Dh wants to kill me! Do others impose on your dh's skills??

[arghmatey]

The neighbor came over uninvited to ask for non-life threatening help? I can't get past this point.

 

Uninvited = do not answer the door. Exceptions are rare. Our home is our sanctuary. SO works hard to run a company, and I do not permit people to invade his down time.

 

When I see a neighbor outside, and they ask why we didn't answer the door, I cheerfully explain we don't entertain visitors during family time. The next question is, "When is family time?" The reply is, "Any time we are together and haven't made plans to entertain guests".

 

We spend time with our neighbors and help them when they need it, but we also adhere to a code of etiquette. Our neighbors have come to expect baked goods from us and goofy cards from our children, but I don't think they'd ever ask for computer help. I really can't even wrap my head around it.

[joannqn]

We get the same thing because DH is self-employed in that industry. He charges friends for service, though he usually charges them less or won't charge for a diagnosis if it's a no fix issue (ie. replace the computer).

[sewingmama]

My DH is a teacher -he gts a lot of requests from parents asking if he can tutor their kids in this or that. If it's a friend or DH knows the kid and knows the kid is genuine (will listen and appreciate his time) and he knows the family isn't well off then he happily helps out for free. If he knows the kid and knows he/she will just goof off and DH will be wasting his time he just says no.

 

Usually if the kid comes and asks him sincerely themselves DH will always help them out for free.

 

I don't usually volunteer his time - I usally reply that he is very busy but I'll ask him and he'll get back to you if he can/wants to.

 

Helping out once or twice is fine - for repeated requests you should hand the lady a card with a computer repairmens number and say "Sounds like your computer is having a lot of problems you should take it in and have it checked properly and here is the number of a someone who can do it" :D

If she doesn't take the hint then she isn't as smart as you think she is :lol:

[nmoira]

Uninvited = do not answer the door.

:confused:

That doesn't seem very neighborly. Opening the door doesn't put you under any obligation, and IMHO to not even answer is simply rude.

[arghmatey]

:confused:

That doesn't seem very neighborly. Opening the door doesn't put you under any obligation, and IMHO to not even answer is simply rude.

 

That's an interesting way to look at it.

 

Putting a neighbor's luxury item repairs and most anything else ahead of family time is not an option in our family.

 

I'm not in the Best Manners Bee or the Mostest Bestest Christian Race, though, so I happily accept your opinion.

[Linda1951]

If it is just downloading something, can she not take notes while he is doing it and then the next time it needs to happen, have him watch her do it, so she can learn to do it herself.

if she is not computer savey maybe the local library has a class she can take on how to do stuff on the computer.

[HistoryMom]

We own an IT company and my DH and our employees are always getting these requests. I plan to get them these t-shirts for Christmas. :)

 

DH says yes every so often to friends and always yes to close family, but more often than not, he tells people that his skill set runs more toward systems administration (which is true), and that they should really find someone with a PC focus. Or he tells them our hourly rate, and they run screaming.

[lionfamily1999]

Dh is a mechanic :glare: We get this all the time.

 

I finally started saying, "He needs time to be with his family. I'm sorry, but you'll need to take your vehicle to the shop where he works." We also started threatening to charge more than the shop does (c'mon, he's supposed to wallow around in the mud for free!??). Dh still does a lot of work at home, but he doesn't get the orders from me ;)

 

There are two problems with people asking for help. 1) For some reason they start to think they're doing YOU a favor. 2) You practically own whatever you worked on from that point on. You've already seen that with 2. Now, her computer is your dh's problem.

 

People can be so peoply. Erg!

[mrsrevmeg]

My husband is a minister and a paper plate maker. People come to him or call him all the time with problems. It gets very frustrating when it cuts into time we should be doing something else. However, he knows that sometimes people need someone to talk to about their problems. So, even it means we go to an evening movie, because we missed the matinee time, he talks to them.

Everyone knows he gets cases of paper plates for really cheap. (500 Chinet plates for $5.00) So we are constantly asked, "Can you get me some plates?" He only gets a certain number of cases per year. We have to say no to a lot of people.

[KnitWit]

My dh is a carpenter/builder/cabinet maker...which translates into *handyman* for many. One guy we know called him and left a msg that he needed him ASAP...to hang a huge mirror before a dinner party...'cause don'cha know, when you reach a certain income level, you lose your ability to stand on a step stool and swing your OWN hammer.

[Gooblink]

I never commit on behalf of dh, but he's always the first to offer his help - he loves it.

 

I hear ya, though, about once you *touch* someone's computer, they think everything that goes wrong with it has something to do with whatever you did to it. That drives me nuts but dh takes it in stride.

 

Anyway, dh helps friends and neighbors all the time. Why not?

[nmoira]

That's an interesting way to look at it.

 

Putting a neighbor's luxury item repairs and most anything else ahead of family time is not an option in our family.

 

I'm not in the Best Manners Bee or the Mostest Bestest Christian Race, though, so I happily accept your opinion.

I'm talking only about your not answering the door.

[fairfarmhand]

Not that we are in the same situation ... but I would simply smile and say: "You need to check with my husband yourself and ask him - I don't know whether he would be able to."

My DH would be very unhappy with me if I volunteered HIS time.

:iagree:

 

this is my family.

 

I have gotten to where if there is something that he might help with, I say nothing to the person who asks me, but later I mention it to him privately.

 

For instance, my dd's piano teacher had a tree fall in her yard. My dh is handy with a chainsaw, but I mentioned it to him later and he was glad to go over and help clean it up. I've learned the hard way not to volunteer him for stuff.

[Nature]

My DH is the same way. He has many unfinished projects at home, but still volunteers to help others. Sometimes, I think all the projects at home are so overwhelming and endless that he likes the escape of leaving to help others. He feels a sense of accomplishment when he can complete a task and somehow it seems easier to do something for someone else.

[Impish]

:confused1:

 

This would not even cross my mind as an issue. I find the assumption(s) involved to be very unkind and presumptuous.

 

That's not what I got from the comment.

 

I really think that going with dh would be the way to go, because there are folks out there that are untrustworthy, and unfortunately, you usually find out too late. Having a witness present just ensures the safety of everyone's reputation.

 

I don't volunteer Wolf for anything.

[lionfamily1999]

My dh is a carpenter/builder/cabinet maker...which translates into *handyman* for many. One guy we know called him and left a msg that he needed him ASAP...to hang a huge mirror before a dinner party...'cause don'cha know, when you reach a certain income level, you lose your ability to stand on a step stool and swing your OWN hammer.

Once you hit a certain income level, people think offering a fiver for you to work all weekend is super generous.

I haven't seen anyone mention this but I will. :tongue_smilie: I wouldn't volunteer my dh's services especially to a woman with no husband (should I run?) I would probably say I'd ask my dh and then if he said no, so be it and leave it at that. OR, I'd always have one of my children go with him :auto:

:lol: The first time this came up for us my parents settled it. Dad used to have a lady from work that was always asking for his help... at all hours. Mom started going over (she's really handy) and doing the "men's work" that this lady was setting aside for Dad. Suddenly the lady got pretty handy herself and stopped calling.

 

We stopped having dh go places to do repairs. People didn't care to pay for his gas and in the cases where the person in need was a sf it made us both happier for her to come here. I know that doesn't work for most people, but I am happy to say it does for us :D

[Hedgehog]

....I really think that going with dh would be the way to go, because there are folks out there that are untrustworthy, and unfortunately, you usually find out too late. Having a witness present just ensures the safety of everyone's reputation....

 

Well said, Imp.

[Sahamamama]

1. When people ask me, "Will your husband be able to _______?" I simply say, "You will have to ask him."

 

2. I would NEVER, in a million years, "let" my husband go over to the house of another (single) woman, unless she was something like 80 or 90 years old. And he would NEVER, in a million years, go, unless he also took along one of the kids to guard him. :glare:

 

That is all.

[Laurie4b]

:confused1:

 

This would not even cross my mind as an issue. I find the assumption(s) involved to be very unkind and presumptuous.

 

I find it wise.

 

When we had a foster daughter, I never once left her alone with dh. I didn't want there to be even a chance of false accusation. I didn't necessarily distrust her at the time, but in my previous job, I had plenty of contact with people who made false accusations and the taint never quite clears. I would not want dh to put himself in this position. While I didn't distrust her, I didn't know about her relatives and the pressure they could put on her, so I just made sure I was always there.

 

We have the two adult rule with kids at church for two reasons: 1) to prevent abuse and 2) to prevent false accusations. Both are important.

 

Many mental health practices have narrow windows in the doors for the same reason: to prevent false accusations.

 

Men are much more likely to be the target of a false accusation than a woman. The accuser is more likely to be believed when this happens. It's just wise practice to make sure it can't happen. The Duke lacrosse case was an almost unbelievable example of how far this can be taken--in their case, there were plenty of witnesses, but since they were all men, none were to be believed. The accuser had a mental health history 4 inches thick and she was still believed over them for a long time.

[Joanne]

I find it wise.

 

When we had a foster daughter, I never once left her alone with dh. I didn't want there to be even a chance of false accusation. I didn't necessarily distrust her at the time, but in my previous job, I had plenty of contact with people who made false accusations and the taint never quite clears. I would not want dh to put himself in this position. While I didn't distrust her, I didn't know about her relatives and the pressure they could put on her, so I just made sure I was always there.

 

We have the two adult rule with kids at church for two reasons: 1) to prevent abuse and 2) to prevent false accusations. Both are important.

 

Many mental health practices have narrow windows in the doors for the same reason: to prevent false accusations.

 

Men are much more likely to be the target of a false accusation than a woman. The accuser is more likely to be believed when this happens. It's just wise practice to make sure it can't happen. The Duke lacrosse case was an almost unbelievable example of how far this can be taken--in their case, there were plenty of witnesses, but since they were all men, none were to be believed. The accuser had a mental health history 4 inches thick and she was still believed over them for a long time.

 

The church and foster care situation are completely different, IMO, in context.

[KnitWit]

Once you hit a certain income level, people think offering a fiver for you to work all weekend is super generous.

 

 

 

Maybe I'm reading you wrong...but I'm sorry if my post offended you. This guy offered NOTHING. And, there's a bit of an attitude in an *ASAP* message.

 

I hope I cleared that up. :)

[lionfamily1999]

Maybe I'm reading you wrong...but I'm sorry if my post offended you. This guy offered NOTHING. And, there's a bit of an attitude in an *ASAP* message.

 

I hope I cleared that up. :)

Absolutely NOT. I was trying to say that not only do people act like you owe them the work, but that they're doing you a favor by demanding it of you.

 

ETA, that is to say, you absolutely did NOT offend me :lol:

[KnitWit]

Absolutely NOT. I was trying to say that not only do people act like you owe them the work, but that they're doing you a favor by demanding it of you.

 

ETA, that is to say, you absolutely did NOT offend me :lol:

 

Oh! I'm so relieved! :) I completely agree with you!!!