jld Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I really enjoyed Jean's thread, and got a kick out of Liz's response, lol. But, to be honest, sometimes I would like to see more of a rise out of dh. He is so calm, so even-tempered, that I'm not even sure I would know if he were stressed. I remember a co-worker of his mentioning that he was so stressed out by a project he and dh were doing, and I thought, gee, is dh feeling this, too? Because nothing in his words or actions would have suggested that to me. I love dh very much, and am very grateful to him, on many levels, but sometimes I think it would be at least interesting to see some highs and lows. (Then, maybe I don't know what I'm wishing for, lol.) How about you? Do you enjoy having an even-tempered spouse? Do you provide the drama in your marriage, lol? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 (edited) My husband is very even-tempered. He is pretty much the same way all the time. Rarely, he gets Super Stressed Out and he gets a little snappy, so we all notice it right away. He complains about stuff that irritates him at work, but only to me. He is self-employed, so it is usually about unreasonable customers and clients or the USPO. I would like to see some highs, some enthusiasm, some genuine spark of enjoyment. That's not going to happen. I've known DH for 25 years and he just is not the enthusiastic type. He is very reserved and introverted. Edited February 6, 2011 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Well, dh's "even" is actually kind of loud and when he gets stressed he gets quiet. It rarely happens and is horribly unsettling to me because I'm so used to his positive attitude and confidence in problem solving. Bleh~I don't think you want to experience that horrible "Oh, no if you're worried that means we're really in trouble" feeling. ::shudder:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Bleh~I don't think you want to experience that horrible "Oh, no if you're worried that means we're really in trouble" feeling. ::shudder:: I think you are right on, Sophia!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 My dh is very even. The downside to his evenness is that he doesn't much get excited about anything either. I really enjoy the calm and reasonable side of him, but I sometimes wish I had someone to join me in my enthusiasm and passion for some things. We complement one another in many ways...we're a good fit, so I'll still take him. ;) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I was reading a book recently that talked about how in most marriages one partner is the "maximiser" and the other is the "minimiser". The maximiser tends to over dramatise and make a fairly big deal out of things that to the minimiser, seem not worth getting upset over. So the minimiser tends to under dramatise them and try to calm the maximiser down using various strategies, but then the maximiser feels unheard etc. Even with 2 calm people it tends to polarise, especially with parents. In our marriage, dh is definitely the maximiser and provides enough drama over what I consider to be insignificant issues, for an army of marriages. So no, he is not calm and even by any means. :001_smile: Be careful what you wish for :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 DH is so even notwithstanding a "quiet" intensity that I tease him that he is the only well balanced person in our family. I am not dramatic but have an intense personality wich is readily apparent to my family at least. His personality has made life with him very pleasant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Glad to see this topic :) My DH is so even-keel. He also doesn't talk about work at all. He is, however, in a high level management position at a big companpy, so I know there is a lot of stress. I think now that you brought this up, I might be the one 'looking for trouble' so to speak and should probably just accept that he doesn't pipe up about most anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Mine is the same way, and it used to drive me nuts. But I've discovered that he just shows stress differently than I do. His comes out in his body (pain, muscle problems, etc.) Or he'll suddenly become Mr. Talkative (He's not a big talker) although, it's not "I'm so stressed", it's just about some technical thing..lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I really enjoyed Jean's thread, and got a kick out of Liz's response, lol. But, to be honest, sometimes I would like to see more of a rise out of dh. He is so calm, so even-tempered, that I'm not even sure I would know if he were stressed. I remember a co-worker of his mentioning that he was so stressed out by a project he and dh were doing, and I thought, gee, is dh feeling this, too? Because nothing in his words or actions would have suggested that to me. I love dh very much, and am very grateful to him, on many levels, but sometimes I think it would be at least interesting to see some highs and lows. (Then, maybe I don't know what I'm wishing for, lol.) How about you? Do you enjoy having an even-tempered spouse? Do you provide the drama in your marriage, lol? Yup, that's me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Both of us are a mix, but he is definately more consistently even. I guess he's emotionally even, but cognetivly black and white. I'm emotionaly uneven :tongue_smilie:while being cognitevly balanced (don't know how to say it). Basically, dh was kinda boring when I met him and didn't know how to see things from other perspectives. He's taught me to :chillpill:!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytalemama Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 My husband is extremely even temper wise too. He has only raised his voice to me twice in our nearly 11 year marriage. I was never so grateful for his pleasant temper as I was flying home from vacation last week. There was a family sitting in the row behind us (husband, wife, 3 kids). The flight attendant made an announcement that if anyone had left a game strapped to their stroller to please ring their call bell. The husband got up and I saw him having a discussion in the front of the plane with the flight attendants. A minute later, they were back and the flight attendant asked the wife if she could describe the contents of the bag. She said, "Sure. A white Nintendo DS with some games." The flight attendant handed her the bag and left. Apparently, the husband couldn't describe the contents. He then proceeded to loudly berate the wife for the next 5 minutes---swearing at her (we're talking the F word repeatedly) and asking her what was the matter with her leaving the bag strapped to the stroller. This happened all in front of their kids and pretty much everyone else in the adjacent rows. If I hadn't been so afraid of him myself, I would have said something. Apparently this must happen a lot because the wife seemed fine and kept saying over and over, "It's fine. We got it back." Then for the rest of the trip, whenever the kids said pretty much anything, he sternly said, "Shut it." The plane was full so my son and I were sitting on a different side of the plane from my husband and daughter. I couldn't wait to get off that plane and hug my husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I was reading a book recently that talked about how in most marriages one partner is the "maximiser" and the other is the "minimiser". The maximiser tends to over dramatise and make a fairly big deal out of things that to the minimiser, seem not worth getting upset over. So the minimiser tends to under dramatise them and try to calm the maximiser down using various strategies, but then the maximiser feels unheard etc. Even with 2 calm people it tends to polarise, especially with parents. In our marriage, dh is definitely the maximiser and provides enough drama over what I consider to be insignificant issues, for an army of marriages. So no, he is not calm and even by any means. :001_smile: Be careful what you wish for :) See, we take turns being the maximizer and the minimizer. Right now it is dh's turn to be the maximizer and I'm balancing him out. I can't wait until he chills :chillpill: and I can be the maximizer!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I was reading a book recently that talked about how in most marriages one partner is the "maximiser" and the other is the "minimiser". The maximiser tends to over dramatise and make a fairly big deal out of things that to the minimiser, seem not worth getting upset over. So the minimiser tends to under dramatise them and try to calm the maximiser down using various strategies, but then the maximiser feels unheard etc. Even with 2 calm people it tends to polarise, especially with parents. In our marriage, dh is definitely the maximiser and provides enough drama over what I consider to be insignificant issues, for an army of marriages. So no, he is not calm and even by any means. :001_smile: Be careful what you wish for :) :iagree: I love my dh, but he is the more excitable of the two of us. It is stressful and hard on a marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I'm the even tempered one around here. When my dh is upset he will sometimes say and do outrageous things just to try to get me to react. Sometimes this makes me :banghead::angry::cursing:. Just because I'm not running around like a nut doesn't mean that I am totally unaffected by stuff!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 My dh is definately the calm, even tempered person in the family. I am definately the dramatic one. When we were dating I once spent the whole weekend doing every annoying thing I could dreamup trying to get a raised response from him. It never happened. Even now if I am really angry and take time to yell, he just looks at me. Um, that doesn't help. He has really balanced me out, and I have really stopped being the roller coater of emotions that I learned from my parents but I do sometimes wish he would get passionate, or excited, or driven to do something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 How about you? Do you enjoy having an even-tempered spouse? Do you provide the drama in your marriage, lol? I love that my husband is very laid back/even tempered. I tend to be more emotional, so we really balance each other out. On the rare occasion that he gets fired up, I'm usually the opposite. We're a perfect fit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 My dh is very even. The downside to his evenness is that he doesn't much get excited about anything either. I really enjoy the calm and reasonable side of him, but I sometimes wish I had someone to join me in my enthusiasm and passion for some things. We complement one another in many ways...we're a good fit, so I'll still take him. ;) Cat YES! I've often said I wish my husband would act excited about things. However, if I had to give up his even-keeled self to get occasional excitement, guess I better just be happy with what I have. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Originally Posted by Peela I was reading a book recently that talked about how in most marriages one partner is the "maximiser" and the other is the "minimiser". The maximiser tends to over dramatise and make a fairly big deal out of things that to the minimiser, seem not worth getting upset over. So the minimiser tends to under dramatise them and try to calm the maximiser down using various strategies, but then the maximiser feels unheard etc. Even with 2 calm people it tends to polarise, especially with parents. In our marriage, dh is definitely the maximiser and provides enough drama over what I consider to be insignificant issues, for an army of marriages. So no, he is not calm and even by any means. Be careful what you wish for :iagree: I love my dh, but he is the more excitable of the two of us. It is stressful and hard on a marriage. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Do you enjoy having an even-tempered spouse? Do you provide the drama in your marriage, lol? Yes and yes. If he were as volatile as I, we would have gone up in flames years ago. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.