How do you encourage and discipline your child to homeschool?

[kellycbr]

My ds(7) wants to homeschool, so does dh. So here I am on our 7th week, and ds's is behaving horribly! The attitude, lack of respect, 7yr-old potty talk coming out of his mouth has me in tears. I don't understand how my sweet boy can talk to me like he does! So, I've resorted to letting him know their are consequences to his behavior and have given him time-outs, and taken away favorite toys (legos and playmobil) for an indefinate period of time. I'm writing this as dh talks to ds on the phone. I'm ready to send him back to ps. Any advice? Has this happened to you? I'm just dumbfounded. If he's acting like this at 7.5, what will he be doing as a teenager. AHHHHH!:banghead:

[angela in ohio]

Well, I defnintely wouldn't send him back to puclic school and expect it to be fixed there. ;)

 

I think you should give your discipline some time to work. Stick to it and don't let him see you flustered.

[kaylk in tx]

not the potty mouth, but definitely the i don't want to do this, pouty, whiney attitude. someone on this board posted that they tied their son's allowance to his school attitude. so i made a chart with quarters on it. each time he had a cr*ppy attitude, i X-ed off a quarter. i didn't have to do that very many times before he shaped up. now we're doing school-lite, finishing up spanish and science, before taking a couple weeks completely off so his attitude isn't a problem. i definitely will need to start doing the chart when we start getting back in the school groove.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

My advice is to set up some sort of positive reward system. When his behaviour and school attitude is appropriate he gets a reward. The reward will be anything you set up ahead of time. Some ideas include computer or TV time, allowance, a trip to the park once a week, or some other thing that he enjoys. Another idea is to issue "tickets" (you can even buy them at Wal-mart) each day for good behaviour and those tickets can earn him something at the end of the week. I believe kids need motivation.:001_smile: Good luck!

[Gwen in VA]

Pick your battles. You are not going to fix all the issues at once, so figure which ones are MOST important to you. Prioritize. You have many years to deal with the smaller stuff.

 

When you have figured out what is most worthwhile battling over, then come up with a game plan. Will you use incentives? Punishments? A combination of both? Explain to your son that things will be different. Clearly explain the new way of doing things, and then be consistent. Follow through.

 

Only move on to issue #2 when issue #1 is at a "tolerable" level.

 

Do remember that nobody is perfect. We all have our days and our bad attitude moments. But that should NOT be the norm.

 

Please know that we all are cheering for you, and that with time and effort your son can become a wonderful kid.

 

Please let us know what happens.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

My ds(7) wants to homeschool, so does dh. So here I am on our 7th week, and ds's is behaving horribly! The attitude, lack of respect, 7yr-old potty talk coming out of his mouth has me in tears. I don't understand how my sweet boy can talk to me like he does! So, I've resorted to letting him know their are consequences to his behavior and have given him time-outs, and taken away favorite toys (legos and playmobil) for an indefinate period of time. I'm writing this as dh talks to ds on the phone. I'm ready to send him back to ps. Any advice? Has this happened to you? I'm just dumbfounded. If he's acting like this at 7.5, what will he be doing as a teenager. AHHHHH!:banghead:

 

Part of his attitude could be because of the change, eventhough it was what he wanted, from public school to home school. He's testing his boundaries with you.

 

Make your expectations about his behavior clear. Write them down for him to see. Let him know that his attitude up until now has been completely unacceptable. He has choices about how he speaks to you and how he behaves in school, he needs to make good ones.

 

After that, when he misbehaves or goes against the norms you have set down for school or home, he is disciplined. If the expectations are clear, there needs to be swift action on your part for infractions. If he knows the expectations, there doesn't need to be a ton of warnings when he is choosing bad behavior, just calmly giving him the consequence.

 

Another thing, you can usually tell in a child what their triggers are that induces bad behavior. I try to head those off at the pass. When I know, for example, that I will be introducing something new in math for my ds9, I make sure that he knows that it's new, I don't expect him to "get it" right from the start, but, I do expect him to try and listen. I also work to make sure that I'm not introducing too many new things at the same time since that's a trigger for frustration for him. I try to give him a break when I see him starting to get frustrated and come back to it later.

 

I hope it gets better! But, remember, it'll maybe take awhile for it to improve. But, if you're consistent, it will make a difference.

[kellycbr]

I'm drying my tears, and will take your advice. Keep it coming!

[chiguirre]

We tie a weekly prize to behavior, too. In our case ds earns a small Cars car or metal Thomas train for good behavior during activities and doing his work without a fuss at home. I also save our "fun" schoolwork until the harder stuff is done. In our case, our Five in a Row book and activity is the last thing we do.

 

You might also need to take a couple of weeks off to deschool if you didn't do that at the beginning. If your ds was stressed out from ps, he may be acting up from that plus the transition.

[Laura in OH]

I hope it gets better! But, remember, it'll maybe take awhile for it to improve. But, if you're consistent, it will make a difference.

 

I agree with all the great advice you've received so far. But please, please, for your dc's sake, PLEASE be consistent! I've seen many parents cave after their (seemingly) relentless dc kept at them -- or to punish them one time for a bad behavior but not the next time they do that same thing. Consistency is key -- from both you and their father.

 

So don't let them wear you down (because they probably will try). Don't let them get away with inappropriate behavior (and always remember they are choosing to act that way). Your children want you to be the boss, especially now that your role has increased to "teacher" also.

 

Pray for your dc...we'll pray for you... and come back here as often as you need for encouragement ;)

[nmoira]

May I ask how you've handled the transition from school to homeschool? Are you ramping up slowly, or did you present him with a full blown curriculum?

[Closeacademy]

It sometimes takes a full year to establish a good school time routine complete with good attitudes. I have found this to be true:

 

1st year = routine and attitudes/establishing who is the parent/teacher and who is the student/child.

 

2nd year = learning how he learns and finding the curriculum/methods that work for both of you.

 

3rd year = finally, homeschooling as it needs to be done. Maybe not how you envisioned but as it really is supposed to be.

 

So really, it takes about 3 years to settle in. This first year will be all about learning to work together. To establish who is the teacher and who is the student and that you are working toward a common goal.

 

We do positive reinforcement charts here. My dc get stars for school for 4 things each day: good attitude, work completed, timeliness and attentiveness. This has really helped with attitudes, falling out of chairs, breaking down, and generally all the things that can go wrong during a school day.

 

I also took into account how much they are really capable of doing in a day before being done and I keep our lessons short and sweet without a lot of busywork. This has also helped.

 

I hope things get better and that you find your way.:001_smile:

[Joanne]

The attitude, lack of respect, 7yr-old potty talk coming out of his mouth has me in tears. I don't understand how my sweet boy can talk to me like he does! So, I've resorted to letting him know their are consequences to his behavior and have given him time-outs, and taken away favorite toys (legos and playmobil) for an indefinate period of time.

 

Feedback........

 

First, I'd encourage you to *not* take away quality, well loved toys. He's a 7 year old boy and he needs structured, quality play outlets. Give him his legos and playmobil.

 

However, legos and playmobil come *after* doing school with an acceptable attitude.

 

I'd make sure I was not trying to do a dry, full on, tedious and boring curriculum with a normal 7 year old boy. I'd do frequent, short lessons. I'd do school in bursts, but the total time spent for a 7 year old boy in a homeschool would be an hour or less.

 

I'd absolutely not allow backtalk. Everything would come to a screaching halt while I offered a "do-over" and a script on how to talk to me appropriately.

 

Potty talk of any kind = going to the bathroom where potty talk belongs. He can return to the family when the potty talk is over.

 

I'd also screen his life/world/influence for anti homeschooling words, sentiments, people that may indirectly be fueling the challenge to your new role.

 

Is he your oldest or only, btw?

[cin]

Soap in the mouth solved my DH's potty talk quickly. He still remembers when his mom did this. She closed his bottom jaw on bar and scraped it along his teeth. From the way he described it, he was tasting soap for a week :D.

[Reya]

Disrespect gets automatic time out. Repeated disrespect gets spanking and THEN time out. Time out is in the most boring room of the house. And the time comes out of fun activities, not out of school time. In fact, fun projects magically disappear if the attitude comes out and the most tedious work I can find replaces it.

 

Disrespect is rare, even if whining still occurs sometimes. *sighs*

[sweetbaby]

I skimmed through the previous post so I hope I'm not redundant here but I once read that it takes a month to deschool a child for every year he or she had been in ps. So give it a while. He could be simply testing boundaries. The most important thing is consistency in whatever you do. Be consistent by following through on whatever you say each time. Stand firm. Love him yet be firm. It will get better. (big hug)

[Emmy]

There are some really helpful ideas in this thread - thanks. I don't want to spank my kids but then sometimes feel it's difficult to come up with a meaningful punishment or consequence - it seems whatever I take away doesn't hold much power over them because there are so many other fun things to do. Anyway - some good things for me to think about in this thread - thanks!

[asher]

I bet a 7 yo hears "homeschool" and thinks "play all day". This is a huge, major , gigantic transition - for both of you.

 

First grade should take you about 90 min. a day.(not all in a row) Please tell me you don't have this kid in a chair 5 hours a day. You will need structure for the rest of the day though so it is great if you can set up "outside time" "art time" "rest time" (even my big kid still has quiet time almost daily) "Lego time" "game time with mom" "computer game time" that sort of thing.

 

Calmly dcipline. Decide on consequences and stick to them, calmly, everytime. He is trying to figure out how all of this works, what is his role? If he does X what will you do?

 

In a classroom at the beginning of the year a teacher lays out the class rules and the consequences for disobeying. Those few adventurous kids test to make sure she is serious and then everyone accepts reality and settles in (for the most part). Does he know the rules? Is there a written routine (with pictures)? Do you follow it everyday?

 

After coming out of ps first grade my ds struggled with things like reading books on the couch and other freedoms that are possible with homeschooling. I had to wean us both off of a schooly way of doing things and now he will happily go do his reading on a swing in the backyard. It takes time.

 

:iagree: I have often had to remind myself that we're not reproducing school in our home. When I go there, things tend to be more tense. With that said, I don't stand for disrespect & ITA w. Joanne's suggestions of having the child repeat himself in a more respectful manner & searching his/her life for things going against the HS grain. :)

[kellycbr]

Bump!:lurk5:

[kellycbr]

What do you consider good consequences? I always like to tie it to the behavior, but sometimes, as in this situation, I find myself just dumbfounded at ds's out-of-line behavior. Are their consequences that you have found effective that you go back to in a pinch?

[Catherine]

time my mom did this to me. It was a time when I really lost respect for her. It's abusive, IMO and may not accomplish what you intend. From that time on, I just counted the days until I could leave. I stopped confiding, held back. Really. If you want to have a warm, trusting relationship with your child, you should think again about putting soap in their mouths. What you want is their heart, not their blind obediance.

[Night Elf]

I agree with the posters who are asking how much you are doing. I've been around the homeschooling community long enough to see that parental expectations can sometimes be unrealistic, especially when someone is trying hard to be the perfect homeschooler and/or keeping up with everyone else.

 

It might help for you to post more specifics about your son's behaviors such as when he is disrespectful. Is it all the time or only during school time or only when dad is not home, etc. How has he changed since he's been removed from school. How long has he been out of school. Those things are really important to consider. I'd be more interested in knowing these things before I even think about advice about disciplining. Just IMHO.

[kellycbr]

DH talked to DS(7) and he apologized. Still, I know we will have some problems like this again. I would never wash his mouth out with soap, although is was tempting in the heat of the moment.;) I think some of your comments are right on. Maybe my expectations are a bit too high. I didn't think so, but I may need to look at it again. I have a very active ds, and all that focussing may require more breaks than I'm giving him. It seems like there's lots of free time, lots of dawdling between studies, so its hard to imagine he needs more. Yes, most problems seem to happen after DH leaves for work, and just when he returns. Hmmm... what does that mean?

[lynn]

My ds(7) wants to homeschool, so does dh. So here I am on our 7th week, and ds's is behaving horribly! The attitude, lack of respect, 7yr-old potty talk coming out of his mouth has me in tears. I don't understand how my sweet boy can talk to me like he does! So, I've resorted to letting him know their are consequences to his behavior and have given him time-outs, and taken away favorite toys (legos and playmobil) for an indefinate period of time. I'm writing this as dh talks to ds on the phone. I'm ready to send him back to ps. Any advice? Has this happened to you? I'm just dumbfounded. If he's acting like this at 7.5, what will he be doing as a teenager. AHHHHH!:banghead:

 

When I started hsing my dh and I agreed that when ds acted up, was uncooperative, had an attitude he got 1 warning, then phone call to put dad on standby then dad comes home if things didn't stop. I have only had to call dh 2 times to put him on standby to come home in my 6 years of hsing. Somehow that phone call made within hearing distance to ds put the fear in my son to straighten up. Now having said this there was a little wiggle room, we were out late and ds didn't get enough sleep, not feeling well, needed to run a few laps around the yard or needed a mental break or friends didn't have school but ds still needed to finish something and these things I was patient on. Once in a while he just didn't cooperate, gave an attitiude etc.

[asher]

Can I also suggest researching if your teaching style reflects his learning style? I know one of the most enlightening things for me in coming to these boards is learning about ds being Visual Spatial and finding resources to complement that learning style. Our teaching time has been quite different. My ds is quite active, too. I literally need to tell him at times to go outside & run around :)

[rafiki]

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