula with #2. Dh has issues with authority so makes a pretty useless advocate. He's good for massages :) but no good for saying "no" to medical staff. I was very fond of my midwife and she managed me well during the pregnancy ;) but she doesn't have the power to manage her boss. Lucky for everyone concerned, I'm not having a third because if they pulled the same stunt on me again, I'd be destroying equipment. So if I ever have a surprise, I'll insist on a doula. She'd be less expensive than what I'd do to their machines that do worse than ping.

 

Rosie

But...you're not qualified!!!

 

Love Monty :D

[Carol in Cal.]

If this were me, I would not really be looking to convince anyone. I would be figuring out what I need to do what everyone knows I have to do in the best possible way. And if that means, in my best judgement, a doula, nobody better argue with me.

 

Having said that, I lucked out and got a labor and delivery nurse that was doula-like. But it could easily have gone another way.

 

Why I wanted a doula: My DH, wonderfully supportive though he is, does not think to argue with experts. So, I pictured this scenario: I'm labor, asking for something totally reasonable, like I have to go to the bathroom, or I want more pain meds or something. Nurse says, "You don't have to go to the bathroom, just relax, we will take care of it." I tense up, and everything starts to hurt worse. DH says, "But honey, you don't really have to go to the bathroom, you just think you do." I resent him for the rest of time, bitterly. Or the doctor is finishing his lunch and won't come and authorize more pain meds until he is done and my DH starts telling me something tremendously unhelpful like, "You know, this is really a natural process, and it doesn't actually hurt that much." I resent him for the rest of time and more.

 

Notice a theme here? I wanted someone who was In. My. Corner. so that I could relax and focus, and so that my relationship with my DH would not be harmed by him not being that person, because he is just that way. I could give you some examples of how he is just that way, endearing funny little stories; however, it would not have been an endearing funny stance during labor.

 

So I looked for a doula. It happened that there was an article in a national parenting mag about doulas when I was hunting, and I found out to my delight that the head of some doula association actually lives in my county. I called her. And I realized, just right then over the phone, that she was a control freak who was coming from the stance I so did not appreciate from doctors; namely, "I know all about labor, far, far, far more than you do, and I will tell you what to do and then everything will go just fine, little lady." OK, that's helpful in a midwife, but not what I want in a doula. I want someone who is In. My. Corner so I can relax and focus.

 

So I thank her and keep looking. And looking. And looking.

 

I talked with my infertility nurse--she had been a midwife at one point, and she would have been wonderful, but she has a day job and wasn't taking on these kinds of cases anymore, although she really liked me and said that she would be the back up if I couldn't find anyone else.

 

Then I found her! My childbirth prep instructor at the hospital. The one who explained the hospital procedures to us, entirely. The one who REPRESENTED the hospital. But she was the right kind of person. I could just tell. And she said she would come if I called her, and I said that I would pay her, and it was all good. And then as it turned out I had a great nurse and also things went very fast once I actually started labor, and so I didn't need a doula after all. But there was no 'convincing' anyone about needing this. I needed what I needed. To go into that situation with no one on my side, that would have made it impossible for me to, wait for it, relax and focus.

 

The moral of the story: Do what you have to do to be able to do the job the best you can. Don't let anyone stop you.

 

PS DH was wonderful, too. He was outstandingly supportive and empathetic, and great. And, thankfully, he was never in a position where I needed him to stand up to anyone. Nor was he ever in a position where he felt called upon to explain something to me that I already understood and that was unacceptable to me. No subsequent resentment, yay!

[Carol in Cal.]

Dh has issues with authority so makes a pretty useless advocate. He's good for massages :) but no good for saying "no" to medical staff.

 

Ha, you know exactly what I mean, then.

[PeterPan]

I've never used a doula, but I still had an attendant with me full-time, only focused on me, during my births. The first time it was my SIL (who has had a scad of kids herself), and the 2nd time it was a 2nd midwife. If at the birthing center there won't be a person with you the entire time, then YES it is wonderfully worth the money to pay someone to do that. Our last birth was GLORIOUS. I loved having two midwives. They could rotate to keep fresh, and someone was always with me. My dh disappeared, frantically making more eggs and bacon than our group could ever eat, and we were left to ourselves to have woman time. Tell your dh it takes the pressure off him and let's it become a woman event. He might like that.

[Carol in Cal.]

I've never used a doula, but I still had an attendant with me full-time, only focused on me, during my births. The first time it was my SIL (who has had a scad of kids herself), and the 2nd time it was a 2nd midwife. If at the birthing center there won't be a person with you the entire time, then YES it is wonderfully worth the money to pay someone to do that. Our last birth was GLORIOUS. I loved having two midwives. They could rotate to keep fresh, and someone was always with me. My dh disappeared, frantically making more eggs and bacon than our group could ever eat, and we were left to ourselves to have woman time. Tell your dh it takes the pressure off him and let's it become a woman event. He might like that.

 

This sounds really great. Were these homebirths?

[PeterPan]

This sounds really great. Were these homebirths?

 

Yup, homebirths. Same lead midwife both times. 9 lb 4 oz on land for dd and 11 lb 1 oz. in water for ds. Love water, love having two women. Dh came in at the end. I was really offended by the whole thing at first (there was actually a saga leading up to it with the possibility that he would have to be in unavoidable meetings during the birth, etc. etc.), and thought I'd be offended by not having him there. But you know when we got to talking and he was gone, it was so natural. We were totally focused, having our women time, and it just worked.

 

I guess that sounds weird to others, lol. I have a feeling mine is not the only man who wilts in birth and feels utterly inadequate to help. Having someone else there, a woman, to take care of me, relieves him of that.

 

And yes, the 11 lb 1 oz was freaky in the moment. :)

[Tangerine]

I've found this thread really interesting. My best friend and my sister-in-law are pregnant. My best friend hired a doula, and my sister-in-law is using me as a birth coach. BOTH of them made their decisions partially based on the fact that their husbands are both super nice guys who would have a hard time standing up to medical staff if the need arose.