How has homeschooling helped your children's behavior

[Jean in Newcastle]

I know that many families have trouble with behavior in spite of homeschooling, but many of us specifically homeschool in order to address behavior and character issues. How has homeschooling helped your children's behavior?

 

Ds13 - It's been a long road of dealing with tantrums and perfectionism but being able to work with him every day and every time things come up has paid off big time. Some of it is him growing up but a lot of it is him specifically practicing self talk and other techniques that I've taught him to use.

 

Dd9 - I'm in the process of redirecting her constant search for stimulation from other people into being able to do constructive things on her own. Homeschooling has allowed us to follow some of those passions while still having time for lots of friendships.

[12Stars]

For us it has. Initially my oldest was in PS till 4th grade and she was so sassy. I could not understand her temperament. Till I started HS and I was able to address her behaviors as they popped up.

I am not saying that PS was the reason she was this way, I am just saying that I am able to direct her negativity a lot better. Plus what else helps is that we are able to share as a family what is working and what isn't.

I do require my children to be respectful of all people during different situations.

[littlebug42]

I honestly don't have anything to compare it to. I have always homeschooled and so far (knock on wood), we have no behavioral issues other than some pretty minor attitude and bickering with each other. That really tends to happen when I leave them with too much free time so I am mindful of that. Would they be different kids if they were in school? No way to know.

[missesd]

They are closer. There is less drama, less distraction. For my eldest son that means he is not keyed up, and wrapped into everyone else's problems- who's having sex, who's pregnant- or might be, who's doing what drugs, who's having problems and needed to pull him out of class to listen, who's having family troubles, who he had to help detoxify. Homeschooling him made him happier, more concentrated, less keyed up and easily agitated because I wouldn't let him get all wrapped into someone else's life and drama. Less anger issues and depressive behavior.

 

My 14 yr old is more well adjusted and happy.

 

My 15 yr old daughter, is more confident and coming out of her shell more. She is ok with being her, and finding confidence in gaining that footing.

 

The youngest ones have never been to school, so I can't say how it has helped them. But my 8 yr old is probably ADD, so for him it means not feeling bad about who he is. Not being angry and frustrated and sad. It means no meds!! And the ability to work on his issues to become a better, well-rounded person.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I honestly don't have anything to compare it to.

 

I have nothing to compare it too either. We've always homeschooled as well. But I do know how much time I've put into addressing these issues and know that I couldn't have put in that amount of time if they had not been home. Obviously other people could address them if they were at school but I don't think they would have the time that I have to drop everything and deal with issues like I have had.

[Ester Maria]

For my eldest, I don't think homeschooling was a decisive factor in that respect, because she's the personality type that could fit in pretty much everywhere and thrive very much even within an institution. However, she's also one of those "perfect" kids that everybody loves - very sociable, very pretty, but also very intelligent, knows how to handle many different people - and sometimes I think that homeschooling has prevented her from having her head in clouds. I can totally picture her very self-centered in some parallel universe, as well as potentially sinking "shallow" to blend in, focus on social life and looks and stuff like that, and learning how to get away with stuff (academically and not). I believe that homeschooling has at least partially prevented that.

 

My middle though sort of needed a safe haven, she's a much less of that confident, "aggressive" type that her big sister is, plus she truly has a very unique way of processing the world (again, not only academically). I think homeschooling has at least partially provided her with opportunities to build confidence, work on her frustrations (which are also related to nutrition and how she reacts on some things), attention span, etc.

 

In the cases of both, possibly, a big evil has been prevented so far: the one of perverting one's intellect and turning to abuse it. They're both very, very smart and it would be extremely easy for them to learn how to abuse that intellect. My eldest, in particular, knows how to manipulate people, and the school environment might have been very conductive to developing certain negative character traits. Even my middle has expressed some very ethically problematic preferences over the years, and I'm afraid that much of society would more than encourage her in that way of thinking. I think that this particular bad impulse, the one of turning one's intellect to not so noble causes, is much easier dealt with and channelled to positive things within a homeschool setting. I know that impulse very well, and I know the impacts of falling in some serious moral and relativist crises very well - something I absolutely wish to prevent, as experience is the worst teacher in this particular case.

 

Also, I believe that homeschooling has allowed them to work on work ethic or self-discipline far more than regular schooling would have allowed them, which I think has transferred well to many other areas of life.

 

I don't think school would have ruined them, turned them into self-centered egoists, victimized them or taught them to compromise their values, as we would have still been there as parents and done our part in shaping the kids, but it might have been, in many cases, an atmosphere more conductive to developing some bad habits or views and less conductive to recognizing them and gently redirecting them elsewhere.

 

(Okay all of that above probably sounds awful. :lol: I am taking out of context only the worst things I've noticed with them sometimes and noting that, maybe, they would be more intensified with school.)

[pdalley]

Well, I've got three sensory sensitive kids and I can control the environment here much better than they could in public school. (I certainly didn't expect them to either - some things just are the way they are)

 

So their reactionary behavior has decreased. We aren't having violent outbursts like before.

[Anita in NC]

My DS7 would totally be the kid that talks back and causes trouble from goofing off if he were to go to public school.

 

He needs a FIRM hand. :D

[Mommy22alyns]

Kids are getting jaded at such a young age these days. I firmly believe that Becca has remained her sweet, young self because we homeschool.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Kids are getting jaded at such a young age these days. I firmly believe that Becca has remained her sweet, young self because we homeschool.

 

That's a good one! I think my kids have retained their love of toys and play for much longer than many kids we know. (Though these kids are surprised to find out that play is fun when they join in.)

[MamaSheep]

At the end of ds's sixth grade year we had been homeschooling for three years, but were still accessing some special education services through our local elementary school for him. That spring I got a panic-stricken call from the lady at the school who was our primary contact for his case. She was trying to get all her sixth graders' records in order to be transferred to the junior high school. She said she had been going through his file, which consisted of several large binders, and there was a huge problem that she couldn't figure out how to resolve on her own. As near as she could figure out, when they built the new elementary school and transferred us from the old one, his file had accidentally been merged with the file of another child with the same name. She had been going through the papers for a good bit of time trying to figure out which papers were which so she could properly separate the files, but she was at a loss. So she had decided that since I was the only one of the two mothers that she knew, she would call me and give me non-identifying hints about what the papers said and see if I could figure out enough, without a horrible breach of the other child's privacy, to help her determine which papers went with which child. She went back and started with the papers that were from kindergarten. An incident with a chair? Oh yes, I said, that was my son. He was upset and threw a chair at another child. And there was something about an adult having a bloody nose? Yes, I said, that was when he head-butted his technician in the face. And the bite marks? Yep. And the mad dashes for freedom that kept resulting in incident write-ups when he made it a few steps off school grounds before anyone caught up with him? That too. After a little while it became quite apparent that there were not two merged files, it was all my son's stuff. And it wasn't pretty. But this lady had only worked with him for a year. She knew he was a little flighty and would quietly go stand in the hall to calm down sometimes, as he had permission to do on his IEP plan. And he would sometimes get a little stubborn or a little panicky, but he had certainly never tried to stab her with a pencil or ripped up his books. In fact, reading through the behavior in the file she had been completely convinced that it was talking about an entirely different child than the one in all the incident reports.

 

That's how much difference homeschooling has made in my son's behavior. It mostly has to do with his autism and anxiety issues, not the school as such. It's a good school and we had wonderful people working with us, but a classroom full of kids is still too overwhelming even if the adults are generally kind and competent, and a staff of different people who are as subdivided as public educators (and supporting staff) are just can't provide the same level of consistency in working with a child that one person who can really focus can provide. And a child who is academically bored, socially overwhelmed, under sensory duress, and prone to panic attacks is just not going to be able to behave well.

[Peela]

Kids are getting jaded at such a young age these days. I firmly believe that Becca has remained her sweet, young self because we homeschool.

 

Yes! I think that is the case with mine as well!

I was reading the thread...not sure if I know what they would be like if they hadn't home schooled but we did notice a huge change in ds's personality when we pulled him out of school aged7. He became sweet and innocent again- it was so noticeable, and thats why dh supported homeschooling, the difference was so huge. And we pulled dd out age 9 at the same time because we were losing her to her peers already in a big way and we could see the path she was going down- that we just weren't going to have much influence over her but her friends would. She is still very peer oriented but such a sweet and refreshing young woman.

 

I think keeping them home and in the homeschooling world allows them to grow up more slowly and absolutely, in a less jaded way- i have noticed that about other homeschooled kids too. They are totally excited by life and optimistic and fresh. Mine both have fairly solid self esteem, too- nor do they have a hostile attitude to us as parents- we all get on pretty well.

[Catherine]

My eldest was headed for serious trouble, and in fact had some pretty serious trouble, when we took him out of school after sixth grade. His downward spiral continued after he left school, and bottomed out around ninth grade, but miraculously turned around then. I think I can say he is fine now, but there were some harrowing moments during his adolescence.

 

I think school was only one part of his difficulties. He is very bright, and has always been extremely strong willed. Those factors, plus unmedicated ADD, were an explosive combination. What turned him around were leaving school (though in the interests of full disclosure things continued to get worse for 3 years while he was at home) and getting, finally at age 15 1\2, medicated for ADD. Overnight, the sweet, nice kid that I always knew was there was visible again. No more lying, sneaking out, drugs; it was a miracle. His transformation made me a true believer in selectively medicating kids with ADD.

[whitestavern]

Yes! I think that is the case with mine as well!

I was reading the thread...not sure if I know what they would be like if they hadn't home schooled but we did notice a huge change in ds's personality when we pulled him out of school aged7. He became sweet and innocent again- it was so noticeable, and thats why dh supported homeschooling, the difference was so huge. And we pulled dd out age 9 at the same time because we were losing her to her peers already in a big way and we could see the path she was going down- that we just weren't going to have much influence over her but her friends would. She is still very peer oriented but such a sweet and refreshing young woman.

 

I think keeping them home and in the homeschooling world allows them to grow up more slowly and absolutely, in a less jaded way- i have noticed that about other homeschooled kids too. They are totally excited by life and optimistic and fresh. Mine both have fairly solid self esteem, too- nor do they have a hostile attitude to us as parents- we all get on pretty well.

 

:iagree: with the whole idea of kids staying kids longer, and I especially agree with the bolded part. My kids are so happy, so curious about the world around them. They are high on life. The ability to spend so much time together as a family (dh works from home) gives us the opportunity to experience many more things than we could if the dc were gone all day. And even though they have their moments of squabbling, I believe they are much closer to us and to each other than they would be if they were in ps.

[pdalley]

At the end of ds's sixth grade year we had been homeschooling for three years, but were still accessing some special education services through our local elementary school for him. That spring I got a panic-stricken call from the lady at the school who was our primary contact for his case. She was trying to get all her sixth graders' records in order to be transferred to the junior high school. She said she had been going through his file, which consisted of several large binders, and there was a huge problem that she couldn't figure out how to resolve on her own. As near as she could figure out, when they built the new elementary school and transferred us from the old one, his file had accidentally been merged with the file of another child with the same name. She had been going through the papers for a good bit of time trying to figure out which papers were which so she could properly separate the files, but she was at a loss. So she had decided that since I was the only one of the two mothers that she knew, she would call me and give me non-identifying hints about what the papers said and see if I could figure out enough, without a horrible breach of the other child's privacy, to help her determine which papers went with which child. She went back and started with the papers that were from kindergarten. An incident with a chair? Oh yes, I said, that was my son. He was upset and threw a chair at another child. And there was something about an adult having a bloody nose? Yes, I said, that was when he head-butted his technician in the face. And the bite marks? Yep. And the mad dashes for freedom that kept resulting in incident write-ups when he made it a few steps off school grounds before anyone caught up with him? That too. After a little while it became quite apparent that there were not two merged files, it was all my son's stuff. And it wasn't pretty. But this lady had only worked with him for a year. She knew he was a little flighty and would quietly go stand in the hall to calm down sometimes, as he had permission to do on his IEP plan. And he would sometimes get a little stubborn or a little panicky, but he had certainly never tried to stab her with a pencil or ripped up his books. In fact, reading through the behavior in the file she had been completely convinced that it was talking about an entirely different child than the one in all the incident reports.

 

That's how much difference homeschooling has made in my son's behavior. It mostly has to do with his autism and anxiety issues, not the school as such. It's a good school and we had wonderful people working with us, but a classroom full of kids is still too overwhelming even if the adults are generally kind and competent, and a staff of different people who are as subdivided as public educators (and supporting staff) are just can't provide the same level of consistency in working with a child that one person who can really focus can provide. And a child who is academically bored, socially overwhelmed, under sensory duress, and prone to panic attacks is just not going to be able to behave well.

 

This is very much our experience - except we had less than understanding administrators that made things much worse.

 

I really do believe that a lot of our boys' issues were due to school environmental issues that the school itself has very little control over. The majority of their teachers worked very hard with them.

[plansrme]

My middle child, now aged 10, was in a private Christian school for kindergarten and first grade. Her K teacher kept telling me she had no friends and that she needed to work on that. (It turns out that all of the other girls in her class, all 4 of them, had been in preschool together and wouldn't play with her.) In first grade, she had a couple of friends, but she was friends with girls in both cliques (yes, cliques, in first grade). It distressed her when her friends did not get along, and she was more or less stuck in the middle. She did not want to go to school because of this and was relieved when we told her she would be homeschooled the next year.

 

Now, after almost 4 years of homeschooling, this same child has so many friends that she needs a social secretary to keep up. I've had multiple moms seek me out and tell me how friendly and welcoming she has been to their daughters when they were new to swim team (year-round or summer league), and I've seen first-hand what a leader and example she is to other swimmers. She makes friends with swimmers from other teams when we meet them at meets, and she is friends with kids in the neighborhood and church. Parents from the n'hood encourage their girls to try to be friends with her, and she is friends with girls who are both younger and older than she is.

 

I suppose that "having friends" isn't a behavior, per se, but I am so thankful that we got her out of that atmosphere and into one where her true self is not being quashed by that weird little girl thing. I firmly believe that keeping her away from that has made a positive difference in her personality.

 

Terri

[lionfamily1999]

Both of my older dc have become more outgoing. Our issues lie more to the super introverted side.

 

When dd was in school she was developing health issues due to nerves. It wasn't the academics, it was the socialization.

 

When ds was in school he would not interract. As the years went by it got worse. We couldn't even enjoy a museum together, because ds would not speak in public. He would beg to stay home. A few years of hsing and now when we get to the park he's off and running. At AWANAs he's only suffered twice from wallflower syndrome. The ps ds would have never gotten off his seat.

 

While there are people in my family that disagree with hsing, my close family is always reassured by ds's new outgoing bright and shining attitude towards people and being in public. They worry about test scores and futures, but (ironically) they are not the least worried about the kids becoming strange and off putting.

[Old Dominion Heather]

The biggest difference that I see in my kids and their friends who go to school is that my boys, though they fight, typically treat each other with respect.

[MaMa2005]

We have always homeschooled and DS is a good child. Very easy going and when he does something inappropriate, a swift consequence and a good talking to usually takes care of the problem. I credit homeschooling in helping to create a happy child who is content with himself. Also, he is one of the most well mannered children you would ever meet. Again, a product of gentle correction every time things are inappropriate.

 

People often comment on how confident DS is with any group of people, from the very young to the very old. By homeschooling, we have been able to instill confidence and values 24/7 that would be difficult to do if DS was in another setting for 8 hours a day.

[OnTheBrink]

OH man, it changed my son's behavior and attitude 180 degrees. In ps, he was angry, depressed, withdrawn; I was fearful he was suicidal at one point. When we withdrew him and brought him home for his education, we took a breather and then started working on the academic issues first and then I started noticing the behavioral and emotional issues taking care of themselves. He just needed an environment that was devoid of ridicule, physical threats and apathy. Other issues, such as character issues, could be dealt with swiftly, since I could see them sooner at home than I could when he was gone all day.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My eldest was headed for serious trouble, and in fact had some pretty serious trouble, when we took him out of school after sixth grade. His downward spiral continued after he left school, and bottomed out around ninth grade, but miraculously turned around then. I think I can say he is fine now, but there were some harrowing moments during his adolescence.

 

I think school was only one part of his difficulties. He is very bright, and has always been extremely strong willed. Those factors, plus unmedicated ADD, were an explosive combination. What turned him around were leaving school (though in the interests of full disclosure things continued to get worse for 3 years while he was at home) and getting, finally at age 15 1\2, medicated for ADD. Overnight, the sweet, nice kid that I always knew was there was visible again. No more lying, sneaking out, drugs; it was a miracle. His transformation made me a true believer in selectively medicating kids with ADD.

 

Your experience underlines for me that it isn't always just keeping them home that helps, but what we do for them (like medicating ADD) that makes a difference.

[MamaSheep]

Your experience underlines for me that it isn't always just keeping them home that helps, but what we do for them (like medicating ADD) that makes a difference.

 

Hear hear!